j'ai pas envie de te faire plaisir

alice | she/her | lover of vampires & queer horror 🖤 selfie tag is #my face, art tag is #my art

[vampyre-lesbian]

now that rockstar!Lestat has officially been confirmed, I thought it'd be a fun design challenge to try and create a logo + some merch for The Vampire Lestat! 🥀🦇

please like & share on Instagram, too!

[clytemnestraaa]

hi this drives me crazy

canon is what happens in the text. e.g. merlin tries to poison morgana

a headcanon is a fact that you have personally made up as an elaboration of canon. it is your invention. e.g. i think morgana and gwen had a teenage lesbian situationship before the events of canon. or, i think modern morgana would love evanesence.

an interpretation is how one reads the existing text. it is not an invented fact nor is it a headcanon, it is a reading. e.g. i think merlin tries to poison morgana out of misplaced self-hatred. or, i think that one line was delivered with suppressed malice and shows a nuanced relationship.

fanon is the general fandom’s accepted headcanons and interpretations that elaborate or recontextualize canon. e.g. merlin is a badass waif and morgana is a bitch.

these are all different words with different meanings.

[justdecadentcollectiondestiny]

and a cannon is a large mounted gun, usually on wheels, that uses explosives to fire projectiles.

[kakastravakaianapoda]

shout out to potc character Bootstrap Bill Turner because if he did not have the galaxy brain idea to hide a cursed piece of gold from a bloodthirsty, vicious, immortal pirate crew by sending it to his defenseless child, non of the movies would have taken place the way they did.

Literally father of all time no further notes no further comments

[beemovieerotica]

[aetherixs]

i have never seen a single 'pirates of the caribbean' film so my friend insisted that i watch the first one with her and i'm obsessed.

the villain’s origin story is that he can’t eat apples anymore. every fight scene plays like a slapstick comedy. two key combat sequences end with our sexy leading men getting boinked on the head. the climax is initiated by one ship firing forks at another ship. everyone is unreasonably hot. plot armor made only of the word “parlay”. the Redcoats are more useless than you could possibly imagine. Elizabeth almost drowns, gets held hostage, and then her entire village is destroyed but the worst part of her day is that a man proposed to her. a crew of skeleton pirates do drag to trojan horse their way into the final battle. truly insane stuff can't wait for more.

[firstgrave]

What makes you think it’s okay to watch Hannibal given its subject matter?

sometimes i watch television shows for entertainment purposes.

[hedgehog-moss]

The Least Intimidating bakery in the village has closed for good so now I’ve got to go to the Intimidating Bakery, it’s awful. If you don’t have a PhD in being French I don’t recommend going to that bakery, here’s the humiliating account of the 3 times I’ve visited it so far:

the first time I went in there I pointed at one of those extra-skinny baguettes and said “a flute, please” feeling pretty sure of myself, and the baker said “… that’s a ficelle” (you idiot) (was implied) “a flute is twice as large as a baguette.”

That’s insane, first of all, a flute is a skinny instrument. Call your fat baguette a bassoon, lady—I made some timid remark about how it would make more sense for a flute to be a skinny bread and the baker said, “In Paris it is. I thought you were from the South?”

oh, that hurt

I guess I’m from the part of the South that’s so close to Italy the bread’s waist size matters less than whether it’s got olives in it, but I left the bakery having an existential crisis over whether living in Paris had made me forget my roots

the Least Intimidating Bakery just had normal baguettes vs. seedy baguettes vs. horny baguettes (easy mode, some have seeds, some have horns), while the new bakery has breads that are only different on a molecular level—there’s a good old loaf and then another, identical loaf called a bastard? google told me a bastard is “halfway between a baguette and a bread” but denouncing them like “those are not regulation-sized bastards” would get me banned from the bakery for life

on my 2nd visit (while I stood in line discreetly googling baguette terminology) there was an English tourist who asked for a baguette while pointing at what was either a rustique or a sesame and I felt a bit worried for them, but the baker just clarified “this one?” to waive any responsibility if they found out later it wasn’t a classic baguette, then handed them the bread without educating them in a judgmental tone and I felt envious

I know it’s because she thinks the English are beyond saving but still it made me want to come back with a fake moustache and an English accent so I wouldn’t be expected to play bakery on expert mode just because I’m French. I asked for a pastry this time and the baker asked “no bread with that?” which felt cruel, like she wanted me to sprinkle myself with ashes and admit out loud that my level of bread proficiency isn’t as advanced as I once believed it was

The third time I went, I had lost all self-confidence and I hesitantly pointed at a bread and said “I’d like this, uh—what is it called?” and the baker looked at me in disbelief and said “That’s a baguette.”

God.

for the record, if that stupid bread had been flanked by a skinny bread (ficelle) and a fat one (flute) then yeah of course I would have known to call it a baguette, but in the absence of reference points I now felt lost and scared of being called a Parisian again

it’s hard to express the depth of my suffering so I’ll just let the facts speak for themselves: this morning a French person (me) stood in a French bakery in France surrounded by French people and pointed at a baguette and said “what is this called”

[soup-mother]

Sober as fuck at the back of the club going onto Wikipedia and typing "List of birds"

[willgrahamscock]

sorry I’m all booked

[willgrahamscock]

this websites hate mail is brutal

[vampyre-lesbian]

rewatching Curse of the Black Pearl for the millionth time and, not to be the “every movie is secretly Star Wars” person, but I keep thinking about the interview where one of the writers said they modeled the Jack / Will / Elizabeth dynamic after the Han / Luke / Leia relationship, which I guess would make Will Luke, and thus I am forced to admit that I very clearly have a type

[shifgrethors]

even more 2026 buffy

xander accidentally signs up for grindr. shenanigans ensue.

oz is bisexual and before dating willow he was in a polycule with his bandmates. willow is deeply insecure about this.

tara and willow bond at wicca club where they play in an all-witches d&d campaign whose characters end up in a slow burn romance. there is an a willow dream sequence of her and tara dressed as their PCs fighting a dragon and then kissing.

the show don’t have enough money to license a chappell roan song for a tillow scene, so they write a similar but legally distinct song to underscore the scene.

after anya becomes human, she has a lucrative side hustle of doxxing terrible men on social media. money and vengeance for scorned women, what more could she ask for.

the magic shop also has a seating section and sells matcha and muffins. this is willow and anya’s doing (anya: it brings in more money! willow: and who doesn’t love matcha!). giles hates it and grumbles about it to the scoobies.

dawn is never seen without a comedically large cup of neon colored boba tea.

buffy has a two episode arc about online shopping addiction.

eliza dushku is allowed to dyke it up as much as she wants and it’s glorious.

[shifgrethors]

more 2026 buffy

slayer + influencer = influeslayer.

snyder implements a phone ban at sunnydale high and angel goes on a rampage because buffy isn’t answering his paragraph-long texts throughout the school day.

internet trolls who are actual trolls.

there is a poorly handled vampire/ICE allegory.

420th episode of the show that’s about magic weed that ethan rayne sells to all the kids at sunnydale high and makes them all go crazy à la buffy in beer bad or the adults in band candy.

joyce goes on a blind tinder date and he’s a demon and buffy has to save her. buffy is horrified that joyce is on tinder and makes her delete her account. joyce joins okcupid.

drusilla is very active on reddit. she is, unfortunately, into qanon.

marti noxon writes in an acab protest episode. joss retcons it somehow in the next season.

[vamplire]

i love u vampirism. i love u lesbianism. i love u homoeroticism.

[vixvigil]

it’s never a normal temperature anymore it’s always some fucking bullshit

[hollowistheworld]

I really can and will blame the 9-5 for everything. "We're in a loneliness epidemic" well, we have to spend a third of our day interacting with people in a professional way that makes forming real friendships difficult and then we're peopled out by the time we're done. "People are eating more and more unhealthily" people have to spend more than a third of their day doing work related tasks and they don't want to spend their tiny amount of free time making food. "People aren't involved in their local communities" after spending more than a third of their day doing work related things people are tired and also all those community events take place during normal working hours. "People need to get more hobbies" after spending more than a third of their day working, people are TIRED and don't want to do anything that takes yet more energy. "Literacy is dying" to maintain your critical thinking skills you need to read/watch things that make you think and after spending more than a third of your day doing work related stuff you are TIRED and don't want to expend even more brainnpower. "People need to get outside more" People. Are. TIRED. Because they have to spend all of their time working or preparing for work or recovering from work or doing all the chores they couldn't stay on top of because of work. I can blame fucking anything on having to work, it is truly the root of all fucking evil.

[ailithnight]

Hey OP, love your scalding take here; don't forget about commutes.

Once you factor in commute times (which even for short distances can be grotesquely inflated due to the fact that so many people are all commuting at the same time, but that's a different conversation) many people are actually devoting upwards of 10-12 hours a day on "work related tasks."

[louisegluckpdf]

every time i sit down 2 watch a horror movie i think of that one tweet :/

[louisegluckpdf]

rb if you too sit down in ur room and watch horror movies alone

[raylangivins]

has everyone seen the website that gives you a rothko for your local weather?

[gallifreyburning]