this is how all high protein dessert vids look to me
The Bowery Presents
occasionally subtle
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"

roma★
Cosimo Galluzzi
The Bright Sessions

No title available

bliss lane
Phantogram Three
Claire Keane
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
The Stonewall Inn
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH

❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
No title available

Product Placement
NASA
tumblr dot com
Fieri Frames

Origami Around

seen from United States
seen from Italy
seen from Georgia
seen from Vietnam
seen from Chile
seen from Germany

seen from Saudi Arabia
seen from United States

seen from United States

seen from United States
seen from Denmark
seen from United States
seen from Germany
seen from Mexico
seen from Poland

seen from Malaysia
seen from Bangladesh

seen from Malaysia
seen from Guatemala

seen from Bulgaria
@feral-like-a-dog
this is how all high protein dessert vids look to me
MY FUCKING CAR
Who do you think secretly knows the girls are mermaids and doesn't say?
Wilfred
Don
Miriam
Annette (Charlotte's mum)
Sam
Youre telling me Don who owns a boat and is on it every day has NEVER seen them around? Youre telling me Don "I Love My Daughters" Sertori didnt IMMEDIATELY clock his daughter swimming by his boat? You expect me to believe Don "Would Do Anything For Cleo And Kim" Sertori wouldnt be ecstatic yet unable to approach his mermaid daughter? Bffr
been thinking about grace and adrian being alike
roald dahl was antisemitic and misogynistic. george orwell was openly homophobic. edgar allan poe married his 13 year old cousin. dr seuss cheated on his wife (and was racist as well as antisemitic!). hp lovecraft was racist as fuck. anyways they’re fucking dead it’s not like you’re enabling their behaviors in the afterlife or something. then again I think they bleed into the books so uh keep an eye out for that
the difference between these old white guys and jk rowling is that the former group is all dead. jk rowling is alive and using your money to oppress trans people
I had a professor claim once that I was a racist and a fool if I liked Tolkien's work, then in the same breath taught us how to write childrens novels using Harry Potter as an example
Ive never started a fight faster
The Empyrean as shitposts (OS edition)
[BEWARE! SPOILERS AHEAD]
Aaric Graycastle
Violet Sorrengail
Bodhi Durran
Mira Sorrengail
Xaden Riorson
Sloane Mairi
Ridoc Gamlyn
Dain Aetos
Garrick Tavis
Colonel Mairi creating protection runes for a hundred and seven children. Liam carving dragon figurines for his friends. Sloane developing a signet that enables power redistribution. gift-giving is in their blood your honor
Six times Xaden Riorson is the funniest character in Fourth Wing
♡ because my boy contains multitudes ♡
1. when he was trolling Vi right from the beginning
2. when he was fucking done with Tynan's shit
"nO, bUt I cAn NaRrAtE" lives rent free in my head
3. when he manages to lighten the mood right before making out with Violet for the first time
4. when he cannot contain his giddiness that he can now bother Violet without having to utter a single word
5. when he decides honesty in the best policy with Mira
6. when he is offended by breakfast
✰ Xaden Riorson, born to be a little shit, forced to be a revolution leader ✰
Xaden Riorson’s actions in Fourth Wing and Iron Flame both make more sense and become infinitely funnier when you remember that the man is 22-23 years old.
This man is AT BEST a first year grad student trying to finish compulsory military service in an active war zone while running the family business (ruling a legit kingdom) and taking on extracurriculars (leading a rebellion) as side hustles. On top of that there’s a literal plague of evil descending, institutional racism is against him, and his Situationship (calling Violet that cuz a lot happens there over two books and I’m trying to cover all the relationship levels) never seems to settle out for more than a month at a time.
Like, of course the decision making is not always on point. The man doesn’t even have a fully developed pre-frontal cortex yet and he hasn’t slept the recommended amount in 6 years.
fourth wing ch. 11 // iron flame ch. 45
ridoc screaming with his whole chest: did you all know my good friend violet she's so talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique, completely not ever been done before-
There’s nowhere in existence you could go that I wouldn’t find you, Violence.
"Hi, my name is Tairn. This is my scary wife, Sgaeyl, my idiot daughter, Andarna, and my other idiot daughter, Violet."
–Tairn for the entirety of Iron Flame, probably
Baby armadillo plays with his toy
Are you fucking kidding me
i have never been happier
it’s so magical and beautiful that there are sprawling interconnected cave systems carved deep into the earth by various geological forces and you don’t have to go in them. there are miles and miles of stone passageways in total darkness that require you to exhale all the air out of your lungs to squeeze through parts of them and you don’t have to be there. some of these squeezes are underwater and require cave divers to take off their oxygen tanks and push them through ahead of them and me i am above ground looking at the sky as we speak. there are untold subterranean wonders no human has ever seen and i will not be the one to discover them #grateful #blessed
cave divers when they are happily married with kids and beloved by their community but theres a crack in the bottom of a lake called The Devil’s Rotting Esophagus where 57 people have died
sleep is stolen time. don't let them take it from you anymore. tonight. we are staying up. til one billion o clock.
My three girlfriends. And yes, they smoke weed.
do they smoke weed?
Yes, actually.
you mean she isnt just smoking a cigarette? but a weed cigarette?
It’s called a bunt…. Not weed cigarette… And yes, it is a weed bunt. They all smoke weed bunts before we kiss. (They are my girlfriends,)
They don’t look like they smoke weed.
Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. I’m so angry you are so lucky my three weed smorking girlfriends are rubbing my shoulders to calm me down I’m so mad.
Your “weed smoking girlfriend” has a Hello Kitty tattoo on her belly. The one in the middle.
I printed out a photo of your avatar and taped it to my punching bag that I punch and I mutter your URL with every strong punch I punch you twerp…. Don’t ever Talk about Blaiz or the wicked Tat(tattoo) I drew on her ever again I Don’t wanna see you standing outside my home at 3 am holding your weird dripping brown bags ever again ok leave us alone this is the FINAL FUCKING WARNING
Well that escalated quickly……
What, was that? Hmm? Come again. *Blaiz grabs my shoulder* Come on Jory, they aren’t worth it, please. * I jerk my shoulder shaking her hand off* NO! NOOOOO!!! *starts to just pummel you with my big fucking fists. With each blow I let out a furious yell. The blows come quicker and harder and the yells get louder. I’m yelling so loud and now I’m crying. BREAKING POINT. The week was hard and I can’t take anymore. I’m opening sobbing at this point while you blood gurgle. All three of my girlfriends struggle to pull me off and they finally succeed and lead me away from the goo pile that is now your body*
haha oh my god
who even is this dude? someone needs some anger management classes.
love how he keeps reminding us that “I HAVE THREE GIRLFRIENDS”, “THEY ALL KISS ME”, and “THEY SMOKE WEED HURRP DURR”.
and let’s not forget the “Blaiz” and her “wicked tat”, or that he doesn’t “wanna see you standing outside [his] home at 3 am holding your weird dripping brown bags ever again”, and that this is “the FINAL FUCKING WARNING”.
“the goo pile that is now your body”
i’m dying over here, jesus
please, Jory, come challenge me to a bout of internet witticsisms; i promise, it’ll be fun.
*shoots you dead* Heh, idiot… *leaves with my three weed smorking girlfriends to go hold hands and kiss.*
this dude playin omg
Come again? *The bar falls silent. No one dares to make a sound, as you have just said a very poor choice of words at a very dangerous time. I remain slumped over the bar, not looking back to you. One hand limply holding an almost empty bottle, the other hand cradling my head. I repeat the question, this time louder.* Come again?! *You can hear me slur the words, the sentence sounds like a real struggle for me to get out. I’m clearly intoxicated. A bead of sweat rolls down your face as you realize you might have just fucked up in a very major way. Everyone else in the bar is pretending to not notice what is going on. The bartender idly washes a mug with a cloth. His eyes are closed and he’s muttering something to himself. A handful of people hurriedly leave. One person looks back at you, a look of sorrow on their face. They almost say something, but shake their head and cast their eyes down to the floor, and leave. But not you. You stand, petrified. A quick look at me reveals I’m still at the bar. You look to the exit, there’s still time. But there’s not, there’s not, there’s not. Your fate was sealed the moment you opened your mouth.* Mother fuck.. what did you say?! *I slowly rise from my stool and being to lumber over to you. I look a mess. My hair is unkempt, I haven’t shaved in what looks like months, there are dark heavy bags under my eyes, my shirt is stained and has holes in it, and I’m missing a shoe. But the main thing you notice is the gun tucked into my jeans, and my massive muscle arms that look like they were made for punching. You know that song about the boots that were made for walking? Yeah, it’s like that only instead of boots it’s my muscles and instead of walking it’s punching. As I drunkenly sway over to you, you think of your family… Will they mourn you, or will they try and forget this blotch of stupidity, that their child insulted the Jory publicly, ever happened to their family? Your thoughts are cut short as I now stand face to face with you. I grab your face and pull you even closer.* Playin?! There was nothing playing… no playing you fuck. No playing… it was real.. the realest thing I’ve ever know.. felt… Love. I loved them… Blaiz…. Chas-Chas… Funk… I loved all three of em… but they…*My face is wet with tears and I’m blinking constantly in vain to hold them back.* They left me… left… *Almost instantly the sadness leaves my face and is replaced with pure anger.* Playin? Playin?! *My hand leaves your face and starts to head to what you think is the gun. You close your eyes and see God looking at you, shrugging. ‘Pft, you brought this upon yourself dude.’ He says as he waves his hands at you dismissively. But instead of the gun, my hands grab yours. Your eyes jolt open and the anger is gone from my face. There is only sadness.* Left me… * I fall to the floor and sob.* Wow, grow up. *You say before you leave the bar but are hit almost immediately from a car and are killed upon impact.*
Happy 420
Happy 420