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all of our yesterdays (3) | jjk

Pairing: Jungkook x (f.) Reader

Genre/Tags: café owner! jungkook x ceo! reader, exes to lovers, divorced au, co-parenting au, angst, smut, fluff, hurt/comfort, slow burn

Summary: Months after a devastating divorce, you and Jungkook find yourselves trying to navigate a life that no longer looks the way it once did. Between unresolved emotions, stubborn feelings that just don’t want to disappear and the shared custody of your angel-like son, Yejun, the two of you are left standing in the wreckage of everything you once were. And somewhere in between coexisting and letting go… you are forced to ask yourselves if the love you shared is something meant to be left behind in all of your yesterdays.

Word Count: 24.6k+

Series Warnings: PLEASE PROCEED WITH CAUTION AND GO THROUGH ALL THE WARNINGS BECAUSE THIS FIC CONTAINS SOME VERY TRIGGERING TOPICS; mature language, yearning, use of jeongguk instead of jungkook, dad jungkook !!!!!!, reader & jungkook have a flexible coparenting schedule, mentions of sleeping pills, unhealthy sleeping habits, insomina, nightmares, reader is flawed because of all the baggage she carries so pls be nice to her, some yearning, reader is a self destructive person, fear of abandonment, past/childhood trauma, lots of deflection, mentions of orphanages, inaccurate business & company stuff (i'm sorry just think of reader as a really big ceo of a huge luxury jewelry brand), a little bit of yearning i think, flashbacks and dream sequences in italics, some jealousy, there's lots of reminiscing, heavy angst, mentions of pregnancy, fear of motherhood, food wastage, fainting, starvation, lots and lots of detailed emotions, high school bullying, they’re slightly “our beloved summer” couple coded & one scene is distinctly inspired by the “10 things i hate about you” episode from OBS (iykyk), did i mention yearning, use of petnames like baby, honey, jagi/ jagiya, explicit content, MORE TO BE ADDED WITH FUTURE CHAPTERS

//

part 3

When your eyes finally flutter open, a blur of harsh, sterile white hits your sight. You furrow your brows faintly and a soft whine escapes your lips as the blinding light from the ceiling overhead triggers a sharp ache behind your temples and the slight movement of your fingers sends a jolt through Jeongguk.

He had been sitting completely hunched over in the chair beside your cot, keeping your hand tightly enclosed in both of his with his forehead pressed heavily against your knuckles like he was praying. "Oh my god..." he mumbles. "You're... you're awake." he breathes out.

You squint back at him, absolutely disoriented as you try to piece together where you are, why you're hooked up to an IV and why Jeongguk is beside you, holding your hand.

Catching on to your confusion and the way you try to push your body up, Jeongguk reacts automatically, leaning over you to gently catch your shoulders.

"Don't move too fast." he murmurs, gently guiding you up into a sitting position and adjusting the stiff hospital pillow behind your back. "You're in the hospital. You... you fainted right outside the cafe."

Your eyes widen, a sudden spike of panic cutting through the residual fog in your brain. The last coherent memory you have is staring blankly out the window with a throbbing headache from the backseat of your car while Mr. Choi navigated the evening traffic towards Jeongguk’s cafe and everything after that is just an empty, terrifying void.

"Where’s... where’s Jun?" you immediately ask. "Don't worry." Jeongguk replies quickly. "He was with Jimin at the cafe and he took him back to my place just now. He's totally taken care of, I promise." he assures you and hearing that, the rigid tension leaves your spine making your shoulders drop in relief.

Then, your gaze drifts down to the clear tubing of the IV taped securely to the back of your hand. “How long was I out for?” you ask softly, keeping your eyes on the needle. "And… what... what did the doctor say?"

"You've been out for a few hours..." he breathes out, rubbing a hand over his face. "It’s almost 10 o'clock now…. and well, the doctor said your body basically just pulled the emergency brake because of a severe lack of sleep, starvation and an insane amount of stress. He said you're incredibly overworked and your system just couldn't take it anymore." He lets out a heavy, frustrated sigh.

“Seriously, Y/n... what is going on with you?” he asks, and you recognize that look of frustration and disappointment all too well. You immediately look away from him. “I’m fine.” you say quietly. “I’ve just been working a lot. That’s all.”

"Oh, you're fine?” he scoffs, planting both hands on his hips as he looks down at you. “Y/n, you literally collapsed onto a concrete sidewalk. Unless the sidewalk was looking for a hug, that is not the definition of fine."

You let out a soft sigh and cross your arms over your chest like a petulant child, stubbornly keeping your eyes away from him.

“And what the hell did the doctor mean by starvation?” he presses, his voice rising slightly. “Are you skipping meals? Are you not eating the food Junhee makes? God, Y/n, I’ve told you a million times, no matter how busy you are, you never, ever skip meals!"

The sheer volume of his scolding finally snaps your patience as you whip your head around to look at him, genuinely offended. “Why are you yelling at me?” you demand, though to your dismay, Jeongguk doesn’t miss the little pout on your lips.

He closes his eyes for a brief second, pinching the bridge of his nose as he forces a heavy breath out of his lungs to compose himself. “When was the last time you ate a proper meal?” he asks, trying to keep his voice as low as possible.

You look away again, but this time your brows furrow in genuine concentration as you track backward through the days, trying to remember and Jeongguk’s lips part in absolute shock. The fact that you have to think about it is a terrifying answer in itself.

“I think… Japan…” you mumble to yourself, still mentally scrolling through your chaotic week. “You came back from Japan four days ago!” Jeongguk snaps, the sudden roar making you physically flinch against the pillows. “Stop yelling!” you shoot back, shrinking into the bed and sounding entirely like a defensive child.

“Y/n, are you insane??!?” he breathes out, looking at you as if you’ve lost your mind. "4 days? You haven't had a real meal in 4 days and you're out here running a company? I know you’re a workaholic, but seriously?"

You stare at the genuine worry in his eyes and you wish you could tell him the truth. You wish you could confess that the skipped meals weren’t entirely because of your work.

You want to tell him that the insomnia and the nightmares are back, that the nights have become a battlefield of exhaustion, and that you’ve resorted back to the sleeping pills again, something you had proudly managed to give up three years into your relationship with him.

You want to tell him how when you’re living on zero sleep and your stomach is constantly knotted with a heavy, hollow anxiety, appetite becomes a foreign concept and food doesn't even cross your mind when you're just trying to survive the day.

But you keep all of that to yourself.

You swallow the truth down because you have to remind yourself that none of this is Jeongguk’s concern anymore. He doesn't hold the title of the person who gets to fix you.

So, you pull yourself together and scramble for a more plausible excuse. “It’s just... Bomi and Hobi’s wedding is coming up.” you explain, keeping your voice steady though a defensive pout still lingers on your lips from his scolding. “I have to take a few days off because we’re all flying down to Jeju, right? I’m just trying to clear my desk and finish a month's worth of work to make up for it.”

Jeongguk lets out a heavy breath, shaking his head in disbelief. “That’s understandable, but this is still completely messed up. Your health is at stake, Y/n... Do you have any idea how terrified I was when I saw you collapse like that? Imagine if Yejun had seen you. Imagine what that would have done to him.”

At the mention of your son, the last of your defensiveness evaporates. You look down at your hands, genuinely ashamed. Jeongguk watches the way you shrink into yourself and a flicker of guilt crosses his face. He hates scolding you… always has, but he absolutely refuses to stand by and watch you play russian roulette with your own well-being.

“So... how long do I have to stay here?” you ask softly, after a few minutes of silence as you look up at him through your lashes. He holds your gaze for a second longer, the anger completely draining from his expression. ”They're just running some fluids and vitamins through you right now. The nurse said once this IV pack is completely finished, you're free to go home.”

You nod at that as your eyes slowly scan the small cubicle before drifting to your phone that’s placed on the little bedside table and you extend your hand to reach for it. “Then... I guess you should head back. I’ll just call Mr. Ch—”

“No.” Jeongguk cuts you off, his tone leaving absolutely no room for negotiation. “I’m driving you home.”

You furrow your brows at him, your thumb hovering over the screen. “You literally don't have to do that. What about Yej—”

“I told you, he’s with Jimin, didn't I?” he interrupts you again, stepping closer to the bed. “Don't worry about it. Hyung is staying the night with him, and he’s already got everything under control.” he explains, making you let out an exasperated sigh.

“Jeongguk, that literally isn't required. I’m fine now, okay? I promise I’ll finish this entire IV pack and only leave when the doctor clears me. Mr. Choi can just come back and take me ho—”

“Nope.” he pops the 'p', his stubbornness matching yours beat for beat. “I’m taking you home.”

You groan softly, throwing your head back against the stiff pillows in defeat, but just as your head hits the cushion, your phone vibrates in your hand. A notification from Haeun lights up the screen, your brows furrowing in concentration as you read the preview.

It’s the compiled minutes from the evening meeting, exactly as you had requested earlier before walking out of the conference room and your big ceo brain immediately tries to switch back on.

Jeongguk catches the shift in your expression instantly and before your thumb can even tap the notification, his large hand flashes forward, snatching the phone right out of your grip.

“Hey!” you protest, looking up at him in utter confusion and reaching for the empty air. “Nope.” he says simply, dropping your phone into his pocket. “Don't even think about it.”

“Jeongguk, give me my phone back.” you say, tilting your head up as you glare at him. “I really need to check that. It was from Haeun.”

“I know.” he chuckles, entirely unbothered by your death stare. “Which is exactly why you won't be checking it.”

“Jeongguk!” you whine. “Stop playing around. I’m serious, that message is crucial, okay? I really need to see the minutes before tomorrow morning.”

“And I’m serious too.” he counters, effortlessly stepping back out of your reaching range. “Doctor’s orders, and more importantly, my orders.” he shrugs.

“You don’t get to give me orders.” you fight back, pointing at him. “Give it back right now, Jeongguk. I mean it… It’s my personal property, you can't just steal it!”

“I’m not stealing it.” he shakes his head innocently. “I’m holding it in protective custody.” he grins, leaning his hip against the bedside table as he cockily crosses his arms over his cheskt.

You let out a frustrated groan, slumping back against the pillows and glaring at the pocket where your phone is. “You’re unbelievable…. Give it back. Now.”

“Make me.” he challenges and you clench your jaw. “Fine.” you grit out, throwing off the blanket and shifting your legs towards the edge of the bed. “I’ll just take it back myself.”

“Whoa, whoa, sit down!” Jeongguk instantly moves forward, his hands landing firmly on your shoulders to keep you from moving. “Are you crazy? You’re going to rip the needle right out of your vein!”

“Then give me my phone!” you demand, glaring up at him defiantly.

He looks at you, a little exasperated by your sheer stubbornness, before letting out a small sigh. “You know what…” he breathes out, still holding your shoulders. “How about this? You’ll get to check your phone only under one condition.” he says, making you arch your brows at him as you let out a sharp breath that urges him to just get on with it.

“Once you’re done with this IV pack, I’m driving you home.” he starts, counting the points on his fingers. “Then, I’m going into your kitchen, I’m gonna make you a proper dinner, and I’m gonna sit right there and watch you finish every single bite.” He tilts his head, keeping his expression stern. “Then, and only then, if you’re good, I’ll let you have your phone back.”

You scoff at his words, a dry laugh leaving your throat because you genuinely think he’s joking. There’s no way he’s going to actually hold your device hostage like a strict parent but as the seconds tick by and the stubborn, unyielding expression on his face remains completely stern, you figure out this man really wasn’t going to back down.

Realizing you don't have the physical energy to actually fight him for it anymore, you let out a defeated whine, throwing your head back. “Fine. God.” you mutter, rolling your eyes away from him and swatting his hand off your shoulder. “You’re an asshole.”

//

You mentally try to shoot laser beams at the man currently occupying your kitchen as he moves effortlessly between the stove and the counter as if he isn’t holding your phone hostage. But despite the fiery indignation surging through your veins, you find your anger losing its grip, entirely derailed by the view.

God, you've always had a shameful, deeply primal weakness for watching Jeongguk cook.

There’s something inherently intoxicating about the way he looks and acts while he’s cooking and from your vantage point at the kitchen island, your eyes track every single one of his movements.

He’s rolled his sleeves up past his elbows, putting those thick, corded forearms on full display and every time he grips the handle of the skillet or applies pressure to the cutting board, the muscles shift and flex beneath his skin, making the intricate ink of his sleeve tattoo ripple in a way that makes your mouth go completely dry.

He leans forward slightly to taste something from a spoon and the fabric of his sweatshirt trains perfectly against the broad, solid expanse of his back and for reasons unknown you find yourself crossing your legs tightly.

A few minutes pass until the fresh aroma of whatever he’s concocting finally hits your nostrils and as curiosity gets the best of you, you find yourself sliding off the stool and padding closer to the stove. “What are you making?” you ask, crossing your arms over your chest as you lean in slightly to peer into the steaming pan.

God, it already looks incredible.

Your eyes feast on the crystal-clear broth bubbling gently over tender shredded chicken, ribbons of fresh egg garnish and bright green scallions and your mouth instantly begins to salivate.

Of course, this was the effect food made by Jeongguk would have on you after 6 long months.

“Dak gomtang.” he replies with a grin, keeping his focus on the counter as he neatly arranges the tender, seasoned chicken on top of the rice noodles before ladling the steaming broth over the top. "And some cold cucumber salad to wake up your appetite. It’s light, so it won’t shock your stomach."

Right on cue, as if answering him, your stomach lets out a loud, traitorous grumble because, god, do you only realize just how hungry you actually are.

Jeongguk chuckles softly, glancing sideways at you before gently nudging your hip with his own. “Go sit back down. It’ll be done in a few minutes.”

Within the next 15 minutes, you’re sitting across the dining table, slurping on the warm broth and true to his word, Jeongguk is actually sitting right beside you, watching you eat and making sure you finish whatever’s in your bowl. He also gently pushes the bowl of cucumber salad closer to your hand every few minutes, nudging the freshest slices toward you.

Jeongguk had always been a caring husband…. someone who loved through acts of service and protecting you every chance he got.

He had taken care of you exactly like this whenever you’d fallen sick during your relationship and marriage… the type of husband to brew warm ginger tea before you even had to ask and to stay awake just to press cool washcloths on your forehead.

But the thing is, he has absolutely no business being like this now because, well… he isn’t your husband anymore.

You try your best to keep your focus strictly on the food and not at the way he’s looking at you… with those dark eyes that still seem to read every single shift in your posture, because god, this unexpected care is undeniably helping your physical health, but it’s absolutely obliterating your heart.

Once you’re done eating and Jeongguk clears the table, you stand right beside him at the sink, refusing to let him out of your sight until he delivers on his end of the bargain. “Okay, give me my phone now.” you demand like a spoilt child, extending your arm and showing him an open palm.

He grins, entirely unfazed by your demanding tone, as he runs the water over the last bowl and places it neatly on the drying rack. He lets out a soft sigh, taking his own sweet time to thoroughly dry his hands on the kitchen towel and only when he’s completely finished does he finally reach into his pocket and pull out your device. “Only 10 minutes.” he warns, holding it just out of your reach for a split second to lock eyes with you. “Then you’re going straight to bed.”

“Yeah, yeah.” you murmur, barely paying attention to his words as you snatch the phone from his grip with your fingers already flying across the screen, diving straight into the backlog of messages and notifications.

Jeongguk glances up at the time, noting that it’s already a little over midnight. He watches you make your way over to the living room, as you intently scroll through your phone on the couch.

He had promised you ten minutes, but because he knows just how much your mind thrives on being in control, he grants you a little grace period. He leans back against the kitchen counter, crossing his arms, and simply lets fifteen minutes slip by in quiet observation.

God, it almost feels like he’s married again.

This is the first time in months, since the ink dried on the divorce papers, that he’s spending more than a fleeting moment in your presence that doesn’t revolve around Yejun.

When you fainted outside his cafe earlier, Jeongguk felt his entire world violently ground to a halt. He had always known you were an overworker, but seeing you collapse like that, looking so terrifyingly fragile, pale and unresponsive, he swears he felt a piece of his own soul fracture and die.

While the doctor had been explaining your condition in the ER, all he could do was stand there and wonder how if he was still in your life… truly in it, the way he used to be, he would've never let you get to this point.

He couldn't help but imagine how these past 6 months have really been for you. Sure, he still gets to see you because you guys literally have a child together but that doesn't exactly cut it, now does it?

It's the agonizingly beautiful, mundane fragments of a shared life that he misses the most.

He’s not there anymore to listen to you vent about your day, he’s not there to hold you close and run his fingers through your hair, he’s not there to make sure you’re not skipping meals or to wrap his arms around your waist while you sleep after a brutal day.

Jeongguk is fully aware that you’re a grown woman. He knows you're brilliant, independent and entirely capable of taking care of yourself but… well, you have your moments.

You let yourself get entirely carried away, especially when it comes to your work.

And the truth is, he has always loved taking care of you. It was his love language, after all and right now… he just wishes he could do all those little things for you again because if he’s being completely honest, a part of him doesn't care that the legal documents say you’re no longer together nor does he care about the strict boundaries dictated by a divorce.

He has absolutely no shame left to hide how deeply and desperately he still loves and cares for you.

From across the room, his eyes continue to trace the delicate lines of your face. You look much better now, the color finally returning to your cheeks and a little bit of your usual fire reigniting your posture. He's just about to softly remind you that it's time for bed, but then his eyes widen slightly when he sees your hands reaching for the laptop bag sitting on the coffee table and he instantly frowns.

“Hey, hey.” he immediately breaks his stance and starts walking towards you. “I thought I said 10 minutes.”

You don't even look up, your fingers already opening your laptop and hovering over the keyboard. “I just have some stuff to go through, it’ll take two sec—”

“Y/n.” he calls out sternly, making your breath hitch despite yourself as he towers over you. “You just came back from the emergency room. The doctor let you leave on the sole condition that you go home to rest. Not start working again.”

You let out a soft, frustrated sigh, still keeping your eyes on your laptop. “Oh my god, Jeongguk, it’s really not a big deal, okay? I feel perfectly fine now.” you lie smoothly, even though the screen is starting to make your eyes burn but you still continue typing away. “Look, thank you for driving me home… and thank you for cooking dinner, it was amazing. I did everything you wanted. I ate, I took the fluids, I’m fine. Alright? You can leave now.” you try to sound dismissive, to build that cold wall back up between you two, but Jeongguk isn’t having it anymore.

Before you can even register his movement, he inches closer as his large hand reaches down and snatches the laptop right out of your grip just like he did with your phone back in the hospital. “Jeongguk !!” you groan loudly, your hands flying up in pure exasperation. “That’s enough! Give it bsck right now !!” you yell but he doesn't even flinch at your anger. He sets the laptop down on the coffee table, well out of your reach, and turns back to you with a look in his eyes that you can’t quite decipher.

Before your brain can process what’s happening, he steps closer, bends down and hooks a thick, tatted arm securely behind the back of your thighs and with a sudden, powerful surge of strength, he lifts you right off the couch, hoisting you effortlessly over his broad shoulder.

“Gguk!!” you yelp, the nickname slipping out of your mouth in pure shock as the world tilts upside down with your stomach pressing hard against the solid muscle of his shoulder. The sudden rush of adrenaline makes your heart batter against your ribs, your hands instinctively coming down to grip the fabric of his sweatshirt for balance.

“What the hell are you doing? Put me down!” you demand, kicking your legs in a desperate bid for freedom but Jeongguk isn’t budging. If anything, your struggling only prompts his massive hand to slide higher up the back of your thighs, his fingers digging into your skin with a grip that utterly locks you in place. “Nope.” he simply says and his deep voice vibrates right against your torso and it sends a wicked shiver straight down your spine. He turns on his heel, adjusting your weight effortlessly as he starts making a direct line for your bedroom. “You had your chance to do this the easy way. Now we’re doing it my way.”

You absolutely, thoroughly hate the effect his words… and his shameless lack of boundaries are having on you right now and more than anything, it’s infuriatingly impossible to ignore the way his body feels against yours.

Has he been working out more? Because it feels illegal for his shoulder to be this broad and his chest this solid. Why on earth does he suddenly seem so… strong? Or was it simply because you had been starved of his touch for so long that your body was throwing a literal tantrum at the sudden, overwhelming friction? Honestly, you can’t even tell anymore.

But as you hang over his back, you realize you’re fighting a losing battle. Let alone the fact that you're supposed to be pissed off that he’s treating you like a literal sack of potatoes, you absolutely loathe the way this position is making your blood run blistering hot and your heart beat in a frantic rhythm in two very different places.

“Jeongguk, this isn’t funny, I’m literally dizzy.” you manage to complain, your fists weakly beating against his broad back as you continue squirming in his grip. “Oh, so now you care about being dizzy?” Jeongguk scoffs, completely unfazed by your swatting hands as he continues carrying you like a sack of potatoes. “Your system wouldn’t be throwing a fit over a simple lift if you actually gave a shit about yourself.”

“You’re being so fucking unreasonable right now.” you whine as your bedroom floor comes into view when he switches on the lights with one arm still wrapped around your thighs. He doesn’t respond to your whining as he pauses right beside the mattress and when you feel him shift his grip, for a terrifying second, you think he’s just going to drop you.

Instead, he slides you down his front carefully, letting your body drag against his solid frame until your butt lands on the mattress, pushing you back against it.

Your breath hitches as he hovers over you slightly, both his hands planted on either side of your hips, effectively trapping you beneath him. “Now…” he murmurs, his face just inches away from yours. “Are you going to lay your stubborn ass down under these covers, or do I need to hold you down myself? Because trust me, Y/n, I will.”

You glare up at him, your chest heaving as you desperately try to summon enough spite to break the spell he has over you but when you don’t reply, too hyper-aware of the heavy pressure of his thighs bracketing yours to actually form words, Jeongguk just smirks. “Now, you better go to sleep.” he says. “And don’t even think about getting up again because I’m going to be sitting right outside on the couch, and I won’t hesitate to carry your ass right back in here just like I did now. Clear?”

You want to groan, you want to complain, throw a fit and tell Jeongguk that he doesn't get to boss you around like this but all you can do is lie flat on the mattress and glare up at him as he slowly straightens himself up. He eyes you one last time, his gaze lingering on your face for a brief moment before turning on his heel and walking out of the bedroom.

//

You toss and turn on the mattress, clicking your tongue every now and then as you shift against the sheets. It’s been a good few hours since Jeongguk left you here, and much like most nights, sleep takes its own sweet time finding you.

Truth be told, you are utterly exhausted and now that you were left alone with your thoughts, you feel a heavy wave of guilt washing over you. You feel like absolute shit for making Jeongguk take care of you the way he did today.

You knew he had an incredibly busy day at the cafe, with the whole coffee truck order thing, and yet he had dropped everything the second you collapsed, just to nurse you back to health while you’d spent the whole evening being a stubborn brat about it.

Letting out a soft, defeated sigh, you finally sit up on the mattress. For the past few hours, a single question has been looping through your mind… Is he actually still outside?

You’ve been dying of curiosity this whole time, but you hadn't possessed the strength, or perhaps the courage, to go and check because you didn't know if you’d be happy to see him or disappointed if he’d actually given up and gone home.

Unable to bear the agony of not knowing anymore, you slide out of bed as your bare feet pad silently towards the door, making sure to cause as little sound as possible against the floorboards. You turn the knob slowly, cracking the door open just enough to peek out into the dark hallway first, before slowly making your way outside.

The penthouse is bathed in the soft silver glow of the moonlight filtering through the windows. As you quietly round the corner into the living room, your breath hitches in your throat.

Jeongguk is sprawled out on your couch, completely knocked out. He’s lying on his back, his head tilted at an awkward angle against the armrest with his mouth slightly open. His tattooed arm has completely slipped off the cushions, his knuckles nearly brushing the floor below.

Your eyes soften instantly, before you inch closer until you’re standing right beside the couch. You slowly crouch down, sinking to his level until your face is just inches from his.

You tilt your head, as you look at him and your hand moves before your brain can stop it. Your fingers instinctively come up, hovering in the air before gently pushing away a stray lock of dark hair that was prickling against his closed eyelid.

He stirs slightly at the touch, letting out a soft sigh that fans across your skin and your heart skips a beat as you freeze but every nerve ending in your body screams at you to lean in further, to press your palm against the warmth of his cheek and to trace the jaw you used to kiss every single night.

But reality catches up to you as your fingers simply hover just a single millimeter above his skin.

Even after everything, you had upended his entire day and this man was still here to take care of you. The absolute least you can do to repay him is to go back inside and force yourself to rest, instead of disrupting his sleep and lingering over him like a ghost of the life you ruined with your own two hands.

You quietly stand up, but before you can retreat to your bedroom, you make sure to find a blanket and drape it over his frame. Jeongguk hums softly in his sleep, instinctively burying his chin into the plush warmth and you smile at the sight fondly.

Once that’s done, you turn away and walk back to your bedroom and slip under the covers, closing your eyes as sleep finally, mercifully claims you.

//

The morning light breaks aggressively through the living room windows, hitting Jeongguk square in the eyes. He flutters them open with a soft wince when he feels his neck ache from sleeping on a sofa that was definitely not built for sleeping.

He slowly rubs the sleep from his eyes and smacks his lips together as his eyes land on the thick blanket draped over him and a slow smile tugs at the corner of his lips because he already knows who’s job this was. He proceeds to stretch his arms and legs as his joints pop loudly and he stands up, running a hand through his messy bedhead, heading straight for your bedroom to check on you.

“Y/n?” he murmurs raspily, cracking the door open and peeking in slightly only to see that the bed is empty with the sheets neatly tossed aside and right on cue, the muffled sound of the shower running echoes from the bathroom.

You were already up and showering?

He closes the door quietly and detours to the hallway bathroom to quickly freshen up.

20 minutes later, he’s in the kitchen, busy cooking breakfast when the sound of your bedroom door opening makes him look up and he watches you step out of the hallway. You’re fully dressed in a tailored charcoal blazer dress that hits mid-thigh, showing off the dangerous curve of your legs with your hair styled to perfection and your makeup fully done, completely concealing all the exhaustion from the night before.

As you glide past the kitchen, barely even looking at him, the subtle scent of your signature perfume cuts through the aroma of the food he’s cooking and Jeongguk feels a very sudden, very specific tingle spark to life in the lower half of his body.

His eyes trace the mesmerizing sway of your hips in that short dress, and it’s honestly embarrassing because he feels like a hormonal teenage boy who just caught sight of his dream girl.

He has to forcibly clamp down on the sudden, vivid mental images popping up in his head right now and swallow hard, his throat suddenly bone-dry as he aggressively forces his brain to snap back to reality because apart from the fact that you look absolutely, devastatingly gorgeous and that the sheer, mouthwatering sight of you has successfully knocked the wind clean out of his lungs, the rational part of his brain is not remotely pleased.

“You’re going to work?” he frowns, watching you pause right by the coffee table where your phone and laptop stay untouched since last night. You look back at him with furrowed brows. “Um, yes? And shouldn’t you be going too? Don’t you have that coffee truck order to take care of this morning?”

Jeongguk lets out an exasperated sigh as he switches off the stove and sets the spatula down but just as he takes a step towards you to begin his lecture, your phone rings loudly and your fingers fly to the screen, answering it. “Ah, Haeun. Good morning. Yes, I’m actually just on my way to the—”

You don't get to finish your sentence because for the second time in less than twenty-four hours, you feel your phone get snatched right out of your grip but before you can even open your mouth to scream bloody murder, Jeongguk is already pressing the device to his ear. “Haeun-ssi!” he calls out, his voice practically dripping with artificial sunshine as he intentionally turns his back to you.

You stand there, absolutely bewildered with your hands suspended in the air because what ridiculous new stunt was your ex-husband pulling right now?

“Mr. Jeon?” Haeun’s voice carries a flicker of surprise, on the other end of the line. “Hello. Is… everything alright? I was calling to review Ms. Min's morning schedule.”

“Hello, Haeun-ssi! It’s been a while.”Jeongguk chuckles warmly, pacing away from you towards the kitchen counter. “Jeongguk, stop it! Give me my pho—” you try to whisper-yell, as you follow him, reaching over his broad shoulder to grab your phone back, but he simply uses his height to his advantage, shifting the phone to his other ear and stepping out of your reach.

“Right, so, I just wanted to personally give you a heads-up that your boss won’t be coming into the office for the next few days.” he announces casually, making your eyes widen.

“I beg your pardon?” Haeun responds through the phone. “Is there an emergency, Mr. Jeon?”

“Well, you see, your boss was rushed to the ER last night because she decided to pass out cold on the sidewalk.” he explains and you pause in your tracks, clenching your jaw so hard it aches. This man was really testing the absolute limits of your sanity today.

“What?!” Haeun gasps, and her voice is so loud you almost hear her through the speaker. “Oh my god. I... I had no idea. Is she alright? What happened?”

“Don’t worry, she’s doing much better now.” Jeongguk simply says, keeping all the details under the rug. “She was discharged last night, but she strictly needs to rest… so I’m sure a secretary as competent as you can handle things at the company without her running herself into the ground for a few days, right?” He lets out a sweet chuckle.

“Oh, yes. Absolutely. Without a doubt.” Haeun agrees instantly and hearing your own secretary completely defect to your ex-husband's side makes you let out a low groan.

You throw your head back, clenching your fists as you stomp away towards the living room couch. You need physical distance, because a few more inches of proximity might actually result in you throwing a very very ugly punch straight into his handsome face.

“Yeah.” Jeongguk continues, watching your furious retreat. “You can contact her only if the building is actively on fire or if it’s an absolute crisis. Otherwise, she’ll just occasionally check emails from bed. I’m sure that works for you, yeah?”

“Of course, Mr. Jeon.” Haeun replies. “Please assure Ms. Min that she doesn’t need to worry about a single thing. I will personally oversee the restructuring of her calendar and make sure that everything is completely taken care of. Please ensure she gets the rest she requires.”

“That’s wonderful, Haeun-ssi.” Jeongguk beams with a victorious smile. “Truly. I always knew you were the most competent employee in that entire building.” He chuckles smoothly, giving you a look that says checkmate.

Once Jeongguk ends the call, you stand there, absolutely seething with your hands clamped tightly onto your hips. “What the fuck was that?” you ask, your voice dangerously low. “What do you think it was?” Jeongguk challenges, arching a brow as he casually leans back against the counter, crossing his arms and you swear that smug look on his face is your last fucking straw.

“Jeongguk, seriously, that’s enough! I get your point, okay? I really do! I’ve been getting your point since last night, but this is just too much!” you scream. “We are not together anymore… so you don't fucking get to do this!” you continue, pointing a trembling finger at him. “This is my company!!” you continue. “I can’t just disappear from my responsibilities because of a single health scare. This happens to anyone who works hard! If I decide to just slack off and hide away in bed, the fallout lands squarely on me because I have thousands of employees depending on me—”

“But Yejun has one mom!” he fires back, cutting you off as his voice echoes through the penthouse. “Yejun has one mom who needs to not pass out on some fucking pavement on a random evening!!”

That single sentence hits you like a physical blow and somehow knocks every single word out of your vocabulary, making you freeze as you just stare at him with your lips parted but completely silent.

Jeongguk lets out a ragged, trembling breath as he slowly steps out of the kitchen, walking towards you and stopping just inches away. “I know work is important to you…” he says softly. “I always have…. and… and I understand it more than anyone… trust me, Y/n, I really do.”

As the words leave him, something twists painfully in his chest because he wants to desperately say everything he failed to say 6 months ago. That he never hated your work, never hated your ambition, never resented the late nights, the endless calls, the impossible schedules.

If anything, he had been proud of you, of the empire you built with your own hands… that he was so fucking proud of the woman who carried impossible pressure and still stood tall, proud even when it hurt him… even when he felt left behind… even when he missed you so fucking much.

But this wasn’t the time for old regrets… so he swallows all of it.

“Y/n…” he breathes out, his voice softening. “You need a break.” he says as his fingers twitch at his side, fighting the primal urge to reach out, cup your jaw and just pull you close against his chest until you finally stop fighting. “Just think about it…” he says quietly. “If you take a few days off, you’ll… you’ll feel better. You need some rest, Y/n… so that whatever happened yesterday doesn't happen again.” he mutters the last part as he takes the tiniest step closer to you

“You don’t even have to do it for me, Y/n. Do it for Yejun.” he pleads softly. “I know how much you love him. I know you’ve been an absolute superhero of a mom to him, but wouldn’t it be a million times better if you were healthy, too? Wouldn't it be nice f0r Yejun to have a mom who isn’t constantly running herself on fumes? A mom who isn’t passing out because of starvation and exhaustion?”

You close your eyes for a brief second, the fight completely draining out of you as you slightly turn your body to the side, breaking the intense eye contact and run a trembling hand through your perfectly styled hair.

You want to so badly tell him that staying away from work won’t fix anything... it won’t heal you, won’t instantly make you feel better. If anything, you think it’ll only drown you further because work is the only thing keeping your head above the water right now.

You don’t think you can survive just sitting idle inside this massive penthouse, where in the silence, there would be nothing left to distract you from yourself.

There would be too much room to think… too much room to replay every single thing you ruined with your own hands, the choices you made, the distance you created… the marriage you let fracture piece by piece while convincing yourself you were doing everything for the right reasons.

You love your job… you always have but over the past few months, it stopped being just work. Somewhere along the way, it became a way of coping. The constant calls, meetings, contracts, decisions, flights, numbers… every exhausting demand gave your mind something else to latch onto so it wouldn’t spiral inward.

If you kept moving, you didn’t have to sit with grief. If you worked until your body physically ached, you didn’t have to feel how empty everything else had become. If you pushed yourself to the point of collapse, then maybe… just maybe, you’d be exhausted enough to steal a few fractured hours of restless sleep without lying awake replaying regrets until sunrise.

And yet… you can see where Jeongguk’s coming from and deep down, you know he’s right because more than anything, you never want Yejun to see you the way you were yesterday.

You never want his small, bright eyes to witness your body giving out in ways that felt frighteningly unfamiliar even to yourself. You never want him to remember you pale and shaking, too weak to stand on your own, looking less like someone he trusted and more like someone breaking apart in front of him.

And you know Jeongguk thinks this… your fainting, your exhaustion, your unraveling, is because you’ve overworked yourself into the ground and maybe part of it is, but it feels easier to let him believe it’s only that than to explain the whole truth… that this was never just about work.

So when you finally look back at him, seeing that genuine worry swimming so openly in his eyes, you realize there’s no point fighting anymore.

Your shoulders sag as the anger leaves your body and you exhale softly. “Fine.”

//

You sit on the leather couch, mindlessly switching through channels on your television… none of them capable of holding your attention for more than a few seconds.

It had been a few hours since Jeongguk finally left to go about his work but before he had reluctantly walked out the door, he hovered over you until you had finished every last bite of the breakfast he had prepared for you.

Then he’d also spent another 45 minutes in the kitchen prepping a full lunch for you and had carefully packed it away in the fridge, leaving a neatly written sticky note on it detailing the exact microwave time it needed along with a verbal threat that he would know if the container hadn't been moved.

One thing you had to admit, food always easily went down your system whenever it was cooked by Jeongguk and it seemed like that rule still held absolute custody over your body, even after the divorce.

It wasn't for a lack of options. Junhee, the cook you had employed was wonderful and her primary mandate was ensuring Yejun had nutritious, home-cooked meals whenever he stayed over at the penthouse.

Junhee was a certified culinary artist… her presentation was flawless, her flavors balanced and her execution textbook perfect. But whenever she set a plate down in front of you, your appetite would just… instantly vanish.

Maybe it was a psychological side effect of everything you were going through or maybe you were just an ungrateful bitch with a broken palate… you honestly didn't know.

On your better days, you would force down a few polite bites to justify her salary, but on most nights, you would just let the meals sit on the marble counter, staring at them blankly until they grew cold. Then, you'd dutifully store them away in the fridge, only to watch them inevitably spoil over the week until you eventually scraped them straight into the trash. It was a wasteful, pathetic cycle but your stomach simply refused to cooperate.

Yet, the moment you tasted Jeongguk’s cooking last night for the first time again in months, it seemed like the stubborn internal strike instantly ended because you didn't just tolerate the food; you actually wanted to keep eating.

It was as if your physical form harbored its own fiercely loyal muscle memory of the years he spent taking care of you, recognizing his specific touch on a cellular level. Your nervous system knew the exact way he chopped vegetables, the specific ratio of garlic he used and the loving warmth that went into everything he made.

So, the moment that familiarity hit your tongue again, the defensive walls your body built simply crumbled, gladly accepting his food without making you want to throw it all back up.

A selfish part of you can't help but wish he could just keep cooking for you again because you genuinely think Jeongguk’s food alone could probably fix at least fifty percent of your problems but well... you were pretty sure there wasn't a single co-parenting handbook on the market that advocated for using your ex-husband as a premium emotional support chef and you were simply going to have to accept the fact that your private, 3-meals-a-day personal chef privileges had officially expired the exact second you signed the final page of those divorce papers.

Left to your own devices, you spent the rest of the day attempting to master the art of doing absolutely nothing.

For a woman whose brain normally runs at a million miles an hour, navigating a forced day of rest was pure torture.

First, you tried to read a book, but your eyes just scanned the same paragraph 4 times while your mind drifted back to whether the emerald-encrusted bridal line should launch first in Paris or Seoul. Then, you tried to meditate, which lasted exactly 3 minutes before you found yourself wondering whether the celebrity ambassador contract had been finalized.

At one point, you actually resorted to organizing your skincare rack by product height, a silly attempt to find some semblance of executive control but eventually, the pointlessness of it all caught up to you.

Letting out a soft, defeated sigh, you glance at the time, noting that it was a little over six in the evening now and you find yourself wondering if you should just go pick up Yejun from daycare yourself.

But just as you reach for your phone to call Jeongguk and ask him if he’s already on his way there, the electronic beep of your front door passcode being entered echoes through the foyer and just as the lock clicks open—

“Mamaaaaa!” Yejun comes barreling into the living room, his little feet slapping against the floor as he runs straight for you. The suffocating silence that had been weighing down the penthouse for hours instantly evaporates as you break into the widest, most genuine smile you’ve worn all day.

Yejun launches his small body into your chestwith a breathless fit of giggles as you gladly open your arms for him and swoop him up, burying your face in his hair before settling him securely on your lap. “Hello, my love.” you coo, pressing a flurry of soft kisses against his chubby cheeks.

“Mama…” Yejun pulls away instantly, looking at you with wide eyes. “Daddy told me you were sick… what happened, mama?” he asks softly, placing a tiny hand against your cheek. “Does it hurt anywhere, mama? Do you need a band-aid?”

Just then, you look up to see Jeongguk walking into the living room with Yejun’s backpack slung over one of his shou;ders, while his hands carry two heavily overfilled paper bags bursting with fresh groceries.

This is definitely a new sight, considering it has never happened during any of the previous drop-offs and it somehow feels like a massive breach of the unspoken protocol you've both maintained for the past few months.

However, you decide to address it later, turning your focus back to your worried son. “Mama’s completely fine, baby.” you assure him, capturing his tiny hand in yours and pressing a small kiss right into his palm. “I was just a little tired and sick yesterday, but I'm all good now… I promise.” you smile softly as your nails gently brush his soft hair away from his forehead. “I’m sorry I couldn't come pick you up at Daddy’s cafe yesterday, bug.”

“This little guy spent the entire car ride giving me a lecture on how he's a big boy now and needs to take care of his mama. He even packed his stethoscope just in case.” Jeongguk finally chuckles, placing the bags of groceries on the marble island. “I’m pretty sure he isn’t mad at you at all. Isn’t that right, Jun?”

Yejun nods vigorously at his father's words, his little bottom lip jutting out in a serious pout. “I'm not mad, Mama. I brought my doctor kit to make you all better!”

Your heart swells so fiercely it aches as you giggle at your son, pressing one last kiss on his cheek before you stand up with Yejun hoisted onto your hip and his little arms instantly wrap securely around your neck, his warm cheek resting right against your shoulder.

Holding him tight, you walk towards the kitchen island where Jeongguk is already busy unloading the paper bags. Your eyes scan the counter filled with vegetables, organic meats and containers of seasoning.

“What’s… all this?” you ask softly, the confusion from earlier creeping back into your voice. “Groceries for dinner.” he answers simply, not looking up as he carefully sets down a bunch of fresh scallions.

“Jeongguk…” you call out gently, making him pause before he turns his head to look at you. “You… you don't have to do this.” you say softly, gesturing faintly to the crowded marble counter. “I can just call Junhee, she can come over and—”

“No.” he cuts you off, turning to fully face you. “I’m gonna cook for you until you go back to work. I need to make sure you’re actually eating and getting all the nutrients you need to recover. I can't just leave and wonder if you're skipping meals again.” he breathes out.“Please, Y/n… just let me do this.” he continues. “Honestly, I’ll feel a million times better knowing I’m the one feeding you right now.” his throat bobs slightly before he exhales. “Just… let me cook and take care of you for a few days.”

It almost sounds like a plea and when you finally look at him… really look at him, your breath hitches because his eyes give him away.

There’s no irritation there, no smugness… just worry.

The kind that looks like he hasn’t quite recovered from watching you collapse. His gaze lingers on you like he’s still checking every inch of your face for signs that you’re still too pale, still too tired, still one bad moment away from crumbling again and somehow that desperation hurts more than anger ever could.

After the divorce, not once had Jeongguk been bitter towards you… not once had he acted cold, let resentment sharpen his tongue or thrown a single angry glance your way.

If anything, the distance between you was entirely your own construction with your detached and cold behavior. You had built a fortress out of your own guilt, fully expecting him to fight back. You had braced yourself for his anger, almost begging for his resentment, because if he hated you for what you did, it would at least make the agony of leaving him make sense.

But it seemed like he never did.

And to know that even after everything, even after the way you broke his heart all those months ago, this is how his love… or whatever you think remains of it, still reaches for you… it makes you feel so so so undeserving of it.

Because how exactly are you supposed to untangle yourself from someone who still looks at you like this? With so much concern, so much worry and so much… care? How are you supposed to convince your heart to stay sensible and stand by your terrible decision when he’s standing there practically begging to care for you like he never stopped wanting to?

“Yes, Mama! Me and Daddy are going to cook for you!!” Yejun suddenly beams, breaking the heavy spell between you as he wiggles excitedly in your arms, making both you and Jeongguk look at him with a fond smile. “Oh really?” you giggle nuzzling his cheek with your nose as Yejun squeals, wrinkling his face and throwing his head back in a fit of breathless giggles.

Soon enough, dinner passes by in a flash with Jeongguk hovering over you and Yejun, making sure both of you finish every single bite he puts on your respective plates.

You try your best not to grumble at Jeongguk because it’s a little humiliating considering the fact that you… a grown woman is getting subjected to the exact same treatment as your 4 year old son. At least you were actually eating your vegetables, unlike Yejun, who was currently trying to camouflage his broccoli under all the rice.

Eventually, Yejun manages to leverage his ultimate weapon… his massive, pleading puppy eyes to convince both of you for a movie night. Neither you nor Jeongguk had the heart to decline him since it’s been a long, agonizing time since the last movie night with all 3 of you together.

Finding Nemo is the choice of the evening as all of you curl up on the couch, with Yejun proudly claiming his territory right in the middle while Jeongguk sits beside his son, casually resting his long arm along the top edge of the backrest behind you. Every single time you shift and the top of your head barely grazes his fingers, his knuckles whiten as he fights the overwhelming, muscle-memory urge to just reach down and twirl a strand of your hair around his finger, just the way he used to.

You remain oblivious to his struggle as you listen intently, humming and nodding along as Yejun tries his absolute best to explain every other second of the movie to you.

Instead of focusing on the screen, Jeongguk has his eyes entirely trained on you as he watches the gentle curve of your lips and the breathless way you giggle at your son’s enthusiastic commentary.

Every little sound you make sends a violent flutter straight through his chest and he finds himself wishing that the past few months were just a cruel nightmare he could finally wake up from.

He wants so desperately to believe that the space between the two of you is just an illusion and he prays to whatever universe is listening that this right here, right now, with his family tucked safely within arm's reach under the glow of the television, is what his life is always going to look like.

Yejun doesn't even make it past 30 minutes of the movie as he slumps sideways, falling fast asleep right against your chest with one of his tiny fists fiercely clutching a handful of your loose sweatshirt.

When you look down and notice, you smile softly, lazily patting his head. “I think…I should take him to bed.” you whisper as you begin to slowly shift, carefully bracing your arms to cradle your son without disturbing his heavy slumber but before you can even lean forward to lift him, Jeongguk is already moving. “Don’t worry.” he murmurs, leaning across the couch, his chest brushing slightly against your shoulder as his large hands gently reach out for Yejun. “I’ve got him.”

His knuckles brush against your collarbone for a fraction of a second as he carefully peels Yejun off your body and carries him in his arms. Supporting the little boy's head against his shoulder, Jeongguk carefully makes his way down the hallway towards his son’s bedroom.

When he steps back into the living room, he finds the television already switched off while you stand by the sofa quietly smoothing out the rumpled cushions and when you’re finally done, you turn to face Jeongguk as he purses his lips and slips his hands deep into his front pockets. “So…” he breathes out, awkwardly taking a step closer to you. “Um…” he looks away, his gaze drifting past your shoulder towards the kitchen. “I’ve already prepped everything for breakfast tomorrow…” he starts, pointing a thumb towards the refrigerator. “You don’t have to do any actual cooking... I prepped some dakjuk and put it in a glass container right there on the middle shelf. All you have to do in the morning is pop it in the microwave to warm it up… I made sure there’s more than enough for both you and Yejun.” he explains while you nod slowly.

“And, um…” he continues. “There’s also some side dishes in the small containers on the top shelf.” he adds and you nod again but you can't bring yourself to speak with the aching lump sitting right in the back of your throat.

You are terribly touched by the fact that even now, after everything, Jeongguk still goes completely all out when it comes to taking care of you and it once again makes a sickening wave of guilt wash over you because you feel so entirely undeserving of receiving this level of meticulous care from someone you’re supposed to call your ex-husband.

An awkward beat of silence passes while the words thank you just sit right on the tip of your tongue, but you keep your mouth firmly shut because you know with absolute certainty that if you try to speak right now, you might just break down and start crying on the spot. So you just keep looking down at your feet while Jeongguk’s eyes dart around the room before finally settling back on you again. “Will you… I mean, will you be able to drop Yejun off to school tomorrow morning?” he asks, rubbing the back of his neck. “Or do you want me to come by and—”

“Of course I’ll drop him off.” you cut him off, quickly clearing your throat to swallow down the lump in your throat. “Did you think fainting one time would suddenly make me physically crippled??” You try to joke, letting out a small, awkward chuckle. “Don’t worry. I’m fully capable of handling the school run.”

“Right.” Jeongguk lets out a breathless chuckle, nodding slowly as his shoulders relax a fraction. “That’s great, then.” a small smile touches his lips, but before it can fully form, your phone vibrates in your hand and Jeongguk’s eyebrows immediately arch.

You glance down at your phone, but you don't even need to read the screen to know what he's thinking. You can instinctively feel the stern look overtaking his features because of course he’s judging you… of course he’s wondering which work-related email or notification you're answering past 9pm.

You roll your eyes, scoffing softly as you look up at him. “Don’t worry, it’s not work.” you assure him a little defensively, wanting to prove you’re actually listening to his lectures about overworking. “It’s just a calendar reminder for Bomi’s bridal shower next week.”

“Oh.” his shoulders visibly relax. “Right. That’s… that’s next week.”he nods slowly and there’s another brief silence between you two, before he speaks again. “Actually, that reminds me…” he starts, stepping closer. “Since we’ll both be heading off to Jeju for the wedding, Junghwan hyung said he’s completely up for babysitting Yejun. But…” He pauses, looking at you carefully. “If you’d prefer, I can also just ask my mom to come stay over at your place instead, so that you know… Yejun doesn't have to pack up his things. Whichever option you're more comfortable with.”

Bomi and Hoseok had planned a no-kids wedding, and honestly, it was the ultimate act of mercy for most of their friends. They wanted all their close friends who were currently surviving the toddler trenches to actually enjoy the wedding and the little getaway… to drink the top-shelf vintage wine while it was still cold, to let loose on the dance floor without scanning the room for choking hazards and to remember what it felt like to have a conversation that didn't involve the words "don't put that in your mouth."

And as much as the thought of leaving your son behind for a few days is a little bittersweet, a pragmatic part of you knows it’s definitely more convenient because managing an energetic 4-year-old in a completely different province while both you and Jeongguk are going to be busy in your respective maid of honor/ best man duties would definitely be an impossible task.

“Oh… well, if your brother is free and offered, then I think that should be perfectly fine.” you nod, your voice softening. “Jun loves staying with his uncle anyway.”

“Yeah. He does.” Jeongguk smiles softly. “So… well, that’s settled then.” He nods to himself, burying his hands a little deeper into his pockets, while you copy his gesture with a small nod of your own. “Anyways, guess I’ll see you… tomorrow afternoon, then…” he says and as the words leave his lips, you both finally look into each other’s eyes. “You know, I’ll bring over lunch…” he adds softly and you give him a tight smile, nodding.

//

When you first crossed paths with Bomi, the mere sight of her had been enough to irritate you.

She was everything you weren’t… a walking, breathing ray of midday sunshine who moved through life with an incandescent warmth. She was one of those popular girls who were so unapologetically bright and radiant.

She’d laugh loudly, entirely without hesitation like a full on head-thrown-back sound that echoed down the hallways and made everyone else want to be in on the joke. She was so hopelessly talkative that she could probably even hold a riveting conversation with a brick wall if she wanted to and to add to the mix, she was also an absolute sweetheart. Everyone from the strictest teachers, who usually handed out detentions like candy, to the toughest seniors, who looked like they chewed glass for breakfast, absolutely adored her while you, on the other hand, were perfectly content being the school’s resident loner.

While you always tried to keep to yourself, it wasn't entirely by choice. Most of the students who came from privileged families avoided you like the plague, treating you like some tragic, walking omen of bad luck just because you came from an orphanage.

However, as expected, Bomi was the glaring exception because she was the only person who consistently tried to approach you, and ironically, her relentless kindness annoyed you far more than the people who openly avoided you. The harsh rejections from your classmates made sense to you; they fit the cynical worldview you had built to protect yourself. Bomi’s warmth, however, was an anomaly you didn't know how to handle.

Moreover, something that absolutely weirded you out was her bizarre, almost supernatural knack for showing up in the most random situations.

Like that one evening when Heejin, the popular rich girl, had you shoved against the brick wall in the little alleyway behind school, calling you an "unwanted charity case" or that one afternoon when that asshole jock, Wooseok, had stuck his foot out in the crowded cafeteria, sending you crashing to the floor with a tray full of food while the entire room erupted into humiliating laughter.

You don’t know how she did it, but in situations like these, Bomi would somehow manage to materialize from absolutely out of nowhere. She would boldly butt in, glare at whoever was bothering you, yell at them to get a life and then turn around, drop to her knees and quietly help you.

Back then, you lacked the ability to understand genuine altruism, so your defensive mind twisted her intentions and instead of feeling grateful, you became convinced that she only helped you out of a deeply insulting sense of pity. You thought she looked at you and probably saw a sad, pathetic stray dog to adopt for a boost to her own conscience.

But no matter how much you ignored her or glared at her for being annoying or flat-out told her to stop butting into your business, Bomi possessed the stubborn resilience of a golden retriever that had simply decided you were her person.

So eventually, through sheer persistence, she went from shielding you from the nasty school bullies like a pint-sized bodyguard, to casually dropping her lunch tray onto your isolated cafeteria table as if she’d been invited, to happily waving you over to the seat she’d save for you before every class, to quietly watching in silent fascination as you sketched some pretty cool jewelry pieces on the empty bleacher stands and before long, she was also trailing right behind you all the way back to the rusted gates of the orphanage every single evening as she yapped endlessly about her day, completely unfazed by your silence… because she already knew she had won you over.

You can’t quite pinpoint the exact calendar date or the precise hour the shift happened, but Bomi had successfully thawed your defenses, until you finally found your dim world being lightened by the unyielding golden light of her sun.

And right now, that very same girl, carrying that exact same brightness, only a little older and marginally more mature (though that part would be highly debatable), stands right beside you, looking absolutely breathtaking in her milk-white lace mini dress with her head tilted back as her sparkly wide eyes stare at the glowing sign of “Le Jardin d’Or”.

“Wait, so let me get this straight…” Bomi breathes out, as she continues staring at the brass lettering. “While I have been genuinely fighting for my life on the phone just to secure a two-person reservation here, you just… casually managed to rent out the whole fucking place?” she gasps, finally snapping her head towards you, her jaw practically on the pavement. “Y/n, do you have any fucking idea how insane this is?”

You only offer her a deeply satisfied grin in response and right on cue, a sharply dressed host steps forward, bowing as he pulls open the heavy glass doors for the both of you. “Come on.” you murmur, looping your arm through hers and gently guide her over the threshold.

“Le Jardin d’Or” was a legendary french culinary haven owned by Kim Seokjin, the older brother of your dear friend Taehyung. Due to its popular demand and michelin-tier dining experience, securing a single table here was notoriously hard, the kinda place where even a 3-month waiting list was considered a miracle and since Bomi had spent the better part of the year complaining about how she would probably never taste their famous truffle souffle before she died, as her maid of honor you decided to use a little bit of your industry leverage and went all out just for her bridal shower.

The bride-to-be follows your lead like a child walking into a fairytale, her glittering eyes darting across the velvet booths, the sweeping crystal chandeliers and the soft, ambient glow of the dining room. But the moment she steps past the grand archway and into the main lounge, she’s already gasping.

Standing around a beautifully decorated long table was a collection of Bomi’s dearest college friends who had flown in from abroad, her favorite childhood cousins, a handful of her closest work colleagues and sitting proudly at the center was her mother and grandmother.

“Oh my god!!” Bomi squeals and without a single second of hesitation, she instantly springs forward, as she throws herself into a flurry of breathless greetings and hugs.

Eventually, the bridal shower is in full swing as the kitchen continuously rolls out course after course of the restaurant’s finest culinary masterpieces, paired with bottles of the most exclusive, vintage wine. One by one, Bomi’s loved ones begin passing around beautifully wrapped packages, showering Bomi with thoughtful tokens of affection for her upcoming new chapter.

When she’s finally done gushing over each gift as she tearfully thanks everyone, you quietly reach down for the little wrapped box from your purse. “And here’s a little something from me.” you say with a soft smile as Bomi’s face lights up instantly. She takes the box from you, her fingers carefully unwrapping it and the minute she catches a glimpse of the luxurious velvet box underneath the wrapper, she freezes. “No way…” she gasps as her eyes widen at the embossed logo of “Valerra” imprinted dead center on the lid. “Am I actually getting a piece from Valerra for free?” she giggles giddily, her gaze darting to you in disbelief making you roll your eyes playfully.

Knowing your reputation, her friends and family lean in closer, peering curiously as they eagerly wait for Bomi to unveil the treasure inside. You simply keep your eyes on her, as she carefully lifts the lid of the jewelry box. Resting against the dark velvet is a breathtaking, custom diamond necklace that features a central yellow diamond, surrounded by a halo of delicate white diamonds that mimic the gentle, flaring rays of a morning sun.

“I designed it myself.” you murmur softly and you hope she understands why you chose that specific diamond because you want her to know that she was as bright as the sun and had brightened up your life in ways that no amount of words could ever fully explain.

A collective, awed gasp ripples through the guests at the dazzling beauty but Bomi doesn't join in on the noise as she just stares down at the glittering sun caught in the velvet box. “This…” she breathes out and you notice the way her eyes turn glossy. “Y/n… this is so beautiful.”

Before you can say anything, she’s already setting the box down on the table and leaning across the little space between you to give you a tight side hug. “Best maid of honor ever.” she mumbles, making you chuckle as you hug her back.

Soon enough, the evening carries on again as everyone around the table takes turns sharing some pretty fond, embarrassing and nostalgic memories of Bomi accompanied with the occasional clink of wine glasses being raised in a toast while also losing themselves in the incredible food.

“You know…” Bomi begins again, as the lively chatter around the table continues around you. “I just… really want to thank you for this.” she lightly gestures towards the whole gathering you’ve arranged for her.

“What’s with all the sudden formalities?” you scoff, cutting into your steak frites and taking a slow bite of the perfectly seared meat. “No, Y/n, I mean it.” she insists softly, her hand reaching out to gently touch your forearm. “I know…” she pauses to take a hesitant breath and the sudden shift in her tone makes you pause as your fork hovers mid-air while you turn to look at her. “I know these last few months have been incredibly hard for you…. and I know it couldn’t have been easy to put everything you’ve been going through aside to plan stuff for someone else’s wedding.”

At her words, you slowly purse your lips as the bite of food turns to ash in your mouth and unable to hold her sympathetic gaze, you turn back to your plate, your eyes staring blankly at the steak as you mindlessly trace the edge of the porcelain with your knife.

When Bomi had initially asked you to be her maid of honor… well, technically her “matron” of honor since you were, you know… a married woman and all, it was supposed to be a flawless mirroring of the past because Bomi had stood by your side as your maid of honor and you were meant to return the favor on the happiest day of her life.

At the time, you had been absolutely thrilled and the alignment of the stars felt almost too perfect, especially since your husband, Jeongguk, was set to be the groom’s best man because just like you and Bomi, it seemed like Hoseok and Jeongguk had a lifetime promise of their own as well which basically meant you’d be walking down the aisle hand in hand with the love of your life once again, but this time to celebrate a new beginning for Hoseok and Bomi, while standing firmly in your own happily ever after.

However, with the recent turn of events, you’re painfully aware that walking down that aisle is going to be anything but sweet and simple and the heaviest part of the burden is the suffocating fact that it’s all your fault.

Yet, it remains entirely unavoidable since it was almost like a silent truce between you and Jeongguk, because neither of you could even bear the thought of letting your problems cast a shadow over Hobi and Bomi’s perfect day.

“You’re not just ‘someone else’.” you say quietly, keeping your tone even and Bomi watches you for a moment, her expression softening almost painfully. “I know…” she says gently, inching a little closer in her seat. “But that’s not really what I meant.” she breathes out and you already know where this is going so even before she says another word, your shoulders tense slightly.

“Y/n…” she exhales softly. “Even though you refuse to talk about things properly and keep pretending everything’s fine, I know these past few months have been horrible for you.”

You don’t react immediately, instead, you lift your wine glass, taking a small sip just to buy yourself a second longer before having to look at her again.

“And don’t even get me started on last week…” she continues. “When Hobi told me you passed out, I swear my heart actually stopped.” Of course she knew. Hoseok probably heard it from Jeongguk within the hour it happened.

“Bomi, I’m okay,” you insist quickly, finally forcing yourself to look at her properly. “It really wasn’t that serious.” you try your best to assure her, but Bomi just lets out a deep sigh, completely unconvinced. After all, she had called you the very next morning and scolded you for a solid ten minutes and clearly, she wasn't done yet.

“Thankfully.” she mutters under her breath. “Gguk told Hobi it was stress and exhaustion from overworking… but honestly?” she pauses.“I think both of us know it’s more than just work.”

Your fingers tighten slightly around the stem of the wine glass in your hand because out of everyone in your life, Bomi has always been the one of the few people who sees through you the fastest.

“He’s been taking care of you though, hasn’t he?” she asks gently after a moment. “Jeongguk.”

You absolutely hate how immediately your heart races at the mere mention of his name but unlike the sharp, suffocating ache that usually accompanied his memory these past few months, this time it doesn't feel painful. It feels… fuzzy and… and warm… and that is somehow infinitely scarier than the pain because pain you can guard against… warmth, however, makes you want to surrender.

It had been about a week since you’d officially stepped back from the relentless, soul-crushing grind, begrudgingly following your ex-husband’s orders to take some time off. Of course, you had secretly broken protocol a couple of times, covertly logging onto brief video conferences with Haeun and your core team to discuss some urgent matters that demanded your final seal of approval but aside from those minor slip ups, you had actually… miraculously, been trying to rest.

Slowly, your body was finally starting to realize that the sky wouldn't fall if you just took a breath instead of always letting work distract you from everything in your head even though the sudden lack of chaos did make you feel a little restless and twitchy at times.

But on the bright side, the forced hiatus gave you some amazing uninterrupted time to spend with Yejun. You spent hours completely operating on his whimsical, 4 year old timeline and you even managed to take him back to the orphanage to visit Ms. Baek again and to also play around with the little friends he’d made there.

You even allowed yourself a full day of some good old retail therapy, spoiling yourself with a few extravagant things you certainly didn't need. It was a superficial distraction, sure, but there was just something absolutely liberating about splurging on yourself just because you could.

When it came to sleep, it was still the same. You’ve started forcing yourself to sleep through the nightmares, all while still relying on the pills and you’re hoping the problem magically fixes itself.

Yet, the biggest shift of the week came from a certain someone who refused to leave your orbit.

Jeongguk had been over at your penthouse constantly and thanks to him, your appetite was doing much better because you were actually eating regular, timely meals again. But aside from the physical comfort of having your belly filled, your heart was suffering a much more dangerous consequence since it seemed like it was rapidly losing its ability to differentiate the broken present from the unbroken past.

Being so close to him again, watching him take care of you again, watching Yejun cling to his father’s leg while he was cooking… god, it felt so so so… incredibly good.

Somewhere along the span of just a single week, you could literally feel your heart easily bending the heavy iron bars you had so carefully caged it behind but sadly, the fear that has itself rooted so deeply in you is still very much alive and thriving and you know that if you let yourself fall back into whatever dangerous, fragile hope you've been feeling, you will only end up pulling Jeongguk right back into the vortex of your own instability and worse, a quiet, insecure voice in your head whispers that you aren't even sure if Jeongguk wants to try anymore, or if he's simply acting out of lingering duty and care just because you're the mother of his child.

Whenever you’d watch Jeongguk over the past few days, you couldn't stop your mind from wondering if somewhere deep down, he still loved you.

Actually, if you were being entirely honest with yourself, you knew he did because his actions were loud enough to prove that. The real, terrifying question wasn't whether the love was still there, but rather if he still loved you enough to ever want you again. Was there still a version of the future in his mind where you were his, or had he simply accepted a reality where you were just a painful chapter he was forced to close?

The question would arrive so naturally it scared you, even when you knew with absolute certainty that you didn't have the right to even let that question form in your head, especially not after everything you’d put him through because by all accounts, you had forfeited the right to his heart the day you walked away.

Still, your heart kept reaching for the possibility anyway… but the moment the thought appeared, your brain would immediately crush it and to save yourself from the agony of a rejection you knew you deserved, your mind would quickly construct a more logical conclusion that his tenderness was merely an extension of his love for Yejun.

He was simply protecting the mother of his child because any damage done to you would ultimately hurt your son and it was easier to just think that way and force yourself to starve your own heart in the dark than risk pulling the pin on the grenade and ruining everything all over again.

“Yeah… he has.” you finally reply. “How… has that been going?” Bomi asks as she gently pushes for more and almost instantly a quiet, defeated sigh escapes you as your gaze drops to your lap. “Well… he just comes over to cook and stock the fridge.” you explain, leaning back against the plush velvet of your seat. “You know how he is. Always so caring, always doing too much. He has this instinct to… look after people, even when…” your voice trails off, the words “even when he shouldn’t” catching in your throat.

“Do you…” Bomi starts again as you turn your head to look at her. “Do you… I don’t know, by any chance, see you guys trying again?”

Your breath hitches at her question because the truth is… you do see it.

You’ve already envisioned a million different versions of that exact future. You see the beautiful, intoxicating warmth of trying again but you also see the inevitable aftermath: you see Jeongguk getting exhausted all over again, you see the heavy toll your instability takes on his bright soul, you see the exact moment the light dies in his eyes and you see the way he looks at you with that crushing despair… like you’re the hardest, most draining thing to love in this world.

You see yourself ruining him twice, and that’s a reality you just can’t survive.

But before an answer even leaves you, Nayeon, one of Bomi’s cousins, is yelling for her from the other end of the table as she holds up her phone. “Bomi!! I’ve got Mina on video call! She’s devastated she couldn’t make it today and wants to see you !!” she explains, referring to the cousin who couldn’t make it to the shower.

Bomi blinks, momentarily caught off guard before looking at you apologetically but you just offer her a small, urgent nod, silently begging her to go and once she slides out of her seat and walks over to Nayeon, you let out a trembling breath, deeply thankful for the sudden distraction because just as much as you love Bomi, you hate how transparent you become in front of her.

//

“Jeongguk-ah, seriously! What kind of psychopath carries 6 shockwave grenades into the final circle?” Hoseok groans dramatically, tossing his controller onto the couch behind as his character’s elimination screen flashes brightly across the television. “Nobody plays fortnite like this. You’re supposed to shoot people, not like… fucking launch them into another zip code!”

“That just sounds like a skill issue, hyung.” Jeongguk simply shrugs with a cocky ass grin from his spot on the floor. “Skill issue my ass.” Hoseok mutters, glaring at the screen as a laugh escapes Namjoon from the couch as he leans forward to steal another slice of the pepperoni pizza from the messy coffee table scattered with empty soda cans, greasy pizza boxes and half-opened bags of chips.

“Damn.” he chuckles, taking a bite. “I didn’t know you took fortnite this personally, Hobi.” he jokes, making Hoseok only huff louder.

Since Bomi’s bridal shower had effectively monopolized the entire Sunday evening, Hoseok didn’t exactly want to spend the entire time just sitting around and missing his fiancée and immediately suggested an impromptu game night with the guys.

Jeongguk had offered his apartment as headquarters almost instantly, mostly because Yejun was staying over for the night anyway since you were out at the bridal shower too.

Before Jeongguk can add more fuel to Hobi’s fire, he spots Jimin quietly emerging from Yejun’s bedroom, carefully pulling the door shut behind him. “Jesus Christ, Hobi hyung…” he exhales the second he steps into the living room, glaring at the man currently sitting cross-legged, looking mad as hell on the floor. “You need to lower your volume.”

“I’m literally speaking.” Hoseok looks up in disbelief. “There’s a 4 year old trying to sleep like… 10 feet away and whatever noise you’ve been making definitely wasn’t helping!” Jimin shoots back making Namjoon snort into his soda can.

“Seriously…” Jimin continues. “If Jun wakes up thinking there’s a wild animal loose in the apartment, I’m blaming you.” he narrows his eyes at Hobi who merely scoffs before reaching for his controller again. “Traitors…. all of you.” he mumbles

“Thanks for putting him down, hyung.” Jeongguk smiles, watching Jimin make his way over to the couch and plopping himself down right beside Namjoon. “Oh, please.” Jimin says immediately, placing a hand over his chest. “The pleasure was entirely mine.” his eyes crinkle into little crescents as he smiles. “It’s not every day Junnie specifically requests his Uncle Chim for bedtime story duty.” he says fondly. “I had to bring my A-game, you know because damn Gguk your son has standards…. I had to give him like 13 different character voices.” Jimin says, making Jeongguk laugh.

“We’re officially out of fuel.” Hoseok suddenly points out, peering into the empty pizza box. “Let me order another round. Who wants what?” he asks, already unlocking his phone. As both Namjoon and Jimin rattle off their choices, Jeongguk glances at time noting that It’s a little over 9:00 p.m. now, and his mind automatically wonders how the bridal shower is going… or more specifically, how it’s going for you.

He wonders if you’re eating well and enjoying the food, if you’re genuinely having fun and the mere thought of that coaxes a soft, subconscious grin on his lips. He even wonders if you cried, because he knows how deeply sentimental these pre-wedding events can get, and despite the fierce, stoic armor you always try to wear, he knows exactly how tender your heart truly is especially when it comes to your loved ones.

Eventually, the game night carries on as more pizza deliveries come by and right now Jeongguk effortlessly obliterates Jimin’s character on the screen. However, he gets distracted when Hoseok suddenly plays a video on his phone at full volume from the couch right behind him.

“What’s that?” he casually asks, glancing over his shoulder and instantly notices the way Hobi stares down at his screen with a hopelessly fond, foolish smile. “Nothing…” he giggles giddily, his eyes practically turning into hearts. “Bomi’s just drunk out of her mind and having the time of her life. She’s sending me all these ridiculously cute videos of herself.”

“Geez, look at you cheesing all by yourself.” Jimin comments with a grin as he briefly glances at Hoseok before returning his hyper-focus back on the screen and instantly seizing the golden opportunity of Jeongguk’s distraction to aggressively fight back and steal the lead. As Namjoon joins in on the teasing, laughing at Hoseok’s total lack of defense against his fiancée, Jeongguk’s mind suddenly wonders if you’re drunk too and before he can stop himself his mind is already spiraling.

Will you be able to get home safely? Are you even sober enough to call your driver? He wonders if whatever dress you’re wearing is warm enough and if you even remembered to bring a coat but… knowing you, you probably didn’t. God… are you going to be okay?

“Alright, I think I’m gonna head out for the night.” Hoseok announces, standing up as he glances at the time. “I’m thinking I should just drive over and pick Bomi up, and maybe drop off her mom and grandma too. It’s getting pretty late and I really don't want them dealing with cabs or drivers this time of night.”

Jimin and Namjoon nod in understanding, entirely approving of the chivalry and watch as Hoseok grabs his jacket from where it’s thrown over the armrest and starts moving towards the front door.

“Wait, I’m coming too.” Jeongguk says quickly, standing up before he even fully processes his own impulse and it makes everyone in the room pause and look at him. Sensing the confused silence, Jeongguk just shrugs. “What?” he says, grabbing his keys off the counter. “I’m gonna go pick up Y/n.”

He doesn't wait for them to dissect his answer as he looks over at Jimin. “Hyung, you’re staying over tonight anyway, right? Just make sure to watch over Junnie.” he says as Jimin quickly nods before exchanging a brief look with the other two and they all know Jeongguk far too well to question anything so Hoseok simply opens the door, waiting for him to catch up.

//

“Y/nnnnn… you’re my bestest friend in the whole wide worllddd.” Bomi slurs happily as she clumsily drapes a warm arm over your shoulder. You offer a breathless laugh, planting your feet firmly on the cool pavement just outside the restaurant as you hold onto her.

One by one, Bomi’s cousins and friends begin to spill out onto the sidewalk, bidding loud goodbyes. Some lean heavily against the brick walls as they squint down at their phones trying to track their designated drivers, while others wave their arms to hail passing cabs.

Right behind you, Bomi’s mother, grandmother and two of her cousins hustle out onto the pavement, trying their absolute best to divide their attention between balancing a mountain of glossy gift bags and keeping a watchful eye on Bomi's swaying form. “Oh, sweetheart, let me help you with her.” Bomi’s mom says softly, adjusting a few bags in one arm while gently gripping Bomi’s waist to take some of the weight off you. “Hoseok called just a few minutes ago. He said he’s on his way to pick us up because he didn't want us trying to find a cab this late.” she says.

Son-in-law of the year you think to yourself as a hazy smile tugs at your lips but before you can nod at her, a sudden wave of dizziness hits you, and you’re sharply reminded that you’re pretty damn drunk yourself.

Still, you pull your shoulders back, trying your absolute best to act completely sober and play the responsible best friend. “Bomi, careful. You’re gonna trip.” you click your tongue softly and right on cue, Bomi squirms in your grip to wave at her friends who leave in a passing car and your own high heels wobble precariously against the uneven concrete.

You catch your breath, locking your knees and tightening your hold on her waist, praying your ankles hold up for just a few more minutes until Hoseok’s car pulls up to the curb.

Barely 5 minutes pass before you see a familiar car pulling up and Bomi’s mother waves instantly, recognizing the vehicle, but before you can even begin to form a smile to greet Hoseok, another car pulls up right behind his and you squint your eyes because… hold on… is that..?

You blink a few times, wondering if the many glasses of wine and champagne were actually playing tricks on your eyes, forcing you to see things that shouldn't be here because there’s just… absolutely no way.

But before you can even refocus your hazy vision, the door swings open and Jeongguk is already stepping out of his car.

The sudden sight of him sends a jolt through your system as your grip instinctively tightens around Bomi, who is still very much dead weight and entirely drunk against your side.

You can only stare, completely paralyzed, as he walks in your direction and you’re just so caught up in the gravity of his gaze that you barely even realize the physical weight being lifted off of you, your hands slipping away as Hoseok gently and carefully peels a rambling Bomi from your arms, murmuring sweet, soft words to his fiancée.

“Y/nnnnnn! This man is trying to kidnap meeeee.” Bomi slurs, her loud voice snapping you back to reality as Hoseok lets out a helpless laugh, completely enamored by how adorable she is.

You quickly look away, blinking rapidly to clear the lingering haze from your mind as Jeongguk finally stops right in front of you. You offer a tight smile to Hoseok, before turning your attention to Bomi’s mother and grandmother. “Please get home safely.” you say softly, bowing respectfully to them and they both step in close to wrap you in a warm hug, murmuring their thanks and telling you to rest well.

“Make sure she takes her hangover medicine… she’s gonna hate herself in the morning.” you chuckle softly as you pull away from them, directing your words to Hoseok, who is currently undergoing a full interrogation from his fiancée as he tries to convince her that he is, in fact, her future husband and not a random stranger trying to abduct her.

As the group finally starts to move towards Hoseok's car, you slowly turn towards Jeongguk and the sudden quiet between you makes your pulse spike.

“What… are you doing here?” you ask softly. “What do you think?” Jeongguk counters smoothly, looking down at you and you hate the way the arch of his brow and the tilt of his head makes your heart skip a beat.

Before you can even begin to formulate a defensive reply, a sharp gust of the night breeze sweeps past your exposed arms and neckline, making you shudder and Jeongguk’s quick to notice it. He doesn’t hesitate even for a fraction of a second as he slides his jacket off and drapes it over your shouldrrs.

“I’m here to pick you up.” he mutters, his hands gently pulling the lapels together to shield you from the cold. “You know I could’ve just called Mr. Choi,” you say, your voice softening as you look up at him. Jeongguk doesn't answer right away as his hands find the hair behind your nape that’s trapped beneath the fabric of his jacket and carefully coaxes the locks free as he gently smoothes the silk of your hair down your back.

“Well, now you don’t have to,” he replies as he finally looks into your eyes. “Come on.” he says, stepping back to lead the way towards his car.

You gulp before taking your first step and feel your feet wobble slightly as your ankles ache with a dull, throbbing pain when you feel the sharp, stinging burn of a fresh shoe bite.

Fuck, wearing these new heels tonight was definitely a bad idea.

Still, you stubbornly swallow the wince and instinctively clutch the long fabric of your dress, lifting it slightly at your knee to keep yourself from tripping and begin to follow Jeongguk. “Where’s Jun?” you ask as you reach the passenger side and Jeongguk is already there, pulling the door open for you. “Knocked out at home. Jimin hyung’s staying over.” he answers as he shields the top of the doorframe with his hand and waits patiently for you to settle in. Once you’re seated, he pushes the door close and rounds the hood of the car to get into the driver’s seat.

The drive back to your penthouse is silent as you keep your eyes glued outside the window with your fingers absentmindedly fiddling with the zipper of Jeongguk’s jacket.

From the driver's seat, Jeongguk keeps stealing quiet glances at you, noticing the soft flush still painting your cheeks, a clear giveaway that the wine and champagne were still humming sweetly through your veins.

God, he has to admit, it’s taking everything in him to just keep his hands steady on the steering wheel right now, because you look so fucking gorgeous even when his jacket’s covering you.

Back on the sidewalk, when he was walking towards you from his car, he’d had to consciously force himself to breathe. His entire system had short-circuited the moment his eyes landed on you standing there holding Bomi, wearing that stunning dress with the midnight-black silk draped over your silhouette, pooling elegantly around your feet, but it was that deep, plunging halter neckline that had made his breath completely catch in his throat.

He had tried his absolute best to be a gentleman, to behave and keep his gaze locked strictly on your eyes, but it was a losing battle because his eyes had helplessly traced the daring dip of the halter neck and the delicate lace detailing that wrapped around your waist, hugging your curves just right.

In just that short walk towards you, he had already imagined tracing his fingers along the edge of that neckline with his fingers and lips but he quickly had to swallow that hunger down and force a mask of calm over his face.

When the car finally glides to a halt inside your penthouse garage, you open the door and step out but the moment you put your full weight down, a sharp hiss escapes your lips because the friction of the movement makes the raw shoe bite on your heel burn like pure fire.

Jeongguk steps out of the driver's side just in time to catch the sour expression on your face and his eyes immediately drop, tracking the way you shift your weight and look down at your feet. He clicks his tongue, a soft sound of gentle exasperation. “Come here.” he says simply, closing the distance between you in two long strides and before you can even begin to protest, his hands are already moving.

He slides the Chanel purse out of your hands and casually slings the gold chain strap over his own shoulder without a second thought. Then, bending down, he slides one arm beneath your knees, careful of the long silk skirt of your dress, and the other securely behind your back, lifting you up into his arms.

“Gguk, oh my god!” you squeak, the sudden loss of gravity catching you completely off guard as your arms instinctively fly up, wrapping tightly around his neck to steady yourself.

Without saying a single word to justify himself, Jeongguk just shifts your weight comfortably against his chest and begins walking towards the private elevator. “I told you to tape the back of your new heels before using them to prevent shoe bites.” he says as he presses the elevator button with his elbow.

You let out a quiet, defensive huff, but you can't actually argue. The elevator doors slide open and he steps inside, still holding you up effortlessly in bridal style.

Once he makes it into the penthouse, only then does he carefully lower your feet to the floor, but before you can even attempt to take a single step, he’s already crouching down as his nimble fingers gently peel the heels off your feet. “Go take a seat.” he says simply, gesturing towards the living room before disappearing down the hallway as if he still lives here.

Maybe it’s because of the alcohol in your system or the fact that you’re actually quite exhausted, you find yourself silently obeying him as you pad over to the couch, and the minute you sink down into the plush cushions, you release a long breath of pure relief and lean your head back against the sofa.

Within a few minutes, Jeongguk returns, carrying a glass of cold water in one hand and a small first-aid kit in the other.

He hands you the glass of water first and just as you take a sip, your eyes widen slightly over the rim when he drops to his knees on the floor directly in front of you. Without asking for permission, his hand reaches for your foot and places it on his thigh.

“Gguk—” you try to move your feet but he holds it still before using a swab to dab some cooling antiseptic over the shoe bite. You wince slightly at the initial sting, your fingers instinctively gripping the silk of your dress, but Jeongguk immediately blows a breath of cool air over the wound to soothe the burn, his thumb absentmindedly caressing the sensitive skin near your ankle to distract you.

Once the sting fades, he unscrews the ointment and scoops a small amount onto his fingertip and carefully applies it over the little wound.

Your breath hitches as you look down at him, tending so carefully to a wound so small and god… this is so so soooo not good for your heart because the shoe bite itself is barely anything… a few days and it would’ve healed on its own. Yet here he is, crouched in front of you, treating it with the same care he would for something far more serious.

Suddenly you become way too aware of his presence as the intoxicating scent of his cologne wraps around you, making your head spin faster than the alcohol ever could.

You suddenly have the overwhelming urge to forget everything…. the walls, the fear, the divorce, the months spent pretending you didn't miss him and for one reckless second, all you want to do is just… reach for him.

You want to slide off the couch, throw yourself onto him, wrap your arms around his neck and kiss the heck out of him and maybe even shake some sense into him while you're at it.

Because why on earth is he still like this? Why is he so kind and so nice and so gentle and so stupid? Why does he show up every single time? Why can’t he just look the other way for once? Why can’t he at least pretend to hate you?

The thoughts in your head suddenly become too loud, forcing you back to reality. “That’s… that’s enough.” you break the moment, your voice coming out breathless and strained as you quickly pull your foot off his thigh.

Jeongguk’s hands freeze mid-air, his eyes instantly snapping up to yours. “Wait… what about your other leg?” he asks, looking up at you. “I’ll apply it myself.” you say quickly, the words tumbling out in a rush and before he can protest or reach for you again, you lean forward and snatch the ointment right out of his hand and hastily gather the rest of the first-aid kit from the floor.

“I’ll go change.” you manage to say and without waiting for his response, you turn on your heel and practically flee towards the safety of your bedroom.

Jeongguk sighs as he watches you disappear down the hallway. He stays on his knees for a beat longer, staring at the empty space on his thigh where your foot had just been, before shaking his head and pushing himself up. He stands up straight, but just as he bends down to dust off his knees he notices the pack of hydrocolloid bandages on the floor and he realises they must have slipped out of the first-aid kit when you hastily picked it up.

Knowing that the raw, angry blister on your heel will desperately need the protection, he picks it up and makes his way towards the room you just disappeared into. “Y/n?” he calls out softly, pushing the bedroom door open a fraction and he instantly hears a faint rustle of fabric coming from your walk-in closet. “You left the—” but the words die in his throat as Jeongguk freezes a few steps into the room, his eyes squinting at the small amber bottle resting on the edge of your nightstand.

He steps closer, momentarily forgetting all about the bandages in his hand, as he reaches out and carefully picks up the little bottle and when he reads the label, he feels his breath hitch.

You were taking sleeping pills again.

Suddenly, the terrifying truth floods his mind and all the disconnected dots frantically connect in Jeongguk’s head.

You passing out on the sidewalk, the hollow exhaustion pulling at the corners of your eyes, all the skipped meals and your sudden lack of appetite… it… it wasn’t just about work.

If you had resorted to relying on a substance he so vividly, painfully remembers you struggling to give up years ago… a dark chapter he had personally held you through, then this was something infinitely more serious.

Was the crippling insomnia back, leaving you staring at the ceiling for hours in the suffocating dark? Were you having the same old nightmares again? Were you waking up gasping for air, having panic attacks all alone in the middle of the night with no one to hold you until your heart slowed down?

“What are you doing?” his train of thoughts are abruptly cut off and before he can even blink, the little bottle is violently snatched from his grip and Jeongguk whips his head to the side as his wide eyes collide with yours.

You’ve only just taken off his jacket while you’re still wrapped in that criminal dress, but Jeongguk doesn’t even notice because all he can see is the pure anger in your eyes.

“You’re… you’re taking sleeping pills again?” he questions, his voice cracking slightly and your jaw clenches so hard, a muscle jumps under your skin as you look away. “You need to leave. It’s late.” you deadpan and turn to walk away as you bury the bottle deep in your fist but in a flash, Jeongguk stops you before you can slip away, his large hand wrapping around your elbow as he pulls you back to face him. “Y/n, look at me. Are the nightmares back again? Is that why you haven’t been getting much sleep? Why didn’t you tell me—”

“Well, why the hell should I tell you about anything?!” you snap, violently yanking your arm out of his grasp. “What exactly are you going to do about it, Jeongguk? Huh? Are you going to crawl into my bed and hold me to sleep?” your chest heaves as you glare at him. “Seriously, Jeongguk, when the hell are you going to stop butting into my life and just mind your own goddamn business?!”

Jeongguk’s lips part in absolute disbelief as the sheer malice in your tone makes the color drain entirely from his face. “Y/n, this is my busines—”

“No, it’s NOT!” you roar, cutting him off before he can even breathe out the sentence. “Me fainting, me skipping meals, me overworking myself until my body breaks down or me swallowing a handful of pills just to get two hours of peace… none of that shit is your business anymore!” you say it fiercely even as you feel the burning, stinging sensation of tears threatening to form behind your eyes. “Do I have to remind you that we are literally not together anymore?!”

“So what, now I’m just supposed to stop caring about you????” Jeongguk finally snaps back as he steps closer, completely towering over you with his fists clenching at his sides. “I’m just supposed to not give a fuck anymore??? Is that what you’re sayin—”

“Well, YES!!” you yell, the words tearing raw from your throat and deep down, you know you’re being incredibly cruel and irrational right now, but you just can’t help it anymore. He’s getting too close again… pulling you back into his gravity… back into that warm, beautifully hazardous orbit where it’s just so easy to let him save you, and you absolutely can’t let it happen.

You can’t let it happen to yourself, and more importantly, you can’t let it happen to him and right now, as you stare at him with rage in your eyes, all you can think about is how you have to push him away, even if you have to burn the bridge while you're both standing right on top of it.

“That is exactly what you're supposed to do!” you hiss, stepping closer until your chest is practically brushing his. “You literally do not have to care about anything that happens to me anymore… so stop trying to take care of me all the time and just leave me alone!!”

“Y/n, you’re the mother of my child!” Jeongguk fights back, raw agony vibrating through his shattering voice as his face twists in pure pain. “Of course I am always going to care!! Do you think it’s just easy to stop caring about you after everything we’ve been through??! Does that even make sense to you???”

“Well, it’s too much!!” you snap, shoving your hands against his solid chest to push him away, though he barely even budges an inch. “You can’t keep doing this, Jeongguk!! You can’t keep barging into my life and treating me like I’m still yours to save! You need to leave me the hell alone!!” you close your eyes tightly, absolutely frustrated.

“Well, if the roles were reversed, would you???” he suddenly questions as your glossy eyes fly open, completely caught off guard by the raw vulnerability bleeding through his anger. “Tell me.” he demands. “If I was the one going through something like this… if… if I was the one suffering… would you honestly just sit back and not care about me? Would you really just… leave me alone?”

The question hits you like a physical blow because somehow even the fleeting thought of Jeongguk going through a fraction of the hell you’re enduring, makes your entire world fracture into a million bleeding pieces and you know, with absolute certainty, that you would gladly tear your own heart out or burn the entire world to the ground just to fix things for him. You would give up your own sanity just to ensure he never felt a single second of this darkness.

But how could you ever dare to say any of that aloud when the brutal truth is that he is already suffering and you’re the sole reason behind it. So, from where you’re standing, the only mercy left is to sever the tie completely… to save him from yourself, the only solution is to push him away farther and farther, ensuring he never looks back.

“Yes.” you breathe out, forcing yourself to become the villain he needs to see. You look him dead in the eye, burying the desperate love screaming inside you, beneath a mask of absolute ice. “I would.”

Jeongguk freezes, his entire body going completely rigid and you can practically hear the sound of his heart dropping into the lowest, hollowest pit of his stomach as he stares at you. “You… you don’t mean that.” he gulps, his throat bobbing heavily.

“I do.” you say, looking away for a brief, cowardly second because you know if you stare into his breaking eyes for a moment longer, your mask will completely melt. You swallow the suffocating lump in your throat and force the cruelest words you’ve ever spoken out of your mouth. “I would not care because like I said… we’re not together anymore. Whatever happens to you, it’s none of my goddamn business.”

Jeongguk clutches his lower lip between his teeth as a bitter broken laugh escapes his chest. “How… how can you say that to me?” he asks hoarsely, his voice cracking violently on the last word. “After everything we’ve been through… after all those years together… you just…” his voice catches as he lets out a shuddering breath, closing his eyes tightly to stop the flood of emotion.

When his eyes slowly open again, you catch a look at the betrayal swimming in there and you want nothing more than to just drop to your knees and beg for his forgiveness but you stay frozen, watching the light completely die out in his eyes.

“Till the end… you just… keep pushing me away, don’t you?” he asks, letting out a defeated breath. “You always do this. You push and push and push until there’s nothing left for me to hold onto.” he whispers and he’s got that look on his face again.

Like he’s so fucking exhausted.

Like you’re the hardest thing to ever look at.

He stares at you for a long time as he tries to stop his trembling lips and his watering eyes, taking in the image of you just…standing there, as if he’s mourning the person he used to know, realizing that no matter how hard he pulls, you are determined to slip through his fingers.

And when it finally gets too much, when the silence becomes too loud to bear, he turns on his heel and storms out of the bedroom.

The second you hear the front door slamming close as the metallic click of the deadbolt echoes around the penthouse and reaches you in the bedroom, signaling that he’s truly gone, the artificial strength that was keeping you upright evaporates in a second.

Your knees hit the hardwood floor and a choked sob tears out of your throat as you press your forehead against the floor, curling into yourself as the tears completely blur your vision. Your fist squeezes the little bottle in your hands so tightly against your palm that the edges dig painfully into your skin, but you welcome the sting because it’s nothing compared to the way your heart feels like it’s being ripped apart.

//

“I need the high-jewelry archive inventory pulled immediately and a private preview arranged for our VVIP clients.” you speak, the words rolling off your tongue smoothly as Haeun nods rapidly, her stylus flying across her tablet screen.

“Understood, Ms. Min. I will coordinate with the vault security and marketing right away.” Haeun says, stepping closer as the elevator reaches the floor of your office. “Also, I wanted to brief you on the Parisian gemstone auction from this past weekend. As per your prior instructions, our acquisition team successfully outbid the competitors for the rare pigeon-blood ruby. It has already been safely transferred to our local vault and is awaiting your personal inspection.”

You nod at that as the doors slide open and you step out as the two of you begin walking across the sprawling floor towards your office, your employees bowing and greeting you one by one on the way.

“By the way, how… was your time off, Ms. Min?” Haeun asks a few seconds later as you approach the hallway leading to your office. “Are you feeling any better? I had assumed that you wouldn’t be back in the office until next week.”

Well that would have been the case if it weren't for your mind going completely berserk over whatever happened last night and it felt like you were back in the cycle of throwing yourself into work like nothing happened just because you couldn't sit alone in the suffocating silence with your own thoughts for another second without completely losing your sanity.

But you don't let a single flicker of that internal storm reach your face. Instead, you keep walking as your heels keep smacking against the floor. “I’m feeling much better, Haeun. Thank you for asking.” you lie smoothly. “Anyways, let’s not waste time. Please see if you can get the European design team in Milan on a video conference tomorrow morning. We need to finalize the custom settings for that ruby.”

And just like that, for the rest of the day you bury yourself in work. You speak louder, move faster and demand absolute perfection from everyone around you and every single frantic action feels like you’re just desperately trying to ignore the crushing, leaden heaviness in your chest because you know damn well that if you let the room go quiet for even a second, or if you dare to allow yourself a single, real moment to just breathe, the dam is going to burst open all over again.

When you notice the time nearing 6pm, the relentless momentum of your workday finally grinds to a halt as you remember it’s your turn to pick up Yejun from daycare today.

Mr. Choi insists on driving you there himself but you reassure him that you’ll be fine because you think you need to be alone before you have to put on a brave face for your son.

When you pull up to the daycare and step towards the entrance, the teacher is already leading Yejun out, and the moment his tiny, bright eyes find yours, his face lights up. “Mama!!” he squeals, instantly letting go of his teacher’s hand and his little light-up sneakers squeak against the floor as he runs at full speed right into your arms.

You waste no time in sweeping his small body into your embrace and holding him tightly against your chest. “Hi, my love.” you greet him with a giggle, showering his chubby cheeks with kisses as you securely lift him up onto your hip. After exchanging a few polite words with his teacher about his day, you carry him out to the parking lot.

You gently strap him into his car seat and Yejun is immediately distracted by the little storybook he had left behind in your car a while ago. As you close the back door and climb into the driver’s seat, you glance up through the windshield, instantly noticing how the evening sky is bruised with heavy clouds and you wonder if it’s going to rain tonight.

Once you arrive back at the penthouse, Yejun does a beautiful job of momentarily chasing away the shadows in your mind, making you forget about literally everything else as you chase him around the tub as he mischievously splashes warm water right at your face, leaving you soaked but genuinely laughing for the first time in 24 hours.

By the time Yejun is dressed in his pajamas, Junhee arrives to take over the kitchen. You had explicitly called her earlier this afternoon to arrange dinner because you knew with absolute, heartbreaking certainty that Jeongguk wouldn’t be showing up to cook or take care of you anymore.

Not after last night.

As Junhee moves around in the kitchen, you sit down on the living room rug with Yejun on your lap to watch his favorite cartoon but you notice how instead of focussing on the screen, his little head is constantly turning to the side as his big eyes trace the kitchen entryway where Junhee is busy humming and chopping vegetables. “Mama?” Yejun asks suddenly, tilting his head up to look at you. “Is Daddy not going to cook for us today?”

Your breath hitches at the question and you try your best not to let your face twist into something ugly. “Well, my love…” you breathe out, gently turning him to face you. “Daddy was only coming over to cook because Mama was feeling a little sick last week, remember? But look at me… I’m all healthy and strong now! So Junhee is back to cook us yummy food.”

Yejun goes quiet for a moment as he turns back to face the television. “I liked it when Daddy came here to cook and we all ate together.” he murmurs softly as he leans his head back against your chest, staring wistfully at the screen.“And when Daddy stayed for movie night too…. It felt like we were all back to living in one house again, Mama.”

“One house?” you murmur as you gently nudge him to face you again. “Yes, Mama, like before…” he replies, his little face lighting up. “Like when me, you and Daddy all lived in this house together and played hide-and-seek before bedtime.”

“Really, baby? You miss that?” you whisper, your fingers gently smoothing down his hair as a sharp sting pricks behind your eyes. “Mhm.” He nods, his little thumbs twiddling together. “But I understand.” he adds quietly and that instantly makes you furrow your brows. “You… understand?”

He nods again. “Yes… Daddy told me that sometimes grownups have big… messy problems and because of that, they have to stop living together.”

You don't say anything as you wait for him to continue, wondering what exactly Jeongguk had told your son to protect his fragile little heart.

“But Miss Han says every single problem has a sholushun.” he declares proudly, his tongue tripping over the massive word and despite the way your heart is violently squeezing in your chest, a breathless giggle escapes your lips. “Baby…” you coo softly, leaning down to gently squish his chubby cheeks until his lips pout out like a little fish. “I think you mean solution.”

“Yes! So-lu-tion!” he chirps, practically shouting the syllables as he tries his absolute best to pronounce it better. “Miss Han says every problem has a solution, and we just have to be super duper patient and find it.” he explains and you smile softly at that, though the warmth doesn't quite reach the aching hollow beneath your ribs.

“You know, Mama… I'm always losing Barnaby.” he suddenly says, referring to his slightly tattered blue whale plushie and you’re momentarily confused by the lightning-fast change in topic. “Oh really?” you ask, playing along to keep the tremor out of your voice and your son nods vigorously.

“Sometimes I look everywhere and I still can't find him.” he says, spreading his tiny arms dramatically to demonstrate the severity of the situation. “I look under my bed…. I look in my toy box…. I even look in the bathroom.” he goes on, making you smile. “That's very thorough of you, baby.” you smile.

“I know.” he says gravely. “But Daddy always helps me find him.” his face brightens instantly. “Sometimes Barnaby is under the couch… sometimes he's under all my pillows and… and sometimes he’s also inside the fridge!!”

“Sounds like Barnaby gets around.” you chuckle, totally endeared by your son. “He really does.” Yejun sighs, shaking his head. “And one time…” he continues. “He was in Daddy's underwear pile too.”

That immediately makes you snort as Yejun dissolves into giggles. “Daddy was so confused, Mama.” he breathes out, making you nod. “I can imagine.”

“So don't worry, Mama.” Yejun suddenly says, drawing your attention back to him. “Hmm?” you tilt your head, a little confused. “Daddy always finds Barnaby, because he's really, really good at finding things.” Yejun fiddles with the lobe of your ear before continuing. “So maybe he'll find this too.”

Your breath hitches and for a second, all you can do is stare at him, because suddenly you understand exactly what your little boy has been trying to tell you this entire time. “Find what, honey?” you ask anyway, making Yejun look at you like the answer is obvious.

“The sholushun, Mama.”

Throughout dinner, you help Yejun eat, cutting up his food and making sure he finishes his vegetables while you barely swallow a single bite yourself because all you can think about are Yejun’s words from earlier and his innocent logic that madeeverything sound so so simple.

Even now, as you sit beside his bed in the quiet amber glow of his room, reading the familiar lines of his favorite bedtime story, your mind is entirely somewhere else. Your lips move on autopilot, the words rolling off your tongue without truly registering, because your brain has become a chaotic battleground.

Even now, as you sit beside his bed reading the familiar lines of his favorite bedtime story, your mind is entirely somewhere else because one second you see your son's bright, trusting and hopeful eyes, and then a split second later, you're looking at the bleeding betrayal in Jeongguk's glassy gaze as he looks at you with nothing but exhaustion.

Your lips move on autopilot, but it’s only when you notice Yejun’s eyes finally begin to flutter close that the fog in your brain clears and your voice softens as you gently close the book and quietly place it on the nightstand.

Making sure to tuck him in properly, you pull the duvet right up to his small shoulders, smoothing out the fabric and lean forward to press a soft kiss on his forehead. "Sweet dreams, baby." you whisper and only when you're certain he's completely asleep do you finally rise from the edge of the bed and make yur way out of his room, closing the door behind you.

//

12:18 am

Your eyes snap open, a breathless gasp tearing from your throat as the terrifying illusion of your nightmare is violently shattered by a deafening crack of the loud thunder outside. For a disorienting second, you feel paralyzed with your heart hammering frantically against your ribs like a trapped bird.

You instantly sit up, lifting your hand to wipe your sweaty neck before pressing the heel of your palm firmly against your eyes and breathe in deep, shaky lungfuls of air for a few agonizing minutes.

You don't understand why you still wake up panicking or why a primal, suffocating fear still grips you when the nightmare is always exactly the same. You don't know why, after all these years, it still possesses the power to haunt you so much.

Your mother might have walked out and abandoned you in the storm all those years ago, but the phantom of her departure never truly left and it was almost like she had simply traded her physical presence for a permanent, mocking residency inside your own thoughts.

Pushing the heavy duvet aside, you slide your bare feet onto the chilly floor and track across the dark room, inching toward the massive windows, and gently peek through the edge of the curtains as you watch the relentless rain outside, the sky illuminated by jagged, fleeting veins of lightning.

Sighing softly, you turn your gaze back over your shoulder, looking towards the sprawling expanse of your bed. The unoccupied half remains perfectly smooth and untouched with no indentations in the pillow, no warmth radiating from the mattress, no rhythmic sound of deep breathing to soothe your frayed nerves.

A heavy sigh escapes your lips as you shake off the chill and slip out of your bedroom to check on Yejun. Every single time a nightmare claws you awake and Yejun is staying over with you, you get this maternal urge to just check on him.

Once you peek into his room and see him soundly sleeping there, just the way you left him hours ago, you feel a tad bit relieved and quietly retreat back down the hallway to your bedroom and lay back down, pulling the covers to your chin.

You desperately try to force your mind into submission, wanting nothing more than to slip back into slumber but all you can do is stare at the empty space beside you.

After flipping restlessly from side to side, tossing and turning in a futile battle against your own mind, you let out a frustrated huff and sit up once more. You stare blankly through the darkness at the wide, arched entrance of your walk-in closet and just then, another violent rumble of thunder shakes the entire penthouse, making you flinch violently.

Your breath hitches in your throat as a sudden wave of goosebumps erupts across your skin and when the thunder rumbles again, louder this time, you quickly scramble off the bed and scurry straight into the sanctuary of your closet and flick the light switch on, illuminating rows of your organized designer dresses, suits, luxury bags and shoes.

But you aren't looking at any of that tonight as you move with an almost manic urgency and begin frantically digging through the clothes, pushing aside all your expensive and extravagant things, burying yourself deeper and deeper into the darkest, most forgotten corner of the wardrobe until your fingers finally grasp a familiar piece of worn fabric.

The minute you pull it out from the hidden corner, you instantly bring it up to your nose and close your eyes as you desperately breathe it in.

It still smells like him. Thank god, it still smells like him.

The scent is faint, but unmistakably his. It’s one of his oldest, softest oversized tshirts, one of the many you used to shamelessly steal from him just to lounge around in. And somehow, when he moved out after the divorce, this single forgotten tshirt had been left behind in the penthouse.

Instead of returning it to him and purging his existence from your space, a desperate, hoarding part of your soul had chosen to preserve it and you’d hidden it away like some forbidden relic of a life you destroyed.

For these past few agonizing months, you never took it out, never dared to touch it, terrified that if you exposed it to the air, his lingering scent would just evaporate into nothingness but tonight, with the storm raging outside and the ghost of your nightmare still clinging to you, you need it... you need it so badly like a lifeline.

You waste no time, quickly undressing yourself as you peel off your robe and let your nightgown pool around your ankles. Stripped bare and shivering from the chill of the closet, you grab the oversized shirt and pull it over your head.

The worn cotton falls loosely over your frame, the fabric stretching comfortably across your shoulders while the hem brushes against your mid-thigh. It swallows you whole, just like it used to and the second the material settles against your bare skin and his scent completely envelopes you, you instantly feel a little less frightened.

//

“Shit.” Jeongguk curses under his breath, as he grips the edge of the window frame, staring at the relentless rain outside. He’s been awake for over an hour now, ever since he heard the loud thunder outside, pacing the confines of his bedroom like a caged animal because all he can think about right now, is you.

He restlessly rubs the back of his tense neck before burying his face into his palm with a loud groan. He knows you and he knows with absolute certainty how much you despise thunderstorms and how it’s a terror that rattles you to your very bones. And now, armed with the devastating knowledge that your brutal insomnia has returned and that the nightmares are clawing you awake again, he is losing his absolute mind wondering how on earth you’re holding up tonight.

He tries to force himself to believe that you’re asleep, closing his eyes and desperately trying to conjure a reality where you are tucked safely beneath your blanket, completely unaware of the chaos outside but it just doesn’t work.

If he were to call you right now, or worse, if he were to drive across the rain-soaked city and show up at your front door, he knows exactly how you’ll look at him with those beautiful, icy eyes and demand to know why he’s crossing boundaries, how you’ll yell at him and try to push him away again and again.

But as the violent thunder continues rumbling outside, Jeongguk doesn’t think he can close his eyes for a single second tonight without knowing for a fact that you are safe and resting too.

He really wishes he had the bone in him to just stop caring. He wishes he could be that cold, indifferent guy you keep begging him to be but how is that even humanly possible? Do you really think he’s actually going to sit back, listen to this angry thunderstorm and just let you suffer? Yeah, right.

“Fuck it.” he murmurs because he doesn't care anymore… he doesn't care about the boundaries you try to draw or the walls you keep trying to build. You can yell at him, you can throw a glass vase straight at his head, you can hit him for all he cares, but Jeongguk cannot, will not, stop caring about you.

The only thing he has absolutely zero compliance left for is your ridiculous expectation that he should just switch his heart off.

Within seconds, he grabs his car keys and heads straight out of his apartment as he takes the stairs two at a time to the garage downstairs. He doesn’t care that it’s literally raining cats and dogs outside, or that the visibility on the roads is bound to be completely treacherous. He doesn’t care that the wind is howling so loud or that he’s driving straight into a battlefield where the only prize is getting his heart broken all over again.

He just… he needs to see you.

He needs to breathe the same air as you to make sure you’re not suffering all by yourself. He’ll let you yell at him, let you break his heart into a million pieces for the hundredth time, he’ll take every single ounce of your rage and pain, just as long as he can look into your eyes and ensure that you are okay.

Roughly 30 minutes pass as Jeongguk arrives near your penthouse and he doesn’t even bother driving down into the underground garage, he leaves his car parked haphazardly at the side of the road under the punishing downpour, and runs.

The torrential rain drenches him within seconds, plastering his dark hair to his forehead and soaking through his jacket, but he doesn't stop to care as he reaches the front door and quickly punches in the code.

When the lock clicks open, he steps into the foyer and pauses when he notices the dim lighting illuminating the hallway. Were you… awake?

He takes off his shoes before slowly stepping further inside, desperately trying not to make a single sound that might trigger your defenses and the moment he crosses the threshold into the living room, his footsteps freeze entirely.

There you are on the couch with your head lolled helplessly to the side, your eyes closed while an empty, half-drained wine bottle sits on the coffee table. But before any of the other details register in his mind, Jeongguk’s throat goes completely dry when he sees what you’re wearing.

He thought he’d lost that tshirt, thought it got misplaced somewhere during all the moving but here you are drowning in nothing but the worn out fabric and as he steps closer, he realises you hadn’t just fallen asleep… you had probably desperately drank yourself in order to pass out.

He lets out a long sigh before sinking onto the edge of the cushions beside you and slowly lifts a hand to gently brush a stray lock of hair away from your face. When he notices the way you’re frowning in your sleep with your eyebrows tightly furrowed, he uses the pad of his thumb to gently stroke the space between your brows, smoothing away the worry lines until your face finally relaxes.

He winces at the awkward angle of your sleeping posture because he knows with absolute certainty that if you stay in that position any longer, you’re definitely going to wake up with the worst ache in your neck tomorrow morning so carefully, he leans closer and slowly slides one arm behind your back, supporting your shoulders, while his other arm slips beneath your thighs and lifts you off the sofa, pulling you into his chest. Your body feels entirely limp in his hold as he cradles you against his heart and quietly makes his way down towards your bedroom.

He walks over to the bed and gently places you down onto the mattress but just as he begins to slowly slide his hands away, retreating his warmth to leave you in peace, he feels a sudden shift as your eyelashes flutter.

You squint slightly through the dim light with your vision blurred as you look up at the dark silhouette hovering over you and even through the disoriented haze, you recognize him. “Gguk…?” you rasp out and Jeongguk freezes, catching the faint scent of wine on your breath.

“Hey…” he whispers back and he can't really help himself as he reaches out again, his thumb gently stroking your cheek. “Go back to sleep, jagi.” the term of endearment just slips out, but he doesn't even think of taking it back. “I just came to check on you.” he murmurs, moving his hands down to grab the duvet, intending to drape it over your shivering legs before he forces himself to walk away.

But before he can even move an inch, your hand shoots out as your trembling fingers wrap tightly around his wrist. “Stay.” you whisper, gently tugging him. “Please…” your eyes swell with sudden tears that slowly trickle down your temples because the mere thought that he might actually turn around and leave, terrifies you. “Please… hold me.”

Jungkook looks down at you, his throat tightening as he swallows hard because seeing you like this, breaks his heart into a million jagged pieces.

“Hold me, Gguk.” you whisper again, your grip tightening around his wrist as your lips tremble and if there is one absolute truth in Jungkook’s life, it’s that he is entirely powerless against you. He has never been able to deny you anything… not his heart, not his love and certainly not his warmth when you’re literally begging for it.

He uses his free hand to gently untangle your trembling fingers from his wrist and just as your lips part to beg him again, he rubs his thumb over your knuckles to reassure you that he isn't going anywhere and slowly steps back just enough to slide his damp jacket off his shoulders.

He drops it on the nightstand before quietly climbing onto the mattress and reaches down to pull the blanket over both your bodies as he lays down right next to you. He slides his strong arm beneath your neck, pulling your frame flush against his chest as his other arm wraps securely around your waist with his hand resting flat against your back. You immediately bury your face into the crook of his neck, breathing in his scent as you feel the lightest kiss being pressed on the top of your head before finally forcing yourself to close your eyes.

//

When you slowly blink your eyes awake, the first thing you register is the warmth. Not the warmth of the blanket tangled around your legs or the morning sunlight filtering through your curtains, but the warmth of the body wrapped around yours.

For a breathless second, you freeze, terrified that shifting even a fraction of an inch will shatter what must surely be a cruel, beautiful illusion as the very first thing you see is Jeongguk’s face with his cheek squished against the pillow.

Despite your alcohol-induced brain last night, you vividly remember the exact moment your eyes had open only to find the one person you'd been desperately yearning for standing beside your bed and how, without a single thought for your pride or dignity, you'd reached for him and practically begged him to stay.

And to think he actually… stayed and didn't just leave after you fell asleep.

You slowly bring your hand up from beneath the duvet and gently place it on his cheek, the soft pad of your thumb tenderly brushing over the faint scar there.

At the sudden, warm contact of your touch, you notice the twitch of his eyelids and panic flairs for a split second, a knee-jerk instinct telling you to pull your hand away before he catches you looking…. but your fingers remain frozen against his skin and before you can even wrestle with your thoughts, Jeongguk is already opening his eyes.

He blinks slowly, his eyes heavily hooded with residual sleep before his vision locks onto yours and you swear you can feel your breath stop entirely while Jeongguk's throat bobs slightly as he swallows.

Without breaking eye contact, he lifts his own hand, settling it over yours where it still rests against his cheek, like he wants to seal it there.

He just looks into your eyes for a long time before you watch his gaze start to travel down the bridge of your nose, pausing to linger on your lips before rising back up to lock into your eyes again.

You can hear nothing but the erratic thrumming of your own heart, beating so loudly against your ribs that you;re certain he can feel it radiating through the mattress and before you can do or say anything, your own eyes involuntarily do the same and neither of you look away.

Jeongguk doesn’t know what prompts him to do it, but he shifts just a millimeter closer, like he’s silently testing the waters, giving you every last chance to pull away, to remember the walls between you, to stop him… but when you don’t move back… when you don’t even flinch and stay exactly where you are with your palm still cupping his cheek beneath his hand, his eyelashes finally flutter shut as he leans forward, bridging the very last fraction of distance between you and presses his warm lips against yours.

He feels every single nerve ending in his body catch on fire when he feels your lips part and you begin kissing him back. A soft hum escapes from the back of your throat as your hand travels from his cheek, reaching to grip the soft strands of his hair at the back of his neck to pull him impossibly closer, while his hand slides down the curve of your spine to pull you closer and the kiss deepens instantly, like you’re both trying to claw your way back into each other's souls.

You shift your weight, crawling over him until you push him flat onto the mattress beneath you and the blanket completely rolls off your bodies. He lets out a low, gritty moan directly into your mouth when you divide your knees and straddle his lap until you’re practically sitting on him with your bare thighs bracketing his waist.

You don’t even understand how it’s happening… how your body is acting like it has a mind of its own.

You moan softly shifting your hips to seek his heat and through the thin fabric of your underwear, you instantly feel him harden against you. Jeongguk’s chest rises and falls in ragged pants as his cold fingers slide from your knees up to the sensitive skin of your thighs to reach your hips beneath the hem of your tshirt… his tshirt, until his calloused palms squeezes the curve of your hips, letting his thumbs sweep inward until they graze the delicate lace of your underwear.

When he pushes you down against his bulge before devouring your mouth even harder, both of you let out a simultaneous moan at the perfect friction and you only break the kiss to sit up and reach down for the hem of your tshirt before swiftly pulling it over your head and tossing it blindly onto the floor.

When you expose your bare torso with your chest heaving, Jeongguk’s breath hitches, his hands freezing on your waist as he looks up at you, sitting there in the golden light looking like an absolute goddess.

His hooded eyes travel down the elegant line of your neck, lingering on the sharp curve of your collarbone and the way your hair falls over your shoulders, before finally tracking lower to eye your bare breasts, watching with a low groan as your nipples visibly harden under the scorching weight of his gaze.

Unable to stay flat on his back for another second, he instantly sits up, wrapping one arm around your bare waist while his other hand fists your hair to pull you flush against him for another bruising kiss. He shifts his weight, inching backward across the mattress until his back hits the headboard, giving him the leverage he desperately needs to handle you.

With you completely straddling his lap, you begin to grind harder against him and Jeongguk desperately meets your movements with equal fervor as his hips arch slightly beneath yours to meet every single press of your core.

His lips tear away from your mouth, traveling down your jaw and burying into the sensitive crook of your neck. “Fuck…” you curse, tilting your head to the side to give him more access as he bites and sucks at the soft skin before his mouth tracks lower, finding the soft curve of your breast and his tongue peeks out, swirling over your heated skin to get a taste.

“Oh… Gguk…” you moan, your voice turning into a desperate cry as your hips stutter in their pace and when his lips finally reach the aching peak of your breast, he closes his mouth fully around your hardened nipple.

A choked sound escapes the back of your throat as your back arches in pure ecstasy while your fingers knot tightly into his hair, pulling him closer to your body as he suckles intensely on the bud. The contrast of the cool metal of his lip ring grazing your sensitive skin completely shatters the last of your control, making you lose your mind entirely and when he gently tugs on your nipple with his teeth a violent jolt of arousal travels straight down your spine and directly to your throbbing core.

Your hands blindly scramble from his hair to grip on his shoulders for support as his wet, scorching mouth leaves one aching nipple to worship your other breast. Driven by a desperate, instinctual need to give back the pleasure consuming you, you slowly slide your hand down between your bodies, your fingers trembling with anticipation because you want to touch him too… you need to feel him too.

But the exact millisecond your palm flattens against the burning length of his bulge, Jeongguk goes entirely rigid and pulls away so fast almost like your touch just shattered the intoxicating spell hanging over him. You pause, completely confused by the abrupt movement and slowly pull your upper body back to search his face, desperately trying to read the sudden shift, to understand what went wrong… but all you find in Jeongguk’s eyes is a look of absolute horror.

“I…” he breathes out, the word breaking in his throat as he looks down at your hand, then up at your bare chest and finally into your eyes. “I can’t…” he shakes his head. “Fuck, I can’t do this.”

With those words, reality comes crashing back down as you suddenly become painfully aware of the fact that you’re currently sitting completely naked and exposed in nothing but your underwear, straddling the lap of your ex-husband… a man who is still fully clothed.

A suffocating wave of humiliation floods your chest, making you feel so fucking stupid, it physically nauseates you because why on earth did you think throwing yourself on your ex-husband was a good idea.

You instantly scramble off his lap and Jeongguk moves just as fast, practically throwing himself off the other side of the mattress. You clutch your lower lip between your teeth as you desperately lunge for the corner of the bed, tightly grabbing a fistful of the blanket to cover your bare breasts and you curl into yourself, trying to hide the skin he had been tasting just seconds ago.

And Jeongguk? He just stands by the edge of the bed, his head bowed and his shoulders shaking as he painfully avoids your gaze. “I… I need to go.” he stammers and without uttering another word, he grabs his jacket from the nightstand and simply leaves.

//

— please drop a like, reblog or comment !! it would make me feel motivated and i would to love to hear your thoughts <3

<- part 2 // part 4 -> (coming soon)

series masterlist

series taglist in reblog !!

permanent taglist: @rpwprpwprpwprw @kimyishin @somehowukook @allie-in-the-moon @nightappple @jksoftii @mimi1097 @yooforeaa @jkaxl @jinglthembalslikethat @puppybunnyjkay @jiijeon97 @ninisica @rerefundslocals @kgamboa11 @lizzikoo @madussthoughts @kelsyx33 @mafersame @yoonstaar @autumnbear @yuniesluv @kookxin @priyanshe @turn02 @kgamboa11 @minniejim @yamerulzky @winterarchives @goldenjeonkoo

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