THERE IS A CHAOS IN MY MIND

[corydiawrites-blog]

SEND ME ONE FOR MY MUSE’S REACTION.

[finlcyclark]

corydiawrites:

“What are you saying?”

“You left me.”

“You broke my heart!”

“I don’t love you.”

“You’re beautiful when you smile.”

“Don’t pout”

“Stop crying.”

“You did this.”

“I’m just a fuck up.”

“Get out!”

“I think I accidentally walked into a gay bar.”

“Don’t call me.”

“I won’t call you.”

“Call me.”

“You’re making this harder than it has to be.”

“I’m not breaking up with you.”

“You’re breaking up with me.”

“That’s so cliche.”

“I think I’m sick.”

“I’m a little drunk.”

“Stop making this so hard.”

“Are you following me?”

“There’s no such thing as a sexy bathroom.”

“Stop being a wimp.”

“I’m not ticklish.”

“Stop touching me.”

“If you poke me one more time, I’m going to punch you.”

“I should hate you.”

“On a scale from one to Romeo and Juliet, how bad was that story?”

“You can’t lie to me.”

“This is the worst idea ever.”

“This is stupid.”

“You’re an idiot.”

“You’re being ridiculous.”

“I don’t eat chocolate.”

“It’s just rain.”

“I said no, that means no.”

“Come watch the stars with me.”

“It’s not a date.”

“It’s totally a date.”

“Your kiss is like poison.”

“I’m not leaving this bed.”

“I’m never showing my face to the outside world again.”

“That was so embarrassing." 

"There’s so much idiocy in this room.”

“You make it hard to breath.”

“I want a pet.”

“We could always just get wasted.”

“Come play video games with me.”

“Come have a Netflix date with me.”

“Use protection!”

“Do you even hear what you’re saying?”

“Just shut up.”

“I’m not good with small children.”

“If I never teach my kids how to shoot a marshmallow shooter, I have failed as a parent.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s my shirt.”

“We could always just make out?”

“I have a date with an ice cream carton and on demand movies.”

“Give me a chance. Or at least like, half a chance.”

“You’re acting all Edward Cullen-ish, and it’s making me uncomfortable.”

“We could always play truth or dare?”

“You’re on a roll tonight, aren’t you?”

“You’re a problem.”

“I’d be so content with never seeing you again.”

“I think I saw you in a dream once.”

“If I had to choose between talking to you and having to eat a cup of screws, I’d probably still go with the screws.”

“I didn’t mean to break it.”

“I don’t know, but I probably had sex with him/her.”

“Stop being a judgy asshole.”

“I can’t control that!”

“This was a natural response.”

[finlcyclark]

&& park taemin

“Portland.” He deadpanned and scoffed.

“ cute. thanks a ton for the help. ”

[finlcyclark]

&& ben cartwright

“Albina doesn’t quite look the way it did a few years back, does it?”

“ unfortunately, not a whole lot looks the same these days. suppose I was away for too long. ”

[finlcyclark]

&& quinn matheson

“Just one street over from main. What are you looking for, darling?”

“ at this point ? anywhere with a hot beverage. think I’ve been wandering around long enough to miss my timeframe. ”

[admireforever]

It should make a difference when someone loves you, shouldn’t it?

Freddie Mcclair, Skins (via admireforever)

[finlcyclark]

“ shit, this is -- where the fuck am I ? “

[finlcyclark]

&& ren pagano

His gaze wandered over the female who had seated herself on the bar stool before him, his hands finding the towel on his shoulder to dry themselves. Ren smiled slightly at her request, turning his back to her to reach for the bottle of Sunset Rum atop the cabinet of glasses, mixers, and various alcohols. The flex of muscles in the inked arms clearly showed the result of the male’s daily trips to the gym. Once his hand gripped the bottle, Ren grabbed a glass and turned back to face her. “So, strong… Or super fuckin’ strong? ‘Cause this shit will knock the hair off your chest.” His eyes instinctively traveled down to her breasts for a moment before chuckling with a small smirk. “Well, yknow what I mean.”

he was daring, that much was obvious. though she wondered if that was a needed or common trait within bartenders; she hadn’t quite paid much attention before. her gaze dancing along his arms, noting the various forms of art that decorated them. as her gaze traveled back to his features, a soft smirk trailed along her lips. “ I did say dealer’s choice. if that’s what you’ve chosen, then let’s have it. “

[finlcyclark]

&& ren pagano

Placing the glass of whiskey in front of the older man, Ren flipped the white towel onto his right shoulder and gave the regular a grin. “There ya go, Mark. Whiskey to soothe your shitty day.” His grey eyes roamed over to the person approaching the counter. The Italian took the few steps behind the counter to stand before the new customer. “Hey, what can I get ya?” He asked with a small smirk on his face, his accent and charm coming through his voice.

writer’s block was an absolutely terrible thing, and finley had unfortunately succumbed to it. with recent happenings, her mind continued to wander back to a singular thought. it was this exact thought that had her strolling into the bar, and up to the counter where she sat easily. “ how about dealer’s choice ? but let’s be sure it’s strong. “

[finlcyclark]

&& roy baker

“ fuckers. ” with a smug grin on his face, roy threw the now empty spray paint can at the front yard of the bar he used to work at; obviously proud of the huge dick he painted on the front door. “ don’t ever go to this place. ” he turned to face the nearest passerby, his grin still evident on his face. “ i heard there are huge cockroaches in their kitchen. ”

the scene unfolding was amusing, to say the least. she’d stopped outside for a quick smoke before making her way inside, only to be halted on this idea by roy’s sudden appearance. “ I’ll be sure to remember that. “ her gaze sought out the spray paint drawing on the door, head canted as she studied it. “ looks a bit disproportional, don’t you think ? “

[finlcyclark]

&& alex norman

her silence was fatal. instead, he attempted to focus on the other people in the tent, his thoughts running wildly and freely and yet all of them seemed to circle around the female standing before him. then again: didn’t they always ? as the silence hung in the air between them, the small space of the tent only making it all the more heavy, he thought for a moment that he shouldn’t have asked that question. it was a mistake. he shouldn’t even be there, talking to her in the first place. he was scared of what she might say but what scared him more was the possibility that no matter what she might say, he’d feel the same way about her as he did now. he hated her but not as much as he wanted to & he doubted that part of him that still cared about her would ever disappear. he stopped momentarily to draw a breath, inwardly reprimanding himself to keep a grip on his emotions as he ran a hand through his hair.  “ you know what ? never mind. ” he deadpanned, surprised how calm his voice was when his insides were shaking with rage but he had to remain calm. he didn’t want to give her that satisfaction. “ pretend i didn’t ask. ” she was right. he didn’t want to know. he bit down onto the edge of his lower lip, teeth grazing the surface; blue hues devoured her features completely. he took a step closer to her, no emotions passed over his face. no anger, no sadness. just deathly stillness. a blank mask that contained everything. “ i hope one day — somebody leaves you all by yourself when you least expect it. i know you don’t want me here but i’ll be around — oh, i’ll be around to see you fall, finley. ”

how could she tell him what he wanted to hear ? how could she confess that she had been selfish, that she had used him despite all the ways that she had acted with him ? for the time that they had spent together, finley had acted as if she were infatuated with the male before her. it had been so easy in the beginning, to manipulate those feelings within herself, to make him believe that their relationship was moving along nicely. it had all been a game, and she had played it so nicely. until she had no longer needed him ---- that was when everything seemed to crumble. she had been so unable to walk away at first, a strange new feeling preventing her from saying those few words to him. it was what spurred her to run, to gather all her belongings and return to portland without another word to the man she’d shared so much with. his words, his neutral tone caused her back to stiffen, uncertainty overcoming her. she knew him, knew him so well ---- but this was not what she was used to, not what she had been expecting. brows pulled together as he stepped towards her, her eyes shifting over his features, searching for something that wasn’t there. as the words fell from his lips, it was almost as if the breath had been stolen right from her lungs, ripped away as if she had no right. ‘ archie ---- ‘ the name slid from her lips of its own accord, finley uncertain what to even say to the man before her. he already thought so ill of her, how was she not able to give him exactly what he wanted ? how was she not able to tell him why it had been him she chose ? if it had been during their relationship, before she realized that she would need to leave so suddenly, these words that she so deserved would not have affected her. she would have simply brushed them aside and proceeded on with her day. but as they fell from his lips, there was something so different about them, something that struck a cord within her. ‘ you won’t like the reason. ‘

[finlcyclark]

&& alex norman

fingers curled into a fist, straightened, and curled again. knuckles turned white. it’s making him sick to his stomach. how could she be so cold-blooded ? he should’ve known better than to expect her to change. he should have known she wouldn’t change a bit and he’s deeply disappointed with himself. should have, would have, could have – it was no use dwelling on thoughts of how wrong he was now. he inhaled deeply before he spoke again, “ i used to think i was fucked up and you’d be the one who could cure me. i was a FOOL but you — you’re a different kind of fucked up and nobody — absolutely nobody can help you. ” he averted his gaze to his hands, seemingly more thoughtful as he fell silent and pressed his lips together. there was still paint under his nails from last night, and a smear of magenta looking like a stain rimmed in the creases of his palms. a soft sigh fell from his lips. oh, how he wished he could ruin her the way she ruined him but what difference would it make ? hurting her wasn’t going to make him feel any better. “ tell me one thing, finley —— why me ? ” another intake of air before he managed to redirect his angered blue eyes towards the petite female before him, wherefore his gaze instantly softened. “ out of all the guys falling at your feet, why me ? ”

you’re a different kind of fucked up. it was words that repeated, over and over again in her head. in a sense, he was right. she was fucked up, because she had used him for the sole reason to benefit herself, to benefit the book she had been writing for too long. she had been stuck when he’d waltzed into her life, at a standstill with the inspiration for what character to add next or where the story would eventually end up. he was like a godsend, with his wild personality and his different nature. he had been the right inspiration for her book, and for that, she had needed him. in order to keep the character alive and interesting in her book, she had needed to delve into who archie was. her attention was focused away from him, dwelling on the words he had spoken to her. it was the question that suddenly pulled her attention to him, brows coming together in confusion of why he was asking. there had been no intention of starting a relationship, with any male that crossed her path, while she was attending college and working on her book. the relationship with archie had been something only because she had needed him, had needed to use him. ‘ you don’t want to know. ‘ she stated softly, unsure if she could even tell him. how could she tell him that it had all been to use him ? how did she tell a man who had been so obviously in love with her that it had all been fake ? --- how did she tell herself that it had all been fake ?

[wnq-writers]

I’m trying not to write about you but I think, it’s not working.

baekebyan (via wnq-writers)

( @normvn )

[finlcyclark]

&& alex norman

his shoulders tensed up instantly. it was precisely the response he hoped for but didn’t expect to hear; the only answer he actually needed but it wasn’t enough to make him believe her words. the blonde parted his lips in a mixture of disgust and anger — he’s not sure if he’s more disgusted with himself for still caring for what she thought of him or her. “ i do. ” his jaw clenched, his best efforts going into using up every last ounce of self-control he possessed. he took a step back to distance himself from her, the closer he was to her, the more he was aware of his own feelings. he hated her & that’s the only thing he wanted to feel for her, nothing more. “  i hate you. i hate your fucking guts —— you screwed me over, made me fall in love with you — and made me believe that you loved me too & for that, i hate you. is that what you want to hear ? ”

it was exactly what she wanted to hear ---- wasn’t it ? she had spent days, weeks and even months working to get archie right where she wanted him. she had spent all that time building something up, to gain all the inspiration she could ever want to use for the character within her book. she had used him, played him without him even becoming the wiser. yet ---- why couldn’t she realize that in this moment ? why was him being here, right now, shifting what she had come to accept ? a hand lifted, gently tucking strands of hair behind her ear, gaze unable to focus on his features any longer. ‘ yes. now repeat it to yourself. ‘ her gaze was lifting once again, her own features setting into a neutral tone. ‘ and ask yourself why you’d even want to be near me. ‘ it was an attempt to play him, once again. to use his own anger to keep him away from her.

[finlcyclark]

&& alex norman

a bitter laugh fell from his lips. she was doing it again. two minutes into the conversation and she was already pushing him away. “ you know, not loving me is one thing. believe me, i got used to it. it doesn’t bother me anymore — but not wanting me anywhere near you ? ” he paused, unsure of what to say next. he hated she still meant so much to him. archie had always been a very private person and had a very clear stance against romantic relationships. that was until he met her but who would have known the first person he’d open his heart up to and let in like no one had ever been before would be the person who’d hurt him the most ? he blamed himself for giving her the power to hurt him in the first place. “ do you really hate me that fucking much finley ? ”

these words, so cutting as they fell from his tongue, reminded her of times she had wanted to forget, erase as if they were words on a piece of paper. not loving me ---- oh, how wrong he could be. it was not the fact that she hadn’t loved him --- although, could she really say she had ? --- that drove her to end things so abruptly between them. instead, it was the mere fact of those growing feelings, of the questions burning in her mind every single night. had she loved him ? did she still love him ? those were not feelings she wanted herself to feel, but had only wanted them for the characters printed on the pages bound within the spine of her book. ‘ I don’t ---- hate you, archie. ‘ pale eyes shifted to him, taking in features oh so familiar to them. ‘ but you ----- you should hate me. ‘ it was what she needed, right ?

[finlcyclark]

&& alex norman

he knew their paths would cross eventually yet it bothered him to have been caught so unprepared. why now ? why here ? he had been waiting for this moment for quite a long time — this exact moment when they’d finally meet again. everything he wanted to say, everything he needed to tell her seemed to recede from him. “ yeah — ” his voice was barely audible. he stared into those blue eyes he used to know so well. he fell in love with those eyes. hell, he even painted those eyes but now looking into them, all he could think of was the time she broke up with him and the pain she left him with, it was faint but still there. there were things even time itself couldn’t heal. “ it’s a small world. ”

he shouldn’t be there. he couldn’t be there. she had done what needed to be done, drove a wedge through the relationship that connected he to her. yet ---- here he stood, in a city she had propositioned to him, a home that they could have shared together. fingers curled against her palms, nails biting into the soft flesh as she fought to remain where she stood. he had been nothing more than an idea, a necessary piece in her game to finish a book that had sat unfinished for too long ---- yet he had become something more, something that she had never known she needed nor wanted. it was because of this something, that he needed to become a nothing. ‘ you shouldn’t be here. ‘ the words spoken in a harsh tone, necessary if she was going to drive him away.

[finlcyclark]

&& luke bowen

“Well, here’s to the new year.”

‘ cheers. -- so what’s the new year resolution ?? ‘

[finlcyclark]

&& nessa gomez

‘ you didn’t see me, nor have you heard from me if anyone asks, yes? good and thank you. ‘

‘ anyone ? what happens if it’s someone very ‘interesting’ ? ‘