Fern Creates Stuff

🪷 Shitposting, animation trenches, 3D modeling, silly drawings, maybe writing… •3• MATCHING WITH DANI!!! (she/her) [irl-Becca]

[fern-ct]

I don’t actually post my art stuff that often so here’s a bust statue I did a few months ago of the Molly Malone, but in color! She can blink and move her pupils, and she’s a rough model for a future stop motion silicone doll I may or may not make.

[fern-ct]

Senioritis

I am so bored of my life. I am consistently so busy, because I idiotically sign up for thing after thing after thing, but despite being so busy everyday is filled with boredom. I need to create stuff I want to make. I wanna make an animation about punch the monkey. I want to make something that I want to make!!! AND I CANT BECAUSE IM STUCK APPLYING TO COLLEGES AND APPLYING TO SCHOLARSHIPS AND WORKING ON TWO COUNT EM TWO FILM SETS AND ALL OF MY ACADEMIC WORK.

I wouldnt even say im burntout. im bored! IM SO BORED. Yk what I want to do? I want to play minecraft. And I cant. Because I have to do other things.

I really want to make a storytime animation channel. I think thatd be so so fun, i dont wanna get famous doing it I just want to make stuff thats silly and that other people can see!

I'm working on a scholarship rn thats due in 5.5 hours, and its just boring. and then i have to write something for ap art history. which isnt that boring but compared to everything i want to do, it is.

I have just a few more months until i'm out of high school. and oml i need to be. But im also terrified. im scared of losing my friendships, and im scared i already have. Im going from a space of constant boredom and repetitive tasks and what not to a new horizon of unfamiliarity. im walking into a space thats completely shrouded in fog and mystery and that scares me so much. but i think id rather have that than this constant loop im stuck in. I know its normal for high school seniors to be bored and done with it all. i expected this but i didnt think itd be to this extent, i guess? Idk. man.

[fern-ct]

My family is so sick of hearing me talk about the US Olympics figure skaters. First Ilia, now Amber. They're confused as to why I care, I've never been into figure skating prior to this Olympics, so why now? And I've brushed their annoyance off, as they do to me, but I've come to realize that the reason I've been reacting to their failures so heavily is because, to some extent, I relate to them.

I just failed practically every college portfolio I've tried. My last one is CIA, so let's hope that works, I guess. But with Calarts, and Sheridan, and USC, and Artcenter, every single time the deadline approached I have been left panicking and wondering what happened. Because I haven't been procrastinating. Every waking moment I get I've been working on my pieces. But I don't have many waking moments. I have signed myself up for so many AP classes and leadership roles my senior year to pursue a dream I had last year, of being great. And now highschool titles are bothersome, and have been getting in the way of what I need to do. That, in addition to my AP classes, they use all my energy. So even if I did have time to make my art, there's no energy left.

Ilia and Amber have set such high, albeit somewhat attainable, goals for themselves, that when it comes time to actually meet them, they crumble. This year, I have crumbled. I am in pieces trying to fit together what the hell my adulthood is going to look like. I don't know where I'm going, if I'm taking a gap year, and what my elitist-high-ranking-school is going to think of me if I do take that gap year. And I know, that in 5 years, I will be okay. I'll be on a path that I'm happy with, because there are so many to get to where I want to go. But I'm not scared about not reaching that final destination, I'm scared for the path I'm going to take, I can't see the dirt below me and I feel as if I'm going to fall any second, straight onto the ice.

[fern-ct]

This is lowkey a rant... so...

I don't usually post this stuff but I don't feel like bothering my friends about it again so

At the time of writing this, I have lost my ability to tell time.

Or at least my body has. I’ve been going to bed at 2, 4, 6 am. There isn’t really a sleep schedule anymore. Because there isn’t really sleep, anymore. 

I’m 17. 2008 baby. I don’t know if that makes me unc or new gen. I hope new gen. I am, at the time of writing this, eight months away from adulthood.

I’m a senior in high school. It’s the first semester, so it’s been application hell. And, shockingly, for the first time ever, no one gets how this feels.

I mean the existential dread of applying to colleges, sure that’s universal. Especially if you’re the standard gifted kid trying to prove to the world that youve still got it. 

I go to a high achieving (magnet) high school that specializes in the arts: theater, music, dance, visual arts, and communications (the hufflepuff of my school), etc. I’m a communications major.

I specialize in creative writing and film, but specifically I am really into animation. Note how I’m not a visual arts major. I was never the art kid growing up. I drew as much as any kid, but when i wasnt perfect at it, i figured

Why try?

When I was 15 I had a big turning point in my life, wearing a yellow cardigan if you get me.

And for some reason, afterwards I picked up 3d modeling and stop motion. I fell in love with animation.

I bought the 12 principles of animation book, read it from head to toe, and kept working.

I turned 16. I made a stop motion short for my film final. It wasnt crazy good but it did take a bunch of effort and love.

People began asking me what I wanted to do for college. And there was really only one thing I was living for.

I looked into animation schools. Calarts, ArtCenter, Sheridan, USC, Gobelins. I only looked at the crazy good ones. Why try if it wasn’t going to be perfect?

I made outlines. I made schedules. I planned how to improve my figure drawing, when to animate, every piece needed for every school done at this exact hour of this exact day.

I looked like a maniac.

The schedules failed. And initially I want to say “so did I.” 

But that’s not the case, really. The truth is, life happened. 

And I planned for time, not energy. Which led to lots of me staring at empty character model sheets and doing absolutely nothing. 

I spent all of my days at school, in my 7 classes, 5 of which are AP and 3 of which are portfolio. I never had time to prep for my college portfolios.

And now it’s December 1st and my USC deadline is in 12 hours.

In case I hadn’t stressed myself out enough with my time they put the little time of the deadline in the top of the application portal. A constant reminder.

Luckily USC is my only December deadline. Most fall in January, and this week has beat me so low I know I’ll have to plan better next month.

I’ve spent all my days working. I’ve had multiple cold brews at two in the morning just to work for a little longer. And I don’t even know if I’ll finish at this point.

This school isn’t like Calarts or Sheridan or Gobelins. It isn’t crazy well known and it doesn’t have a lot of accepted portfolio videos. It’s portfolio outline has four examples and doesn’t tell you which they prefer.

USC is my lowest acceptance rate school. Their animation program at their school of cinematic arts is 3%. Half of calarts'. I don’t think I’d be trying so hard at this portfolio if it weren’t for a scholarship I have called questbridge that practically guarantees less than 10k a year tuition. 

I have put literal blood sweat and tears into this. Like actually all three have gotten onto my sketchbook. And it just feels so demoralizing. 

Because I don’t know what they want from me.

And I dont have the time to refine to perfection.

And I dont have the skills to quickly whip out masterpieces like visual majors can.

I’m newgen. It takes me time. I’m slow and even then I’m just above mid.

And at this point it feels like I’m putting all of this time into this for a guaranteed rejection letter.

Maybe this is all because I’ve been forgetting to take my zoloft and not sleeping more than 3 hours a night.

But also I know I do have a point. And I know I want to quit.

And I know, that I won’t. But I'm exhausted.

[fern-ct]

Censoring him because he didn’t ask for his bits to be on tumblr 💗💗💗 it’s his first time living too 💗💗💗

[fern-ct]

Tumblr feels like the perfect place to post my feet pics, honestly. (This is a joke I’m just practicing anatomy :P!!!)

[uhpocalypse9000]

Hi zeldy

[drag0natlas]

you ever just. the wolt

ive been going through a bit of a major art block (read: depression) recently and this is literally the only thing i have drawn in the past two months. I have been playing unhealthy amounts of Zelda tho, and im absolutely obsessed with this silly wolf boy. I like this sketch so i might go back to it and refine/color it, no promises tho. enjoy <3

[oatmealdoodles]

drew Ody unhinged cuz ya boi’s a bit off his rocker so to speak…

Don’t worry it’s ok I gave him his wifey:

[retquits]

steve le (pooiihahahaaahaha) le poisson steve

[fern-ct]

IL EST ORANGEEEE

[blueskittlesart]

back on my bullshit

[fern-ct]

@quoofy08 lyrvin core

[demiboydemon]

[blueskittlesart]

linktober day 15: sword

oh yes, they both, oh yes, they both reached for...

[boomer-mythology-destroyer]

[color-ns]

Sometimes tweeter people know their stuff- this is the right kind of toxic angst I want to read.

[ravenatural]

been building a collection of posts from like minded individuals

[muchanmocha]

Where Wiege leaves us is so interesting because it actually manages to swap Mizi's and Luka's roles in the narrative.

Luka is the one left with Hyuna's legacy, not Mizi.

Hyuna's legacy is one passed down from Jacob, whose words and actions were instrumental to Hyuna's recovery and strength.

We see a scene where Hyuna is trying to console Mizi and we don't know what was said here but it's likely all things that had helped her when she was going through the same things Mizi is now.

But Mizi was unable to accept her words.

And where does Wiege end?

With ominous music as Mizi starts breaking down.

In-fking-credible.

[fern-ct]

LET MIZI BURN THE WHOLE DAMN PLACE DOWN