Zep took a deep breath as he sat himself down on a rock. He took a moment to let the silence fill his senses as he tried to recollect those memories that he felt were better left forgotten. He didn’t say anything for a while despite having offered to tell his story first, but he underestimated the difficulty of his own promises.
Finally, he spoke, “You know, when you look back at the situation you were dealt with, you can’t help but think, ‘Gee, I never really asked for any of that..’ Heh, which is funny because that’s not really how life works. You don’t ask for anything, but you still make choices as if everything around you was the result of your own existence and thus your own fault.”
He pursed his lips and looked to the ground. “…My father wanted to be a soldier. Back home, my family had a military history and usually the men in the family had a hand in whatever conflict was relevant at the time… Grandpa was a war hero, and my great-grandpa was a reputable colonel. My uncles were old enough to see battle before the most recent war ended, leaving my old man without any glory…”
He looked at Frisk and laughed a little. “Heh, long story short, he took it out on me and decided on the day I was born that if he couldn’t have his chance, he’d force me to fill his imaginary shoes… When I turned five, an opportunity presented itself and Pops took the chance. I was sold to the government for about ten grand in his pocket.”
“That day, the government got their weapon, their monster, and I was cheated out of my childhood.”
“I know what you’re thinking… My situation is different because I didn’t have a choice and you probably did… but the thing is that I did have a choice. I had many opportunities down the line to not have to do the things that I did. I resigned myself into thinking that this was the only thing in my life that I would ever amount to. Killing would be the only thing I knew how to do. I gave up on my own humanity and when that happened. I became a monster.”
“...” The longer his story went on for, the wider the child’s eyes grew as they listened closely to his words. Wow, he...he’d gone through something pretty awful, his own father selling him off like that?? If not for their own experience, Petals would be quite horrified that a family member would do something like that. But really...they hadn’t had the best memories of their own family either.
When he finished, a saddened frown was on their face, before they signed to him, ‘You’re not a monster anymore though.’ That statement might sound presumptuous, but the child was really just speaking their thoughts based off how he was acting around them. He’d been very kind and understanding, a monster wouldn’t have the empathy for doing that...
Well, he’d told his story of how he’d become a monster. Guess it was their turn now.
At that thought they grew more withdrawn, pulling their hands closer and looking downwards now, hesitant to say anything. But eventually, they do managed to start signing again, unsure of where to start. Events seemed all jumbled together in their head...
‘My parents left me after I lost my voice. I was brought to a church home to stay, until someone else wanted me. But no one wanted me, none of the kids wanted to play with me, I was strange and weird because I can’t talk.’ Their hands began to shiver as they described these events, but the child continued on. ‘I felt lonely, and sad, and angry. At my parents, for leaving me, at everyone else...I thought things would be better if I were gone so I...left for the mountain. And...I fell.’
‘But I didn’t go away when I fell, at the bottom someone caught me. They called themself Chara, said they were a friend and that they’d be my best friend. I-I believed them, I didn’t care if they were a bit spooky, I’d never had a friend before. But as more and more monsters attacked me, Chara said I needed to defend myself, that the monsters would hurt me...and to stop them, I had to hurt them first.’
At this point Petals visibly looked very distressed, their face was pale and on the verge of crying again. The shaking of their hands grew worse, but they hurriedly tried to finish. ‘I-I can’t remember what happened next exactly, only that I was really mad and upset. Everything’s a blur, but I get horrible nightmares every night now. Nightmares where I kill everyone and-and-’
They couldn’t go on, feeling ashamed and confused all at once they raise their hands to cover their face, shuddering now from withheld sobs. Even though the memories were foggy, they knew what had happened. And that was enough to weigh heavily on their soul.
