THIS SCENE THIS SCENE THIS SCENE
I could rant about this scene all day. It’s one of my favorites. It is so affecting.
This is Homura’s failure. Not just that she failed to save Madoka, no matter how desperately she tried. Not just that she discarded that old self that Madoka first cared about. Not that Madoka was right there and she still couldn’t help her.
No. It’s all of this, plus the fact that Madoka stands up, smiles, and hurls herself to her death.
It’s her facing the fact that Madoka LIED to her. She held her while the universe was reforming and smiled and told her that she is okay with her decision, that she would never be alone. And maybe being “okay” wasn’t a lie. But Homura interpreted her words as “I’m happy with this”.
Madoka is not happy with this. She is no longer able to enjoy the things she truly values - her friends, her family, her life. But what use is it to complain to Homura when the decision is already done? When there’s nothing to be done about it anyway?
So she lets Homura believe in this little white lie where Madoka is happy floating and fighting forever and she is Homura’s untouchable goddess who will never be harmed and she is fighting for a noble and worthy cause.
In this scene, Homura violently reconsiders all of that.
She is sitting down with Madoka, in a soft, grassy place, where we’ve seen them nuzzle each other and generally be peaceful in the movie opening. Then Madoka stands up, smiles like everything is okay. She makes a t-pose (like, Jesus nailed to a cross pose, which as a Catholic-raised girl Homura is probably familiar with). Homura softly, weakly says her name. Her eyes look so fucking dead in this.
Madoka tips herself gently off the edge of the chair.
Please remember that Homura has seen Madoka sacrifice herself for other people DOZENS of times before. It is Madoka’s personality. It is the greatest cause of her death. Here is Homura seeing Madoka’s ascension to god and realizing that she hurt herself to help others. Again. A fate worse than death. Again.
Just like when Madoka ran with little hesitation towards Walpurgisnacht in the first timeline. Just like when Madoka wished to save a dead cat. Just like when Madoka let her own soul gem fill up to help Homura stay alive.
And Homura could not help her then. She didn’t even realize.
(As an aside, this (along with the later hallucination where Homura remembers killing Madoka) basically forms my understanding of what victims suffering from witch-outs are experiencing. They’re going through their worst memories and realizations over and over and failing to overcome them no matter how hard they struggle. They lash out at a world they can no longer recognize. The faces of their loved ones are the faces of strangers, even threats. It’s like magically-enforced absolute depression that never ends.)
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