1. DEMAND condom use
2. Hold your partners accountable for what happens in the bedroom. None of this âbaby I canât control myself around youâ or âI just wanted you so badâ bullshit.
3. Coercion is real and itâs very scary and hard to identify in the moment. Establish a dialogue with your partner. Be clear on what you both want. Be clear on what you donât want. Your boundaries should ALWAYS be respected.
4. Sex can be really emotionally and physically over-stimulating the first few times; donât be afraid or ashamed to ask your partner to slow down, take a break, or even stop.
5. Focus less on pleasing your partner and more on exploring your partner. Everyoneâs body is different and there are no âtricksâ to better sex. Chances are, if you psych yourself out worrying over how well youâre âperformingâ then nobodyâs going to have a good time.
6. Ask questions, offer suggestions. Despite what porn has probably taught you, talking during sex isnât weird or taboo. Your partner isnât a mind reader. They donât know what feels good to you. [Pro-tip, a looot of people without clitorises arenât fully aware of just HOW sensitive a clitoris is. They can be a little rough with them. Tell them to chill!!!!]
7. Your sex life is YOUR business. Donât ever feel ashamed of how many or how few sexual partners/experiences youâre having. Do what you want, touch the people who want to touch you back, forget the rest.
8. DONâT FAKE YOUR ORGASMS!! Donât fake your orgasms!! DONâTFAKEYOURORGAMS!! If your partner isnât getting you there, let them know! Tell them how!!
9. There is more to sex than orgasms. Sex is a really cool way to establish intimacy and trust, to have a fun time, to relieve stress, to explore a personâs body and bring them pleasure. Donât get me wrong, orgasms are really cool and good, but your sex life is going to be a lot better if it doesnât revolve around them.
10. LEARN ABOUT YOUR BODY!! This goes for everyone, but ESPECIALLY if you are a person in possession of a vulva, you have been discouraged and even actively kept from vital knowledge about your anatomy! Do some google searches, buy a human sexuality textbook, masturbate.
11. Virginity is a useless concept. Itâs completely okay if your virginity is something important to you and Iâm not trying to belittle that idea. Just, for the record, in the grand scheme of things itâs not a big deal. Literally nothing about you changes just because you bumped uglies with someone else.