I have a theory, that when people choose an animal to keep as a pet, they choose an animal whose personality and care routines complement and support a need of the human. Like getting a prescription for a psychosocial vitamin deficiency.
For example, I am a depressed and reclusive bitch, but taking the dog Charlie out for four walks a day is a great way to meet people and his outgoing little ass does most of the introductory small talk for me. Husbeast is a gregarious person who has difficulty maintaining his living space but the cat Mochi’s housebound nature has kept him company during WFH and helped him figure out how to organize the living space to suit his needs (small mammals like rats and guinea pigs have much the same benefits). Everyone I know who keeps invertebrates and reptiles has self-care and time management difficulties but having to be responsible for a tank animal helps that.
The people I don’t understand are Bird People. What psychosocial vitamin does bird provide?
Anger translator.
@kedreeva you are a Bird Person, are you not?
@gallusrostromegalus I have to assume you are talking about birds outside of psittacines (parrots, keets, cocktiels, etc), passerines (canaries, finches, etc), or columbiformes, because those are all caged birds and would a) provide all the same benefits as a caged reptile, as they all have daily routines and cage cleaning and b) have social requirements for the most part. ESPECIALLY parrots or other highly intelligent birds like mynahs, who can often have intense daily care routines, to the point where they’re basically children… but children you can close in a cage and go out to dinner without, among other things.
So assuming you do not mean cage birds (and maybe a little even if you do), some reasons I keep peafowl:
someone to scream with
soft
so many feathers to collect and decorate with
they are idiots, and this pleases me greatly
they are clever little shits sometimes, and that pleases me greatly too
absolutely cannot predict them, which means Many Stories
beautiful
warm
basically dinosaurs, and sometimes you just need a dinosaur, emotionally
they are assholes, like cats, except if cats had wings and were bigger idiots
they are often extremely long lived, which means they are gonna be around to be assholes for a very long time, unlike some animals that go away after a few years because hearts only beat so long
they have social drama when kept in groups
the moment someone finds out you have peafowl, you become 85% cooler
following the above, you will always have something to talk about when someone wants to know how you are/what you’ve been doing; things which have absolutely nothing to do with your personal life, like who you are or are not dating, or what smutty gay fanfiction you are writing, or anything. It’s like a free pass out of conversations you don’t want to have
following the above- if someone knows you have birds, especially fowl, they will always feel secure in getting you items with that bird on it. This seems weird, but i feel like it reduces anxiety in others, which makes me feel better.
Following the above again, basically no one knows anything about birds, so if you ever need out of something, you can just be like oh man. oh no. I have to do x for the birds today, it’s gotta be today, so sorry about that, can’t do the thing, and people don’t even question it, they’re just like Yes that sounds reasonable birds are probably like that. which is, some might say, deceitful but also sometimes you just don’t want to go to a party that’s super loud with a lot of people or to go see 50 relatives that are all bigots that will drink a lot and talk about sports you don’t care about at all.
they will judge you for 100% free, no charge. you don’t get to know what the criteria or results are, tho, but who doesn’t like free stuff
They will also inspect anything you show them, and judge that too. One of my peacocks will walk to the mailbox with me, and inspect all of my mail for me every day. Again I don’t know what criteria he’s using, but it’s definitely judged “mail”
eggs; but like, not all the time
if you don’t eat the eggs, they turn into babies, which are SUPER cute
birds have Zero reason to befriend you, but sometimes they choose to do it anyway and unlike humans (who can be nice for many reasons and not all of them are nice) or dogs (who come pre-programmed to love basically everyone) or reptiles (who don’t really have the capacity), you know it’s because they genuinely want to do so.
you can just watch them doing their thing. you can come home from work and sit in the yard and watch them walk around and they don’t even care, it’s so peaceful
you instantly become the most amazing and interesting person in the world if you have their favorite treat, but you also can’t get away with teasing them for it because they will 100% ignore you and the treat if they believe their dignity is being compromised
there is something about watching a bird come running over to you to say hi that dogs just cannot compete with, it’s just not the same
no fur!
i cannot overstate how many feathers there are, if you like feathers you just really have to get a bird, there’s no other animal that will give you as many feathers to put in vases
and to answer your question for real though- they force you to chill. If you interact with a bird and you are high-strung, They Know. and unlike other animals that have been bred to domesticity to want to try to fix it, and unlike animals who cannot tell and don’t care, birds are big dumb mirrors. If you’re not calm, they’re not calm. So you learn to be calm. You learn to slow down for them. You have to learn their body language in order to interact with them, which I think in some ways is… I don’t want to say humbling, but it sort of is like that. You can’t really dominate a bird the way you can a dog, you can’t discipline them nearly the same if at all. You… i dunno. you have to be kind, and patient, and listen to them when they are telling you something (however they are telling it to you), or you lose their trust and cooperation and they hold GRUDGES. You have to work with their rules, you have to find middle grounds. You have to respect their boundaries. And they’re very clear about when you haven’t- you always know exactly where you stand with birds, which is kind of a relief after dealing with humans.
also u can do this:
which I think is very important
tag yourself I’m social drama and “they are idiots, this pleases me”
I didnt think I could want a birb MORE than I already do, but this post has done that. That was so beautiful I'm actually crying. I want borb. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
