Love Is Louder

~Amy~24~England~MUA~ "If you think about human nature, our favourite pair of shoes are the ones we bought yesterday, our favourite thing is the newest thing that we have…and the thing we’ve seen the most and for the longest period of time is our reflection in the mirror, so obviously that’s going to be our least favourite thing.”-Taylor Swift Snapchat: amystiny

[flowersformyshippergrave]

To the man who broke me

I left a job where I was comfortable to work for you. I left a job where I was respected. Yes I didn’t earn a lot, but I was getting a wage. You live two streets away from me. Your mother lured me in to the interview, I knew her as one of my old teachers from school. I trusted you both. I thought this job was my turning point in life. Finally! A real job with real hours! I can have a social life and build a career. Maybe move out soon!

In the few weeks I was working for you I was treated like a taxi. Driving people to and from meetings, going to the shop for you. Never once did I ask for petrol money. I did it out of the kindest of my heart. Then a few days before my probation ended you got another employee to sack me out of nowhere. Apparently I wasn’t reaching targets, targets that I was not aware existed. A few days later you sacked everyone else. 8 people out of jobs. Majority of them have a house to run and children to feed. One person had a baby due in a week.

Payday came and nothing entered our banks. I sent you letters asking for my money. I would have accepted a payment plan. Even just a response from you. An apology. Anything. I was greeted by silence.

This was in March 2019. Since then I have gone to the employment tribunal and been awarded my money... but I am still waiting for you to pay me. You rented everything so there is nothing there for the bailiffs for take.

I was lucky. I was only out of work for 1 month. I went on job seekers in that time. Driving back and forth from meetings with them. Then came the day I was due my £250. Nothing.

Turns out you have reported to the government that you have paid me! So I have “earned too much” to get any help. Back and forth again trying to prove with bank statements that I was never paid.... they are sticking to their decision to not pay me.

I broke down. 3 days into my new job. Sobbing.

I had to borrow hundreds of pounds from friends and family just so I could feed myself. So I could run my car and attend my new job. Using my credit card for everything because I have no money to spare.

One month of no pay did this to me.

You did this to me.

I put faith in you and your company and you scammed us. It has come to light that you have done this before with others. You have kept your company officially trading so we can only make claims against the company and not you. You lied and said you were going bankrupt and the company was being liquified.

Along with so many other lies.

You have forced me into debt. A 23 year old who has worked since the age of 16 should not be forced into debt. I should have been paid. I earned that money. I have the right to feed myself and live. I needed to pay for my car. To get to other jobs and interviews. To doctors appointments. To the hill I parked on in the dark, accompanied by my blade, despair, and incredibly dark thoughts. You have made me think things about myself I should not be thinking. You have made me turn back to such a dark habit.

You did this to me. You were a selfish greedy man. You took advantage of a young girl looking to make a real start in life. And instead you ruined that life.

I hope you are happy with the destruction you have caused. I see you driving around the the small village we live in, acting so smug. Every time I buy anything I beat myself up because I should be saving. Not spending money on food. I look at my bank account every day and cry. My stomach drops when I see my savings account empty. It once held my savings for a house.

I don’t know how this story will end. Will I get my money and pay off my debt? I doubt it. But I am trying to stay positive. I cannot let a monster like you drag me under.

If anything ever happens to me, just know that you pushed me over the edge. You and your greed.

[thedreamtim3s]

this

[dangeroustoast-blog]

Magnetic ball in magnetic putty

[meshugenist]

me trying to get comfortable in my covers at night

[maditox]

thats the kind of thing i would love to just have in a little jar on my shelf so that when people came over they would be really unnerved by the mysterious shifting blob i have in a flask and i would refuse to acknowledge its existence

[teenagerposts]

the proper way to make a gross man go away

[sam-is-v-fatt]

Therapist: have you been having suicidal thoughts or thought about self harming recently?

Me, a suicidal individual with cuts all over my legs: ya I’ve been doing amazing Kelly

[poetryatmost]

Healing is important, but sometimes we don’t let ourselves heal. Sometimes we love someone so much that when they leave, we let the hole they left behind stay empty, in case they ever decide to come back again.

Poetry At Most

[claryslays]

The sword chooses the wizard, I mean the wand chooses the shadowhunter, wait fuck hang on,

[velcroheartstrings]

Heartbreak never truly goes away. Eventually, you stop crying yourself to sleep and the self-blame will dim. The questions as to why you weren’t good enough along with all that lost time spent in the shower retracing your last conversation will also stop too. However, it will not be easy. You are still going to wake up with them in your mind for weeks to come and similarly, they will be all you can think about before you sleep. Heartbreak is a bit like love in that respect, you think about them constantly except the thoughts are painful this time around. Indeed, there are moments where you find shelter from these thoughts, a hot chocolate with a friend or an essay that requires your full attention. Your favourite song will come on but then that shuffled sad song will follow and trigger the thoughts all over again. This is inevitable so when it catches you off guard, let it all out. Do all you must to wash away the sadness. Call a friend, bake some cookies, go and lie on the floor with your dog and tell him you’re glad he wouldn’t ever hurt you like this. Your heart will miss them so much it will use any excuse to search for them. The same model car they have will drive by while you are laughing away with your friends and suddenly you cannot breathe. You might see someone with the same curly hair or the way the person sitting in front of you on the bus drums their fingers to a song will remind you of them. This too, is inevitable. Try to appreciate these small quirks because regardless of where you have ended up, these were once pieces of a puzzle that led to you falling in love and that is a beautiful thing. Most importantly of all, you are going to want to run to them. You are going to want to share your day- whether it be good or bad- purely out of habit. You will miss the way they told you terrible jokes or sent you pictures of your favourite breed dog just to bring a smile to your face for the first time that day. You will miss how excited they got when you were excited- how happy they got when you were happy. Allow yourself to grieve this absence but remind yourself that they aren’t the only person who would be willing to devote so much effort to cheering you up. Let your loved ones know you’re sad and soak in the warmth of their kind words.  And then, suddenly, a few weeks have passed and you think of them for the first time in three days and you realise that you are healing. You start to fill your time with people and things that make you happy. You suddenly crave adventure and new experiences and anything that makes you feel alive again. You stop beating yourself up and start to defend your corner like you are your own best friend. You put your hands up and admit your contribution to the downfall of it all but the difference is, you refuse to defend them any longer. You validate your pain and tell yourself that it is okay to hurt and that you just need time- the art of healing requires the same patience as a few broken bones. The bond with your friends will strengthen if you let them in- please let them in. Spend time with them and regularly express how much you appreciate them. Feel good about telling loved ones that you love them. Do not shy away from this term because your heart is broken. Please remind yourself that this is not the end for you. Do not console yourself with the whole there are other fish in the sea rubbish because I know that despite how much pain they have caused, you still want them and you will continue to want them for a very long time. Instead, console yourself with the thought that your heart may be in two right now but bones do that sometimes and with a little support, healing is inevitable. My darling, to break may not be beautiful while you’re going through it but it is, don’t you see? Even a glow stick has to crack to shine; think of how proud you will be when one day you can smile at yourself in the mirror and mean it again.

Heartbreak 101. (via velcroheartstrings)

[labonitafanny]

sundress no panties 

[dookiediamonds-deactivated20200]

grey sweats no boxers

[nahimoffthis-deactivated2018091]

Burger no pickles

[calmilla]

Swiper no swiping

[just-shower-thoughts]

I’m convinced that some girls with ponytails move their heads a little more enthusiastically because they like how their ponytails swing around.

[l1ng3l1n]

we do. 

[flowersformyshippergrave]

Throwback to when I actually knew where this hoodie was.. 😅

[everydayeczema-blog]

Eczema

The world: “Just put more lotion on.”

[emeraldflames]

One day my skin is like, “Hey, look, I’m clearing up.” The next day it’s like, “Haha just kidding, fuck you.”

[scratching-the-itch-deactivated]

Reblog if you want eczema to crash and burn and die because I do.

[bereth-beriadanwen-deactivated2]

y’know what? I had to spend my morning pulling layers of skin off my face ‘cause it’d all flaked out. I still can’t fully open my eyes ‘cause they’re all puffed out, and you can’t even tell where my lips are my face is that red.

BUT I’M STILL FUCKING PRETTY. FUCK EVERY PERSON WHO’S TOLD ME OTHERWISE ‘CAUSE OF IT. AND A PERSONAL “FUCK YOU” TO THAT GROUP OF GUYS WHO “EW”’D ME THE OTHER DAY ‘CAUSE I WENT OUT FLARED UP WITH NO MAKE-UP. 

I AM COVERED IN MEDICATED LARD AND RED AS A FUCKING STRAWBERRY BUT I LOVE ME SOME ME SO FUCK EVERY SINGLE PERSON WHO’S TRIED TO CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE.

[thisisavalidusername]

I Need To Get This Out There

I have severe eczema all over my body, including my face.  There are few things that people do/ say that drive me mental.  Let’s go:

1) DO NOT FUCKING STARE AT IT!

You think this would be common fucking sense, but NOPE!  The amount of fucking stares I get when I am minding my own business is unbelievable.  Imagine if you got a really bad hair cut and everywhere you went people were staring at you.  Even when you catch them staring they continue to do so.  It makes you feel like you are two inches.  Now multiply that feeling by 10 and that is what people with eczema feel like.

2) Do Not Point it Out

Yes I know it is there, I can feel it.  I ask you: What good does it do to point it out?  It is not dirt; I cannot just wipe it off to get rid of it.  This also adds to the anxiety that eczema causes and it is flat out rude.

3) Do Not Say: “It’s gross!” or “It looks painful!” or “It looks dry!” etc.

Look I know how it looks like to the public.  I cannot help how it looks.  Trust me it looks gross to me as well.  However, there is nothing I can do to really change how it looks or how long the recovery takes.  Plus, it is painful and no amount of pain-killers will get rid of the pain.

4) “You should cover it up!” 

HAHAHAHAHA! It is not that fucking simple man! First of all, eczema heats up really quickly.  If someone is the cover the area the eczema will burn said person, until it hits the cold.  Secondly, if they were to put say foundation on it both of these scenarios will happen.  When eczema is covered, the patch will look hella dry.  All it will do is make it look less inflamed rather than be a solution.  Let’s say that the person has a lot of makeup skills to make it look invisible, makeup will still hinder it.  like covering it up with cloth, the eczema will burn underneath causing the flare to worsen.

5) “You should try this (insert over the counter drug/natural ‘remedy’)”

At this point just shut the fuck up.  Let’s start with the drug argument shall we.  Do you honestly think I would not be keeping tabs on new products and not testing them out.  I know of pretty much all of the drugs out there and they do not work.  Correction, they work for those who are extremely mild or for people who think they have eczema when they don’t and only have a normal rash.  all those creams do is num the itch so you don’t scratch.  They do not stop it!  Now for the natural “remedy” crap.  Let’s get this clear,  THERE IS NO FUCKING CURE FOR ECZEMA!  For those who says “I used this all natural mixture/oil/whatever that my alchemist recommended and it cured my/baby’s/whoever eczema” That is all fucking bullshit!  Like with the over the counter, it more or less nums it.  A lot of the ingredients they use are mild moisturizers.  Now moisturizers are need to help the healing process of a flare, but like I said before, there is no cure.  These moisturizers just get rid of the dryness which prevents spread, not riding the body of it.  With this said, these moisturizers (more or less they are oil based) are mild.  These oils are primarily used in adding into things like steroid creams.  It adds to the moisture content on top of the pre-moisturized area and working power of the steroid. This argument drives me more nuts than the over the counter one because of my Teta. I know they are trying to help, but you are not a doctor, do not try to act as one.

6. “Have you tried taking cold showers?” or “Have you tried moisturizing?”

Of course I have! I personally hate cold showers, but because of the eczema, it is the only option I have unless I want it to spread.  It is one of the advices you receive from the doctor along with the application of moisturizers once your eczema starts flaring. 

7. “OMG! DON’T USE STERIODS! THEY ARE SO BAD FOR YOUR SKIN!”

No shit sherlock! I know they are bad for you, however they are all I have right now.  There is no other way to really treat it currently without harmful medication.  So unless you are researching a cure for eczema, do not preach to me about how bad they are and what they may cause, because I already know.

8. “DON’T SCRATCH IT!  IT WILL MAKE IT WORSE!”

I already know that.  However, it is a mental issue.  Role-play time again!  Imagine that you have a feather lightly going over your skin.  After a while, you want to bat it away.  Now imagine if you were not allowed to bat it away.  It would eventually dive you nuts and you will knock it way.  Again multiply that feeling by ten and that is what a person with eczema had to deal with.  The point of which we need to scratch is our breaking point.  Eczema legit will drive us mad, to the point we will do anything to stop it, even if it means worsening it.

Those are only some of the thing people with eczema have to deal with.  I probably missed a tone of comments that drive us nuts.  If you know of someone with eczema DO NOT do/say these things to them.  If you have some things that dives you nuts feel free to add.  If you do not have eczema and have questions please feel free to ask me.

[kadywicker]

depression after years of having it isn’t even sadness it’s just being exhausted and being allowed one (1) emotion a week and sometimes your brain is like “die” and you’re like “shut up brad”