Commenting on Fanfiction and Conflicting Concepts of Fandom
I've been trying to figure out how to word this for months, because it has been on my mind for awhile. I finally decided to just go ahead and give it a shot.
I think there is this concept of "comments as payment" that is leading to the idea of "comments as an obligation" that makes it actually, much harder to leave comments.
And I think its related to the sort of commercialization of fandom that we've been seeing happen.To explain, i'm going to use myself as an example, because I work better with examples and stories than with essays. (It's why I write more fanfiction than meta)
When I share a fanfiction, it is not because I am "making content" or even looking for an audience or anything like that. It's my way of contributing to the conversation.
Fandom is, at its core, all of us being Unwell about our favorite stories and characters and settings and little made up people. When you watch a show and have Thoughts about your blorbos, you might draw art to show it and explain it. You might scream to your friends. Or you might write fanfiction about it.
Fanfiction is my preferred medium of blorbo conversation because it allows me the space to really and truly show all the complicated interwoven fictional relationships that have given me Feelings TM. I am not writing fanfiction because I want to put it up on a pedestal for people to look at, I am writing fanfiction because its me participating in the ongoing conversations in the fandom community, or inviting others to enter into a new conversation about it.
When I hope for comments on my work, I'm not hoping for accolades or congratulations (though those are nice, I am only human after all) I'm hoping that someone read what I wrote and had things to say about it. And that they will say those things to me so that I can respond.
If you go back on my AO3 account five, six, ten years, you will find some comment sections that are literally unreadable because when you have enough entries in a thread the formatting means the comment box is exactly one character wide. Because the fics themselves were only a jumping off point, or a continuation of, a larger conversation. And it was definitely not the end of it.
what are some of your favorite eruri fics that have come out recently?
There are so many fabulous authors writing Eruri fic at the moment, I've only got through a fraction of my to-read list. Here's a few of my recent favourites though.
Chopping Block by @flecksofpoppy Poppy is one of my all time favourite authors so I was thrilled when they filled one of my eSims for Gaza prompts.
Charon by @flourchildwrites I love sci-fi fics. There have been a few fabulous ones in the Eruri fandom over the years and this intriguing story is right up there.
shattered dreams and broken souls by JustRaven I've been following Raven's gorgeous Eruris on ice fic for ages, so I was thrilled when it updated recently.
Solace by ondvind A beautifully poignant canonverse post-ACWNR fic that makes me nostalgic for the early days of the fandom.
the best worst thing by @huxandthehound A lovely little short, sweet, colleague AU by another of my favourite writers.
call it dreaming by theorchidinthecanyon The record shop fic. I love everything about this fic and the playlists are just the icing on the cake.
Listo by drowsycricket One of my favourites from last year. A really original Circus AU where Erwin and Levi are trapeze artists. I became slightly obsessed with the trapeze videos posted at the end of each chapter to demonstrate the tricks.
When in doubt, use violence by no_tengo_porque This magnum-opus has now reached its penultimate chapter. I need to catch up with the last 3 chapters and I've been putting it off because I don't want this incredible roller coaster of a fic to end.
since you are our eruri fanfic enciclopédia, I have come to say that to the person that wrote vampire!erwin x human!levi and killed Levi in their au, you are a sadistic lil thang that I haven't gotten over it, why did you kill human!levi, and in the process hurt vamp!erwin (that was already pretty broken)?
anyway, hope that the ao3 ghost hunts you a lil, if anyone has a happy ending vampire au, Im accepting to help me dela with the pain (has a very weak heart and beed fix it aus to help it heal).
xoxo
I'm afraid the vampire genre isn't known for its happy endings Anon! The Eruri fandom does have a few though...
Thicker Than Water by @ladymacbethsspot This one is fabulous. Read it immediately.
Sanctum by @huxandthehound
Clash by Elivra
honey down ivory by kimchiimoon
Ambrosia by birdfriend
These Bloody Nights by @imawarlock
A Curious Man by @ackbang
Amour by baccuroth
Datura by @ellabesmirched Unfinished, but well worth a read.
You are obviously THE Stein/Marie person of the Soul Eater fandom. Couple questions if you’d be so kind.
Any fanfics besides your own you’d recommend for Stein/Marie?
Also, would you mind sharing whatever your thoughts are on Stein and Spirit’s relationship?
(I finally finished the manga, so I can dive into your fics at last without fear of spoilers! 😊)
Oh wow! I am? Haha, I just love them so much as a couple! I think they bring out the absolute best in each other, and several years after the fact, I do still get giddy about them as a pair! That warms my heart that so many years later, people think of me when they think of this pairing <3
I have soooo many fanfic recommendations! I made a post ages ago about them, you can find it HERE but since making it there have been several great stories that have come out.
If You Read Anything, Read This
Worthy by @flourchildwrites (the best SteinMarie fic ever written. Period. and I'll say that with my entire chest over and over again. An exploration of them growing up together as Meister-Weapon pair. Poignant, perfectly in character, and so so well written)
Marie's Guide to Dating a Self-Proclaimed Sociopath by @ohmytheon (anything ohmytheon writes that's SteinMarie is a guaranteed BANGER. every single time. other fantastic fics by them include Just Breathe , From Great Heights , Who Did I Think We Were? , and if M and E are more your style, Sexology and there's something at work in my soul (FMA AU!!! brilliantly made)
Some one shots that are fun reads
Fluff
20/20 vision by supine_with_stein (eclaire_and_pocky)
Study Buddy
False Alarm! by benedicteggs
I Simply Must Be Loving You by lukieee
Cold Hands, Warm Heart by thehopelessunromantic (DoctorCannoli)
Kid Fics
Room for Two by MicrosuedeMouse
Paradigm Shift
Father Figure by benjaminfinns
Angst
Not Quite Lichtenberg by Webtrinsic
Becoming Naive by raspberryfanfics
Smut
Stitched by secret_wanderer19
As for Stein and Spirit, I'll put that one under a read more
I have some complicated feelings about Stein and Spirit. I think what Stein did to him is an irreparable harm, honestly, to the point where even at the end of the Manga and Series, Spirit has a lot of complex PTSD to work through regarding him. He's his watchdog, his babysitter, chained to him through circumstance whether he wants it or not. Spirit is a lonely man. I don't know how often that's discussed, but by the end of the series, truly, Spirit has lost everything.
At the start of it, this dynamic is different. Stein is the one who has nothing to his name save his talents when he first comes to and leaves the DWMA, and Spirit is the one who has everything. He has friends, a family. A daughter and a wife and a good job, a good meister. THE best meister, arguably, considering he is Lord Death's weapon. And then he ends it with nothing: a shattered relationship with his daughter he is still in the midst of attempting to fix, an ex-wife who cannot stand to be in the same country as him, friends who roll their eyes at his antics, a dead meister, a dead God.
You contrast this with Stein, who begins with nothing. A belief he cannot love, cannot be close to anyone, who experiments on his partner like a lab rat, distancing himself from the realities of this breach of trust. And then he ends the series with everything Spirit once had, on the up and up. A loving partner, close connections, a position of authority in his workplace, a daughter on the way.
Stein and Spirit are foils, when one is heads up, the other is tails. And I think there's a lot that Spirit wants to say to him that he can't, because he still has fear toward Stein. Very justifiable fear. And in truth, though I think Stein has some form of comradery with Spirit, he doesn't view him as a full person, which leads to a very strained relationship between them, if it can be truly called such. They're drawn together partly against their will, partly through circumstance, partly through the past. They have a lot to work through if they actually want to be friends (something I personally wouldn't consider them), but I think the reality is that Stein wasn't sorry, and that will always be a wall between them that will be insurmountable. He doesn't have remorse for what he did to Spirit, and I think Spirit may always feel some kind of way about 'What was it about me? You could do that to me but not to someone else? To Marie?'
Spirit has a lot to work through, personally, and Stein exacerbates that because he is the wound that Spirit cannot ever fully heal. Stein was, in many ways, Spirit's first heartbreak. Part of why he drinks, part of why he looks for escape in other things, other people. And though time has softened that, though Spirit may show up to a wedding (if there is one) or to visit Baby Shelley (my own HC for the baby girl he and Marie have), there will always have to be some distance there, so Spirit doesn't fully break.
And for Stein? I think Stein considered Spirit his friend at first, and then his warden afterward. Come to check on him to make sure he hasn't found his end at the wrong side of a scalpel. Wandering into his home with deadened eyes and distance on Death's account. At the end, on the Battle of the Moon, when Spirit says he watches out for him more than he does his own daughter, it's not born out of tenderness, but obligation. And with Death dead and the world beginning in new form, I don't think even that will be in place, anymore.
And truthfully? I think that distance is what may truly help him heal.
I'd like to take a moment to shoutout the SteinMarie fic that took the candles lesson that Soul and Maka have where they nearly ruin their soul wavelengths and then not only had Stein go through it with Marie during their student days but instead of fighting they end up kissing
Like you cooked so hard there, thank you for the meal, I have not stopped thinking about it, I might re-read the whole thing right now
Thank you, and you're welcome for the meal!!!!! 😭🥰😊 I really enjoyed writing that fic. The fact that it still gets recs means so much to me! (This is also my yearly reminder to myself to go back and edit Worthy, i.e. fix the typos, take out 75% of the adverbs and put single spaces between the sentences.)
God I'm a sucker for characters who are so utterly loyal to someone that they're completely unhinged. Characters who have no moral compass except their overwhelming devotion to whoever they've chosen to listen to. That's the good shit
any advice about how to deal with posting a fic and getting radio silence? I know ppl aren’t owed engagement ofc, but I feel embarrassed at having spent so long on something no one cares about, and although I liked thinking about the characters and fandom before (and was considering writing more about them), now I can’t think about it without feeling that overpowering embarrassment 😭 part of me wants to delete the fic, but that would mean having to open ao3 and look at it again LMAO
sorry for the venting, I know this is probably a me problem, but has anyone else felt this, and if so, is there any way to make this pervasive shame go away??
*hugs* This is a very painful thing to experience and there isn't really any way to make it just go away, unfortunately. However, you can reflect on it a bit, when you're ready to.
Writing and posting are separate activities. If you've enjoyed writing the story but you haven't enjoyed posting it to the Archive, you can always continue writing just for yourself. This may or may not be something you'd enjoy - you know better than I do whether some of your enjoyment came from the anticipation of a reaction to your work.
Try to analyze where your embarrassment is coming from. Is it worrying that your story was poorly written? A lack of a reaction doesn't mean that the story is bad. Being unpopular doesn't mean it's bad, either. If your story is good to you, then it's a good story.
Is your embarrassment from feeling like you were "caught trying." Is it a cringe at the idea that you put effort into something that someone else doesn't (appear to) find valuable?
Is it actually embarrassment at all? Are you feeling a different kind of hurt instead? Did you hope that someone in particular would read your story and now you feel ignored? Did you hope to be embraced by your community and now you feel shunned?
These are difficult questions that I'm asking and you might not want to think about them right now. That's okay. You don't need to if you don't want to. You can definitely delete the fic and pretend it never happened. Or you can log out of that AO3 account and create a new one and never look back. Maybe you just need to take a week or a month off for a hiatus of sorts and when the ache isn't as bad, you'll be able to face it all again.
When I felt this way, it was because I felt like I'd put something into my community and that I'd been ignored. But since that time, I've found one person who gives me all of the community support I used to get from an entire fandom, and now when I post something on AO3 I don't actually need a response anymore. I get all of the fun and excitement and validation etc from my conversations and RP threads with my best friend.
Once you've got a little distance from the pain of this moment, try to figure out what it is that you were hoping to get and then figure out how you can get it. Maybe it's through posting fic to AO3, but maybe it's not.
Let's see what others can suggest. This is not something you're experiencing alone, anon. So very many of your fellow fan writers have experienced this too ❤️
Anon, I don't know which fandom you are writing for but I am the sole writer of 2 fandoms (one of which is relatively big but no one comments or kudos) and I just want to tell you that I know how you feel.
It can be frustrating for you to pour hours into a story, go through the work of editing and re-editing and re-writing only for no one to comment or kudos or bookmark or show a sign that they like your work or that it was worth it
I know that writing for yourself is difficult especially when we want others to react to our work, but just think about how pretty that work of yours looks in your profile page. Look at how complete your profile feels with it in it
Maybe your audience didn't find you yet. Maybe your rarepair is a little too rare and it will take a while for another shipper to find you. Maybe it will take a few years for a stray fan to find your work, read and be touched by it. And that's fine. That's not a reason to be embarrassed, because it's not because your work doesn't have kudos/comments/hits that it's bad or worse than other works in the fandom
Maybe your fanfic is the favourite of someone who doesn't have an account and doesn't kudos, and you will only know about it a few years later when they finally make an AO3 account (its happened to me before!)
Please, regardless of your hits and kudos, never feel ashamed of your work.
Your writing is precious because it is a glimpse into your soul. The very act of putting your thoughts into words and having the courage to share them with the world is an admirable act that many, many people don't do.
You made this fic therefore it is special, and it would be a shame to just take it away from the site without giving it the chance to be found by someone else, don't you agree?
I may not know which fandom you're a part of, but I care about your fic because you cared enough to be touched by it.
Leave it be. Maybe you feel a little bitter towards it now but I promise that this story will be someone's treasure in the future
kianamaiart
dailybridgerton
yousharknotpass
titsay
ellievsbear
