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@frankencelery
FMK Bob, Oscar, Dad
“Okay… well, Bob is sexy as shit but I don’t think I could live with him so… also I found out he’s engaged AND he ghosted me on the musical? So in both meanings, FUCK BOB,
I would Marry Oscar, because we’ve bonded so deeply over Polish Jenga, and also his cooking is delicious.
And I would reluctantly kill Dad Asparagus, our modern Stephen Sondheim.”
honesty hour - do you know bob's semi engaged?
“Honestly the guy ghosted me on the musical I was writing for him so I have NO idea what that sexy but flaky tomato is up to. So no. I didn’t know. But sure, throw THAT in my pile of problems!”
'everyone thinks you're super weird.' from junior
"I have surgically attached bolts in my neck permanently, so that's not surprising. What's your excuse?"
"Not you bullying a child."
“We all know you’ve been six for a suspiciously long time. This is some kind of Orphan situation isn’t it? You’re just pretending to be a kid because you look younger than you are. You don’t fool me.”
"WRONG! I drank the Tuck Everlasting water!"
“You fool! There was never any Tuck Everlasting water. Haven’t you ever thought about how everyone in this town never ages? Jumanji? Vampires? Tuck Everlasting? Does everyone in this town think nobody else has ever seen a movie before?”
Phil squinted at Junior. “I don’t know what your secret is. But I know someone is lying.”
"Listen. I'll level with you. Actor to actor. I have no idea what the fuck any of these other bozos are doing. But I got my non existent hands on some Tuck Everlasting water. That's my story."
“Right. Yeah. And you what? Filtered it accidentally into the town’s water supply? Come on, Kid. If there’s Tuck Everlasting water, prove it. And hell, even if there is, you’re still an adult! You’d be like what, 38 or 39? Or something? If you were six in 1993? I’m pretty sure you just have a really morally fucked up plastic surgeon.”
'everyone thinks you're super weird.' from junior
"I have surgically attached bolts in my neck permanently, so that's not surprising. What's your excuse?"
"Not you bullying a child."
“We all know you’ve been six for a suspiciously long time. This is some kind of Orphan situation isn’t it? You’re just pretending to be a kid because you look younger than you are. You don’t fool me.”
"WRONG! I drank the Tuck Everlasting water!"
“You fool! There was never any Tuck Everlasting water. Haven’t you ever thought about how everyone in this town never ages? Jumanji? Vampires? Tuck Everlasting? Does everyone in this town think nobody else has ever seen a movie before?”
Phil squinted at Junior. “I don’t know what your secret is. But I know someone is lying.”
'everyone thinks you're super weird.' from junior
"I have surgically attached bolts in my neck permanently, so that's not surprising. What's your excuse?"
"Not you bullying a child."
“We all know you’ve been six for a suspiciously long time. This is some kind of Orphan situation isn’t it? You’re just pretending to be a kid because you look younger than you are. You don’t fool me.”
'everyone thinks you're super weird.' from junior
"I have surgically attached bolts in my neck permanently, so that's not surprising. What's your excuse?"
"you think i don't know what you did?" from police officer jerry in star of christmas
Silas lifted invisible hands and gave an amused faux-laugh. "Oh boy. Arrest me, officer. Is it really such a crime to just be next to a guy when he's holding up a grocery store? And giving him unsolicited advice?"
"It is a crime. It's called Abetting."
Silas, ever the optimist, grinned and said, "And I'm abetting you'll let me off with a warning?" He winked. "I can get you an autograph. I was an actor, once."
"Big woop." The gourd deadpanned, but it sounded silly since it was still Jerry's voice. "My brother's an actor now. Working with that sex pot Effie Pickering."
“Wow, are you kidding me? You’re the brother of a famous actor like that? I should be getting YOUR autograph. I mean, wow. You’re the one who looks like an actor. You ever think about showbiz? With mug like yours?”
maybe don't mention my past indescretions? (From Oscar)
"Oh, so now we're ashamed of the things we say during Polish Jenga?"
“Look, I’m not myself when I play polish jenga. You know that.”
"Oscar, if there's one thing you've taught me about Polish Jenga," Phil said with an anime-esque look of determination in his eyes, "It's that we're only our truest selves when we play Polish Jenga. That we strip ourselves bare, to our soul, and reveal who we are."
"you think i don't know what you did?" from police officer jerry in star of christmas
Silas lifted invisible hands and gave an amused faux-laugh. "Oh boy. Arrest me, officer. Is it really such a crime to just be next to a guy when he's holding up a grocery store? And giving him unsolicited advice?"
maybe don't mention my past indescretions? (From Oscar)
"Oh, so now we're ashamed of the things we say during Polish Jenga?"
"I’m still a believer but I don’t know why." (from Esther)
"And then I saw her face! Now I'm a believer! Not a tr- oh, sorry, not a good time? You sound serious. Uh, wanna talk about it?"
"Are you gay?" She asks "I'm gay."
"Oh. Yeah, I'm pretty gay, I guess. Mostly for tomatoes. I'm tomatosexual I guess? Um. Yeah, I guess I never really... like, came out of the closet officially or anything. I mean, except when I did literally, but that was like, when I was still playing Frankencelery. Except maybe that was allegorical... the monster in the closet... society's fear of the unknown..."
Like you’d get your knuckles bloody for me (from Phil)
"If I had knuckles, you must know Mr. Phil Winklestein, I would get them bloody for thou."
"Has the Polish Jenga Nationals, the world's most intense competition second only to Glee Club Nationals, really brought us that much closer together?" Phil asked, touched. "You really think we can make it to the final two teams?"
"I think we can do anything we put our slender vegetable minds to, Mr. Phil. I think we are brave. We are strong. We are sexy."
"I don't know, Oscar, the competition is tough. I think we need some curvy vegetable minds for this task. I mean, did you see who we're up against? Hell, I still don't even fully know all the rules of Polish Jenga, I... I believe in us, but is that enough?"
And maybe I don’t quite know what to say, but I’m here in your doorway (from Phil, director of "Wife Insurance" or whatever the name of it was)
"Did you rewrite the pitch package?"
"Bob, I've tried everything! I mean, it's just local theater. It's not even Broadway! I've been through so many rewrites, I don't even remember who half of my actors are playing!"
"And has Dad been keeping up with the songs?"
"Oh, shit, I forgot he was writing them! I... I need to ask him! I... I..." Phil began to hyperventilate, full panic attack mode. "Bob, this musical is a disaster!"
And maybe I don’t quite know what to say, but I’m here in your doorway (from Phil, director of "Wife Insurance" or whatever the name of it was)
"Did you rewrite the pitch package?"
"Bob, I've tried everything! I mean, it's just local theater. It's not even Broadway! I've been through so many rewrites, I don't even remember who half of my actors are playing!"
Like you’d get your knuckles bloody for me (from Phil)
"If I had knuckles, you must know Mr. Phil Winklestein, I would get them bloody for thou."
"Has the Polish Jenga Nationals, the world's most intense competition second only to Glee Club Nationals, really brought us that much closer together?" Phil asked, touched. "You really think we can make it to the final two teams?"
"I’m still a believer but I don’t know why." (from Esther)
"And then I saw her face! Now I'm a believer! Not a tr- oh, sorry, not a good time? You sound serious. Uh, wanna talk about it?"
"Up until the punching, this was a real nice party." (Phillip Winkelstein the First)
"I still don't know how they did it." Bob spoke, almost amazed. His tone was more pained, however, as he cried "we don't have hands!"
Phil "handed" him an ice pack. "Life is full of disturbing mysteries," he conceded, and offered, "If it makes you feel any better, you looked rad as hell, as the kids say, taking that punch. Really bad-ass."
