Bipolar Homosexuals

[the-nordic-system]

Reblog if you believe alters are people and not just “alternate personalities”

[slavery]

How does anyone hate kids they are so funny I sold tickets to incredibles to this little girl and her mom and she’s like mom are we sitting next to each other and the moms like ya and the kid screamed YES so loud it broke my ears

[pkslider]

The other day I was bringing an older gentleman up the hill in a golf cart and we drove past this huge YMCA group of kids like 100 kids and driving past the first chunk like 10 of them yelled out “let me on” in unison and then since I’m driving so slowly to be safe, halfway in some kid leaned up and said “do you play fortnite” and I told him I played a little and he just pointed and shouted “THIS GUY PLAYS FORTNITE” and then like 20 kids started talking to me all at once about fortnite

[low-budget-mulan]

A kid asked me if I lived in the ambulance. I said yes.

[patron-saint-of-smart-asses-dea]

The hero we deserve

[treerot]

When I was on register at Kohl’s a little girl came through with her grandma and she was so very excited to tell me the meaning of her name (I think it was like warrior of god) and she begged her grandma for her phone so she could google to find out what my name means too

[newterjuice]

i wear two spinner rings on one finger and one time at my last job a young girl (probably 6-8) said “your ring is very pretty” and when i showed her it was two rings she GASPED and said “does that mean you’re marrying two people?!”

[siren-singing]

I have this necklace with a mermaid on it that I wear to work a lot and I got asked by a kid if it gave me magic powers. I leaned in real close and told her in a low voice it gave me magical girl powers but it was a secret. She got this real serious look on her face and said to her mom “that lady has superpowers, don’t tell anyone or the government will take her away”.

[business-pug]

The other day i had to give a speech at my school despite my horrific fear of public speaking and afterwards i had kid come up to me and say well done to me. It was so cute.

[mcr-minivan-deactivated20200108]

god I love tiny kids

[uberfluss]

there was a kid in one of our science camps and he spent the whole week in a lab coat and goggles screaming “CHEMICALS” at the top of his lungs. he wouldn’t even tell us his name for the first two days just screamed CHEMICALS instead.

[moth-doe]

I was watching these kids at church today and one of them screamed and threw a toy car into the wall and it broke and the other one looked over calmly and said “does your insurance cover that?”

[armandyke]

I was taking the drink order for a family at work and I asked their kid what he wanted to drink and he just looked at me with a completely deadpan expression and said “vodka” and me and the parents just fucking lost it

[bemusedlybespectacled]

kid I used to babysit asked why my lips were different (she was two), and when I told her that it was because I was wearing lipstick, she yelled, “MAYA, I WANT LIPITZ.”

[itsmydrink]

I work in a school and every time I draw anything on the board (I am a terrible artist and usually resort to stick men), the kids will all go ‘I love your picture, that’s a great drawing Miss’. So blindly supportive.

[the-stray-liger]

One time my younger brother ordered a “non-alcoholic fanta” at a hotel bar and the bartender lost his shit and I was never the same man

[swankivy]

When I was student teaching, I was taking my fourth graders back from lunch and noticed one little girl looking longingly at the playground, where the younger kids were having recess. She heaved a big sigh and said, “I used to be that free.”

[perkistani]

My younger brother once started crying because he took his gloves off and his hands were hidden because his coat sleeves were pulled forward and he genuinely thought he pulled his hands off with the gloves and was crying that he couldn’t pay for new hands.

[seashellronan]

the three emotions of the gay community

tenderness

yearning

toxic by britney spears

[seashellronan]

getting notes from gays is so easy and this post was made purely to prove that yall really see the words tender, yearning and britney spears and just fucking slam the reblog button this was a test and you all failed i love us

[internetdruid]

[spacematriarchy]

my fucking depression is cured

[screaming-fan-girl]

I don’t mean to be dramatic but I would KILL for this dog

[newestvegas]

“Ah, Perry the platypus!”

“What an unexpected -“

“WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!”

“You’re trapped!”

“By societal convention!”

“Look! We’re in a fine dining environment. Everyone knows not to throw a scene in a fancy restaurant!”

“That’s right. You’re trapped. Sit down.”

[hummingbird-hooligan]

This show is fucking brilliant.

[laughing-llama]

did everyone else read that in his voice

[take-49-blog]

[modebatty-deactivated20141102]

Why has this got so many notes what the fuck Tumblr

[fevix-deactivated20181203]

1) It’s title says something 2) The pictures provide what the title says 3) It ends with someone dramatically looking toward the camera

[oswednesday]

cause its funny look how thin that watermelon is its just flapping in the wind thats absurd

[dankmemeuniversity]

[joemerl]

#that’s the best alien cover story I’ve ever heard great work alien mom

[thebootydiaries]

me at 3am: [crying]

husband: omg what’s wrong

me, shaking: nothing…

him: it’s ok just say it

me: idk i just feel like if we were born as worms u wouldn’t like me .. would u even marry me ? whatever just forget it …

[blowingmynose-deactivated201605]

[breastforce]

the whole ‘kink at pride’ discourse honestly feels like a goddamn man ray meme

[breastforce]

[starlightnecromancer]

People in the notes are literally acting out the last panel of this and its fucking amazing how people can miss the point so hard. 

Not pushing your kinks on unconsenting people: wearing an outfit made with some form of leather, wearing an outfit that makes you look like you fell out of a metal band, wearing a choker, wearing mini-skirts and croptops.

Pushing your kinks on unconsenting people: Doing puppy play in the middle of the street in the all ages section of pride, doing literally anything that under normal circumstances would require you to find out someone’s safe word outside of the 18+ section of the event. 

[justsomeantifas]

now i’m saying this as a gigantic stoner, so you know where i stand

… it’s pretty alarming to see people talk about weed as if it’s harmless like… weed can still cause problems in people.

not only is it just really not the greatest thing for people with psychosis

… smoking is still bad for you even if it’s weed.

yes i know there is a lot of propaganda making up adverse effects of weed

but like my point is recognize it is also propaganda that weed is some problem-free drug with no consequences.

[justsomeantifas]

just because something should be legalized doesn’t mean it has to be perfect. i mean look how completely fucked alcohol is and that shits legal.

[matchagirl]

billie has said she wears baggy clothes to avoid comments on her body and this is why!! literally so gross she’s a minor and frankly i’ve been in that position too where i have had to hide my body to avoid being sexualized by adults

[matchagirl]

hmmmmmm bleh

[beardedchrisevans]

video originally from @comediandjpryor on instagram 

[millennial-review-deactivated20]

[solarpunkcast]

There are already SO MANY slavery-free chocolate companies

[eastegg-deactivated20200528]

i’m still absolutely obsessed with the fact that there was a tv movie adaptation of gatsby from like 20 years ago where paul rudd plays nick and i really hope i can dig it up somewhere and watch it because literally can you imagine

[eastegg-deactivated20200528]

this is totally not a link to the full movie

[meowdys]

my iPad generated this in the middle of a fucking therapy session and i clicked on it and had to physically restrain myself from bursting into tears of laughter

[scenebeanproblems]