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[porkbuttsandtaters]

tumblr media criticism

[lupismaris]

Do it scared but please don't do it hungry. Please don't do it dehydrated. It's gonna make it so much scarier. Please.

[eemolu]

don't get me wrong i love the fact that shane and ilya retcon their relationship to be love at first sight. like good for them!! but when i look at the source material im like .. you were charmed. you were jealous. he had everything you wanted (supportive family and his country behind him, able to be big and brash and move through life with ease) and you wanted to see if you could make him feel good (can you debauch the golden boy, can you be good for the man who's had everyone) but the love didn't come until you started to take apart the things that attracted you to this person in the first place. shane fell in love with the ilya who checked in on him and with the sweetness behind the barbs and with the ilya who couldn't stop kissing him in that stairwell. and ilya fell in love with the shane who thinks buffalo is stupid and can barely get his shoes off before he throws himself at ilya and can't tell his parents he's gay because he's suffocating behind his own image not because he thinks they don't love him but because he wants to honor everything they've done for him. and so it's really nice that ilya goes "i loved you from the first time i saw you" but i, omniscient reader, call bullshit. i think you love that boy now because no version of you could ever not love any version of him. but at the time i think you were mostly just curious and then the love grew despite all odds in the most hostile of circumstances because everything you learned about each other made you want more and more and more. and also probably that's even MORE beautiful. so.

[ilyasmole]

[dragongirlsnout]

don't cry okay? huge as fuck bowl of strawberry

[dragongirlsnout]

Don't cry okay? Huge as fuck container of blueberry

[dragongirlsnout]

don't cry okay? huge as fuck bag of blackberry

[bumblebeebats]

The crazy thing is, ninety-nine times out of a hundred, if you asked me on any given day "Would like to see a picture of some genitals?" my answer would be "😰 No, that's... No, thank you. I'm okay, actually." I have nothing but the utmost respect for people who do engage with the penis side of the internet, but personally, I've spent the better part of two decades doing all I can NOT to have pictures of dick and balls or sexy bikini babe buttcheeks blasted onto my retinas constantly. And yet... to be denied the penis? To have a jumped up pile of javascript tell me, a grown adult with an air fryer and an outstanding council tax bill, that I cannot be trusted to withstand the sight of a bare nipple unless I let it scan my drivers' license? I will move heaven and earth to see that fucking nipple, friend. I will walk a thousand miles barefoot on hot coals before I give you big brother bitches my passport number. A thousand miles through the desert with five VPNs just to press my face up against the glass and see the last uncensored picture of two My Little Pony Characters sixty-nining each other, and I don't even want! to look at it! But I will! I must! for the sake of our fucking democracy!

[valtsv]

time to make a post on tumblr. surely no one will interpret it to be as offensive and bad intentioned as possible.

[valtsv]

by talos this cant be happening

[moveslikekeithrichards]

the role of the person in the passenger seat is not only navigator but secretary as well. you have to type up the drivers messages to random ladies on facebook about cbd cream & google whether that billy joel song was the theme song for that show or not

[moveslikekeithrichards]

you also have to provide a henchmans disdainful scowl at whoever the driver is flipping off in the target parking lot

[the-apocrypha]

other assorted roles may include

retrieval team for objects in the backseat

custodian of the parking garage tickets

"All clear my way"

en-route dining concierge

announcing "Horses!" when there are horses

[lynx-girl]

Don't forget the Tommy Gun

[help-my-ocs-breached-containmen]

You should never forget the Tommy Gun

[without-ado]

Strawberry Full Moon over Ely Cathedral l VeronicaJoPo

[thingsfromthedirt]

warming carafe with a stained glass pattern (ca. late 50s-early 60s)

[hellenhighwater]

Gonna get myself a fun little surprise I guess

[hellenhighwater]

This is better than I'd ever hoped for, I bet a rat could kill you with that thing by firing a laser back in time and electrocuting your grandfather

Just look at this thing

[hellenhighwater]

The rat gun is hereeeeee!

[hellenhighwater]

This is getting notes again so I will admit that "rat gun" was an autocorrect error and it was supposed to be "ray gun."

But it'll always be a rat gun to me.

[hellenhighwater]

The most expensive thing in these pictures was the cat, and he was $60.

[hellenhighwater]

I'll be honest--I forgot that the pump organ desk/bar was visible in the background, and it was NOT under $60.

It was actually $75.

The chairs, however, were paid for in human life. I inherited them; they were originally my great grandmother's. But they're not particularly rare-- you can find these exact chairs without a lot of effort, in reasonable shape, for not that much money. They made a lot of them.

[theworsethingsgettheharderifight]

your gazelle has a pearl choker

[hellenhighwater]

That's Hadrian. He's a bush buck and he loves fashion.

[hellenhighwater]

Hi you asked this question and I immediately went to the pottery studio to make a calcifer to put in my woodstove.

Will update if he survives the kiln.

[theshitpostcalligrapher]

i am still on tenterhooks vis a vis calcifer 🥺🥺🥺

[hellenhighwater]

I just brought him home from the pottery studio and wired him for light. He lives!!!!!

[thebisexualwreckoning]

OP just wondering do you like have the closet to Narnia tucked in there somewhere?

[hellenhighwater]

Dude, c'mon, these things take time.

Give me a couple hours.

[hellenhighwater]

Okay!! We have doordrobe! It's not quite done but after nearly turning myself into an hellpancake while carrying this in from the garage to the house, I feel like I should call it a night.

Right now it's not going into a secret room (but the Angel of Death (And WiFi) behind it does have a secret compartment for my router? Does that count) but Malice and Vice are still exploring it like it's a whole new world.

The House of Horrors continues to be...well, exactly what it is.

[hellenhighwater]

Oh, no, all radioactive materials go in The Box.

[copp3rtop]

please explain. Do you actually have a lead lined box for radioactive objects, or are you just talking about the router behind the painting?

[hellenhighwater]

The Box.

[hellenhighwater]

Not people's teeth, no.

[chaoticgremlinmakingart]

Holy shit. This just keeps getting better and better. Absolutely marvelous house. What other treasures do you have in that house?

[hellenhighwater]

I recently got some very silly dishes and a telescope!

[hellenhighwater]

All of these accusations of witchcraft! As if the vibe in this house could be any more clearly Artificer.

[joy-and-whimsy-official]

Joy and whimsy detected! This house is joyful and whimsical!

[depsidase]

[unicorncryptid]

"my life isn't a crime, I'm not one of those people -"

"you sure? new parameters for Those People just dropped. check again."

[lizardywizard]

And if you truly cannot imagine this, if you're convinced that it will never happen to you, consider this one thing.

Would you want scammers to know the state of your loved one's dementia?

[holy-leapin-splits-batman]

[wizardnaturalist]

a book should be $5 a little drink should be $2 and museum access should be free and all hours

[raichett]

liking a ship but disliking the distinct set of stock fanon that they have been assigned is like one of those punishments dante came up with when he wrote the worldbuilding for hell in inferno

[kalichnikov]

“Terf is a slur used to silence us” dang bitch I wish it worked shut the fuck up

[were--ralph]

i need people do do me a favor and be absolutely normal about it

[were--ralph]

i have a completely normal coworker who does music and stuff and its good music and i want to send my army of followers to his video on yt and just +like it or something. something to boost him in the algorithm

the issue is no one can let him know this second life i live on the internet because if he finds out i have 25k followers on tumblr or 10k on twitter etc then the questions will flow and i will not be prepared for the conversation about werewolves that follows

[were--ralph]

Ok heres the video, just +like it and if you want to comment just say you're from reddit or facebook or somewhere

If someone DOES want to share it to reddit that'd be awesome and I'd love you but I dont have an active account there

[faithful-discord]

Just enjoy the music yall. Its honestly really good if you like some classic sounding R&B. The man's voice reminds me of usher to some extent with a little more gravel. Its honestly just sex. Its really really good and he only have 114 subs and the video only has like 90ish likes or something. Honestly its sad. He sounds amazing.

[were--ralph]

Yes!! Hes REALLY good and his music is giving 90's RnB. It's fantastic and his voice is great and I really want him to blow up

[questbedhead]

[cruciatusforeplay]

Also here's his Spotify for those of you wanting to add it to your likes and your playlists

[vaspider]

Me: aww man this is so sweet

Two comments down:

Fucking howled with laughter.

Like a w

A we

Like a werew