Chase a hog, get a hog
That's right. Step right up, chase a hog, and get a hog of your very own.
Potbellies, piglets, big ol fuckin swine as long as a horse and as fat as their very own selves. We got em all.
Chase a hog! Any hog! Run right after it and out'll pop your very own dick, guaranteed. Unless you already got one. One dick per customer, please.
Trans men, cis women who want a cock, gentlebeings of all non-bedicked types, this is the booth for you!
Chase a hog! Get a hog!
It's real simple, folks. You chase the hog. No prior experience required. In fact, prior experience is strictly forbidden. We here at Hank's Honkin Hogs are not liable for prior experience, ladies and gentlemen and boys and girls and non-ladies and non-gentlemen and non-boys and non-girls!
Enbies of all ages are eligible to chase one of these here hogs, provided that age is 18 or older. I am legally required to ask for ID here in the state of Florida. Now, my eyesight aint so good and I may not read that ID so well and I may not notice iffin you slip into the pigpen when I ain't looking but I AM REQUIRED TO ASK.
Chase a hog! Get a hog!
These are fresh, farm to fair hogs, folx. Guaranteed cruelty free, except for Clarence. That's right, friends and pals, not one of these hogs has known the sting of betrayal or the ache of a careless insult! Except Clarence, who did learn some unfortunate lessons this very morning.
No, there is no discount for chasing Clarence. Five dollars a hog, folks.
Chase a hog! Get a hog!
Of course you can't keep one of our actual pigs. Are you crazy? Five dollars to keep a whole pig, in this economy? Dicks may be cheap but bacon ain't.
Penis guaranteed to all who chase our hogs! Never have we failed to deliver, my sweet Floridians. That's a Hank guarantee. No actual running ability required. All you need is an honest effort and a genuine hankerin' for Hank's Honkin Hogs.
Size may vary, folks. That ain't our business here. No returns, no refunds!
Chase a hog! Get a hog!
