nev, 20+, they/them, lesbian | fengqing writer and thinker | fqrot on twt and fengqingnist on ao3 | pfp by @naeunshi | archive of my fengqing obsession
mu qing would never admit it out loud but he loves the slow mornings when he gets to wake up in feng xin’s embrace and just listen to the steady beating of his heart and look at his (infuriatingly handsome) face until feng xin, too, wakes up.
they lay in bed for at least half an hour, just talking about their plans for the day and kissing, before feng xin eventually gets up to make breakfast for mu qing and himself. mq gets ready in the meantime; sometimes he asks feng xin to help him pick out an outfit, and sometimes he wears a piece of clothing that makes feng xin suck in a sharp breath and blush like crazy the moment mq steps into the kitchen—like a shirt with an open back, a crop top or ripped jeans. mu qing knows exactly what kind of thoughts go through feng xin’s head at that moment, and he loves that he’s the only person who can make feng xin feel so flustered.
later they eat breakfast together—usually one of mu qing’s favorite foods—and easily slip into banter, teasing each other and arguing about small, unimportant things.
their cat wakes up and starts begging for pets at that point—one of mu qing’s favorite activities is petting the kitty, listening to its content purrs and carding his fingers through the soft fur. and if his full attention wasn’t on the animal, he would notice feng xin watching him with nothing short of adoration in his eyes.
they can only have a slow, unhurried morning like this on weekends, which means that after getting ready they have the rest of the day for themselves, and they usually go on an impromptu date to one of their favorite cafes, or to the park, or the mall to buy some new clothes (feng xin is perfectly fine with his two pairs of jeans and six t-shirts, but he loves watching mu qing try on different tops, skirts and jumpsuits and complimenting mq every chance he gets).
it doesn’t really matter where they choose to go as long as they can spend the day together, far away from their work responsibilities. and even if mu qing refuses to say it out loud, his happiness and gratitude are evident in the way he reaches for feng xin’s hand, immediately interlacing their fingers, and in the passion behind the kisses he occasionally gives feng xin on the lips (mu qing thinks pda is embarrassing, but sometimes he’s willing to make an exception, just for feng xin).
mu qing loves feng xin, and he loves spending time with him.
what if one day mu qing comes back severely injured from a mission in the mortal realm and he collapses before he can even step through the doors of his palace… it quickly turns out that he’s been cursed, and nobody really knows how to help him.
his spiritual power is almost gone, slipping out of mu qing’s body with every shallow breath and never replenishing itself. he’s badly injured, but the wounds don’t heal—they keep bleeding long after the attack. his deputies carried his body to his private chamber after he had fainted, but he’s yet to regain consciousness.
nobody knows what the curse is or how to break it. nobody has ever seen anything like this before.
feng xin shows up at the xuan zhen palace as soon as he finds out about the curse, even though it earns him furious gazes from mu qing’s deputies. he knows they’re just being protective of their general, so he doesn’t really mind.
he stays by mu qing’s side as long as he can, changing the bandages when the blood starts seeping through them and talking to mu qing when nobody else is in the room. it’s the only time he can openly take care of mu qing without feeling embarrassed about it.
and it’s the hardest thing he’s ever had to do, because he’s never seen mu qing so… weak before. so unresponsive, afflicted with a curse that even he can barely fight. thinking about it makes feng xin’s stomach twist unpleasantly, and his hands start to tremble every time he considers the possibility of mu qing… not waking up.
but no, that’s impossible. deep inside he knows much qing is strong, strong enough to even raise from the dead if it allowed him to annoy feng xin some more. he will wake up and beat the curse, eventually. and until then, feng xin will continue coming to the xuan zhen palace every day, just to check up on him.
for no reason whatsoever, other than to research the effects of the curse. not because he cares about mu qing’s well-being or anything of the sort. at least that’s what he tells other gods and his deputies, when they ask.
and he definitely doesn’t lay awake at night worrying about mu qing, sometimes even crying because he misses that infuriatingly pretty face and those snide remarks. he definitely doesn’t feel lost without mu qing by his side. not at all.
feng xin is a fool and a liar. and he really, really regrets not having confessed his true feelings to mu qing when he still had the chance to. now, he may never be able to speak to mu qing again, and that thought alone makes him want to… scream. cry his eyes out. punch a wall.
he isn’t entirely sure what to do when he walks into mu qing’s private chamber one day, weeks after the attack, and sees mu qing… awake. not quite looking like himself yet—there’s still dark circles under his eyes, and he seems so weak and tired—but his eyes are open, scanning his surroundings.
feng xin’s first instinct it to scream at mu qing, to tell him how stupid it had been of him to go on a dangerous mission alone and get himself cursed like this, how irresponsible and unprofessional! but a quieter part of him, nestled somewhere close to his heart, wants nothing more than to hug mu qing and tell him how terrible heaven has been without him. how lonely feng xin has left. how much it hurt him to see mu qing’s body growing weaker and weaker every day, and be unable to help him.
in the end feng xin only lets out a quiet sob, his hands immediately shooting up to wipe the tears welling in his eyes. he cannot cry in front of mu qing! he cannot! mu qing will never let him live this down!
but mu qing just… stares, his expression somewhere between perplexed and horrified. he has no idea that feng xin is crying out of pure relief, because a part of him had thought that he’d never be able to look into mu qing’s eyes again. that mu qing would never wake up, leaving him alone and grieving for eternity.
contrary to feng xin’s expectations, mu qing doesn’t make fun of him. he doesn’t laugh, or comment on feng xin’s reaction. he may not yet know how long he’s been… asleep, or what exactly had happened to him, but he can tell from feng xin’s behavior that it must’ve been serious, and he can’t bring himself to ridicule fx for having… emotions. for caring, even if they’re supposed to be rivals.
feng xin doesn’t plan to tell mu qing that he had been taking care of him, changing his bandages and brushing his hair. mu qing finds out anyway—his deputies are willing to tell him everything—and he may never admit this out loud, but he’s grateful. it feels nice to know that no matter how many times they fight and argue, feng xin still cares about him enough to check up on him every day. mu qing knows that if the tables were turned, he would do the same exact thing.
perhaps now that feng xin has experienced life without mu qing by his side, he’ll be more willing to have a honest talk with him, once mu qing gets fully better. to explain his feelings, and hope he won’t be ridiculed for having… fallen in love. with his rival, out of all people.
and, needless to say, feng xin will never let mu qing go on a mission alone ever again.
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