AKA-YUKI

vent blog || block dont report || 18+

[sickfrr]

Sometimes I'll type out a really long, emotional text to someone and then just delete it. The act of writing it is enough, sending it is pointless. It's like screaming into a pillow, the pillow doesn't care, but my throat is raw anyway.

[goth-queen]

[firewalkwithm3]

[birth-ofvenus]

when I was younger I'd get upset and I would run to my room and cry, I was always hoping someone would come in to ask if I was okay, and I'm still desperately clinging to the idea that someday, somebody will come when I'm crying.

[furiousgoldfish]

I don't even write about this because it's so painful to remember, but humiliation while you're in pain will really make you shut down emotionally.

If you lived in an environment where expression of pain or hurt would result in laughter, shaming, accusations, ridicule, minimizing, insults, further degradation and hurt, it is very difficult to believe that anything different could happen your entire life. We often feel the most shame for the things we were the most punished for, and humiliation is an excruciating punishment for a person in pain.

You become ashamed and scared of your emotions even if nothing's wrong with them. You have to hide them even if you see everyone else express them, because it's different for you and you expect to be treated worse. When hurt, your instinct is to hide and keep safe. You don't want anyone to see you. Even the thought of expressing feels humiliating. It makes you want to not feel anything.

The shame is forced on you even if you've done nothing wrong. There is no reason to be ashamed in reality because we're all humans and having emotions is normal. But all the experiences you had tell you differently, tell you it's dangerous, scorn-worthy.

Abusers who do this are not normal and this is not normal human behaviour. To humiliate someone for their pain is despicable, even worse a child. They deserve contempt and consequences.

[free-my-mindd]

[wordx]

“In a sense, I'm the one who ruined me: I did it myself.”

— Haruki Murakami

[poppyseedxoxo]

[nuttybarzz]

It’s engraved into my skin

Every crevice of my mind you lurk

[paper-wounds]

[transgwender616]

I hate having my biggest fear be something abstract like abandonment. Why couldn't I get something normal like spiders?

[feedmetothebeast]

The fact that having good parents means you can actualy be a human being is so frustrating, my whole life was ruined by these people and theres no retribution, no restitution. Nothing.

[yesterdaysprint]

The Kansas Industrialist, Manhattan, October 18, 1916

[yellow-cat]

printing this on a tshirt and wearing it to see my family to see if they get the hint

[aidashakur]

[feedmetothebeast]

life is constant pain and agony i dont want to live anymore but im too weak and cowardly to kill myself i make everything worse for myself this is my fault im this way I am broken and twisted and wrong inside ive always known since i was a child i want to die please

[feedmetothebeast]

How the fuck does everyone out here have MULTUPLE significant others, top surgery, a successful career and their own fucking house and are also YOUNGER THAN ME

LIKE MULTIPLE FUCKING REAL PEOPLE I KNOW (and some peeps i follow on here despite the constant pain and jealousy i just cant seem to reign in)

IM FUCKING 25 BTW

Like I know im a fucking garbage fire but hot damn am I an actual fucking garbage fire

I want to kill myself so bad but I hate how cowardly and weak i am. I dont want to do this anymore why cant I just go away??

Ive always known it was too late since I was a little kid. I knew, distinctively, vividly, it was too late for me to ever be loved or good or worthy.