i love being single except every few months when i want to be loved so bad that it eats me alive and makes me physically ill for two weeks but like the rest of the time im chill
I remember this day, 3 years ago, and feeling so scared when I posted the last chapter that I couldn't bring myself to read any of the comments for more than 2 weeks. I was afraid that people would be disappointed. That I'd spent so long writing it, gotten to the end, and somehow let myself and all my readers down.
But behind all of that, really, I was mostly terrified to let it go.
In the 2 years I was writing Mates, so much of my life outside writing felt like it was falling apart. Continuing this story became a ritual that helped me hold onto hope. And when it drew to a close, I didn't know what would come next for me. I felt like I was losing so much more than just a fun lil escape hatch. And I was petrified.
I didn't know then that I would make so many new friends all over the world thanks to this story. That I would meet someone because of it, and fall in love, and end up moving my entire life to a new city. I didn't know just how much writing this fic (and the rest of this series, which I also didn't know would exist) would renew my belief in love, and community, and kindness. And how much that renewal would end up changing the entire course of my life.
I didn't know when I finished it, and was so desperately scared that it had failed, that actually, it had already saved me.
So. Happy 3rd birthday to my biggest, softest, most self-indulgent baby. I love you so stupidly much. Thank you for everything 💛
“They’re trying to convince people they can’t do the things they’ve been doing easily for years – to write emails, to write a presentation. Your daughter wants you to make up a bedtime story about puppies – to write that for you.” We will get to the point, she says with a grim laugh, “that you will essentially become just a skin bag of organs and bones, nothing else. You won’t know anything and you will be told repeatedly that you can’t do it, which is the opposite of what life has to offer. Capitulating all kinds of decisions like where to go on vacation, what to wear today, who to date, what to eat. People are already doing this. You won’t have to process grief, because you’ll have uploaded photos and voice messages from your mother who just died, and then she can talk to you via AI video call every day. One of the ways it’s going to destroy humans, long before there’s a nuclear disaster, is going to be the emotional hollowing-out of people.”
Justine Bateman on AI in this article from The Guardian
Do you have any thoughts on makeup and its connection to femininity and people who say makeup isn’t meant to satisfy men, it’s for enjoyment/fun etc? Not sure if I’m clear
I have so many thoughts about makeup anon. I've been really distressed to watch both the amount of beauty work expected of women and the gap between the beauty work expected of women and the beauty work expected of men grow over the last couple of decades. To make it worse there has been a really active effort to deploy rhetoric that sounds feminist to mystify what is actually going on.
Your ask is a really good place to start - because you are asking about an idea that is part of that process of mystification. The idea that motivation for why someone is participating in beauty culture is important is fundamentally individualistic. It suggests that both the problem and the solution with beauty culture is individual - and actively shuts down structural analysis.
In our culture, make-up is both an expense and a form of labour that falls disproportionately on women. In a lot of circumstances make-up isn't optional for women, and in many, many more it doesn't feel optional. That's political problem that needs to be solved - the compulsory nature of beauty work and disproportionate burden on women. Individual motivation isn't important politically and doesn't change that underlying dynamic.
Part of the problem is that it is very hard to find places to collectively fight the rising demands of beauty culture. I really like Jessica DeFino's work - and strongly recommend it - but her solutions are often focused on individuals disinvesting from beauty culture. It's really important that there are voices doing this - particularly in a world where people will with all seriousness suggest that skincare is feminism.
But I don't know what the political solution would be. I don't know how to fight the uneven and compulsory burden of beauty on women in a collective way. I maybe have some ideas for first steps, but the problem is obviously much bigger than these ideas
Fight where beauty work is actually compulsory. Usually the compulsory nature of femininity is a bit of a metaphor - there are consequences for not performing femininity - rather than explicit power structures. But there are plenty of places, particularly workplaces, where beauty work is compulsory. Seeing fights against compulsory make-up and unequal dress-codes as important political fights - and mobilising solidarity when they happen - is an important first step.
Build a feminist movement that cannot be co-opted by the beauty industry - and actively work against that co-option. A large part of that is rejecting individualism (a great start is reading the actual personal is political essay and grappling with how distorted those ideas have come). Feminism isn't about what we do as individuals (or even worse what other people do as individuals) - but about how we collectively build a better world.
Take the question of how to challenge beauty culture seriously and collectively. Acknowledge that we don't know how to change it at the moment and form groups that discuss that question.
But the most important starting point is that it doesn't matter how women personally engage in beauty culture as individuals, or why. What matters is the fact that beauty work is both compulsory and an uneven burden.
Here are some snipits about Liam from the Popbitch weekly gossip email this friday. I think we'll all love the second one.
Our favourite story about Liam was that in his post-One Direction years he got into art, and started to do some drawing.
Word of his new hobby reached David Hockney's great-nephew, who kindly arranged for Liam to meet the man himself.
In advance of the meeting, Liam made a portrait of Hockney, and presented it to him when they did get to hang out.
Hockney was so taken with the result that he hung the portrait up in his house.
A close second favourite story? Liam and Cheryl stayed together publicly at the end of their relationship purely to piss off Dan Wootton, then Showbiz editor at The Sun, who had reported their break-up.
i loved one direction with an all-consuming force when i was younger. it hurts deeply to mourn someone you were a massive fan of as teenager, and became a peer of as an adult.
i know people change and grief is unsure or complicated when it’s attached to a fond memory or the feeling a person gave you and not tangibly the person themself. i can see many of you on here are struggling with that right now and i understand.
a few years ago i purchased a home that Liam previously owned. there were rumors the house was haunted. He assured me it was not, and i believed him. because i know the ghosts that haunt us aren’t tethered to buildings. They live in parts of us that are harder to reach and they go wherever we do.
as a parent, a fellow artist, and a fan, i simply cannot fathom this untimely loss. my heart goes out to his family, friends, and the fans. 💔
A deep dive into Louis Tomlinson's career, both solo and in One Direction, and how he's grown into one of pop music's most thoughtful songwr
With the first quarter of the 21st century coming to an end, Billboard has been looking back on the 25 Greatest Pop Stars of the Past 25 Years. Below, we take a deeper look into the solo career of Louis Tomlinson — one of the members of our No. 22 pop stars, One Direction — and how his songwriting, originally honed in 1D, has helped him develop into one of the group’s strongest breakout artists.
When One Direction officially went on hiatus in 2015, Zayn Malik dropped Mind of Mine in 2016, Harry Styles’ eponymous LP dropped in 2017, Niall Horan followed with Flicker later that year and Liam Payne’s First Time EP arrived in 2018. Louis Tomlinson, however, took his time with releasing a full project – and entered an era of healing and self-discovery that saw him realizing his potential as one of 1D’s most self-actualized artists, even if not necessarily the starriest.
Even before going solo, Tomlinson showed he was meant for breakthrough success while in One Direction. Longtime Directioners know that Tomlinson wrote more songs in One Direction than any other member, penning long standing hits including “Perfect,” “History” and “Fool’s Gold” and proving his fortitude as a songwriter who understands lyrical cleverness and crafting the indescribably catchy refrains necessary to produce arena-ready hits. Beyond his musical abilities, Tomlinson’s sense of humor and friendship with fellow 1D members also ensured fans had a soft spot for him.
However, when he did go solo, the road was slippery at first. He teamed up with Steve Aoki for his first solo release “Just Hold On” in December 2016, and just three days before its release, Tomlinson’s mother died of leukemia. He still took the stage to perform the song on The X Factor, the first public testament to the star’s strength and dedication to his musical craft.
Tomlinson’s resilience amid adversity continued as he navigated the music industry. The star signed with Epic Records in 2017 and released a few singles – including “Miss You” and the Bebe Rexha and Digital Farm Animals-assisted “Back to You.” While the infectious hooks to both tracks could have easily solidified Tomlinson as a pop mainstay, the two singles didn’t perform as well as expected on the charts: “Just Hold On” peaked at No. 52 on the Billboard Hot 100 and “Back to You” hit No. 40, while “Miss You” missed the chart altogether. Ultimately, a full-length album never materialized with Epic Records.
Tomlinson shortly got back on his feet, as he always does, and signed with Arista Records in 2019 – where he honed his talent as a songwriter, this time feeling comfortable enough to tackle more vulnerable topics in his music. His first release under the label was “Two of Us,” a heart-wrenching tribute to his late mother. “I know you’ll be looking down/ Swear I’m gonna make you proud/ I’ll be living one life for the two of us,” he sings in the chorus, giving a glimpse into what would soon become a musical career full of honesty and vulnerability.
Unfortunately, shortly after its release, another hardship struck Tomlinson’s life when his 18-year-old sister Fizzy died of an accidental overdose. Both the release of “Two of Us” and the tragedy that followed showed just how close Tomlinson’s community of fans is, as they showered him with online love and support in the months that followed.
After taking some much-deserved time to heal, he announced in August of that year that his debut solo album was on its way – and shortly after, he released a follow-up single, the rock-leaning, drumline-driven “Kill My Mind.” Tomlinson admitted that he finally found his stride. “I’m actually really proud and relieved to finally find my place, find my lane musically,” he told Hits Radio Breakfast at the time, indicating a moment of relief amid his turbulent few years.
Tomlinson’s debut solo album, Walls, arrived in January 2020 and while it hit the Billboard 200‘s top 10, it was met with mixed reviews from critics, who suggested that the heart he wanted to portray wasn’t quite there. His growth outside of commercial success proved otherwise, as he had been spending the past few years building a solid identity not only as an artist, but also as a person. While some of the other One Direction alums are still finding their footing with their solo sounds to this day, Tomlinson grew strongly into an instrumentation-focused pop-rock artist whose lyrics go beyond the cookie cutter sentiments you might expect from a former boy band member.
And soon, all the hard work – both personally and musically – finally paid off. Faith in the Future, his 2022 sophomore solo album, debuted at No. 1 on the Official U.K. Albums Chart. In the United States, Faith In The Future debuted at No. 2 on Billboard’s Top Album Sales chart, and at No. 5 on the all-genre Billboard 200, his highest-charting set yet on both tallies. The album’s success, as well his sold-out live shows on its accompanying tour, not only showed the still-standing Directioner devotion to Tomlinson, but also made it clear that he picked up a slew of new fans along the way.
Tomlinson’s self-awareness was evident on the album’s lead single, “Bigger Than Me.” “When somebody told me I would change/ I was afraid, I don’t know why/ ‘Cause so does the world outside, I’ve realized/ It’s bigger than me,” he sings – indicating that the key for solo success all along was being himself, and letting go of the pressure that fame brings.
While Tomlinson has still yet to score the major chart hits stateside that his 1D bandmates essentially achieved right away – and has been more focused on his 28 clothing line the past couple years – he’s proven that he doesn’t need traditional pop crossover success to have a bright future ahead of him. With another couple albums and tours that continue to establish his identity and expand his artistry, it wouldn’t be shocking to see him making the jump to arenas in the not-distant future. Louis’ solo career may not have gotten off to the perfect start, but it just might end up being perfect for him in the long-term anyway.
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