Finding Confidence in Myself

A blog not only about losing weight, but about getting my confidence back and finding happiness within myself. Rachel Elizabeth 24 Starting Weight: 255 Current Weight: 241 Goal Weight: 170 (maybe less, I just figured I would start here)

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September?!

ITS HERE!!!! ITS FALL!!!!! 

And an update.... A really really really.... really not so hot update.

I fell off the wagon this month... Not in a really super bad way, just in a “I haven’t lost weight, but I also haven’t gained weight” way.

I’m going to start a new weight loss routine this month, as soon as I get some pepper spray (there have been some break ins in my neighborhood and I don’t feel safe without it) but as soon as that happens I want to try and go out in the mornings while it’s still temperate out. And after it gets too cold to go out, I’ll work out in my building. It’s big enough that if I make a couple passes around the building it’ll be a decent workout, and probably take me a good chunk of time to get through. 

I’m in a size 20 pant and a size large or XL shirt, depending on the shirt. I had to buy new work pants, because I really couldn’t wear mine anymore without them falling down. And even the new ones I got people keep telling me look big on me. Which is a good thing. 

These next couple months are going to be really difficult because, well, cold weather means warm, delicious food. And warm food in the fall is my worst enemy. So I’ll really have to incorporate vegetables, and a lot of them, into my diet to cope for all the chili and stews and game day snacks.... I have a feeling weight loss during the holidays is going to be no fun.

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Going to Ren Faire...

So not this coming weekend, but the weekend after, I am going to the Bristol Renaissance Faire. I was originally planning on dressing up. I wanted to go as a gypsy, but between not having the time and not having the money, that’s not happening. So instead I needed something else. Yesterday I went to the mall with my baby sister so she could help me pick something out. We went to Old Navy, which I never used to shop at because I never fit into anything that they actually carried in the store.

Yesterday I tried on this really cute circle skirt in a style that I have always loved but never felt comfortable wearing. I paired it with a cream colored tank top and this really cute sweater I found on clearance at Maurice’s. Not like a sweater sweater, but more a crocheted short sleeved cardigan thing. It’s lightweight, so it’ll still be cool enough for my day there.

I tried on the outfit, and it was the first time ever that I tried something on and looked in the mirror and had no doubts about the outfit. I walked into Old Navy with the same feeling of dread that I always have. I wasn’t going to find anything, nothing would fit, and even if it did it would show every flaw I have. But then I tried it on…. I looked so cute. I love it. I wish I could wear it every day. I wish I could have a hundred outfits just like it.

I’m gaining confidence. Slowly but surely. I’m starting to feel comfortable in my own body. And I’m really happy about it.

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Feeling great!

I’m mostly back on track with the weight loss stuff, which makes me feel better about life. I’ve got an audition in a few weeks and it’s with people who know me well. I would like to look a little different and surprise them with another few pounds lost. A couple people at work commented on how good I look. I no longer have any shirts that fit me right, and I’m in a smaller size of pants. If I keep going this way, by the time winter is over I should be in at least one size smaller pants than I am now and hopefully a smaller shirt. I think though that I will only ever be able to get into a large shirt, just because I am somewhat top heavy. But who knows. Maybe that’ll shrink a little too.

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August Update

So! Time to get back on schedule! Here is August’s update!

As of this morning, I am at 230.2 pounds! At the beginning of the year I was at 255. I think for the year, I’m reevaluating my weight loss goal. I really thought losing 10 pounds a month would be no big thing, but it is way more difficult than I thought, so I think if I am at 200 by December, I’ll be pretty pleased with myself. 

That being said, I’m pretty happy with myself. I need to keep up my healthy eating, because I have been slipping on that a little bit. However I have been drinking more water than I used to. A lot more water. I’ve been more active than usual too. Plus the fact that I spend my entire work day on my feet means I get plenty of exercise in, even when I’m not actually exercising. I really want a fitbit, just to see how much I’m actually moving around, but that it a goal for another day. Right now I have to focus on buying a couple birthday presents and getting ready to start thinking about how Josh and I are going to afford Christmas presents for everyone, so the fitbit will just have to wait. 

There is a lot going on this month. Next weekend I have 2 shows and my niece’s 4th birthday party. I’ve also got my middle sister’s birthday this month, my Ma’s birthday, and Josh and I are taking my best friend and her boyfriend to the Renaissance Faire at the tail end of the month. Also State Fair is this month, although at this point I’m not sure we are going to make it to that. Mostly because of money reasons. But we will see, I would really like to be able to go.

Today I am going to try and record, edit, and post my intro video for my youtube channel. Pretty nervous about that. Only because that’s me putting my whole self out there. But I really want to make a channel for myself. I think it’s going to be a lot of fun. 

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JULY UPDATE

So…. July is almost over and here I am, posting the first update in 3 months!

Here’s why!

So we moved mid-April and getting moved in and settled was way more difficult than I had anticipated. It took about a month before we had most of the boxes unpacked and about 2 months before they were all gone. I’ve done a lot to our apartment in the last 3 months and it is finally at a point where I feel organized and put together and ready to get back into the swing of things.

So because it took way longer to get my apartment put together and how I like it, I haven’t been at the gym or working out nearly as much as I would have liked, so the whole weight loss thing has been kind of on the back burner. Now that’s not to say that I have’t been losing weight, on the contrary I have. However it’s just not quite as much as I would have liked.

That being said I’m really happy with myself currently. I am going to continue losing weight and now that I can blog again, I am going to be going to the gym more and working towards my weight loss goal. But my confidence has gone through the roof. I’ve been feeling really really good about myself lately. I have lost 6 pounds in the last 3 months, and I’m at a place with myself to be perfectly ok with that. Is it the 30 pounds that I had hoped to lose by now? No. But I also haven’t gained any weight, and that to me is a win.

I’ve been cooking a lot of healthy food, and, with the exception of last week, have been making home made healthy meals for Josh and myself every night. With the exception of every other Thursday, which is pay day, grocery shopping day, and fast food night, because after going grocery shopping and putting it all away, I never really feel like cooking. This past week I was really sick though, so I barely cooked, and honestly, I barely ate.

So that’s how life has been going. I am also going to be starting a youtube channel. Some weight loss stuff, some homey stuff, some crafting things, cooking…. Pretty much just stuff about those sorts of things. So for those few people who follow this blog, stay tuned for that!

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I've been absent!!!

Lots of things have happened and I've been gone from posting and my health kind of took a short break. But I will be back at it tonight with some updates and whatnot. I haven't been posting because we moved and still don't have Internet. But that is about to change tonight! I will update tonight with some other fun stuff that will be happening!

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April Goals

So right now I’m 238 pounds. My goal by the end of summer is to be at or under 200 pounds. I also have a lot of other non-weight related goals for this month. My boyfriend and I signed a lease on a new apartment, our first together, last week. Which means I have a feeling this month is going to be very stressful. 

So April goals:

-Be at of under 230 pounds. That’s an 8 pound goal, which I think is doable as long as I keep myself at it. 

-Be more active outdoors. This might happen, however I live in Wisconsin. It may very well snow 4 feet next week, I have no clue. But hopefully I can make it happen.

-Hit my water goal, 3 full bottles, a day, at least 20 times. 

-Have my things totally packed and ready to go by April 10th. As much as possible anyways.

-Work out at least 15 times. Last month I tried for 25. Apparently that was too much a challenge for me. So maybe 15 is more realistic.

I think that’s pretty much it. I can’t think of any other goals. 

I saw my grandma today and she commented on how good I look. I haven’t even lost 20 pounds, so it’s good to know that other people are noticing. It makes me feel great. I wonder if anyone will notice tomorrow at my boyfriend’s family Easter gathering. I guess I’ll find out!

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March Progress Report

Beginning weight (Jan 2015): 255

March 1st weight: 241

March 31st weight: 238

Jan 2015 pant size: 24

Jan 2015 shirt size 2XL

Current pant size: 20/22- Most 20′s fit, but I do have a couple size 22′s that fit as well

Current shirt size: XL

So I didn't get to 325, which was really my goal for the month... If I would have been there I would have gotten to 20 pounds lost. But I’m not going to let that deter me. I don’t have a measuring tape so I will post my measurements later, but overall I’m still pretty proud of myself. I can’t believe I’ve dropped so many pant sizes already. And the fact that my shirt size has gone down too makes me really happy. I’ve gotten much better in the last month at fitting in veggies and fruits into my meals. The only problem I have is drinking enough water. I usually have a water bottle with me, but I’ve been slacking recently. I’ve also noticed vast improvements in my skin. I’ve had less breakouts than normal. 

So that’s my March update. I’ll post a picture soon, I just keep forgetting to take one, and I’m really not in the mood to right now.

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I'm running on empty today. It's my lady day with my charge who I've raised since he was 6 weeks old. And having zero notice about it ending isn't helping. On top of it my sister decided to text me about stupid shit at midnight that could have waited until the morning. So I couldn't fall back asleep. It was super sucky. I'll try an post my update tonight though. I swear. It's just been a rough week. And it's only Tuesday. I'll write a longer post on that later too. Because even though I've vented, I still need to vent.

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Today's power snack of pretzels and peanut butter has been interrupted by a screaming toddler. Yay!

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Currently I need to get up, shower, get dressed.... eat maybe... I've got 45 minutes... but my bed is so confortable... sometimes I wish I didn't have a job and won the lottery instead. I'm so tired.

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I had a pretty healthy day today. Except for dinner. That was not very healthy. But lunch was a sub with veggies on it and I had a lots of fruits and stuff. Plus a snack when I got home of farroh salad and peppers. 

I walked around a lot too. My friend and I went shopping, so I did a lot of walking around. All around it was a pretty great day.

I think I've decided to just lose 3 more pounds this month though. That will put me at the 20 pound weight lost mark. Which would feel really great. I still can’t wrap my mind around that. Like I know that I’m almost at that mark. That’s what the scale says, and I believe it. But I still don’t feel like I've really lost that much. I don’t know how to describe it. Like I know 20 pounds isn't a whole ton when I still have a lot to go, but at the same time I know 20 pounds is a huge accomplishment. For me especially.

I’ve struggled with my weight my whole life and even though I’ve always tried losing weight, I’ve never actually lost any until now. Like I would diet for a week or two, and I would lose 5 pounds.... And then I would just gain it back because I would stop trying. This is the first time I’ve stuck with it. I’m pretty proud of myself for even coming this far. 

One more week and I’ll post a picture (and try to find a good picture from around when I started this journey) and this months progress, including my weight, measurements, and all that jazz!

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Spending time with my best friend today. Sometimes you just need days like today. I love her to death.

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Can I count chasing after my charges in the park as a workout? Lol, because I really think it counts.

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March Goals

I know this is late but I'm putting it out there anyways. •lose 10 pounds (231) •get an apartment •start weight loss blog That was really it. There wasn't a whole lot else wanted to do. But I thought I'd put those up. I think at the beginning of each month I'll put up a post with all my goals (weight loss, personal, whatever) and then at the end of the month I'll post what goals I hit, what I missed, a progress pic and other little things.

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Goodbye 240's?

Took me weight today. I usually try to just take it on Sundays but I decided to take it today. I'm down to 238!!! On Sunday I was at 241. I don't think I will hit my goal of 10 pounds this month. But I'll take 3 pounds considering the fact that my weight stayed the same all through February.