The Pig Farmer's Son 6
Chapter 6
The walk back to the farm was mostly silent, Zeba had so many questions and absolutely no nerve to ask any of them. She was too caught up in what she was currently experiencing; she hadn't had physical contact with another person in... -she couldn't even do the math right now- But here she was now, being held and carried by a giant boy. No, Zadian wasn’t just holding her, he kept her secured against his chest and clutched her with a quiet, tangible need.
An ache he was trying to keep silent but Zeba felt it loud and clear as he held her like a life line.
She endured it, she couldn’t help but feel like a teddy bear being clung to for comfort with their size difference but she was the adult and she could tell he was just needing her presence to ground himself.
If only she was better with kids, or people in general, then maybe she would know what to say. Maybe then she would know the right words to comfort him.
However long he was alone was too damn long.
Zeba tried to regulate herself for both their sakes. She could tell he didn’t want to hurt her but his sheer presence alone was still a daunting thing to experience. She figured if she could stay calm and composed then he would stay calm too. He seemed mature but he was still young and she didn’t know him yet. She didn’t want to admit it but she was scared to find out if he had a temper. Zeba would try to quell her nervousness and stay soft but controlled, at the moment her life depended on them getting along.
If only she knew he felt the same way.
The pair made it to the farm faster than Zeba thought possible, she pointed the giant to the underground fire pit that she kept full of dead wood and other kindling she’d tidied up from around the farm. The pit was covered in heavy burlap tarps that where meant to trap in the heat and smoke for a slow underground cook but there was no time for that, they would just start a bonfire and go to bed.
“You can put me down now, here is fine.” She said looking up at him once he had stepped up to the fire pit. Zadian looked back down at her and bit his lip but he only hesitated for a second before he bent down and lowered her to the ground, only releasing her when she felt steady. He quietly watched her as she pulled back the dirt covered tarps to expose the pit of wood.
“You can put the pigs in the middle and I’ll start the fire- Oh, I-I need to grab some more flint…” Zeba said as she patted at her empty cloak pockets, remembering that she had dropped the flint back at the caves. “I’ll be right back with that,” she turned but froze when the quiet boy suddenly let out a nervous “Um-“ but stopped himself, she looked back at him to see his silhouette struggling to free his dinner from his pockets. “S-sorry, I didn’t mean to- You can go get the flint, I-I’ll wait here.”
She eyed him for a moment before she shrugged and pretended to change her mind. “Nah, I’ll wait, you can come and see my house and I’ll show you the barn.” She heard him let out a relieved breath and saw his eyes bob up and down in a nod. “O-Ok, sounds good.” He said as he finally relieved his pockets and deposited the meat into the fire pit. He stepped up to her and she backed up a bit before turning around stiffly and attempted to walk normally -and not like there were giant feet stomping behind her and big glowing eyes boring holes into her back from above.
“Zeba? I-I can still see you perfectly, remember? You don’t have to be so nervous, I promise I won’t step on you.” He suddenly tried to reassure her.
‘Damn! Does he see, hear and smell feelings?’
“Nah! You shake the ground when you walk, just trying to get used to it is all.” She tried to sound convincing.
“…right,” He replied flatly.
‘Ok, he can sniff out feelings AND lies, noted. Honesty is my best bet.’ Zeba concluded but used the large pig barn to change the subject.
“That’s my pig barn right there,” She said pointing to her left then she pointed at her little stone cottage up ahead on her right. “And that’s my house.”
“It’s cute! I wish I could see inside,” Zadian said with a hint of wonder in his voice, wishing he could just pluck off the grass roof and peak at the tiny belongings inside. Instead he got down and bent over to squint through the little windows and examine the garden while Zeba fetched some flint from a wooden box tucked up against the house.
“Got it, we can go light the pit and the let the meat cook while we get some sleep. Are you as tired as I am?” Zeba said it all so nonchalantly but Zadian -still crouched- froze with uncertainty, scared to feel optimistic.
Was she implying that he could stay?
“Um… We? Like I can… stay and get some sleep too? I-I can sleep here?” He was already going to ask to stay but the fact that she offered it so freely almost made him tremble.
“Well, yes of course… I appreciate that you’re a…" she gestured to his person "-big, strong giant and all but you still shouldn’t go into the woods at night by yourself… It’s just not safe. T-the pig barn should be big enough for you to crawl in if I open the doors all the way… I think.” She looked over at the barn then glanced up at him, then broke eye contact “O-Oh, uh… If- If you don’t mind of course. I know it might not smell great but there’s a big pile of hay you can lay in? It’s warm? Dry? Food will be close by when it's ready?”
She didn’t need to waste her breath trying to talk him into it, but he was too busy fighting another wave of emotions to interrupt her.
He wasn’t going to be alone tonight. For the first time in weeks Zadian found someone, someone that seemed to care. Someone that implied that they would still be there when he woke up! He was starting to loose the battle as his eyes started to get wet again.
“I-it doesn’t smell that bad…” Zeba mumbled.
“No,” Zadian croaked out a laugh “It’s not that. I-I’d love to sleep in the barn, thank you.”
“Oh… well good. That’s settled. Let’s go get that fire lit then.” She started to walk around his boots. He stood up to his full hight and stared down at her as she shuffled past him. He kept bouncing from being in awe of her tiny size to being unsettled by it. She seemed so capable and independent, her presence was profound to him but her physical body was so minuscule and frail compared to his… one carless step on his part could erase her.
“Can I… Can I carry you again?” His voice came out a tired whisper, she halted and turned to look up at him. He saw how far back she had to tilt her head to meet his gaze and he saw the apprehension in her eyes but she didn’t say anything, probably too scared to tell him ‘no’.
Zadian sighed and knelt back down, it didn’t feel right to talk down at her by his feet. It only felt polite to close the gap at least a little. “You said you were tired… You look beyond tired.”
‘And breakable.’
“You’re exhausted because of me. Let me carry you, we’ll get to the pit faster and come straight back to the barn and go to sleep.” He lowered his hand toward her and she couldn’t help but shy back ever so slightly.
“I won’t grab you like last time, don’t worry… I-in my defense, though, you fell like three times and ran into a tree, so…”
“Y-yeah,” Zeba chuckled “I may have panicked back there… sorry about that.”
“It’s ok, I hope I’ll look less scary to you in the light.”
Zeba gave him an apologetic look before shaking her head “You’re not scary, you’ll just take some getting used to. I’m sure you feel the same about how… how small I am compared to you, right? S-So, yes. Yes you can, um… c-carry me. Maybe it’ll help us… adjust to our differences.”
Zadian couldn’t help but smile, he tried to make it a reassuring one when he saw her bite her lip in worry. He continued to reach down behind her, placing his hand palm up behind her legs “Here, just sit down and relax,” he instructed. She gave a nod before wearily sinking into his palm, when he felt her weight settle he lifted her off her sore feet and brought her to his chest like last time. His other hand came in to wrap around her and hug her to him so she stayed safe and unjostled while he stood back up.
A content sigh slipped out of him before he could even consider holding it back. This woman was expressive, she wore her emotions loudly on her face and when he was holding her he could hear and feel her heart beat, loud and clear. It all made her easy to read and that comforted him. When he held her he felt more secure, like she could learn to trust him and then maybe she wouldn’t send him away?
Like he could have a place with her.
He listened as her heart sped up as he stood, remained fast for a few steps then started to slow as he kept his gate as steady as he could. The more her heart calmed, the more his started to melt.
‘Please, don’t send me away. I can be good.’
Once the fire was lit and the pig’s started to cook, neither of them had to say anything this time. Zadian placed his hand behind her just like before so all she had to do was sit back into his hold. Zeba didn’t hesitate this time and he carried her back to the barn where he set her down and helped her pry open the heavy barn doors.
Heavy for her at least, he was just trying his best to not break the wooden doors off their iron hinges.
The giant had to lay on his stomach and squeeze through the narrow opening, he also had to worry about little pigs running around but they seemed to be doing a good enough job avoiding him out of fear. Once in the barn he had enough room to turn onto his back and scoot himself backward into a big pile of hay. He relaxed into it immediately, not having much of a choice because there wasn't enough room to sit upright.
While Zadian got himself situated Zeba pulled the barn doors closed and lit a few lanterns so it wasn’t pitch black in the closed off structure. Cautiously she made her way around his left side toward his head that was next to a small side door.
“Well, make yourself comfy, please try not to squish a pig.” She said it in a joking tone but she still wanted to say it for her pigs’ sake.
“I’ll try to be very careful.” Zadian assured
Zeba nodded “I’m going to try to get some sleep, I’ll see you as soon as I wake up, ok?”
“O-Okay, good night.” His answer came hesitantly, his voice thick. Zeba bit her lip and had her own awkward pause.
“Good night. If you need me, I’ll be in my house.” With that she slipped out the side door and Zadian started to shake.
Zeba tried to ignore the needling feeling to go back to the boy. She tried to convince herself that she needed a minute to herself to process the plethora of events she had just gone through. But when she opened her cottage door she was met with the broken jar, dirt all over the floor and a somber, empty feeling.
This is not where she belonged tonight.
This is not where she was needed.
She stepped over the shards to get a mug of water and a clean blanket before marching right back to the barn. When she opened the door she was filled with regret for ever leaving in the first place.
Zadian had both his hands clasped firmly to his mouth; far, far too firmly. Tears were pouring out of his eyes like streams, even though they were screwed so tightly shut in anguish. His body shook both with fear and smothered sobs.
'Absolutely not.'
Zeba dropped her cup and blanket out of her arms like she forgot they existed and rushed to climb the hay pile expertly. She knew how to step and climb at the same time to keep herself from sinking into the hay and being swallowed down into it. She made her way to his head with a purpose.
Zeba was never a mother, she would be in her forties in a few years and she never even had a romantic interest since she was a teenager. She never thought she would need to be maternal, she even doubted her own empathy, believing it damaged due to the way of life she was forced into. It was a part of her that she felt like she had to break long ago and hide the pieces, keep them secret just so she could go on. The world she grew up in taught her that empathy came at a cost.
But by the gods this boy needed to be held! Unfortunately for him all he had was her and her broken pieces. The only example she had was her own parents’ version of comfort. When they would run their hand over her forehead and pet her hair in a brief moment of love and presence.
Zeba made it to the top of his head and with trembling hands she laid across his white, fluffy hair so she could reach his forehead. She didn’t know how to comfort a giant, all she knew is he needed to know she was there and she wanted him to be ok. She tried her best to mimic her parents' motions and swept her hand gently over his forehead. She did that a few times before fully embracing him, pressing her cheek against his forehead by his hairline. She ignored that the hair was dirty and snuggled down into it as she continued her attempts to comfort him.
When Zeba settled herself on top of his head Zadian felt the fear of her suddenly disappearing from the world quickly fade. He kept his grip on his jaw and tried to keep himself from jerking from his sobs. Focusing on her tiny weight and circling touch helped him tamper the panic, now he needed to work on the crying.
“Zadian, you can cry ok?” Zeba said softly from within his hair, he could feel tiny vibrations from her when she spoke. “Let go of your mouth, honey, please! Feel how you gotta feel but breathe while you’re feeling it, ok?”
He felt his grip loosen but he didn’t fully let go yet, not trusting himself to let out a full blown wail out. He tried to breathe through his nose first.
“Even if it’s loud, Zadian. It’s ok.” She urged.
He felt his walls coming down, along with the tension in his body.
“There’s no reason you gotta hold it in like this. And don’t be afraid to tell me stuff, like that you don’t like being alone! I’ll understand! You aren’t too much…” Those last words came out sounding like a stern pout and those were the very words that broke him.
He wasn’t too much.
Nobody left him because he was too much.
They all left him because they had their own demons but Zeba sought him out. He finally let go of his mouth to let out a pitiful “Oh,” before it turned into soft weeping. He pressed his hands to his eyes so he could cry into them. Even though she said he could be loud he still tried to keep it down for her and the pigs sake. He doubted her little ears could handle a full wail from the likes of him. The little woman kept kindly stroking his forehead and coached him through breathing more steadily. Before he knew it he cried himself to sleep with his little guardian nestled safely in his hair.
Though he was profoundly tired Zadian roused from his sleep and quickly noticed the absence of Zeba’s weight on his head. It compelled him to sit up and look for her despite wanting to go straight back to sleep. He spotted her quickly when he heard her whimper. She was wrapped up tight in a blue blanket in the hay, right next to his head. He could barely see her sinking form amongst the yellow pile.
It made him nervous, he didn’t like the thought of her sinking completely out of sight or the risk of her getting smothered under his head or shoulder while they slept. She whimpered again and wiggled, causing her to sink even more.
Zeba was having a nightmare, that’s probably what woke him in the first place.
Zadian didn’t think twice as he reached out with both hands and dug his pale fingers into the hay, carefully scooping them all the way under her balled up form to extract her; hay, blanket and all. He pulled her to his chest and settled right back down, closing his tired eyes. He kept a hand rested on top of her, a way he could read her emotions without having to look at her. But Zeba didn’t stir at all. So tired that she slept through a giant picking her up and placing her somewhere different.
Her nightmare seemed to come to a full stop. Could she tell that he had her now? Even in her sleep?
Relief that she didn’t wake up startled was his last thought before he too fell back into a deep sleep.
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