What hypomania and mania feel like for me
Hypomania - Is like being high or drunk. I feel so happy, so free. I feel like I can do anything. I am confident, funny, sexual, clever. I talk a lot to anybody and everybody. I say whatever is on my mind sometimes before I have even thought about it. My mind and thoughts race. I feel full of energy. Like I could do anything. I sleep a lot less then I should. I spend hours on the Internet with multiple windows open looking at “meaningful” things and talking to numerous people. I watch a lot more porn then usual. Music means something to me. It speaks to me. I get into trouble at work for being too rowdy and full on. They try to calm me down. I can’t draw to save myself but I suddenly feel like I am amazing drawer. Same goes for singing. Lol. I want to talk to everyone and share my joy and pleasure. I laugh at anything and everything. Even inappropriate things. And I think everyone else should find it funny too. I can get irritable easier then usual. Sometimes it’s hard to collect my thoughts and get them out fast enough. I jump from one topic of conversation to a completely different one in the blink of an eye.
Mania- I sleep very little. I spend hours lying awake playing on my phone, running through a billion different things in my head. I feel invincible. Like I can do anything no matter how dangerous or stupid. I take stupid risks. I have no regard for the consequences of my actions. I don’t even consider the consequences. My mind races even faster, sometimes so fast that I can’t even gather my thoughts or make sense of them. I cant get everything that I want to say out. It feels like my head will explode. I feel like I have magical powers. Like nothing can harm me and I can do special things that no one else can. I drive my car way too fast and shouldn’t even be behind the wheel in a manic state. I drink way too much and don’t care if I pass out or what happens to me. It feels like I am high on drugs. There are secret codes in everything and I feel like I have to write in code. Numbers and colours fascinate me. They have special meanings and are speaking to me. I can taste colour. I hear voices and sometimes can’t tell if they are real or not. I also have visual hallucinations that I also can’t tell what’s there and what’s not. My skin crawls. Everyone should be as happy as me. I do inappropriate things. Sometimes I am quick to anger. I get violent. It feels like I can’t control myself. I feel like I could easily kill someone and not have any remorse. I get into uncontrollable rages. Over the smallest things. I feel like I could most likely successfully kill myself. I have the energy and will power to. It is a very dangerous time. I am more likely to attempt suicide. Walk in front of moving cars without even checking the road before I cross. I am unpredictable. I imagine things. I feel like I should write warnings all over the walls. I say things that make no sense at all. People don’t know how to handle me or how to take me. Basically I end up being insane. Not knowing what I am doing. I feel like I don’t need food or drink.
I think you get the idea. It’s full on and can be incredibly hard for the people around me who care about me. Especially since in that state I tend to not trust or believe that they are saying. My paranoia is extreme. I feel like im always right and l know what’s best. It’s a confusing time especially when it his mania. It can be scary at times. Not just for me but for the people around me. Especially when I’m not making sense or talking crazy talk or jibberish.
I also love mania and hypomania though. I love how good it makes me feel. This is my thoughts on what happens to me in these stages. There is more then likely a lot that I have left out. But this will do for now.
