[heedra]

talking to preschoolers is awesome bc they have not fully differentiated stories into 'true stories' and 'imaginary stories' yet so you will tell them about something that happened you once (coyote came out of a bush right in front of you and got startled) and they will tell you about how one time their house was full of coyotes in every room 'including five in the garage' and they're not even like, aware i think of the idea that they are technically 'lying'. they are simply telling stories about coyotes bc its time to tell stories about coyotes.

[animentality]

[warlockwhore]

[lunar-years]

MALALA

[ripeteeth]

omfg i forgot that i never showed tumblr my greatest achievement. my pride and joy, my pi-ass de résistance

[ripeteeth]

you're welcome

[ripeteeth]

if you reblog this i am kissing you on the mouth. no that is not negotiable. we are in love now. we are dating. we are planning the wedding. i will be with you on your wedding night

[little-big-little]

I NEED THOSE SHORTS

[nayohme]

one of my favorites of all time

[frogmoss1]

that’s kamala harris

[huffylemon]

[unclefather]

[blujayonthewing]

they're not even his teeth

[forestslut]

[nest-deactivated20181209]

TV show: This is a TV show called Shits&Farts. It is about shits, & farts. The main characters are two men named Shit, & Fart. They tell shit & fart jokes to each other for the whole twenty-minute runtime.

at least one person you follow on tumblr, instantly: omfg im WITHERING from last nights ep….. the dynamic between shit & fart is so fucking  tense and erotic……im still fucking sobbing i hate my sweet babies….. why do they treat each other like this im fucking BATHING IN ACID….. its so good…….. im EMBALMING MYSELF and then DESECRATING MY OWN CORPSE…..

[platano]

[nakedmonkey-deactivated20250904]

[gretchensinister]

One of the most life-changing things I ever learned came from Mythbusters, where they tested and proved (with cognitive testing puzzles and reaction time tests) that lying down and resting with the intention to sleep STILL provided significant mental benefits over just staying awake, even if a person couldn’t fall asleep in the amount of time they had. 

It helps me to actually sleep to know that just lying down with my eyes closed is still doing me some good, and helps me to not freak out/beat myself up when I stay up later than intended. Any amount of rest is better than no rest!

So if you didn’t know that…now you do

[rogha]

do you know that i think of this post every time i can’t sleep op. what mythbusters did for you, you have done for a great many others. 

[donnasweettttttttt]

when people are like “the hunger games just stole the plot of battle royale” like listen everything steals from the plot of everything the lion king is just furry hamlet westworld is jurassic park but sexier lost is edgy gilligan’s island there are no original stories and the only good piece of media is jennifer’s body

Michael crichton wrote westworld and jurassic park tho so he just pirated himself

michael crichton keeps TRYING to tell y’all about the evils of capitalism impeding on the progress of science when will y’all LISTEN

[kryptonians]

Maybe he just doesn’t like theme parks

michael crichton in line for a roller coaster at six flags: fuck this

[onion-souls]

Jesus Christ, that’s the height at which every rollercoaster and dark ride is a decapitation threat

[sonatine]

[madlori]

how am I ever supposed to leave tumblr when it takes me on journeys like this

[reality-detective]

A male pufferfish tries to impress potential mates with his masterpiece. ✨

[morellygay]

[kushblazer666]

[slimetony]

Are clowns patriotic

[powerfrogarchive-deactivated201]

are you?

[slimetony]

I’m asking the questions here. Would a clown die for its country

[powerfrogarchive-deactivated201]

everyone who has ever died for their country was a clown

[teathattast]

[i-am-committing-tax-fraud]

Maurice

[teathattast]

Maurice

[nemesisvariant]

Maurice

[nuiiphy]

Maurice

[catgifsinthesenate]

I'm begging of you, please don't take my man

[c-53]

I think my favorite bit i do with customers is when white women are like ‘i dont know what to getttttt’ and i hit them with the ‘you should be bad~ 😈’

[c-53]

Saying ‘you should be bad!!’ In like Gay Voice to a white woman at starbucks has like the same psychological impact as going like ‘who’s a good boy?’ To a dog. It makes them so excited in a really endearing way.