That time when I laughed my fucking ass off inside a cinema.

ellievsbear
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
Cosmic Funnies
Mike Driver
RMH
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almost home
$LAYYYTER
will byers stan first human second

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KIROKAZE

Product Placement
Monterey Bay Aquarium
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
🪼
occasionally subtle
wallacepolsom
Jules of Nature
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@folie-a-dookie
That time when I laughed my fucking ass off inside a cinema.
Working in customer service
NOTHING HAS EVER RESONATED WITH ME MORE
OMG yes
the best part of an oreo is the black cookie part and not the frosting part
deal with it
darkness without light is an abyss
light without darkness is blinding
you cannot have a coin with one side.
yo socrates it’s a fucking cookie
…I’ve been going thru this guy’s twitter for the last hour
this is the shit
The Last Words Of 25 Famous Dead Writers
When you’ve dedicated your life to words, it’s important to go out eloquently.
Ernest Hemingway: “Goodnight my kitten.” Spoken to his wife before he killed himself.
Jane Austen: “I want nothing but death.” In response to her sister, Cassandra, who was asking her if she wanted anything.
J.M Barrie: “I can’t sleep.”
L. Frank Baum: “Now I can cross the shifting sands.”
Edgar Allan Poe: “Lord help my poor soul.”
Thomas Hobbes: “I am about to take my last voyage, a great leap into the dark,”
Alfred Jarry: “I am dying…please, bring me a toothpick.”
Hunter S. Thompson: “Relax — this won’t hurt.”
Henrik Ibsen: “On the contrary!”
Anton Chekhov: “I haven’t had champagne for a long time.”
Mark Twain: “Good bye. If we meet—” Spoken to his daughter Clara.
Louisa May Alcott: “Is it not meningitis?” Alcott did not have meningitis, though she believed it to be so. She died from mercury poison.
Jean Cocteau: “Since the day of my birth, my death began its walk. It is walking towards me, without hurrying.”
Washington Irving: “I have to set my pillows one more night, when will this end already?”
Leo Tolstoy: “But the peasants…how do the peasants die?”
Hans Christian Andersen: “Don’t ask me how I am! I understand nothing more.”
Charles Dickens: “On the ground!” He suffered a stroke outside his home and was asking to be laid on the ground.
H.G. Wells: “Go away! I’m all right.” He didn’t know he was dying.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe: “More light.”
W.C. Fields: “Goddamn the whole fucking world and everyone in it except you, Carlotta!” “Carlotta” was Carlotta Monti, actress and his mistress.
Voltaire: “Now, now, my good man, this is no time for making enemies.” When asked by a priest to renounce Satan.
Dylan Thomas: “I’ve had 18 straight whiskies…I think that’s the record.”
George Bernard Shaw: “Dying is easy, comedy is hard.”
Henry David Thoreau: “Moose…Indian.”
James Joyce: “Does nobody understand?”
26. Oscar Wilde: “Either the wallpaper goes, or I do.” 27. Bob Hope: “Surprise me.” He was responding to his wife asking where he wanted to be buried.
reblogging because of Voltaire though
“Please, bring me a toothpick”
I’m quite disappointed that my absolute favourite has been missed off here: 28. Roald Dahl’s last words are commonly believed to be “you know, I’m not frightened. It’s just that I will miss you all so much!” which are the perfect last words. But, after he appeared to fall unconscious, a nurse injected him with morphine to ease his passing. His actual last words were a whispered “ow, fuck”
me running my blog
Did you know that beekeepers have famously attractive eyes ? Every single one of them . I don’t know the science behind it , but studies show beauty is in the eye of the bee holder .
What's your first language? :)
Talking shit
a summary of jurassic world
claire: here is our new hybrid which we have completely under control
indominus rex: hello naughty humans its murder time
Keep telling yourselves that gay people are ruining marriage for everyone else
Jesus fuck okay so I’m a waitress at this restaurant that’s open really late and it’s nearly 1am and this family comes in and I’m so tired that I handed their BLIND SON a menu and he’s like “ah… thank you… I’ll just… read this” in a serious voice and I fucking snorted
GOD DAMN IT I PUT THEIR FUCKING FOOD DOWN AND NO ONE WAS TALKING SO THIS LIL SHIT FUCKING EXCLAIMS “WELL IT LOOKS DELICIOUS” I LOVE THIS FUCKING KID
The story of Patrick
wow i sure am thirsty for some apple beverage oh boy