gallium31 blog

I will kill whoever took gallium31

[gallium-31]

My dog is telling me that I will be "completely wiped out." This is concerning for me particularly because I'm not very keen on being completely wiped out but nobody else seems to particularly care. We'll see what happens.

[gallium-31]

Fuck dude dog oil prices are out of control,, what did he do this time

[hbmmaster]

AITA for asking my husband to stop posting our interpersonal conflicts on Reddit?

My (29F) husband (36M) and I have been together for almost ten years now and like any couple we occasionally get into arguments. Over the years I've noticed a pattern where the day after an argument he'd either give me an eloquently-phrased apology or, more often, a perfectly logically sound counterargument that completely proves that I was in the wrong. My hubby is an intellectual hunk so I've never thought this was suspicious, but the other day he brought up a counterargument that was so logically airtight that my only response was to laugh and say "Did you get that from Reddit or something?", because even though I don't use Reddit I know the reputation it has for being a center for wit and intellectual debate.

Well, turns out I was right. Every time we've ever gotten into a fight, he's always posted about what happened on r/AmItheAsshole and used the comments he gets to decide what to say the following day. When he told me this, I demanded to see some of these posts and he obliged.

To my surprise, not only has he been posting our arguments on this subreddit, he's been posting them from my perspective, writing them as though I'm the one posting these stories on Reddit from over a hundred different throwaway accounts. He'd always "anonymize" the posts too, apparently changing our relationship, genders, and ages with a random number generator, which is honestly really clever because it preserves our privacy without changing any important details for the purpose of deciding who was right in the argument.

Anyway, I really didn't like that he was basically impersonating me on the internet, but of course I didn't want to admit this to him so I made something up about him "misrepresenting" my side of the argument, even though I know he's a perfectly rational man and that it's impossible for him to be biased when describing things from my perspective. So I told him that he needs to stop putting our interpersonal conflicts on Reddit and "think for himself" (and of course I know that he really is thinking for himself but sometimes my womanly emotions cause me to say things I don't really mean. Fortunately he's always able to see through that and understand exactly what I meant to say every time.) but he refused, saying he doesn't think he did anything wrong. And then like always he got really quiet for the rest of the night and we haven't really talked since.

So, Reddit, am I the asshole?

[hbmmaster]

my two favorite types of replies to this (besides how many people are just genuinely enjoying my writing. thanks everyone!) are people who said the ending makes it too obvious and it would be better if it stuck to the more subtle clues throughout and the people who are (incorrectly.) saying it's ambiguous which of the two characters really made the reddit post. which taken together mean I think it's exactly as subtle as it needed to be and any subtler would have meant even fewer people would have gotten it

[gallium-31]

I am starting to believe that tumblr is a beautiful place

[gallium-31]

Dog update

I think my dog forgot to take his aspirin and, all his blood is clotting, because, he has gone and kidnapped my friend's turtle! not my favorite turtle, but now i have this turtle in my house. I guess I'll send him to federal court. the turtle, of course

[gallium-31]

My dog is up to no good I believe

my dog is telling me that he is going to war with venezuela. I think there's supposed to be some sort of "due process" around this but do any dog owners have some tips? For context he says he dislikes war.

[gallium-31]

you can't fuckin trick this guy

[gallium-31]

maybe kirk was a tricknologist. yes, i believe he was

[gallium-31]

guys this one did not get enough time in the oven

[gallium-31]

Do you guys ever feel like no matter how hard you try, no matter what you do, your dog's gonna run an ad um about Ronald Reagan and you'll have to raise his tariffs by 10%? This is something I think about often

[gallium-31]

maybe kirk was a tricknologist. yes, i believe he was

[gallium-31]

My dog just

My dog um what did my dog do he must have shat on my laundry because I've pretty much been putting him through hell and back I sent him to my crocodile concentration camp then I ceded land to his Russian Uncle and then I inundated all his media streams with a spate of propaganda and current events until he shied away from all screens and then I also deployed the military in chicago for some reason. that'll teach him. little shit

when he gets back im going to declare him a national emergency and pass an executive order to repeal the bill of rights. who's gonna stop me

[gallium-31]

Ugh not even my dog came to my birthday party and I spent 100 million dollars on it and don't ask where I got 100 million dollars. What did I do wrong??

[bstuiped]

*it is a dark and stormy night, and I am under the bed like a small, frightened dog.*

harem member #1: oh no sweetums are you scared of the storm

me: u-uh... n-n-not at all!!!! >w<

harem member #2: it's ok, we're here for you.

harem member #3 is currently holding up the rope keeping the comically large anvil up in the air right above where I would exit from

harem member #4: yeah, just come out here so that we can cheer you up!

[gallium-31]

squabinga

[gallium-31]

hear me out what if we tried dog fascism

[gallium-31]

dog film tariff im taxing dog movie from dogistan

my dog i think this time he stepped on breakfast

now, you may not have noticed, but while you were looking at the dog I passed a constitutional amendment that lets me live forever

[gallium-31]

unforunately no quip today I have been put out of quipmission for the foreseeable few weeks (traced! I am not that talented)

[gallium-31]

neighbor's cat (I forgot its name) had a 2 month-old baby so I had to deport it as well. He cried a little but luckily I have no soul.

[gallium-31]

Dog update: he has bigger teeth than I realized at first

I will henceforth be um lowering the tariffs I realize I have been unreasonable towards him and would like to to formally apologize to any um dog fans out there.