rAnDOm

I am a frog maestro. Professionally.

[frogmiestro]

They’re independent until they’re alone. (My younger sister referencing men.)

[frogmiestro]

Why must she do this?

Because, Elizabeth, she is codependent and a hoe at the same time.

[frogmiestro]

Australia is a dictatorship. We need to revolt.

[frogmiestro]

If I had a pregnancy test that came back positive I’d shoot me. - 81 year old grandmother after grandchild’s pregnancy announcement

[frogmiestro]

I don’t know. They just had a stuffed dog and could not forget it, tho he wasn’t good. Bad doggo.

[frogmiestro]

The other day my friend and me were wearing sandals and we interlocked toes and went on a dinner date and I ordered the roasted ovaries but they didn’t give them to me so we had an issue and I took the waiter out back and got my roasted ovaries.

[frogmiestro]

No laws condemn the atrocities I’ve committed.

[frogmiestro]

B-dog stands for big booty dog. The second b is silent.

[frogmiestro]

So uh I figured I'd inform you guys of this, as you heard the previous part of this story. Tonight, I, yes me, stripped. And then got in the shower, wet myself, as you do. I then wet my washcloth, grabbed my body wash and put it on the washcloth. At that point I realized I had made a mistake. It was my lotion. I had gone through with it, unlike last time. The only thing left now is for me to go all the way and be unaware and slather it upon my body. You're welcome.