filippa håvold

hi im filippa and i love to draw and illustrate enjoy!!

[vrepit-nyah]

Not to deep dive into my mental health struggles but I've been researching a bunch of ways to deal with autistic burnout and one site recommended to "sit in a dark closet outfitted for sensory bliss (soft pillows, dark, quiet)...

You want me to build a den? A silly little den for my silly little self? *starts crying* I can do that, sure!

[foodpediaofficial]

I have a feeling that it is very common for neurodivergent individuals to experience trauma in their lives. However, coping with that trauma can be massively overwhelming. As people who spend our whole lives burdened by the expectations of a neurotypical society, we develop our own coping mechanisms to survive the trauma because honestly, surviving life itself has often already been traumatic, without the added experience of truly traumatic events.

Where this comes as a severe detriment is when neurotypical people then reward us for being “so strong” and assume that we are capable of overcoming extreme adversity - even if they don’t know that we are neurodivergent. This then leads to ridiculous expectations we put on ourselves or feel like other people put on us of what we are capable of “handling” or “surviving” and puts us in a mindset of “well, I got through this before, so I should definitely be able to manage this task, even though it’s very overwhelming and causing me a lot of anxiety to think about, let alone accomplish”.

And then those expectations become too much and there are too many tasks that accumulate, leading to overwhelm. Then our coping mechanisms stop working effectively because they can’t handle the mental load of it all, and our whole world starts crumbling around us. 🔥 As a result, we’re so overwhelmed and can no longer mask our symptoms, wherein basic existence and survival becomes traumatizing again and voilà,

✨ burnout ✨

Just me? Or does anyone else experience this too?

[neongenesisyourmomgelion]

I literally can’t do this. Like I don’t understand how I’m supposed to function in an adult society when I can barely go a few days without a melt down or more frequently shut down. When I try to unmask people immediately make fun of me or tell me I’m acting different and when I put on this mask it’s killing me. The emotional distress from trying to work and go to class is horrific and I can’t do this. I need help and I’m just not getting any either because when I try to ask for help despite being diagnosed I “function too well.” It feels like no one cares about me and I’m all alone in this

[outtherewildering]

For years I've been wondering why people don't notice when I'm not doing great and I've finally figured it out

My ability to appear functioning is really good. I'm really good at masking so until i reach my breaking point people just don't see it. Well some do i guess, but if i need to keep going and if i need to 'work' i will keep going and then crash later in private, on my own. Or with some text support from my friends

Why? Why why why this is so exausting and I've been so stressed for weeks and I've been tired for weeks and months now and I've been saying i can't handle all this stuff in my life but i kept going anyway and now I'm just really unstable and have emotions™ and I'm so tired

Found a word for it too #autisic burnout

[sexualrevoluti0n]

Ok, working full-time is not something I can do. Every so often I get energy and motivation, have a few weeks of good days and start applying for jobs with the belief that *this time* I'll be able to do it because this job is something I'll enjoy doing! I'll be great at it! All the health stuff is behind me now and I've been ok for so long! My ADHD ass has a hard time with things not being permanent. If I'm fine now, I'll be fine forever!

And then I start and after a few days I can't function at home. I can't make or eat food, I am nonverbal most of the time apart from when I'm forcing myself to speak at work, I can't manage showering or brushing my teeth or managing my space. I become a zombie outside the masking hours of work and can't look after myself.

And then I burn out, have to quit, take months and months to recover, start to feel ok and then a few weeks later I start the cycle all over again.

I can't quit this position because of the nature of the fixed term stuff and I need the money. But after another 5 weeks that is it. I need to accept that physically and mentally that is not something that I am able to do and that's ok. It's ok to do occasional sporadic part-time work. It's ok to do no work. Work does not define my worth as a human being. I can live in a way that capitalist work-focused society doesn't like and that doesn't make me less of a person. It doesn't make me a burden or a failure. It's ok to be me.

[neurospicy]

I’m feeling really down on myself and stuck in my feelings today. I know there are people out there who have a lot harder lives, but it doesn’t change the fact that I’m not happy with who I am or the lack of progress I’ve made in life.

I haven’t accomplished anything since I graduated high school. In 2009. And I didn’t even graduate from a normal high school, I had to graduate from an alternative school because I had so many issues. I feel like I see all my weaknesses so clearly, yet I can’t see any strengths in myself. I didn’t get any of the positive aspects of being autistic or having adhd. I only got the struggles.

I’m not twice exceptional. I don’t have any talent, but I do have a learning disability. I am entirely debilitated by my neurodivergence. I don’t have anything to make up for the struggles either; I’m constantly fatigued and fighting through brain fog. My executive dysfunction is so extreme that it often takes me hours of trying to hype myself up in order to just get ready for the day because the process feels so daunting. I often skip meals because I can’t get myself to go through all of the steps to make it. Sometimes I can’t even get myself to get up and get takeout until everything is already closed, but I can’t afford the extra charge for delivery because I can’t seem to hold a job for more than 6 months without getting fired for my forgetfulness or social difficulties. Sometimes I’m just frozen, and I can’t do anything. All I can do is sit and spiral like I am now, because I’m aware of how profoundly dysfunctional I am, yet there is nothing out there to help me, and I can’t stop being me.

I like to write, yet I can’t seem to organize my thoughts into anything cohesive. I jump around. I change subjects. I can’t explain how I tie one idea to the next. I’m wildly intuitive, but I’m so socially awkward that I have trouble being personable with clients during my tarot readings. I have so many ideas that I just simply don’t have the skills or artistic ability to do anything useful with. I feel trapped inside myself, like I have no potential because any potential that I do have is crossed out by my particular brand of adhd and autism, like I have no capability to show any of it to the outside world, no matter how many times I try and try and revise and adapt and try again, it all results in failure and burn out.

And honestly, it isn’t anybody’s fault but it feels so alienating even in the adhd and autistic communities because it seems like everyone else is at least able to TRY to function. It seems mostly everyone has a job that they’ve been able to keep, that they’re financially independent, that they can manage their money on their own, follow a schedule or a routine, or at least have the physical and mental energy to pursue their own thing. Everyone else in the community seems to have some special artistic or intellectual ability that helps them stand out or fend for themselves in a neurotypical world.

That isn’t to say that it’s easy for them or that they don’t have to work twice as hard as a neurotypical would to get to the same place. That also isn’t to say that it doesn’t have consequences or impact their mental health. It’s just that I don’t even seem to have the option, because I put in every ounce of anything I have and I still fall short. I’m sacrificing my mental and physical health and still failing at everything I touch. It’s like I don’t even have the capacity to be able to be the person I want. I don’t even have the capacity to be the failure I am without falling apart.

[p1xelpc]

I never see people talk about having middle support needs. I am super smart and can mask really well. I can make friends easily and fend for myself for a few days. I can go places by myself and figure out when I need to leave. I can defend myself and make sure I'm not putting up with things I shouldn't. But I also can't shower bc of sensory issues and executive dysfunction and have regular meltdowns because I can't get comfortable enough to sleep. I have extreme difficulty talking about things that aren't special to me. I overstep constantly. I have trouble making my own food, I need it prepackaged or prepared. I can't do the dishes or the laundry unless I have an especially motivated day. I stay in bed for hours on end if I don't feel like I need to move. I can't drive or ride a bike. (TMI next) I can't tell when I need to use the bathroom and my executive dysfunction is bad enough anyway that I regularly end up peeing myself. But I'm still as independent as a 13 year old in a lot of other regards. It's really hard asking for "middle" support especially with things like this. I can function for the most part in public, but in private? Completely different.

[neurospicy]

I honestly resent the “adhd and autism are superpowers and only struggle because of capitalism” narrative, and I find it deeply flawed and lacking in nuance to the point of being harmful.

Adhd and autism both exist on a spectrum. They are each their own cluster of traits/symptoms, and those exist in varying degrees based on the individual. Are there aspects to adhd and autism that are advantageous? Absolutely, but we can’t pretend that they exist in an advantageous way in all of us. Some people do have the “right” traits, dialed up to the “right” intensity, and that might allow them to take advantage of their neurodivergence in a way that helps them succeed.

That isn’t to say that they don’t also have struggles due to living in a neurotypical world as an adhd’er or autistic, but they might be able to overcome it. Another person may have all the adhd or autistic traits dialed up to 100, to the point that it’s too debilitating for them to take advantage of any positives that might exist. There are high support needs autistics, for one example, who regardless of whether they had to work to afford to live or not, would still need help with living. Help cooking, cleaning, bathing.

I have “severe” adhd and while I don’t have an official autism diagnosis, I know I am autistic. I never related to the energetic, social, novelty-seeking picture that is painted of people who have adhd. My autistic traits cancel out the “positives” of having adhd, while my adhd traits cancel out the “positives” of being autistic. I’m too burnt out and exhausted all of the time to put forth much mental energy. I freak out when things aren’t predictable. I can’t function if the room is too cold. I can’t eat if my food is too cold, too squishy, too chewy, doesn’t have the right sauce available, doesn’t have the drink I like with that particular food, etc. My interests are very narrow so I don’t have the typical adhd love of variety. Yet I also can’t stay organized or follow a routine. I can’t recall information properly when I need to. I’m not patient. I forget things that just happened 30 seconds ago. I can’t plan to save my life.

This also ignores that some people have no comorbidities or they only have one or two. Some have several to contend with. Some of us have learning disabilities. We aren’t all former gifted kids that just can’t follow traditional structures or sit still in class or at the office. Some of us are legitimately debilitated in all aspects of life. Some of us aren’t just struggling with going to a 9-5…some of us can’t even keep a 9-5 because of our symptoms.

Does capitalism make things significantly harder? Absolutely. But if capitalism were to vanish tomorrow, I still wouldn’t have the executive functioning to keep my space clean, to make myself food, or to stay consistent on my own chosen projects. I would still struggle with arfid. I would still have a delayed circadian rhythm. I would still struggle to make appointments and make phone calls for myself. And I would still struggle to connect with others or make friends with people who might help me with these things.

[palidoozy-art]

Hey Anon! Sorry I took so long to answer this–I wanted to do something more in-depth over just a ‘ok draw a circle now MAKE IT AWSUM.’ I also tried to recall from other tutorials stuff in them I didn’t feel like they spoke about.

also–I’m very sorry I don’t have more advice to give about ears. I am not completely confident with them yet! Gotta keep practicing.

As always, I am not 100% correct on everything, so feel free to use what you want and ignore what you don’t want!

Here’s some more tutorials on noses and ears that might be helpful, if this one isn’t:

Step-by-step coloring nose tutorial

Another nose tutorial!

Ear tutorial by the same artist. This artist has TONS of other useful tutorials too, btw!

More noses.

[bumbleshark]

this took like five minutes to do and thats how easy it should be. hope this helps in anyway?

[magikyrp]

A Bunch of Tutorials

FIGURE DRAWING

Kids

Babies

Human Figures & Their Proportions

Arms & Hands

Backs & Shoulders

Clothing

Chests / Upper Body / Torso

Drapery & Folds

Legs & Feet

Necks

Figures in Action & Motion

Figures in Groups or Crowds

Figures in Landscape Drawings

HOW TO DRAW THE FACE

Capture People’s Likeness

Draw Portraits

Eyes

Eyebrows

Eyelashes

Caricatures

Facial Expressions

Female Eyes

Noses

Mouths

Teeth

Lips

Hair

Curly Hair

Straight Hair

Ears

Wrinkles

Click each category for links to tutorials for each one. 

[pscs5]

TUTORIAL BY PSCS5; How to make this text effect

Windows

Photoshop cs5 extended was used 

TV Show: Teen Wolf

Random coloring was made for the cap

Font: Georgia in Italics

Link to the example that was provided: here

Keep reading

[castielecto]

Gif Tutorial by castielecto

Keep reading

[infiniteeight8]

the lost art of communication

Keep in mind that all of this communication is happening in e-mail, which means they can read and re-read it at their leisure, if needed.

E-mail conversations I have actually had many, many times at work:

Me: I need things A, B, and C. Don’t do X. Them: Okay. Me: How are things, A, B, and C coming along? Them: Oh, I thought we were waiting for X. We’ll get right on that. Me: How are those things coming along? Them: *delivers things D, E, and F* Me: … Me: I needed things A, B, and C. Them: Oh, right. We’re on it. Them: *finally delivers things A, B, and C*

Me: Here’s my understand of our status. *gives list* And here’s a question. *asks question* Them: Yeah, that sounds right. *asks question* Me: *answers their question* Me: *waits* Them: *silent* Me: *repeats question from first message* 

Me: Here are instructions on how to do the thing. Them: *does the thing, skipping three steps* Me: Hey, so you skipped steps 2, 4, and 7. Those are necessary. Them: Oh, sorry about that. Me: *waits* Me: Have you done the thing with  steps 2, 4, and 7? Them: Oh, sorry, didn’t realize you wanted it re-done.

Them: I need thing X. Me: Here it is. Them: Thanks. Them: *two weeks later* Hey, we need thing X. Me: … Me: Here it is.  Them: Thanks. Them: *two weeks later* Hey, we need thing X. Me: … Me: … Me: Here it is. Them: Thanks. *uses the thing*

I don’t understand it, I really don’t. I keep going back and re-reading my messages to see if they’re confusing somehow, but they aren’t. They are totally clear. 

It’s infuriating, to the point that I had to call my dad, who has ~50 years of high level business experience, and ask him what to do about this shit. He said that he tends to be like me, but that the best manager he knows gets things done right the first time by his people because he micromanages the shit out of them. Like, every day asking where they’re at, have they done step A, do they remember that step B comes next, etc.  I’m working on developing both this skill and a tolerance for using it.

So if you ever wonder why someone you work with is (a) micromanaging the shit out of you and (b) treating you like you can’t read, it’s because some of the people they work with just can’t be trusted to understand things the first time. Or the second time. Or sometimes the third time…

[knitmeapony]

Ways I write emails when I need things:

Bullet point everything.  EVERYTHING.  Two-thirds of my emails are a series of introductory sentences with clear, short bullet points.  So for your first email, it’d be:

 Good morning!

I need the following:

A

B

C

I do NOT need the following:

X

Thanks!

Judicious use of formatting.  When I need a more complex list of things, or I want to ask a question, I make sure that I bold what I need.  I also break up every possible separate thought into small paragraphs.  So your second email would be:

Here’s the current status of the project: things A, B and C are done.  D is scheduled to be done next week.

Before D can be completed, I need to know the following: why is the sky blue? 

Copying and pasting – and calling attention to it.  People get embarrassed pretty easily.  When you point out that they’ve missed something, or that they already had something, no matter how gently, they realize they don’t like getting called out.  So, for the last email:

As provided in the email sent 8/15 (third down on this email thread): here is X, again:  [copy and paste from original email].  

Very very explicit directions and deadlines. People assume they do not have to do work, even if you report an error.  If you tell them they did something wrong, they will assume you are saying you will correct the issue.  So, for your second to last email: 

What you have provided me is incomplete.  You did not provide the following:

Step 2 Step 4 Step 7

Those must be completed.  Please complete this process again, following the instructions provided to you in the previous email:

[obvious copy and paste of the instructions]

Please notify me when you have completed this process with all steps.  This must be completed by [date] for my work to be completed on time.

I hope this helps!  

[reignofcoffee]

Oh my god. Teach me your ways

[1000drawings]

by jooyoon

[ennobaria-deactivated20180715]

Covergirl Capitole Couture.

[jennyyuu]

What do you use to make those animation gifs? And how do you do it? Is their a tutorial or a book on how to do it?

I just use good ol Photoshop!! I learned from this video by Alex Grigg and this video by Louie Zong who are fantastic animators/artists that you should shower with love forever. Hope this helps!!