Hi

This is a sideblog meant for rambling. Specifically Autism related rambling. Most notably will probably be things that frustrate me in every day life, or just little things that I am noticing and learning about. I've only just began learning about what it means to be autistic and I've only now started easing into a "it's alright to be autistic" mentality. So yeah, this is me exploring that. This is totally a McCoy related url and I'm not even remotely sorry for that.

[finalfrontierdoctor]

I'm thinking about making a stim kit for different locations. Honestly seems like a good idea? Like a care package with things that help when you're out and feel like you can't highkey stim, or when you need more items/textures/etc to stim with.

[finalfrontierdoctor]

Can someone give me some tips on how to accept my on autism?

I have only recently (since 1 / 2 years) gotten my diagnosis and have been told all my life that I needed to stop being lazy, that I needed to be normal, that I shouldn’t be making excuses and that “I just can’t do it”  was no valid reason not to do something. We did not know I was autistic, though we suspected, and therefor I was forced to act as allistic as I could manage to be and keep my complaints to myself and just suck it up.

I hate that I have been conditioned to believe this. I hate that I feel incredibly guilty whenever I do refer to my autism when I truly can not handle something or can’t go trough with something. My autism is not an excuse yet I can not seem to convince myself that this is the truth of it and continue to fear I am using it as some sort of excuse when it’s not.

So please, I beg of you guys. If anyone has a similar story, or has an idea on how to handle it, could you please tell me on how you came to terms with your autism in a world that paints your disability to be some sort of invalid excuse?

[infiniteglitterfall]

I think you folks will be able to help this nice person, yes?

[autisticeagle]

I’d recommend reading some books and connecting with other auties, finalfrontierdoctor. I know that it can be overwhelming, so here are some resources to start.

For books, I’d reccomend “The Complete Guide to Asperger’s Syndrome” by Tony Attwood. This is where I started and it’s a very comprehensive, readable, and friendly guide to understanding and living with autism. It mainly gives advice to people with autism, but it also has information for parents which I actually found to be just as helpful.

For some lighter reading, I’d recommend following some relatable autistic blogs. I particularly like the animal-themed ones that use image macros:

autistickitten

autistic-alligator

aspie-fawn

autisticeagle

For more in-depth interaction and personal accounts, check out wrongplanet.net. It’s primarily a message board, but they also post articles.

Good luck and happy travels on the road of self-discovery!

– Rahel

[finalfrontierdoctor]

Not knowing what to expect from something (i.e. not knowing how food will be divided or how long you will stay some place) and getting judged really negatively even when you explain why you want to know.

[finalfrontierdoctor]

Can someone give me some tips on how to accept my on autism?

I have only recently (since 1 / 2 years) gotten my diagnosis and have been told all my life that I needed to stop being lazy, that I needed to be normal, that I shouldn’t be making excuses and that “I just can’t do it”  was no valid reason not to do something. We did not know I was autistic, though we suspected, and therefor I was forced to act as allistic as I could manage to be and keep my complaints to myself and just suck it up.

I hate that I have been conditioned to believe this. I hate that I feel incredibly guilty whenever I do refer to my autism when I truly can not handle something or can't go trough with something. My autism is not an excuse yet I can not seem to convince myself that this is the truth of it and continue to fear I am using it as some sort of excuse when it's not.

So please, I beg of you guys. If anyone has a similar story, or has an idea on how to handle it, could you please tell me on how you came to terms with your autism in a world that paints our disability to be some sort of invalid excuse?

[finalfrontierdoctor]

Is it a common thing that when you get taken with a character, you try to make yourself like them. Be it in the way you talk, dress, or even make their mannerisms your own? Because I usually let my love for a character take over a lot of aspects of my personal life and I feel powerless to stop it. Though luckily for me, I have enough of a grip on myself that it does not get in the way of my functioning. 

Do others experience this too?

[finalfrontierdoctor]

Autistic character headcanons and why they are important.

I am not the first to bring this up and I will definitely not be the last. 

    I spent my day trying to come up with a couple autistic!character headcanons to post, while also discussing why we [friends and myself] believe these chosen characters to be autistic. Sometimes it is character bias, sometimes it's because, to us, it just seems painfully clear that a character can not not be autistic. Sometimes it's a combination of both.

    There's been people, mainly allistics but sometimes others of the spectrum, who have voiced their displeasure about this. Be it because we somehow romanticize our condition, or devalue a character. Or because a character isn't human and thus can not be diagnosed in the same way.

    To all of that I want to say: you're spouting bullshit. Because so long as we apply headcanons like these with respect, I really don't see a problem with calling a character autistic. (Whether that is a human like Will Graham or a sentient alien tree like Groot.)

    Shouldn't we be happy that we are claiming a little bit of representation for our own? Has anyone who has ever issued a complaint about these headcanons ever looked at how happy such a headcanon might have made someone else?

    Headcanons like these can help people understand you better, because for some reason fandom people are able to see things from a character's POV much easier than from an actual other human being's POV as far as disabilities go.

    Headcanons like these also tend to bring with it a sense of hope. Because these characters are loved. Sometimes they are loved more in their universe, sometimes more by the fandom. But it tells us that we can be loved and cared for. That there's chances for success when we feel there are none, because look at how far these characters have gotten! Sometimes it's just a feeling of solidarity because we're not alone, and can share something intimate with a character we love so much.

    There is so much strength we can draw from headcanoning a character a autistic that I don't understand how people can be against it. Not when it's clear it brings so many people so much joy and comfort.

[sequintial]

I know he’s not representation, but I love Data so much and he feels so autistic to me. Like, god. I hated the emotion chip arc because it felt SO OBVIOUS to me that Data DID have emotions and just couldn’t identify them- in ways that I have done myself. I could talk for hours about how Data (and thus probably Soong?) is totally autistic. He’s the main reason that TNG is my favorite Star Trek, because while he does try to be more like humans, people who think he isn’t a person, or who think he can’t do his job, or have friends because he isn’t human, are frowned upon.

[finalfrontierdoctor]

Oh Lord, I know right.

I personally don't have a whole lot of trouble with his emotion chip arc because while it does make things different, he still has a lot to struggle with. I personally always felt that I could relate to those struggles as well-- from not being able to understand when it was appropriate to express certain emotions, to just not being sure about how one is supposed to deal with emotions in general. 

Now I do also believe that Data already had emotions in his own way, and Data as he is without the emotion chip is the best example for a lot of us autistics to use too. (In my opinion anyway.)

And that! Exactly that! It makes me so happy that Data is defended time and again whenever someone tries to dehumanize him. Just because he's different does not make him less worthy of respect or care or rights. I've always loved that the crew would stick up for him and made sure to include him.

Hell, that might be one of the most important things to me in TNG. Different as he was, Data was always a part of things if he wanted to be. And sure, they questioned some things, like his painting. And some things were a little tedious for the crew to sit trough. (Ode to Spot, for example.) But they did it anyway, and they made sure he knew that they supported him and were there for him.

It just gives hope to everyone who can and does relate to him that there's people there who don't mind that we're different. Ugh it just means so much to me.

[finalfrontierdoctor]

Data is so important though. While his inability to understand humans is often played for laughs, I think that-- despite being an android-- he could be used as a good example for what it's like to be autistic/have autism.

His struggles with trying to be more like humans is something we face every day too, and it's depicted in a very clear and understandable way that I think the audience can easily read and understand.

It's not representation for us, no. I don't want to claim it is. But Data is a good example we could potentially use to point out things we struggle with too. 

[finalfrontierdoctor]

Something I'm often upset about is that I no longer dare to be as enthusiastic as I want to be about the things I like, simply because I've always been told that "you talk too much," "nobody cares, "we get it."

It hurts. I just want to be able to gush about the thing I like, and not be made to feel guilty because I throw that enthusiasm out all at once instead of bit by bit like allistic people.

[finalfrontierdoctor]

Wouldn't it be nice if you had a little "how-to" manual about yourself that you could hand out to people, so they would understand (how to interact with) you better?

[finalfrontierdoctor]

I want to start this blog by thanking the people who frequently post in the "Actuallyautistic" tag. I want to thank them for posting such relatable things, for raising awareness, for spreading information, and just for posting in general.

I've been diagnosed for a while now, but it's only now that I am starting to feel secure and comfortable enough to talk about my autism. I've grown up without the diagnosis, and it's been difficult as hell. So I've been conditioned to see this as something shameful and something to resent being. 

While I'm not always happy with it, there's a lot of things about it that I feel I should be proud of. I should also teach myself that it's totally okay to talk about it to people, and to maybe educate them a little. Otherwise I'm only going to be shooting myself in the foot.

So thank you, Actuallyautistic, for making me feel normal.