“How many of you had an experience in college where a girl was initially pretty unresponsive or even kind of weakly defensive but suddenly really got into it after you made a few moves? I certainly did, and it wasn’t a situation where she was blackout drunk. She just ended up in my bed on some pretext (I think her roommate was hooking up with someone, but she had other options besides climbing into a twin bed with a single guy so it seemed pretty clear what her intent was). Her actions after getting in bed left me pretty confused, she was totally unresponsive to kissing and groping but didn’t stop me. However, when I did the right thing she was suddenly all over me. I kind of figured out the boundaries through trial and error. On subsequent nights, I kept pushing and they gradually expanded too (lol). I wasn’t some sort of sexual predator, I was just a shy kid. I read the (nonverbal) signals correctly and it worked out, we dated for a few months after that. While you might think this isn’t related to the case, I think it is. The cultural (and maybe biological) necessity for the male to be aggressive and the female to put the brakes on things tends to really effect how these things go. And us males are stupid, we don’t read the signs nearly as well as women hope we do. However we do share stories, and a lot of guys encourage their friends to be aggressive too, to make moves. That’s when things can go wrong. It’s messed up but it’s also the reality. Once you get older though, it all becomes a lot more natural and easier. You understand how to read signals and you learn what boundaries not to cross. Girls are also better at communicating those boundaries once they’ve had a few experiences themselves.”
I can barely even begin. There is little evidence it’s biological, but social. Forward women are seen as slutty and less valuable. Girls who don’t do anything are labeled prudes and a waste of time.
It’s not the reality. The reality is that this is learned behaviour and while you might like to think every guy is like you. They aren’t.
It behooves you to believe is a biological imperative that male aggression is required because it gets you what YOU want and normalises your behavior. And you say, well we dated for a few months, so me pressuring her was fine. You got your sex reward so it must be all good.
What about the women who are left cringing when they think about you? When your voice in their memories makes them shudder and they flinch away from the touch of someone else, not sure how to handle sexual and romantic interactions without ending up feeling sick?
These people, to you, seem to just be unfortunate bystanders and not victims of a perverted male ideology of aggressive genes and mating displays.
You want to act like a chimpanzee then don’t be surprised when people call you unevolved and one day when you are accused of abusing someone because you decided for them what they needed…you’ll call yourself the victim, claim it’s a witch hunt and that you did nothing wrong.
We all know men like you. One of my abusers was a man like you, you’ve used some of his favourite talking points. You all regurgitate the same banal, uneducated bullshit to try and find a justification because you know…you fucking know that at some point you’ve gone too far, you’ve pushed someone and they will not remember it with the same dumb smirk you do. You are likely either currently, or will be in the future, someone’s nightmare.
You don’t read signs because you don’t want to. It gets in your way because those signs of “I don’t feel comfortable” are things you want to ignore and you don’t like the labels that come along with a guy who refuses to read those signs.
Stop pretending you’re biologically illiterate when it comes to body language. You sound like someone who would defend Brock Turner. We know you. We know a dozen of you.
