BABY ALIENS ARE REAL

I'm all about the funny. Laughing is the cure to everything. Finding light in all the bad.

[fyinformasion]

My last post was 4 years ago

I am back here now

Is there a reason?

[just-shower-thoughts]

There are lots of statistics about people dying from alcohol, it would be interesting to see one about how many are born because of it.

The “friend zone” and unrequited love are not the same thing. Unrequited love is, “I love you, you don’t love me in that same way, I am sad about that.” The “friend zone” is, “I love you, you don’t love me in that same way, you have therefore wronged me.”

Unrequited love is, “My unilateral crush is my problem.” The “friend zone” is, “My unilateral crush is your problem.”

[phoenyxgreene]

Again for the ones in the back

[sfiddy]

Louder.

[alittle-writer-deactivated20180]

Unrequited Love is sad. The friendzone is creepy.

[saltrat88]

[killin-the-machine]

These people went from lifting chips to pulling off some action movie shit

[fluffytail-kills-time-and-space]

This is the most Chaotic Neutral thing I’ve ever seen.

[miiriya]

[racingbarakarts]

I used to have geese so here’s a tip for everyone:

If a goose is attacking you, don’t run. No matter what, stand your ground. They can fly but when they’re mad, they don’t usually try to fly. Hold your hands in front of you, ready to grasp. When the goose gets close, grab it by the neck bit closest to the head and squeeze. Not tight enough to choke the goose, but tight enough so they can’t break free. You can hold them until they calm down or just do the next step right away. The next step is literally just to chuck them as far as possible and run for your life. It makes the goose know you’re in charge and you have a better chance of getting away. Trust me I’ve done this so many times that I’ve lost count

[myblogisnotinteresting]

I can’t tell if this is a shitpost or actual advice. But I do know geese are the fucking worst.

[racingbarakarts]

Actual advice! Just yeet a goose

[fyinformasion]

[gahdamnpunk]

This is graphic but VERY important. I’m MF TIED of pro lifers who cannot see further than the end of their nose

[shit-liberals-post]

[sadlesbeandisaster]

[laterspeasants]

[shouldnt]

#best plot twist in modern film history

[foodchewer]

its almost midnight you know what that means..

[merylstreepismymom]

That it’s almost midnight

[foodchewer]

[alanaisalive]

The other night husband and I were watching a documentary about the yeti where they were doing DNA analysis of samples of supposed yeti fur, and every one of them came back as bears.

Anyway, the next night we watched a thing about some pig man who is supposed to live in Vermont. People said it had claws and a pig nose but walked upright like a man. Now, I happen to know that sideshows used to shave bears and present them as pig men. So every piece of evidence they gave of this monster sounds to me like a bear with mange.

So now the running joke in our house is that everything is bears. Aliens? Bears. Loch Ness monster? Bear. Every cryptozoological mystery is just a very crafty bear.

Bears. They’re everywhere. Be wary. Anyone or anything could be a bear.

[iguanamouth]

oh shit

[thestrugglingarchaeologist]

Omg the payoff for this post was incredible

[adventures-in-asexuality]

@elodieunderglass this seems like your type of thing somehow

[mono-red-menace]

she femaled femininely across the room, her breasts breasting breastily. her jeans were tighter than my asshole

[gar-dev-oirs-deactivated2018111]

Which ed sheeran song is this

[howyougetthefangirl-deactivated]

I walked to a deli and got a sandwich to go and a coffee and while I was waiting these two teenage girls ran up and were like OH MY GOD JESSICA HOW ARE YOU and then hugged me and the one whispered “that guy was following you and taking pictures of you” and then they walked home with me and that one guy stopped following me and hONESTLY THIS IS WHAT I AM HERE FOR

[newtkins]

what do you think would happen if a man was injected all types of viruses and diseases at once

[newtkins]

[firedrill]

“People come and go. Some are cigarette breaks, others are forest fires.”

— (via im-from-ohio)

[hilarioushumorfromouterspace]