go die about it

Augustine (Auggie) 30/Genderqueer/California They/Them/Their Pronouns

[fuwungi]

[bedupolker]

accidentally soaked a gopher today... not a joke or innuendo. Poured a five gallon bucket over a tree where our irrigation system is shut off and this thang hopped out of the ground.

He's big mad now too

[peach-pot]

I’m starting to think some of y’all haven’t actually felt the rain on your skin… which is crazy because no one else can feel it for you

[spindle-and-nima]

This baby is the most active but gets sleepy so fast too 😭

[spindle-and-nima]

Do you think he knows he's real

[capacity2]

The cure to anxiety is completing all the tasks you have to finish for the day early and doing them phenomenally and being physically perfect and on everyone’s good side preferably even their favorite.

[fagstaynight]

(Seeing a cis straight couple for the first time) I think I’m gonna be sick… What the fuck do you even call this…? Dark Yuri? Unfaggot? Do they have a fucking word for this? (Flashing back to my troubled childhood) Oh my god… This is that Marge and Homer shit isn’t it

[c3rvida3]

My one friend really likes "yo mama" jokes, but she feels bad for saying them to me because my mama's dead, and lately she's been circumventing this by adding "in heaven" to them, a concept I was introduced to with zero warning via a text that said, "Yo mama's so stupid she's in heaven pre-heating the microwave."

[unfading-scrutiny-deactivated20]

[parme-san]

it actually completely unironically pisses me off that there was times when i wasn't alive and there will be times when i'm not alive. i should have been there for everything

[melonflavored]

I wish my mom ate me right after I was born like a deranged hamster #fuck

[heavenslittlemachine-deactivate]

jacking off to christmas porn on christmas day: arguably one of the most rock bottom experiences someone can have while sober

jacking off to christmas porn on christmas eve: suspicious but not unprecedented. why so eager ?

jacking off to christmas porn the day after christmas: i really wish you would stop using your body "ironically"

jacking off to christmas porn any other time during the winter: festive, sensitive soul, attuned to the changing of seasons & the zeitgeist-erotique

jacking off to christmas porn in the spring, summer or fall: transgressive, unbound by convention and condition, able to see beyond the manifest and apply the particular anywhere, at any time. might just have a christmas fetish -- but the line between these things is not as clearly drawn as some might wish

[sputniiksweetheart]

they need to invent smellovision so i can go on fragrantica and see what all the crazy bitches are talking about in the niche perfume reviews

[striders]

yeah man don’t worry about him. that guy’s all baja and no blast if you get what i mean

[plaguedocboi]

One of my coworkers owns this shirt and wears it to work almost every Saturday and I can’t stay silent about it any longer

[10001gecs]

imagining someone hatching clownfish in this tshirt and absolutely losing my shit

[foulfae]

teehee

[softservewidow]

[foulfae]

Hours ago when I was coming in from working in the garden I took off my shirt because there was a ladybug on it and left it for the ladybug to wander off. and I'm still scared to put the shirt back on. that ladybug's shirt now...