LegallyWriting

Witness what I do to not panic every day Come find me on AO3 (aprill99) for updates on The Gods Must be Crazy! Here to be chill so post with kindness 😊

[aprill-99]

Hey guys, quick PSA:

I’ve noticed some of my posts being used to push some strong agendas and to do some anti work and I want it very strongly known that this is not something I support or approve of. I’m here for positivity, lols, and to post things I like. I work hard to only post with positivity and I’m asking everyone to please respect that.

I DO NOT DO SHIP WARS OR ANTI POSTS.

I know this is the internet and I can’t control what happens to my content after I post, but I respectfully ask that you please don’t use my posts with those intentions.

Reblog, tag, and like all you want…. But please keep it positive. That’s all I’m asking

Okay PSA over, scroll on and enjoy

[aprill-99]

Lizzie: “How was the honeymoon?”

Taggie: “Great! Well, apart from when Rupert got drunk and tried to set the marriage certificate on fire.”

Lizzie: “Oh my god why?!?”

Taggie: “He said, ‘good luck returning me without the receipt.’”

[dogpuppy]

[vices-aand-virtues]

Rivals + Reductress Headlines (1/?)

[nastasya--filippovna]

Rivals Characters as Text posts + Onion Headlines

Part 2: Rupert Campbell-Black edition

[aprill-99]

Tony: “You’re really campaigning for asshole of the year aren’t you?”

Rupert: “As the reigning champion, are you nervous?”

[proudtoehaver]

“I was on a strict diet during Episode VIII, and she was like, ‘Kid, get into that fridge and take some chocolate bars. I have many there.’ And I did,” he recalls. “I failed my diet because Carrie Fisher told me to. And it [felt] great.”

-John Boyega on Carrie Fisher

[fuocogo]

This is the Carrie Fisher post of body positivity reblog for a chocolate bar from her fridge

[nqsa]

you know who’s gay? paul the real estate novelist who never had time for a wife and davey who’s still in the navy and probably will be for life

[mooncustafer]

New headcannon: everyone in that song is gay except the Piano Man who has no idea he’s playing at a gay bar and the staff and regulars have a betting pool on how long he’ll take to finally figure it out. So far John is ahead.

[skeleton-richard]

[spacegay-yx]

[freshdonuts]

“The manager gives me a smile ‘cause he knows that it’s me they’ve been coming to see” also implies that the Piano Man is possibly an incredibly attractive but oblivious himbo, and if you listen to the rest of it imagining that, this all fits a little too well.

[spacedandelions]

this makes too much sense. Also, the full quote is “Now John at the bar is a friend of mine. He gets me my drinks for free. And he’s quick with a joke or to light up your smoke. But there’s someplace that he’d rather be” Yes, your bed, he wants to be on your bed honey, that’s not a joke, he is flirting with you.

[madgastronomer]

Lighting another man’s cigarette is some old-school gay cruising.

[dikdikpronouncedxylophone]

Billy Joel actually addressed this interpretation!

[lyricwritesprose]

You know, good on him for just rolling with it.

[danielkanhai]

it would suck being a new immortal. like it’d be 2109 and people would go, “what was it like seeing ancient civilizations rise and fall like that? seeing the pyramids being built? watching the expansion and growth of the new world?” and i’d just be like, “no…no i was born in 1991. so like, wow i’m gonna see some cool stuff, but, i mean i’m not that much older than just a really, really old person, you know? phones were big back then. so big. but only for like ten years, then they got like, as good as they are now. uh. rhinos existed. don’t think i ever saw one in person. cool, good talk.”

[ayellowbirds]

even worse, imagine being an immortal who keeps missing stuff. “What was it like seeing the pyramids being built?” “Fuck if I know, I was in Madagascar.” “Oh, okay. Well, how was the Renaissance?” “I fell down a hole in Scotland and people thought I was an enchanted well for four hundred years, it was over by the time I convinced someone to get me out.”

[erkhyan]

And now, a lesson in biases:

We barely know anything about Madagascar pre-500CE. We don’t even know whether the island had a permanent population before then, despite finding a bunch of much older signs of temporary human presence.

Malagasy mythology makes mention of the vazimba, a “precursor” ethnic group that might or might not be distinct from Madagascar’s current population.

The point is, we do not know.

So you were in Madagascar when the pyramids were being built in Egypt, i.e. during one of the most obscure, most undocumented parts of Madagascar’s human history?

Oh, buddy, you better go and make a bunch of anthropologists and archeologists really happy RIGHT NOW instead of feeling bad about missing everyone else’s pet Major Event.

[ayellowbirds]

It’s been a decade since we left that comment and you have the best reply anyone’s left to it.

[raccoonmilf]

Chat, is it considered “abusive roommate behavior” to release a raccoon into the living space after you have asked your roommate for months to please clean up their messes (they do not pay any of the mortgage)

[raccoonmilf]

For context, when I used to live alone I would do something called “Princess Time” where I would do an initial sweep (to remove any significant hazards) and then I would release a raccoon into the living area and clean. This helped because I would 1) feel like a princess and 2) the raccoon would bring attention to things my ADHD brain had decided to ignore and I’d quickly clean that stuff up.

So like, if I’m expected to clean the house now, I will be doing it in the way that is most effective for me. And anything that has not been cleaned up after months of having sit-down talks and sending reminders and being promised things will change, might be deemed “trash” by the trash panda and thrown away.

[raccoonmilf]

We haven’t done since we moved into the house, because I didn’t want to cause my roommate or their cats destress or have their things destroyed by a raccoon

[raccoonmilf]

I am a raccoon biologist and one of the few people in the state allowed to take in captive bred raccoons that had been possessed illegally. The raccoon in the photos is Moonshine, but she is currently at the animal sanctuary where I work as I had been quarantining multiple new intakes from an abuse case. I still have two males (Rum Tum Tugger and Electra) left in my home enclosure as we are getting them neutered and then hopefully sending them to an AZA accredited zoo.

I wanna make things very clear that underneath all the whimsy, I am a trained professional.

[raccoonmilf]

Those vibes are likely because I’m the original creator of Dashcon and my personality has not changed since 2012 lmao

[fipindustries]

[wonderlandleighleigh]

"Mary Sue" is not a valid critique, it's historically just a way to shame women and girls for daring to be active in fandom spaces.

I can't believe this term is even still fucking around.

Stop it.

[byjove]

everybody: you’ve got to advocate for yourself in medical settings!

medical professionals when a patient advocates for themselves in a medical setting (x100 if that patient is a part of any minority): damn. you’re a hypochondriac crazy bitch who has every mental illness and is seeking every narcotic in existence. that’s the only reason you’d be disappointed in the care you’re receiving here. in retaliation, we will be even less helpful and less sympathetic. our jobs are hard. people are dying. we don’t have time to deal with anyone who is slightly inconvenient for us.

[hemipenal-system]

dragon and human hanging out. they both think their species domesticated the other one’s

[hemipenal-system]

the dragon comes over and sniffs the human for a bit then gently lays her head in the human’s lap to request petting. the human obliges

the human thinks “wow it’s really cool that they got an animal that normally eats humans to be docile enough towards us that i can pet her”

the dragon thinks wow its really cool that they got a skittish prey animal to be brave enough around dragons to offer me grooming behavior

[ripe]

loungetoy on twitter

[marinebiologyshitposts]

such a handsome strain of koi!

[bunjywunjy]

*shoves one of these raccoons into a sack in a cruel and ultimately misguided attempt to destroy the moon and depower the ocean*

[sindri42]

NO

[greenbloods]

oh sick someone paved this whole road with good intentions. i wonder where it leads

[aspiringsorceress]

[weepingchoir]

you have a disgusting storytelling addiction

[atlas-prime]

It’s true. It goes back a long way, too. It all started when…

[senruthmartinsbob]

HATE that were calling every recipe Marry Me [Recipe]…. Fucking hate that. How bout Frig My Clit Brownies. Kill Yourself At My Feet Pasta. Shut The Fuck Up And Pay My Grocery Bill Cookies (vegan).