Annoyances and Ejections - An IZ ficlet Inspired by @meowmeow518
I've had this fic idea in my mind for the past few days and I hope my writing does it justice. I hope ya'll enjoy!
Fic underneath line.
💬 5 🔁 3 ❤️ 14 · Been mulling the idea of a sort of Zim comfort fic with a futuristic dib coming back in time knowing that by doing so he w
Dib had been squatting outside Zim’s house for the past hour, past two hours, past three hours!
Was it obsessive? Yes. Unhealthy? Almost certainly. But it was necessary! For the good of humanity! For the good of the planet!! Hell for the good of whole damn galaxy!!!
Because Zim had finally made progress in his mission to take over the Earth. By getting himself a super cool, super rugged, super handsome, and super TALL minion!! A human one at that!!
Now you may ask “But Dib? How do you know Zim's new minion is all of these things AND human to boot? When he's fully covered up at all times when he's by Zim's side aiding him in his evil plots?”.
Well uninformed citizen!! That is because Dib just so happened to be super amazingly observant! Not a very hard thing to be on his planet but that's besides the point.
That is to say that Dib had taken note of every little thing that human menace did and,most importantly, left behind as evidence for Dib to find!
Of which included: a boot print left behind in the snow, exactly in the shape of a human man’s size 11 boot, a five fingered hand print smudged on the broken glass door of store that Zim had raided during a thunderstorm, and, the most important piece of evidence in Dib’s opinion, a three inch piece of human hair Dib had found after watching Zim and his minion scuffle around after a disagreement, what had they been arguing and fighting about? Dib didn't know, what he DID know was that he had not enjoyed watching the much taller and stronger figure all but manhandle Zim into compliance. Zim's shout about having let his minion win because his fighting was so pathetic that he felt bad for the human had done nothing to improve Dib's mood regarding the whole situation.
Regardless of the situation’s affect on his mood and thoughts, Dib had combed over the area the fight had a occurred in and found evidence of what he'd already suspected for weeks beforehand, Zim's new minion was human, and Zim had won the first battle of the long war to conquer the Earth.
Which is what brought Dib to his current situation. Couching in a small bush across the street, high spec binoculars, camera, water bottle and snacks in 90° weather as he tried his best to spy into Zim's base in the worst humid conditions since spring had begun.
And he would continue to crouch in the small bush until he finally had something to show for it!
Though as another trickle of sweat dripped down his face and back Dib had to concede that perhaps a small break had been earned after so many hours of surveillance.
However just as he was getting up to stretch his legs, his eyes caught sight of movement through the living room window. Eyes widening in surprise he quickly crouched back down and raised his binoculars to his face again as he watched a looming figure cross into the living room before disappearing across from sight to. presumably, enter into the kitchen.
Feeling a burst of excitement and giddiness, Dib made the split second decision to creep closer to the fake house. Taking swift steps in a long half circle so that Zim's cameras wouldn't immediately clock him, Dib proceeded to cross Zim's neighbors yard and hop over the fence.
When the lawn gnomes made no indication that they had noticed him, Dib gave himself a little fist pump before putting his serious investigator face back on.
Creeping closer to the window that showed Zim's oddly decorated living room off, Dib leaned up against he window pane and raised his camera up in preparation. For what? Well he wasn't entirely sure! But Zim and his minion had to be up to something! Surely the big human traitor wouldn't have just popped up and out of the basement for nothing?
Yes, the man was up to something and Dib intended to expose him! Him and his alien master!
He just had to be patient.
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Little Dib was spying on the house again. Camera, binocular's and everything to boot. Seriously, had he always been that annoying as a kid? Dib would like to think he hadn't been at that age but the evidence was quite literally staring him in the face, or well not quite face, more like side of the face as he made himself a bowl of cereal in the kitchen at 7:30pm on a Saturday afternoon like an utter loser.
The sad thing thing about his whole situation is he's pretty sure even if it weren't for the complete erasure of his own timeline he'd still be doing the exact same thing around this time of day on a Saturday evening regardless. Feeding himself subpar cereal on one of the only days where he should theoretically be more productive about his personal pursuits. Had he been back home he almost certainly would have made plans to busy himself with a paranormal expedition that would have inevitably fallen through for one or other reason, and he would have no one to blame but himself.
Ah well, there was no use dwelling on the sad pitiful state of his past life. Not when he could contemplate the sad pitiful state of his—uh 'past' life? Eyes wandering over to the small figure crouched behind the window panel with a camera in hand staring daggers into the odd green house, Dib let out a sigh.
Past, present, or future, it seems he would always be a weirdo. How sad. He managed to contemplate that thought for a few more seconds before he heard the sliding door of the elevator woosh open before small feet made themselves known.
"HUMAN MINION!! WHERE ARE YOU?? ZIM REQUIRES YOUR ASSISTANCE!!!" Came the hurried scream of a certain small green skinned alien. Giving a small sigh of relief that he wouldn't have to go down that train of thought, he turned his attention to the little alien menace. His alien menace, but menace no less.
"In the kitchen Zim" Dib called out as he scooped another spoonful of stale cereal into his mouth. Dib heard the sound of rapid pit patter steps approach his position and thus scooped the last bit of his cereal into his mouth and put his spoon down to turn in the direction of the kitchen doorway as a small figure with forward facing antennas crossed into kitchen, cute face scrunched up into an angry pout with pink eyes narrowed and focused in on Dib's face within seconds of catching sight of him.
"Where have you been Minion!! I have been waiting for you to make further progress on Zim's latest scheme for WORLD DOMINATION!!" The sentence was punctuated by, a rather insane sounding, cackle as Zim posed dramatically in the middle of the kitchen. Somewhere in the background of all the shouting Dib swore he could hear the sound of a small gasp.
Dib sighed feeling a slight tic of irritation at Zim's form of address, well at least it was better than Dib-Slave which Zim had been insistent on referring to him as soon as he'd heard that he and Zim were no longer mortal enemies in Dib's now nonexistent future timeline. For some reason Zim could not fathom Dib and him no longer being enemies unless Dib had decided to work under Zim, either as a willing collaborator or as a forced slave. Weird little bug.
Somehow Dib had managed to calm him down and convince him to go by another form of address. How? Dib wasn't entirely sure himself. He was pretty sure his brain had simply decided to do away with the memories just to save him the few extra brain cells he hadn't lost from that screaming match disguised as a conversation.
Tuning back into the ramblings of the the space child, Dib cut in as soon as Zim took a pause. "Zim you said you needed my help 12 hours ago but then just had me stand in the corner of your lab as you fiddled with your latest invention".
Zim blinked, then gave Dib a look that all but screamed 'So?'.
Dib sighed "That indicates to me you don't actually urgently need my help with your project, if you ever did" Dib grumbled the last part under his breath.
It was true. For all that Dib had grown older and become smarter and better at science and technology, alien technology to boot!, he knew he didn't hold a candle to Zim's genius. Must come with the territory of being a child prodigy of an already hyper-intelligent space faring race of galactic conquerors. Still the thought of Zim wanting him to be there while he worked on his inventions did make Dib feel oddly comforted. Even if it was only because he wanted to keep an eye on him.
Dib wasn't stupid, he knew Zim didn't trust him, him or his story. Even if Dib hadn't lied about any of it. Yes, he was Dib, older , stronger, taller. Yes, he and Zim had stopped fighting each other ages ago. Yes, a great danger had presented itself to the Earth (not the Armada promise!), and Dib's Zim had been lost to him alongside the rest of the Earth. Yes, Dib had stolen Zim's blueprints for a time machine and left his own timeline behind permanently in order to save his own skin. All of that was true. Now if there were a few selective details missing about their actual relationship, the danger that had come to pass, or how Dib had gotten his hands on Zim's blueprints when they'd been supposedly destroyed already and the only remaining blueprints would have been in Zim's own brains. Well that wasn't anyone else's business but his owns. Well Dib's business and Zim's if he ever managed to ask the right questions. It wasn't lying, not technically. More like a small omissions of some very big details.
When it came out Dib hoped Zim could forgive him. Dib didn't want to imagine what devastation would look like in this younger Zim's face. The look on his own older Zim had been enough to last him for his entire life.
Current Zim had begun babbling about how much he needed his human minion to be there "Just in case!" and just hearing the words lifted Dib's spirits and made a fond feeling erupt in his chest so much so that he couldn't help but coo a little at Zim's exaggerated gestures and expressions. Goodness he really was a small cute thing wasn't he? Dib had towered over his adult Zim by a good two heads in his past timeline, but this Zim barely came up to his hip! Whereas his own Zim came up to his chest, perfectly positioned for head kisses and leaning his shoulder obnoxiously on to flex his height at, this Zim was so small Dib was sure he could easily gather him up in his own arms and hold him like an owner would its pet.
In fact…Dib's face broke into a devious grin.
Zim was still ranting, this time about how he didn't want Dib to ever leave the room without his permission, when Dib abruptly grabbed at Zim from the side and promptly gathered the little alien into his arms before bodily picking him up and beginning to swing him around like he weighed nothing, which to Dib was true.
Zim froze up immediately and only broke out of it upon hearing Dib's delighted laughter, and began screeching at Dib to put him down.
"LET ZIM GO!! FOOLISH HUMAN!! ZIM IS NOT A PLUSH FOR YOU TO HOLD!! PUT ZIM DOWN RIGHT NOW!!! YOUR MASTER COMMANDS YOU!!!" Dib only laughed harder before proceeding to take a page out of Gir's book and pretending to play stupid, high pitch voice and all.
"But Master! Did you not say you wanted your most loyal servant to be by your side at all times? If I hold you like this than I can always be by the Mighty Zim's side and always be there to help!" Zim stopped screaming long enough to sputter and turn a pretty shade of pink that only made Dib laugh harder, so much so that he began to bend over just to stabilize himself against the dining room table with one hand as he held Zim in the other.
"Y-you! That is not what Zim meant and you know it! You absurd lower-life form!" Zim was no longer screaming as much but seemed embarrassed and pleased all at the same time. Evidently he found the idea that Dib was taking his complaints seriously and coming up with his own solutions to the problem very pleasing.
Finally catching his breath, Dib pulled himself up and began walking out the kitchen, Alien still in hand. Moving over to the couch, he sunk his butt into the cushions with Zim now settled in his lap like a particularity spoiled cat, now pouting and no longer screaming his little head off like a maniac.
Pulling the small body closer, Dib settled his chin on Zim's head and let a hand drift up to rub at where antenna met skull. Zim yelped and then went limp as a cat laying in the sun, before long Dib could hear the beginning of a chirpy purr begin.
"Yeah, you're right about that. But I do think you should give me some credit for not doing this sooner, you're just so cute and small I couldn't help but pick you up" Dib spoke as he gently petted Zim's antenna in a soothing manner. Dib could feel Zim's face scrunching up against his chest and the beginnings of a protest before Dib gave a particularly firm pet and Zim melted against him. "Zim is not cute but he IS gracious enough to allow you the luxury of touching him like this, especially if you keep pampering Zim with those inferior digits of yours"Zim purred out, ending the sentence with a high pitched chirp of contentment.
Dib hummed in agreement, even if he privately rolled his eyes to himself. If this is what it took to keep Zim content and relaxed, letting him believe he was doing Dib a favor and hurling a few insults to feel safe, then Dib would let him have it.
As he relaxed back into the couch, Dib let out his own sigh of contentment and closed his eyes.
Rustle. Snap. Woosh.
"WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING?!?!"… annnd there went that moment of peace.
Zim snapped up like a startled cat, turned, and hissed at the window where Little Dib had appeared and launched his small body through to better see the two on the couch. Zim immediately jumped out of Dib's lap to reach Little Dib on the floor. Before long they were both hissing out insults and slapping at each other like a pair of cats fighting over territory.
Dib remained on the couch, staring at the two idiot children with confusion.
He remained on the couch for almost a full minute contemplating the state of Little Dib and Zim's relationship at this stage of life with an air of resignation before he caught sight of a small blade being wielded by an equally small five fingered hand as it slashed at Zim's cheek. Dib heard Zim cry out, either in surprise or actual pain, Dib was unsure, but before he knew it he was standing up, crossing the room and violently separating the two children from each other.
Quickly bringing maneuvering Zim onto his hip, Dib moved Zim's face closer to his own so that he could examine him for damage, sure enough there was a thin cut where a small trickle of pink blood was making itself known. His grip tightened on Zim, and a small squeak emitted from the small alien. Zim's eyes were brimming with the beginnings of tears that he appeared to be trying his hardest to hold back as he looked back at Dib. Dib forced his brewing anger and fury at the injury as far down as he could manage, even as he turned his head up towards the ceiling and began to formulate an order for the computer to remove the intruder.
"Computer—"
"WHY ARE YOU HELPING HIM!?! WHAT ARE YOU TWO PLANNING?!? WHO ARE YOU?!?" Came his younger self's voice from where he'd been left on the floor close to the window.
Cocking an eyebrow Dib turned back towards the younger boy. Was it not obvious? What with the hair scythe and general broad silhouette that resembled Professor Membrane's own body shape. Anyone with eyes could tell who he was, or rather who he'd once been.
Anyone who could see—-oh… Anyone who could see. Okay Dib could understand why Little Dib hadn't managed to figure it out. In the time it took Zim and him to conclude their conversation in the kitchen, the sun had set and cast deep shadows in the living room, which did not have the benefit of lights or even the TV being turned on to illuminate their features. Zim, coming from a naturally light sensitive species, with ocular implants to boot, didn't need the lights that humans needed in order to see Dib or his surroundings. Dib, who had had his eyes gouged out once on a paranormal hunt several years ago in highschool, and received his own ocular implants as a gift from Zim, also did not need light to see the details of the living room in complete darkness. The only one left in the dark was Little Dib. Meaning he didn't know who Dib was. Meaning he thought he was a complete stranger working for Zim…oh this was gonna be so good.
A smirk spread across his face as an idea came to him. Shifting Zim on his hip once more so that he was facing in the direction of the boy still sprawled on the floor, Dib watched as Little Dib's eyes narrowed and flashed with jealously as they glanced at where his hands were holding Zim close.
Oh?
Dib stalked closer step by step and he watched as the wariness in the boy's eyes began to grow as he stepped closer. Than he watched as true fear entered his eyes as he stepped out of the shadows and into the last rays of light coming in from the window.
"No" came the small horrified whisper
His hair scythe flashed in the reflection of his younger self's glasses and Dib smiled menacingly down at him, "Who am I? I think you know well enough who I am. The real question you should be asking is how". Dib's smirk widened at the sight of the boy's denial as he shook his head in rejection of what he was seeing.
"H-how?" Little Dib managed to finally croak out from where he had managed to scoot further and further away until his back hit the wall in an effort to get away from the two.
Dib flashed a tooth filled smile, "Time travel of course, you of all people should know it's possible".
"But WHY??" the younger boy cried out, his eyes jumping from Dib and Zim and then back again, evidently trying to force his mind to make it make sense.
Dib chuckled at the poor boy's increasing panic, feeling his amusement skyrocket just watching him. Was this how his Zim had felt all those years ragebaiting him? Dib was beginning to see the appeal. Watching someone work themselves up over something only you knew for certain was its own unique form of entertainment.
Kneeling down, his arms still holding Zim securely, who'd been watching the whole scene go down with rapt attention, Dib licked his lips and finally answered the boy's question, "Because, the Mighty Zim commanded me to". Little Dib's eyes went as wide as saucers in fear, mouth falling open in horror.
"And he does not abide by intruders" Dib whispered softly to his young counterpart's horrified face before he abruptly turned his own face upward to face the ceiling, "Computer! Remove this Intruder!" The Computer did not need to be told twice, it didn't even make a single snarky remark as its mechanical arms erupted from the ceiling, grabbed a hold of the young human and promptly ejected it from the building, the echoing laughter of two figures following soon after.
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Author's note: Just to be clear Dib has a chance of returning to the future. Just a different split timeline. He's just not entirely sure if it's possible. So he's treating the situation as if it's permanent. And for that reason, he is very protective of Zim.
