Finally We's Raising The Stakes.

pisces | he/him | T1D

[vamptits]

if I were a bee I'd fetishize the idea of a beekeeper clipping my tiny wings so I can't escape (remembers you're not supposed to say shit like that) I mean yesterday I ate two yogurts normally

[greenlabcoat]

can you let me in pleeeeeaase. i promise i wont use my raptorial limbs to attack and kill you

[goth-queen]

[segamascott]

[trattenbach]

Happy Battle Against Richard Nixon's Immortal Soul Saturday

[dragon-in-a-fez]

the thing that really cheeses my cake about flies getting in my house is they clearly don't want to be there anyway. like at least the ants trying to steal cereal from my pantry had a goal and a plan. you are just here because you're too stupid to use a window twice

[neenarchive]

they're hiring me at the extra virgin olive oil factory as the oathsworn knight who protects the chastity of the olives

[snownonthebeach-deactivated2023]

taylor swift & jack antonoff lockscreens

like or reblog if you save

[penny-anna]

im loving this paprika discourse

[citizen-zero]

I think the funniest possible modern textual adaptation of Dracula would be Jonathan as a part time recipe blogger and you have to scroll through 10 paragraphs of the most harrowing thing you’ve ever read in your life just to get the recipe for paprika hendl

[kaijuno]

[crazy-brazilian]

[starmanleo]

Oh shit! The 19th century Hex Girls want to suck and maybe fuck Johnny boy,but Dracula also wants to suck and probably fuck Johnathan? And if you read carefully,we have a recieved and answer to a most pressing question.

Yes,Dracula has explored Johnathan's body but Johnathan only knows his hands.

[mercury-sulfide]

oh dracula we’re really in the homoerotic subtext now

[thatchedrooftavern]

Jonathan: *lays down on the couch, crossing his arms and closing his eyes* dracula-shmacula. dreams can’t hurt me. I sleep wherever I want!

Jonathan three hours later when dracula’s three weed smoking girlfriends team up to be his sleep paralysis demons: AAaaaAaaAAAAAAaaaAAAAA

[ultirex]

Jonathan Harker, May 16: something really lgbt just happened to me

[abooknerdfrommiddleearth]

May 16th