Post-Long Game, you know Yuna is in her Momager Bag to a truly nasty degree—because sirs/ma’ams/gender neutral peoples, my once-in-a-lifetime hockey phenom son is married to another once-in-a-lifetime hockey phenom. Call me Thanos, because I’m clearly collecting generational talents like Infinity Stones.
Shane and Ilya start shooting ads and promotions together based on Yuna’s carefully curated list of LGBTQ+ and POC-inclusive companies. Shane maintains the same requirements he’s had his entire career—tasteful and nothing too corny, Mom, please.
Ilya? He won’t agree to shit unless he has a say in the music that ends up in the final cut. Yuna doesn’t see anything wrong or weird about that, and the companies they work with seem to love Ilya’s input. The ads are, per Shane’s requirements, tasteful and well done.
Then the Levi ad happens.
Shane’s unsure about it at first. He spends 90% of his time in athletic-wear—shorts, compression shirts, sweats. He owns maybe 2 pairs of jeans that he hasn’t worn in so long, he’s not sure they fit anymore (which he tells himself would be because of his intense training to build and maintain muscle, not the 5-10 pounds he’s gained since being happily married and easing up on his diet). Any reservations he has go up in smoke when Ilya murmurs a low, breathy “please” against his neck and tells him which song he wants in the ad.
You call me pretty little thing
And I love to turn him on
Boy, I’ll let you be my Levi Jeans
So you can hug that ass all day long
And please don’t get it twisted—Shane’s not exactly well-versed in Beyoncé or most songs outside the chart top 50s he familiarizes himself with for the sake of small talk, but he knows this song. Ilya’s a certified Beyhive member and has had Cowboy Carter on repeat since the album came out. This song, though?
This is the song Ilya plays when he wants to remind Shane how sexy he is. That he’s not a hockey machine or a poster boy for gay, Asian, or gay Asian athletes. That he’s a real person who is also his beloved husband and fine as fuck.
Come here, you sexy little thing
Snap a picture, bring it on
Know you wish you were my Levi Jeans
Way it’s poppin’ out your phone
I love you down to the bone
It’s the first ad the married couple does together that’s overtly sexual. It’s shot from Ilya’s point of view: watching Shane jump to get a pair of figure-hugging jeans over his ass and smile at himself in the mirror. The audience doesn’t know that smile is partly him realizing that he still fits in the same size and just fills them out a bit better. The other part? It’s when the point of view shifts and Ilya moves into the frame to grab his ass, lifting him off the floor and carrying him off in a fit of breathless giggles.
I love you down to the bone.
Once they’re both out of frame, the jeans get tossed in front of the mirror. The ad ends with a close-up of the label.
I love you down to the bone.
