Feminist Fun Police

White Australian, cis, woman, queer, able bodied, mentally ill. They/them. Nanacore, anxious, sleepy, goth adjacent and filled with feelings. Pictures of cats squished into small spaces make me really anxious.

[danaa-scully]

Period dramas + Art (parallels)

[enigmaticpink]

Do you like enemies to lovers because it’s hot or do you like enemies to lovers because you think of yourself as unlovable & unworthy of love and therefore like the idea of someone seeing all the worst in you right away and still falling in love with you anyways

[gratatata-shalala]

[theauspolchronicles]

New Zealand is entering a level 4 lockdown after one case of COVID appeared in the community. When asked about the why such a quick and hard lockdown was important Jacinda Ardern literally pointed west to Australia.

[sleepydumpling]

The NZSL interpreter was GOLD.  Eyeroll and all.

[amazoogle]

i don't make fried air often enough to warrant buying a specialized appliance for it

[grassbouquet]

Just to let you all know that the Olympics Mexican Delegation uniform was made by more than 200 artisans mostly indigenous ones from Oaxaca and not a single one is the same because of the different embroidery designs in the lapels of the suits

[janusa]

Some pictures of these beautiful embroideries

[cricketcat9]

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[medusasstory]

That’s EMBROIDERY?

[jackscarab]

[warandpeas]

View On WordPress

[headspace-hotel]

So I wanted to know what kind of crystal could go in a wizard staff, right? so I googled “big crystal,” as one does, and got an Etsy ad for This

And as you all know I Am currently taking a geology class, so I am probably more emotionally invested in minerals than usual. But that is...very obviously not a natural crystal.

So I did some looking around on Etsy.

Now, these shops all seem to advertise to the “witchy”/“spiritual healing” type of person. And there are a lot of them. Crystals are a Big Thing on Etsy. And ALMOST ALL of them are obviously artificially cut into the same sort of prism with a triangular pyramid top, regardless of the actual sort of crystal it is supposed to be.

Even like, fucking, obsidian. Obsidian is volcanic glass, it doesn’t form crystals at all, it is not a crystal

I’m not throwing any shade at people who are into crystals for like witchy reasons, but it really seems like if crystals are spiritually important to you, you should know what a crystal is...right...?

[headspace-hotel]

So there I am. Caught in the helpless anger and distaste of looking at geologically inaccurate Etsy crystals.

And as I scroll, I start to see items in...interesting shapes:

“Oh,” I think to myself. “Oh no.”

But it is too late. I have heard the siren’s song, singing to me of knowledge that will destroy me, but that I cannot help but seek.

These...elongated objects are almost always ambiguously described as “massage wands,” “crystal healing wands,” and other such innocuous things. The egg-shaped objects are, um, “yoni eggs.”

...Right. Okay.

Maintain the youthfulness of my sacred organ.

IT’S A SEX TOY. SAY IT. BITCH, IT’S A SEX TOY, IT’S OKAY, SERIOUSLY, THERE’S NO SHAME IN IT, SAY IT WITH PRIDE, SAY IT WITH YOUR CHEST,

OKAY.

Okay. I’m good. I’m fine.

Actually, you know what, never mind. There is shame in this and I want it to be never acknowledged again.

Additionally, I am not fine.

Why the fuck are there so many of these—

At this point I stop and start googling.

Now, Selenite is the crystalline form of gypsum. It is also known as satin spar. Selenite is brittle and breaks easily, and has a Mohs hardness scale of 2.

For those unfamiliar with the Mohs hardness scale, a mineral with a hardness of 2 is soft enough that it can be easily scratched with a fingernail. It also is dissolved by moisture.

NO. DON’T PUT THAT IN YOUR BODY???? DON’T PUT THE GYPSUM, WHICH HAS A MOHS HARDNESS SCALE OF 2, IS BRITTLE AND BREAKS EASILY, AND IS WATER SOLUBLE, INSIDE YOUR LITERAL ACTUAL VAGINA??????????

I try to reassure myself with the fact that these things are probably not actually selenite, because making a dildo out of such a soft mineral in the first place would be very difficult. Having seen fluorite before, I feel pretty certain that the fluorite yoni eggs are probably actually just glass.

I google fluorite.

Okay.

Further exploring online shows me that fluorite is soluble in various strong acids.

Some guys on a forum in 2004 have strong contradictory opinions on this.

(I google the pH of the vagina.)

I don’t understand how pH works. I give up on the solubility question and google the toxicity of fluorite:

I now know at least one orifice fluorite does not go inside.

Science.

[headspace-hotel]

No, dear followers, my journey did not end here.

I have opened Pandora’s box, except Pandora’s box is filled with minerals God did not intend to be anywhere near the vagina carved into the shape of dildos. Etsy is advertising me sex toys I wish I could forget.

And vaginal steam herbs.

It seems that there is potentially a correlation between wanting to steam your vagina and wanting to put rocks in it. I know, groundbreaking discovery.

Okay, so we’re talking therapy substitute therapy substitute.

(I begin to think about how desperately we need universal health care. Maybe I just need someone, something, to blame.)

At this point, I realize that I haven’t done any googling on whether dildos made of rocks are a good idea at all. So, very tentatively, as if typing it more slowly will make it any less observed by the FBI, I google whether quartz should be used...internally.

First result that pops up:

That’s, uh. That’s reassuring.

I decide I’m incapable of unpacking this particular suitcase.

There are, of course, a small handful of articles debating the safety of rose quartz sex toys. But I’m getting the feeling that this is not a normal question to have in the first place. I close the tab with little relief.

Etsy is still enthusiastically recommending me things that hurt me psychologically.

...pleasure chalk?

How can I describe the fear that this image struck in me, reader?

Pleasure Chalk? What could that be?

Is knowing worse, or is not knowing? I scarcely have a choice:

I check in with my emotions.

Is this relief? Am I relieved that they are eating the dirt instead of fucking it? One review complains about the taste. I don’t know what they expected.

I try in vain to struggle against the tide, to return to the relatively normal side of Etsy. I begin to resent, no, hate, these deceptively aesthetically pleasing hippie shops eagerly spreading medical misinformation and things as yet unknown.

This, unlike the other “crystals” I have shown, appears to show naturally grown crystals. They are, of course, quartz crystals, and $45 comes off as extremely overpriced. I have a quartz crystal I got for a dollar at an Eastern Kentucky rock festival, about the size and quality of the ones in the photo.

Quartz is the most common mineral in the Earth’s crust. But at least this is regular levels of annoying.

Then I see this:

Well, I see the photo and the price, and I think, that looks like a regular quartz crystal. There’s no way a regular quartz crystal is $1,347.

I read the description:

I am crying. I don’t want to google any of this. I am beyond googling. I no longer desire knowledge.

THATS A QUARTZ CRYSTAL. MOTHERFUCKER THAT’S QUARTZ. SIO2, MOST COMMON MINERAL IN THE EARTH’S CRUST. ITS FUCKING QUARTZ IM—

I click on a malachite.

The malachite promises to protect me from emails. And at this, darkest hour, I want to be protected.

I have been broken. I have been lured to my demise.

Big Brother: loved.

Geology lab I’m supposed to be doing: incomplete.

God: unmerciful.

[flowertsuba]

in regards to the edible clay, iirc I think that'w actually a thing? saw a video about it at some point but it was long enough ago that I can't remember very well. something about the mineral content or something being used in some places to act as a supplement, obviously etsy is kinda sus for sourcing it but the concept i'm pretty sure is like a thing that some cultures do

[headspace-hotel]

It is a thing. There’s an article briefly summarizing the reasons people eat dirt here; I also think I remember reading, at some point, that about a quarter of adults have reported doing so at some point or other.

The basic concept makes sense, I guess. Dirt has minerals in it, and when you have a dangerous deficiency and can’t get supplements in little pills, you’ve gotta do something, and sometimes the “something” your body comes up with is “crave dirt.”

The big problem with buying “edible clay” on Etsy is that this stuff is totally unregulated. (Most ‘alternative medicine’ is.) At the very least, you may or may not adequately address the dangerous nutritional deficiency you could likely have by eating random clay from Etsy. In a world where we do have supplements in little pills, there is no reason to just eat clay and hope it works. There’s no way of verifying what mineral content the clay has.

There’s also the fact that you could poison yourself with contaminants, since, again, this stuff is unregulated. I googled byproducts of kaolinite mining and quickly found results suggesting that it can absorb hazardous metals during the mining process and also that kaolinite deposits in Nigeria are also rich in radioactive thorium. In general, though, mining stuff out of the ground results in a lot of hazardous waste material.

Of course, the kaolinite pictured in the screenshot may indeed not be industrially mined kaolinite and may in fact instead be dried-up clay purchased at Hobby Lobby.

My search history is really something right now.

[curlicuecal]

crystal eggs are the tide pods of dildos

discuss

[calledforhelp]

Australia is Not Okay Right Now!

This photo is from Mallacoota- a town where 4000 are currently trapped on the beachfront by fires. This photo is an hour and a half old. The news article linked is two hours old.

Australia is currently fucked. Near every state is reporting record-breaking temperatures- one state alone has lost over 3,000,000 hectares- California’s fires was 1.3 million, for comparison. We don’t know how many homes are lost, because breaking through some of these fire fronts now is a work in progress; to get to the people still stuck inside them. We have several dead and several more missing, four of those who’ve died were volunteer firefighters. 

These fires aren’t just affecting smaller, regional towns; Sydney and Adelaide have been under threat for over a month. The fire that trapped people above? It started overnight. There was no threat in that area prior; people weren’t told to evacuate from there. 

Many of these fires are now creating their own weather systems, so conditions are not getting better.

My friends have told me internationally they’re hearing nothing on this, so please, talk about this with those around you. Australia is in trouble. This is barely the start of our summer period. We are already breaking 100-year-old maximum temperature records. So much of the country is still in drought, and so much more is stuck in dry conditions that essentially leave people living in a tinderbox.

Australia is not okay! The world should be talking about it!

VICTORIA (1220pm GMT+10 31/12/19)

SOUTH AUSTRALIA 

NEW SOUTH WALES

[medievalswords]

when lizzo said “self love is survival” and when hannah gadsby said “do you understand what self-deprecation means when it comes from somebody who already exists in the margins? it’s not humility. it’s humiliation” and when mitski said “i used to rebel by destroying myself, but realized that’s awfully convenient to the world. for some of us our best revolt is self preservation”

[gnascher]

when audre lorde said “caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare”

[darkalleysunflower]

when Jenny Slate tweeted, “As the image of myself becomes sharper in my brain&more precious, I feel less afraid that someone else will erase me by denying me love”

[lilithniles]

[akimbohimbo]

some playlists i’ve curated

when you want to be slutty but catholicism has repressed your sexuality (okay YEAH half of it is hozier and sufjan stevens, is anyone surprised?)

i’m sad and i need to fucking cry because i’ve been repressing my emotions my entire life 

i’m so emotionally drained and i need a breath of fresh air. all about that healing, luv 

i’m dealing with a toxic breakup and BOY OH BOY do i need to process it

the perfect playlist to slow-dance to in an open, empty field

i don’t regret loving you, but wow do i ever fucking miss you. you are my musical leitmotif; everything reminds me of you… of us.

I’M SO AFRAID OF COMMITMENT 

summer fling turned sour (it’s entirely in french, though)

i miss you and i promise i won’t ever forget you. (basically if shakespeare’s sonnet no. 55 was ever made into a playlist)

feelin’ absolutely BUCK-WILD tonight! the sun is gone, it’s pitch black, and all i want to do is scream in exhilaration! wow, i’m really feeling that night-time rush. is this how teens in movies feel?

a comprehensive wlw playlist featuring soft, yearning emotions, to anger, to sadness… truly an entire spectrum

Bad Bitch Bangerz

i’m gay and i’m in love with my roommate, but he’s sending me mixed signals and i don’t know what to do (truly any mlm who’s loved a confusing boy will be able to relate to it)

imagine how things could have been if we were still together and i didn’t run away

bitch, i’m a CRAB

things are changing and i’m alright with that

is it simply that the stresses and strains of a long-distance relationship are taking their toll?

I LOVE MY FRIENDS!!!!!!!

stuck in a painting 

they’re best listened to in order since i’m a nerd and i like it when my playlists make sense, sonically and in terms of narrative. also every image in my spotify were all taken by me! (yes, i have rainbow finger hands,,,,,,) 

[gothicprep]

imo we need to swap the phrase “no one will love you until you love yourself” with something to the effect of “if you dnt recognize your own value, you’re a lot more likely to put up with mistreatment that you dnt deserve”

it’s not rly a matter of self-love as much as it is being able to stand up for yrself when you need to, and even though the latter is part of that process, it’s still not the same thing

[randomweas]

[sixpenceee]

Amazing!

[spiffbeeblebrox]

Yes please and thank you.

[bogleech]

SOMETHING TO NOT FUCKING FORGET AND I DON’T THINK IT’S TOO EARLY TO REMIND ANYONE: He was at the time the most dangerously incompetent oaf to ever win U.S. presidency in anyone’s memory, he did so despite losing the popular vote with the American people, he was a laughingstock and riddled with scandal from day one, he made other countries hate us, he caused cost of living to skyrocket, his vice president was an openly homophobic warmongering maniac, he harmed environmental policy, set back health care and education, violated human rights, divided the nation, fed into racism and xenophobia and everybody you can think of from Hollywood celebrities to world leaders stood united against him. His name was George W. Bush, and after four years straight of all the above, he won another four year term by over 11 million more votes than the first one.

[thehumanarkle]

Don’t get complacent, basically.

[what-hos-there]

Do not listen to ANYONE who tells you not to vote. Do. Not. Assume that it all rides on you, that you are the last person between sanity and FOUR MORE YEARS OF THIS FUCKING JACKASS, and then vote.

[ramblingcryptid]

I’m in love.