cojones de mariposa

DS9 junkie, Kira fangirling is my happy place

[fromgallifreytogallitep]

this is a Tumblr hug, pass it on to your ten favorite followers and mutuals 💖 <3

*TACKLEHUGS*  thank you hon ❤️   ❤️   ❤️   ❤️   ❤️   ❤️   ❤️   ❤️   ❤️  

[intactics-deactivated20211231]

god i hope whatever bullshit happens next is funny

[harpyhormones]

sometimes you just gotta put your hand up your shirt and hold ur boob and thats life

[thepoisonroom]

patiently waiting for someone to fall in love with me. i refuse 2 date. i refuse 2 flirt or make a move. how could this go wrong.

[seaoflove]

reading vincent van goghs letters and he keeps repeating the same thing.. that i may be of use in the world. he repeats it over and over, in questions, in musings, in desperation. how can i be of use in the world? (the most precious question!) how can i be of use in the world? (how can anyone?) reminds me of that mary oliver quote: to pay attention, this is our endless and proper work. if i were any more insightful i could say something profound here, but i think if we keep focused attention on the question, we may find a way to be of some good. like rilke meant. by loving the questions themselves, we may one day stumble upon the answer.

[steakandcheeeese]

Lmao you’re an adult, you shouldn’t be using the word squick. Use trigger. Use your grown up adult words to explain how you feel instead of leaning on a cutesy uwu term that no one outside of tumblr uses. It’s embarrassing.

Idek if this is serious or ironic honestly

[steakandcheeeese]

#like...why use this baby word when you can just say how you feel about it

Found this in the original post tags and I just... SIGH

Here’s the thing, anon. Squick isn’t just ‘I don’t like this’, it’s ‘I think this is gross and it makes me deeply uncomfortable but I pass no judgement on those who enjoy it, because I acknowledge that everyone is different and those same people may have the same visceral reaction some of the things I enjoy’ and was originally made popular in the kink community.

So yeah, if you want to say that every time you come across a trope or whatever you find icky then go ahead, say that every time.

Also, this term dates back to Usenet in the early nineties, so sure, go off.

[sugarfey]

This frustrates me so much because squicks and triggers are fundamentally different things and as someone with PTSD, the distinction is super useful!

Squicks are things I find personally gross but may not be gross to someone else. They don’t upset me or provoke my PTSD, they simply do not pop my corn. Example: Omegaverse. I don’t like it, it makes me uncomfortable and I’m not going to read it, but if you like it, you do you.

Triggers are things which directly provoke my PTSD. This means that my triggers may seem completely normal and innocuous to someone else, because my triggers are so personal and intrinsically linked to a specific event in my life. My reactions to these triggers can include panic attacks and flashbacks to this traumatic event. Sometimes being triggered can affect me for several hours or even days.

Describing something as either a squick or a trigger allows me easily establish the difference in my potential reaction to something without having to go into painful detail about why bodily fluids might make me back button quickly but poker games might leave me a crying wreck. 

[oopsabird]

Making this distinction, and having a specific word for something that is not your slice of pie, but also not an actual psychological trigger, is also REALLY important for making sure that the word “trigger” can retain its original, specific, purposeful, and collectively understood clinical meaning (both inside and outside online fannish communities).

If we encourage everyone to lump things that just make them slightly uncomfortable or simply aren’t to their taste in under the word “trigger”, it actually dilutes the meaning of the word. It makes it harder for us all to, for the most part, collectively agree on and understand what exactly is being described when the word gets used.

And that destruction of shared precise definitions is a problem! It is really useful to have the communal language to be able to clearly and quickly delineate between “this grosses me out, no thanks” and “this is going to set off a trauma episode, rattle my brain, and probably throw off the rest of my day/week as a result” while also maintaining your privacy, and to know that you will be understood in what you are saying. Not having it is actually detrimental to the effort of making our communities safe and navigable for people living with trauma. Which is a goal that is much more important to me, personally, than the idea of not being “cutesy” (a word which in this case which sounds a lot like it’s being used as a euphemism for “cringe”).

(Also, one has to wonder if people told Shakespeare he was being childish when he made up entirely new words that are still widely used in the English language today...... 🤔)

[mumblingsage]

My understanding is that “squick” was also created to avoid using more judgmental terms like “gross” or “disturbing”--like yeah, I do find X kink gross or disturbing, but that’s my personal feeling, not an objective fact about the world, and if I’m explaining to my friend who is super into X that I’d prefer they leave it out of the story they’re writing me in the fic exchange, I want to use politer language!

“Squick” does sound silly, like onomatopoeia, but I think that’s part of its role--it’s a word that defuses if, again, you’re saying something squicks you in front of an audience that may include its connoisseurs. When I say I’m squicked, I’m clearly not getting onto a high horse of dignity and moral righteousness. At the same time I’m not being so indirect for the sake of politeness--”oh, it’s not my favorite thing, I’m not sure it works for me, I haven’t found a fic about it that clicks for me”--that someone could misunderstand how much I do not want to see it.

[ruffboi-mags]

And, to reiterate, it is a grown up word made by grown up nerds in the 90s so if you think it was somehow born on and limited to Tumblr I'm going to need you to actually do some fandom history research before you ever speak authoritatively again about anything fandom-related or adjacent.

[littlethingwithfeathers]

I love and deeply miss the term “squick” and really want to see it brought back. It allows dislike for its own sake and without judgement. It’s polite, gentle, and has an air of “you do you.” A squick is not a trigger. Triggers are related to trauma. You’re allowed to not like things and not have them related to anything other than just finding them unpleasant. And that aversion can be strong! That’s okay! I really don’t like watersports. Like, gag-reflex levels of aversion, but it’s not triggering. I just really don’t like it.  I feel like we’ve lost the right/ability to just... quietly not like things and move on with our lives. Not everything is for everyone, and you don’t need a reason to not like something. Just politely and quietly excuse yourself. No need to draw attention, and if someone asks you why you just say, “No, it squicks me out.” No judgement. No narrative necessary. 

[lilykep]

There is a sad trend of trying to make everything you personally dislike morally reprehensible in some way to justify your dislike of it. You're allowed to just not like something for no real reason. You do not have to justify why you dislike something, and the word "squick" is perfect for that. It say "look I really really don't like this thing, but it's ok if you do" and that is useful.

[ruffboi-mags]

I think the biggest problem is that a lot of these kids are VERY into the whole fandom purity culture thing, so they actually DO want to make it out to be morally reprehensible, and they DON'T think it's ok that other ppl might be into it.

[neil-gaiman]

Cheerfully using “squick” since 1992, because it means a specific thing and other words do not mean that thing.

[bpdzoldyck-deactivated20181014]

A note on the topic of trauma that I personally found helpful in accepting the idea that I am a trauma victim is that one of the most widely accepted facts in the field of trauma research is that abuse is often not the common factor in whether somebody will develop ptsd. 

Many people can go through awful things without developing trauma based disorders as long as they receive compassion and support in processing those events as they happen. The most common factor in developing something like ptsd is emotional neglect. And emotional neglect on it’s own can be enough. 

Whatever you went through was enough I promise, you’re not overreacting. Abuse and neglect are traumatic at any level, you don’t need to have gone through the worst possible experience you can think of to develop ptsd. If it hurt you then it hurt you.

[micchi-monster]

…..oh.

[fabulousworkinprogress]

And to support that, the number one determining factor on how badly something affects a person is how they’re treated afterward, not how objectively bad the event was. They’re called resiliency factors.

It looks like this:

Horrible brutal traumatic event + Family and community support + legal amelioration + closure and therapy and help 

ONE MILLION TIMES MORE LIKELY TO RECOVER THAN

Event that the sufferer may think “seems minor” compared to what others have been through + Family neglect and abuse (you deserved it, name calling, support the abuser) + no legal means + denial and stifling and no therapeutic support

I have been raped, I have been abused by someone who was supposed to be family to me, and I have recovered and gotten my life back together. I have psychiatrists, psychologists, best friends, lovers, and family who support me. I did not get legal justice, but I got the person(s) out of my life.

My friend was repeatedly verbally abused by his step-parent, and when he was abused and hurt by others he was blamed for it by that parent. He had no support and no one to talk to about it for over 10 years.

He still feels guilty for even being affected by it and I’ve had long talks with him about how it isn’t “nothing compared to” what I went through. 

You are not wrong to be upset. You are not wrong to feel the effects of trauma. Your hurt cannot be measured against anyone else’s. Your resiliency is your own and your situation is valid to you. Perception is everything. The worst thing that ever happened to you might ostensibly be less bad than the worst thing that ever happened to me - but it still is what happened to YOU.

[lilbittydragon-deactivated20241]

Trauma is so predictable that we can make tidy little equations out of it. The ones above are good, but the ones I’ve seen are a little simpler. Something like: 

Overwhelming Experience + Isolation + Shame = PTSD

[tenderpoc]

would watch a whole entire show about kira and bajoran resistance fighters please

[dragoncharming]

Sisko Week: Bonds.

The evolution of Sisko and Kira’s relationship is so layered. They’re both on their own journeys that weave into each other.

[wrenhavenriver]

why must reductress hurt me in this way

[thiefree]

ok a) lmao me too girl, and

b) once burnout hits you CANNOT work that hard, by your standards, so odds are it actually hit a while ago and you just “powered through” because that’s what you’re used to doing. So now, every day, you’re hitting your limit and thinking “wtf man i used to be able to do this, i used to be competent, clever, diligent” and like yeah. you were. and that burns glucose. welcome to the dumb bitch zone.

and c), lmao, me too girl

[junkolt]

fuck b) came for me harder than the first post did god damn

[metamorphesque]

― Ursula K. Le Guin, The Left Hand of Darkness

[animatedamerican]

this. this right here.

[pixelartpeach]

“You can’t consume problematic media!”

Maybe YOU can’t. I, on the other hand, have critical thinking skills and a lot of spite

[pixelartpeach]

I am also incredibly sexy

[appleciders]

i still think about how in if wishes were horses they dedicated a whole subplot to julian’s uncomfortable fantasy of jadzia and only casually threw in kira‘s vivid figment of a fire and a man running covered in flame. in the words of my friend - her imagination is consumed by her trauma! explicitly! everyone else is realizing absurd, harmless, even heartwarming visions, but her ptsd manifests something horrifying and painful. and there is literally no acknowledgment from the entire rest of the episode that it even happened. no one was even there to see it. like not to be on the nose, but imagine what they could’ve done with that?

[dankmemeuniversity]

[edelweiss-in-space]

C L U E Julian Bashir Edition

(based on an original idea by @delicatetrashstranger)

Somebody snogged Julian.

Can you find where?

[edelweiss-in-space]

Can you guess what weapon was used to lure Julian?

[promethiae]

Sometimes when I’m watching deep space nine the camera will hit Nana Visitor’s face in a way that takes my breath away with how pretty she is. I can’t imagine working with her and being able to say actual coherent words

[kiranxrys]

          Kira Nerys in ’Wrongs Darker Than Death or Night’