Just Shit Posts

Heated rivalry, what have you done to me

[themoonandmyman]

baby Ilya’s tiny angry Russian ranting when Irina won’t let him stay on the ice and his cheeks are all bright pink and his little nose is wet and he’s plopping down onto the ice and crossing his arms and yelling NYET NYET NYET.

Across the ocean at the exact same time, the exact same thing is happening to a very exhausted Yuna Hollander.

[littleewhitelotus]

i just HAD to draw this

[lexicanons]

Yuna is on set with Shane and Ilya when the photographer’s assistant tells her they’re ready to begin. She turns to tell Shane and Ilya, but they’re not there. She goes to the dressing room, and the two are not there either. She runs around the set, trying to find them, but they’re no where to be found. She tries calling them but gets no answer. She decides to go outside because they’re definitely not in the building. She walks outside to the back of the building, and the sight makes her heart leap. Ilya has his back against the building,mand Shane is standing in front of him. Ilya’s arms are wrapped around Shane while Shane gestures to the ‘No Smoking’ sign above Ilya’s head. They’re both laughing. Ilya leans in to press his face in Shane’s neck as the two giggle. Yuna snaps a quick photo of them before going back to momager mode and telling them they have work to do. After the shoot, she sends the picture to them. Ilya posts the photo with the caption ‘This isn’t the first time Shane has cornered me in No Smoking areas’ and Shane comments ‘You liked it both times’ and the internet is abuzz with new Hollanov lore.

[sweetangelfart]

Yuna posts a carousel of ilya on her Instagram page to celebrate his birthday with the caption, "My youngest turns a year older today. Thank you for bringing your big heart and soft smiles into our lives. Your perseverance, intuition and ambition never fails to amaze me. We can't wait to see what the future has in store for you and we're so so glad to call you our son.

P.S David asked me to tell you that he is very excited about the puzzle he picked out to do with you."

All the pics are of ilya being soft 🤧

Him at the dinner table stuffing his face with chicken parm with a mountain of cheese, the marinara sauce tinge the corners of his mouth

Him and Yuna on the couch, his head on her lap, her fingers lost in his curls

Him in the backyard of his house, sat on the ground while Anya licks his face

Him and shane passed out on different parts couch on their tummies, with their fingers tangled together

Him with the pikelings treating him like jungle gym. The twins hang from his biceps while Arthur is licking an ice lolly sat on his shoulders totally zoned out and little Amber has wrapped her teeny tiny hands around one of his knees. To be noted, he is wearing one of his expensive ass ray bans and his nails are painted in the bi flag and he's wearing those necklaces from the DIY jewellery making kits for kids.

Him solving a puzzle with David at the dinner table with a blanket around his shoulders

Him posing with 2 hotdogs as if they are guns, face scrunched in mock strain

A family photo of four of them in a restaurant all happy smiles, a bit shaky due the staff being nervous

Him sticking his tongue out at shane with the TV remote in one hand keeping it out of reach while the other arm tries to push shane away

The hudcon lick™️ on the ice but hollanov in their Ottawa jerseys

Him and shane at the dock with Shane's arm around his waist and his wrapped around Shane's shoulders at they watch the sun rise at the cottage

A picture of them at their wedding, shane throwing his head back laughing, his hand on his stomach with the wedding band glinting as ilya tries to hide his smirk into his champagne glass

When ilya finds out, he blushes deep red and tries to hold back tears.

"Shaaaannneeee, mama is trying to make me look uncool!!! She's posted nice pictures and its ruining my reputation!!" As he whines and poutspoutspouts while shane laughs at his face and feeds him cake

[bees-reads]

Shane is the type of ridiculously hot that he ends up on random people’s TikTok pages with them begging people to help find him.

Hockey fans then have to break their hearts by letting them know that 1) he’s gay 2) he’s married and 3) his husband is just as hot as he is.

[hockeyhockeyjoyjoy]

Ilya calls it his Collection. Shane calls it Embarassing, Ilya, Come On.

Whether it's a TikTok, a blurry street pic, a keyboard-smash-filled tweet about Shane's shoulders in a tank top post-workout in the queue at a coffee shop, a Craigslist Missed Connections post, or, one time, a literal fucking newspaper clipping from the Ottawa Citizen newspaper's Classifieds section, Ilya wants every last instance of someone thirsting after his husband so bad they enlisted the help of the public to find him.

It doesn't actually irritate Shane, he establishes this early on and checks in occasionally just to be sure, so he feels free to go hog wild with it whenever it happens.

He posts a video stitching the TikTok of him sitting down next to Shane on the sofa and laying his head on his shoulder. Without mentioning that this is Shane Hollander, he just starts to list Shane Hollander's Cup wins, awards, accolades, career stats, some random off-ice skills (he can parallel park any vehicle on the planet and his paella would make you cry), and then ends by grabbing Shane's startled but amused face, saying, "This is the guy," kissing him playfully on the mouth, and finishing with, "He's mine. Fuck off."

He reposts the blurry street picture in a carousel along with several perfectly lined up selfies showing they're in the exact same spot. In all of them he is kissing a blushing (but smiling) Shane's cheek, and in the final one their wedding rings are held up in the foreground. Caption: "Mine mine mine."

He retweets the keyboard-smash tweet with a series of dual gym selfies showing off Shane's shoulders and arms and torso (and his own), and then a final one of them sipping coffee from the same shop together on a walk, holding hands. The tweet reads: "He benches more than I weigh, his grip strength literally cannot be measured by science, and he carried the lame fucking Metros to three Cup wins on those shoulders. #husbandgoals #lookdonttouchbitches #mine

He posts his own Missed Connection, looking for the only person in Ottawa who doesn't know who the fuck Shane Hollander is and who the fuck he's married to.

He takes out a full-page ad in the Citizen to gush about Shane (and technically to advertise the upcoming Ottawa hockey camps, yes fine Yuna) and the final line is, "To anyone who thinks they may be looking for him, I found him first. Haha, sorry not sorry."

It's after the last one that Jackie sends him an email that starts the biggest quest of his life.

The email's only contents are a screenshot of a tweet dated February of 2011, in Quebecois French. The translation is that the poster saw the cutest kinda-dorky-but-built guy in a Metros hoodie in what used to be Shane's old grocery store, and if hockey players looked like that than they might watch a game once in awhile. The subject line of the email just reads: "This used to happen like once a week, btw."

And so begins Ilya's internet campaign to find every last historical instance of Shane being thirsted after - and, with gleeful irony, he enthusiastically enlists the public's help in finding them.

Shane retweets his all-caps call for aid with a picture of Ilya beaming at his phone as the first ones start coming in. Caption: "Whatever makes him happy, I guess. ❤️ #alsomine"

✨🏒✨

Masterlist of my Tumblr drabble lore drops for Hollanov and HR is here. 🥰

[perlukafarinn]

After the foundation is established and before they're outed, Shane and Ilya go viral on hockey twitter.

It's All Stars and a camera catches them sitting together on the bench during the skills competition, leaning in and whispering to each other, clearly trying to be sneaky. They're both kind of smiling, looking like they're trying not to laugh. Then Ilya says something that makes Shane crack up and have to hide his face while he's trying to pull himself together. This moment gets giffed and everyone is dying to know what made the famously cool and collected Shane Hollander laugh like that.

Shane and Ilya don't comment on this incident despite being asked repeatedly and after they're outed, everyone assumes they were just flirting. They readily let that be the story, because they're not about to admit they were actually talking major shit about the other players.

[russianblush]

#this was on our tvs btw

[pookieshane]

favorite hollanov kisses 29/??

[rainbow-femme]

Oh shit wait ok

So one year for charity different pro athletes get asked to participate in a live game based on one of those “how well do you know your partner” games but instead it’s “how well do you know your rival” and participating means you get to raise money for a charity of your choice and obviously Shane and Ilya want to promote the Irina Project so they agree and go up against other current famous rivals from other sports

And Shane and Ilya discuss ahead of time that obviously they’ll have to just play things off as they usually do, light hearted chirps back and forth and what not, “winning” is just for the show and won’t impact how much money gets made for their charity so it doesn’t matter. Except then they get there and become overtaken by the need to Win and Be the Best and they are the best. So without needing to discuss changing the plan, as soon as the questions start they lock in and decide that actually they have to demolish everyone else

The other rivals are laughing and making jokes at the questions but Shane and Ilya are deadly serious and the host starts to get a little weirded out by the fact that they actually know the answers and aren’t just saying things like “how many goals last season? Probably one less than me haha” and actually have each others stats memorized

Because the audience is loving it they go to a lightning round that’s just Shane and Ilya and it’s now the usual couple game questions and they’re still getting them right because they can make excuses for knowing later, right now is about Winning

“What is Shane’s favorite breakfast?”

“Kale protein shake with a scoop of peanut butter and a handful of blueberries.”

“Ok um, what is Ilya’s favorite breakfast?”

“Two sausage egg McMuffins with an extra slice of cheese and hashbrowns.”

“What is something on Shane’s bucket list?”

“Sleeping in one of those see through igloos under the northern lights.”

“What is something on Ilya’s bucket list?”

“That thing where you feed giraffes at a zoo.”

“Ok last one. I think we all know Shane’s answer is former paramour Rose Landry, but who do you think is the most famous person Rozanov has ever slept with is?”

*through teeth gritted so tight he is in danger of chipping one* “Probably a model. Or something.”

“… Yeah, let’s go with that.”

Years later when they’re out Shane reshares the clip and the only non-PR approved thing he says on the matter is “It was me, by the way. I am the most famous person Rozanov has ever slept with.”

[sunnypeachyy]

Kissy time! 💋

[softgnome]

Personally I do think that sometimes non-hockey fans can end up mischaracterizing Shane and Ilya because they don't know enough about hockey/hockey playstyles

The Ilya we see in Heated rivalry would not be throwing the first punch, he's not an enforcer. Ilya is a star center and a Pest. He wouldn't be doing his job correctly if he was punching players every other game, it would end up with not enough ice time to let him be the playmaker he's paid to be.

But being a pest can be playmaking! Find a player to bait, emotionally push them just enough that they try to fight you, and then get the fuck out of there before the ref gives you both penalties. This gets your team the power play. There is probably someone on Ilya's line dedicated to helping him get out of the fights he starts, and finishing them for him!

I also think this is also something that Shane would respect. Ilya is good at it and it's a good strategy for his team. I don't think Shane would see it as some dirty tactic, because Shane probably thinks everyone with a brain can see it for what it is! He probably thinks everyone should be able to see that being an asshole is a tactic for Ilya, that it's something to ignore and not fall for, that it's a strategy and not personal beef.

I think Shane's more disappointed when a Metro falls for it. Shane sees it as Ilya set up a Looney Toons ass obvious trap and one of his teammates ran into it. Why be mad at Bugs Bunny when you can be mad at your defenceman for falling for a fucking Bugs Bunny trap.

[thisfeebleheart]

Hudson Williams' Full Body Workout For Heated Rivalry

[etoileincorrectquotes]

Gabin, picking who he wants to perform in Tobias' piece about his life: Matthieu, I think you should play the role of my father.

Matthieu: I don’t want to be your father.

Gabin: That’s perfect. You already know your lines.

[prideandprejudice]

#they know each other, you honor | (requested by anon)

[meanbossart]

🎤I know they're losing and I pay for my place 🎵 🎶🎶By the ring🎶🎶🎶

[hudconvent]

ilya opening their mail one day and then yelling SHANESHANESHANE who rushes in to where ilya is holding up a piece of mail gleefully

its a speeding ticket (not uncommon) with a traffic enforcement photo attached and its undeniable that it’s ilya’s (very few orange lamborghinis in the area) so shane is like “wow way to go. another few of those and your license is finally going to get revoked” and ilya is like “no. look closer.”

and shane leans in to look at the photo and tiny, just barely perceptible on the grainy photo, is ilya’s hand with a handful of dark hair in his lap

shane is beyond mortified but ilya keeps trying to hang the photo on the fridge

[dailyconnorstorrie]

Connor via instagram story (12 June)

WATCH THE FILM

[iamnotfrozen]

watching étoile made me realize that I would be unstoppable if I didn’t have social anxiety