AKA-YUKI

vent blog || block dont report || 18+

[mewhenthecat]

it reminds me of that time.

[feedmetothebeast]

"But thats illegal!"

I dont know how to tell you this, but lots of people break the law.

Where do you live??? Where do *I* live??? State or Federal law? Who enforces it????

[s1ck-pup]

[foureyedfreakazoid]

Daddy issued so bad that when I was trying to write about a future relationship goal and it ended up not even wanting to date or anything like that. I’d be perfectly happy with a loving and fully platonic/wholesome father figure to just fucking adopt me, absolutely nothing like a kink. I just want a dad to do fun stuff with like dance together to dumb songs, I want him to be avid about supporting me as his son and even maybe take me shopping for “guy clothes”, maybe even suggest some stuff he would wear to me. Talk to me casually about work like it matters to tell me about his day, him to genuinely want to hear about my day. It would be heaven just to be allowed to lay in his bed as he works while I’m sick out of my mind and given any care. I feel like a spoiled brat for asking for all of this. I don’t want anything sexual or romantic. I just want to be someone’s most cherished person. I want to be his treasure, his son. I wanna be able to feel safe if he put his hand on my shoulder and not gross. I want to be able to feel held accountable with a firmness that doesn’t include being belittled or shamed. I want a dad who’s my best friend. Im so fucked man. Is this a high standard for parents (genuine question)???

[greelin]

i am a dog locked in a car in the summer. the a/c is not on. i do not have water. no music is playing

[feedmetothebeast]

The worst part of each day is waking up alive

[reckoner-rm]

youre not even

kind to me in my

dreams

its hilarious,

you can't even

love me in my

own mind

[paper-wounds]

[jupitertears3]

you didn’t pick me. you didn’t pick me

and i picked you. every time

[stargazers-satellite]

my partner said something that kinda rocked my world

[autism-thoughts]

[pup-purgatory]

via

[cartoonofmilk]

yknow, as counterintuitive as it may seem, helping a suicidal friend isn't a matter of stopping them from dying. it's about helping to make their world one that's worth living in.

it's important to make that distinction, lest we make people's quality of life worse in the name of "protecting" them.

[decompose1]

i dislike the weird jump to blame suicide victims for their suicides and call them selfish. suicide is very frequently in some way a social murder. i think instead of blaming someone who was in such a dark place that they saw no other way out we should maybe be blaming the people who threw gas on the fire, such as those with a lot of power to make that person's life that bad or those who abused them into it. is that really that unreasonable

[decompose1]

not once has being told i was being selfish- or seeing people talk about how selfish suicide is- EVER made me feel less suicidal. it creates shame. it makes me shut down and never want to disclose feeling this way because oh, g-d, doesn't that make me a bad person? oh, g-d, they'll think i'm a monster, they'll think i'm guilt tripping them, they'll think, they'll think, they'll think (....)

and worse still, nearly every time i've been pushed this far- and, indeed, a lot of my mental health problems to begin with- often stem from the idea that i am less important than anyone else. my thoughts, my feelings, my safety, my life are less important. so to hear people essentially say to me, "but how would everyone else feel!?"?? it doesn't help at all. it makes it so much worse. once more, i am not the important one. even at my lowest, i have to be the one to make compromises and consider how everyone else feels. how could that ever help me? how could you say that to someone?

[selfcare-journey]

Just because you don't have a "thing" to show for all your hard work, does not mean you weren't working very hard. Plenty of things like clarity, knowledge, or balance, are not tangible, but very worthwhile

[torstherapy]

[feedmetothebeast]

I feel so horribly disconnected from the world and everyone in it. I dont know why i cant be human no matter how hard I try. Im so tired.