While Iām staying away from all the speculation, all those posts and memes about Jaskier either being the only one who can see Geralt is different or the only one who canāt and keeps insisting that yes of course, thatās Geralt, are giving me ideas.
Namely: faceblind Jaskier. Bear with me. He canāt recognize any face, including his own in the mirror (when he finds a mirror, itās not that often). Thatās why he flirts with everyone, flirting is just his default mode in case itās someone heās met before, because at its core itās kind of roleplaying. While people may not respond to it well, they mostly donāt bat an eye at cheesy joke-y pickup lines where Jaskier āpretendsā to meet them for the first time (āDo you come here often?ā). Meanwhile it buys Jaskier time to figure out if he has in fact met them before.
(Demi or ace Jaskier? Who flirts for the reasons above and mostly has sex with people because he figures itās expected of him?)
Itās also the reason he makes so many enemies. Sure, there are actual cuckooed husbands who hate him, but really itās mostly former lovers who are horribly offended when Jaskier āsnubsā them at a reception because he just didnāt recognize them. Or former lovers horribly offended that he tried to flirt with them again pretending not to know them after they threw him out. There are also plenty of people who were never his lovers at all but are just offended because nobles are Like That.
(There have been some really embarrassing situations. Like the time he tried to flirt with Valdo Marx, his eternal rival, who still laughs about it every time they see each other.)
He latches onto Geralt because Geralt is recognizable. There just arenāt two white-haired wolf-eyed muscular men around. Jaskier never has to worry about seeing him and being unsure if itās actually his friend and not some random stranger with the same haircut. Geralt also never changes his haircut or his appearance in any way, which is refreshing.
Yennefer is mostly the same, with her violet eyes, although Jaskier does have to get close enough to be sure. They have a few weird encounters where Jaskier starts to flirt with her, gets within a few feet, and immediately backtracks the hell out with a disgusted face. Thatās how she figures it out, but it takes her a while. After that she takes great pleasure in teasing him about it, but only in ways that no one else will clock (hence the crowsā feet comment. Jaskier doesnāt even know himself in the mirror. He canāt tell if sheās right. He does obsess over it the whole way up the mountain, but he has other things to think about on the descent).
The witchers of Kaer Morhen, when Jaskier meets them, are so refreshing. Theyāre all different! Eskel is unmistakeable with his scars, and while theyāre within the confines of Kaer Morhen itās very easy to distinguish Lambertās red hair from Coenās shaved head and darker skin from Vesemirās white beard. Ciri is of course the only kid, so thatās not a problem. For the first time in his life, Jaskier doesnāt feel like heās playing catch up to a game whose rules he doesnāt know. Itās relaxing.
The witchers, on the other hand, are quite surprised about Jaskier. Theyāve been told (many times, over the years) that Jaskier flirts with everyone under the sun. Now Geralt isnāt always the most reliable source, of course, and Eskel never expects anyone to be attracted to him because of his scars (which is a subject for another day), but Jaskier doesnāt even try to flirt, even just friendlily, with either Lambert or Coen. Heās not afraid of them, they would be able to smell that, he seems perfectly comfortable with them, but he doesnāt flirt. At first, they figure that itās because his newly mended relationship with Geralt is still fragile.
One night theyāre all a bit drunk and the witchers are talking about how Jaskierās songs have helped them on the Path, how many humans are much nicer to them, and in general how hard interacting with humans is. And Jaskier is just nodding along, āYeah, yeah, interacting with humans is so hard.ā
āBut youāre always going out of your way to talk to people and flirt!ā
āWell yes, I like making friends, but they have so many expectations, and they get angry so easily.ā
āThatās only when you flirt with the wrong people,ā Geralt growls.
āBut how am I supposed to know itās the wrong people when I canāt recognize them?ā
āWhat do you mean?ā Eskel asks.
āFaces are hard! I donāt know how people do it, I mean, obviously your scars are distinctive, and Iād recognize Geraltās hair anywhere, but most humans all look the same!ā
Geralt blinks very slowly as it all slots into place in his head. Jaskierās very strange flirting methods. The way he keeps making enemies without meaning to. Hell, heās seen Jaskier say hello again to someone theyād seen just minutes before, or completely ignore one of his bard friends at a festival until she came right up to him. āYou donāt recognize people?ā
Jaskier, who didnāt survive forty-three(ish) years without figuring out that this wasnāt normal, freezes and suddenly looks like a deer in the headlights. āUhā¦ no?ā
āSo if, say, Vesemir was to shave his beard, you might confuse him with Geralt?ā Lambert asks.
āIādā¦ probably be able to tell from up close? Geraltās taller.ā
āWow.ā Lambert seems ready to tease him about it, but Eskel stops him.
āHow did you never notice?ā he asks Geralt.
Geralt just grunts. Jaskier answers for him. āIām very good at making people feel like weāve always known each other, I guess. Mostly I just buy time until I can figure out if Iāve met them before.ā
The witchers have a million questions, but they never make Jaskier feel like heās deficient somehow. Jaskier has always been ashamed of it, but to them, itās just another quirk, like not being able to eat raw meat.
The next time theyāre on the road, or at a festival together, Geralt is brooding just as much as usual, eyes darting this way and that, but before Jaskier can go and greet people (with his usual fake-it-till-you-make-it technique), Geralt stops him.
āYour friend Essiās wearing a yellow dress with red accents,ā he mutters under his breath. āMarx has a green doublet, that shade you hate. Avoid the man in the bright purple doublet and the brown pants, you slept with him last time and he threw you out. That woman at the right of the stage with the braid, she has a husband, you tried before.ā
Jaskier gets so emotional that he canāt speak for a solid minute, and he ends up hugging Geralt instead. āDidnāt know you paid attention,ā he says eventually.
āJust look at me if youāre not sure who someone is, Iāll tell you who to avoid,ā Geralt says gruffly.
Itās not a perfect system, but Jaskier doesnāt offend a single person all day.
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