thank you for being such a good server owner, vana!! it means a lot that you take the time to listen to us and i feel you handle things really really maturely! :) but also remember to take care of yourself and it is still your server so you have the last word!!!!
- eb
:') This is very sweet of you to say, thank you.
I take my role very seriously, and I'm happy to hear I'm doing a good job! I owe a lot of it to you all though; you're a very easy group to moderate hehe 🥰
I will be sure to take care of myself, but I'm not stressed. It doesn't look like the choice will be too difficult, so everything will be just fine. Thank you for the reminder and well wishes 💕
Members of my discord! I have moved this poll to a much smaller blog of mine to reduce the probability of outside interference. Please work with me in voicing your general opinion so that I may properly move forward in a way that keeps the server civil.
The question is as follows:
How would you like me to handle the discussion of "problematic" memories, kin pairings, fictive pairings, etc? I have been asked if a fictive could openly discuss their relationship to another fictive that may be deemed inappropriate or uncomfortable to some. I would like to keep the space lighthearted, and avoid harassment or discourse. Naturally, I won't be able to please everyone, but I will do my best to abide by the preferences of the majority.
I am aware that it is my server, and that I can do as I please with it, but I'd like to think of the active members as close knit, and would like to consider the best options for the group as a whole.
If you have more thoughts, comments, ideas, or concerns, you may voice them anonymously in my inbox. Thank you in advance for working with me through this! I hope to arrive to a clean solution!
What do you think?
General is fine
Make an opt-in role and privatize a section of the server
Mo+st Things Were La-rgely The Sa-me, 8ut I Ha-d Spider8ite Piercings (Silver, Left), My Upper Lip Wa-s 8la+ck While My Lo+wer O+ne Wa-s Green, A-nd The Sco+rpio+ Symbo+l I Wo+re Wa-s Mo+re Ro+unded, Lo+o+king A- 8it Like A- Hea-rt! I Ha-d A- Light Dusting O+f Freckles O-n My Cheeks, To+o+.
The Ca-ncer Sym8o+l I Wo+re Wa-s A-lso Da-ngling Fro+m A- 8lack Cho+ker, A-s O+ppo+sed To+ O+n A- Cha-in. And I O+ften Wo+re A- 8lack Co+rset O+ver My Dress.
Tha-nk Yo+u So+ Much In A-dva-nce!
Here you go!! If you need anything changed just ask!
As I, like many others, have been struggling with canonsickness and yearning for canonmates, I thought it would be a good time to introduce a concept that brings me much comfort and joy in the interim!
I call it Adopting A Sourcemate! This is a person who is dear to you and shares your source, but not your exact canon. For example, this person may not be the Dave Strider from your canon, but they are for all intents and purposes Your Dave Strider!
I’m sure I’m far from the first person to exercise this concept, but if it helps others, I want it to be out there!
Also, I know it can be easy to feel discouraged in the current kin climate, especially if your source isn’t widespread, or you’ve had many interactions with potential source/canonmates that have fizzled out, but try not to give up hope! There’s always a chance to find a canonmate, or to forge a bond with someone you can adopt into your world :) Sometimes that’s even better!
I had a dream last night. I had many dreams last night, 8ut this one in particular pertains to this 8log.
In the dream, specifically, the partner I am a8out to mention was explicitly referred to as "an Eridan" 8y myself. This has opened up a can of confusing wiggle8easts (hehe) for myself, as I could derive the possi8ility that I was Vriska in this dream.
I seem to have a 8udding ha8it of "kinning all the way up." It keeps trying to happen with Feferi, for instance, where I will get glimmers of Meenah or even Condesc feelings, 8ut I push them away largely for simplicity. It has happened with other troll kins of mine as well. It just feels. Messy. Which, it isn't, 8y virtue of the nature of Homestuck and our rel8ionships to one another, 8ut it still feels this way.
Off that, I don't particularly reson8 with Vriska in that way. I don't mind her, as a character. I do, of course, reson8 with Mindfang. I may even reson8 with Swansong. ... I will have to look into that. (😒) 8ut Vriska in particular, I'm not so sure... I guess it doesn't matter; I'm just musing this 8ecause I'm curious as to whether the comment was out of place, and could have 8een my closer conscious assuming as opposed to something "canonical" to the dream. 8ased on the context of how it was 8rought up, it could 8e, 8ut I do think that may 8e a stretch, 8ecause, simply put, that doesn't feel right.
May8e I just don't want to 8e Vriska, haha.
Anyway, more to the dream:
Firstly, this was a humanstuck AU. I don't know our ages exactly, 8ut I'd say - at least I, in the pictures he took - looked kind of young. However, I had also made a comment a8out moving states (canonical to my current life), 8y myself, for "another Eridan," which would imply I was old enough to do so. Again, this comment is much more "current" or "close" consciousness, and I don't know how much it contri8utes to the dream. I don't know if I can use it as a piece to 8ring facts of the story together. It could mean we were 8oth around 19. It could have no impact at all.
What I know with more certainty is what we looked like.
Eridan looked. Punk, I guess? Kind of. He often wore leather vests with nothing 8eneath them, and ripped 8lack jeans. Sometimes just a 8lack, tight-fitting tee. Leather pants. Chains. 8elts. Smudged 8lack eyeliner. His hair was greasy, 8ut not greased 8ack - instead it fell in his face. He was fit, and tall. And always wearing this smug grin. He would talk down to me and 8elittle my feelings. He would dismiss me, talk over me, interrupt me. What I thought or felt could 8e changed. Reprogrammed, even. He would use sex to manipul8 me, shut me up, calm me down. At first I would fight and squirm, 8ut I never held out long, and I h8ed him for it. He would edge me so I would follow after him, instead of the other way around it so often was. He toyed with me the entire dream, to such a point my head spun when I woke up. It was attractive to me, in a way. He used all of my M8esprit's tactics in all the worst ways. Was this Kismesitude? It was pretty lopsided, if so.
I am usually much more of a fighter, as well. It was weird to exhi8it the same plia8ility with him as I do Kazuma. To allow him to do these things to me and even to crave them. Was it the attention? It's really hard to say.
In terms of my own appearance, I saw a printed sheet of photos, taken from a digital camera, and that's all I have. Thum8nails of me asleep. My hair was long, and naturally red. It was cut into the stereotypical scene fringe and layers, 8ut I must impress I did not look cool. In fact I kind of resem8led the girl from Turning Red.
^ This one. (She's adora8le, 8y the way, 8ut I need the image to 8e clear in your mind.)
Meanwhile Eridan was giving this:
What. What do you mean. WHAT
Ok. Sorry. I'm kind of mad a8out it. What do you mean Vriska wasn't the cool one. And what do you mean she got a8used. It doesn't make sense. Aranea isn't the cool one, and may8e Cronus could 8e the cool one, so that makes more sense in my 8rain, 8ut... I don't know. I don't know!
Whatever. Let's move on 8efore I drive myself mad.
The dream started outside all of this. I started on what I think was a college campus, and I walked with a girl who was constantly in danger of death. Her omen, her warning, was. Snails. Giant snails. They fell from the sky around her when danger was near. I, knowing of this phenomenon, encouraged her to run, and I did the same.
While running, I eventually was shot in the shoulder 8y a man I didn't recognize. He seemed pretty happy with himself. I think he had a woman on his arm, despite 8oth of them hiding in the 8ranches of a tree. I was nonfatally injured.
I then remem8er taking him to court. While here, other men were trying to hurt me as well, including a man with knife hands. I walked in on him washing them, and to try and cur8 the awkwardness, asked if he needed help. He teased and tormented me, pressing the many knives against my chest threateningly.
Enter Eridan. He got 8oth guys off of me, 8ut only to have me for himself. Apparently, now according to the dream, I was here a8out him, not the random 8ald guy that had shot me. (White suit.... 8ald........ No........) The understanding of the dream suddenly shifted, and now I was aware that I was here 8ecause we had tried to kill each other. Eridan got the worst of it, 8ut I was not innocent either. Instead of making progress of any sort, it turned into us on the floor, outside the courtroom. He held me tightly in his lap, laughing at me and cooing at me, infuri8ing me 8ut not letting me do anything a8out it. He held my arms down and told me I was getting so worked up. He rocked me and our faces were incredi8ly close together, and after he managed to somehow calm me down, we left without either side pressing charges.
He took me to his house, stopping first to fondle me in the front seat of his 8urgundy pick up. 8y the time we were 8ack at his house, I was a hair away from 8egging for it, 8ecause he of course did not let me finish. He just laughed at me and reminded me that I couldn't do without him.
He told me he had something to show me. He coyly suggested he got into my "safe room" (I do not know why I had one in his house), and ushered me towards a door with a thum8print lock on it. I opened it easily and shut it 8ehind me, grateful that I could get a moment's peace. I did not. He was already somehow inside, sitting on a couch against the window (not a window to outside, a sealed window that showed the other side of the 8uilding we were in). It was here I saw the SFW photos he took of me sleeping. He heavily implied he had some NSFW ones as well, 8ut I didn't get to see those.
He pushed my 8uttons some more, angering me and working me up until I found myself 8reathless and light headed. I told him I needed a minute, a genuine minute, 8ut he laughed at me and told me I didn't. I stood upright after having 8ent down to gra8 something, and leaned on the door 8reathing heavily. He made me stand up straight and I was sweating. Panting. Trying to tell him I meant it. I got sick, spitting up a thick, sandy texture. He was immediately 8ehind me, holding me up, helping me get it up via Heimlich (or a rough approximation to it). It got stuck in my invisalign, and he leaned me over the sink so he could get his aunt, who I presume he lived with. His two nieces made loud comments a8out me getting sick, while I heard him command his aunt to get the car started, we had to go. It did seem, in that moment, that despite it all, he did care for me.
I woke up 8efore anything else could happen, confused and overwhelmed and kind of longing.
It was... Rough. And intense. And I've pro8a8ly forgotten a lot of the things that happened 8ecause there were so many. 8ut I didn't wake up angry with him. I just kind of missed him.
... Anyway.
That's that. I don't know what to do a8out it. Nothing, I guess. Just. Take it.
It doesn't have to 8e memories. It could just 8e a weird dream.
It's both a blessing and a curse that spiders go with every elemental typing. It means you never have to justify anything, but it also means you can never really play against type. A lightning tortoise is making a statement, but you can stick literally any prefix on a spider and it's just, okay, this might as well exist.
I dunno, I think some typings are more subversive than others.
Spiders go fairly well with two of the four classical elements: Earth, because they're creepy-crawly, and Wind, because spider webs have that wispy ephemeral aesthetic (and also because of ballooning). Water is a fresh approach, but still intuitive if you remember that some spiders do swim.
In terms of less orthodox elements, I think spiders go well with Nature/Plants/"Green" but can't articulate why. A Lightning Spider may as well happen - though you can make it more meaningful in a modern setting if you compare a power grid to a spider's web.
Spiders don't pair well with fire. If the memes are to be believed, it's their natural elemental nemesis. That said, I guess there's nothing fundamentally wrong with a Fire Spider. Same with Ice - I guess I can see it, but it's not their natural element.
That raises the question of which element is most natural to a spider, and the answer is simple. In the public view spiders are creepy, so they would most naturally belong to a creepy element - Darkness or Poison or Death, depending on what's available.
Therefore, I posit that for a spider to play against type, is has to be associated with a good, wholesome element. Light and Spirit are excellent choices, especially when they're the overarching "good" elements, because that frames spiders as pure and/or holy. In terms of popular narratives, a lightning tortoise is an oxymoron, whereas a Light Spider is a statement.
Once again, blending my favorite medias together :33
Homestuck Dancestors as the Sailor scouts!
I had so much fun making this and designing their outfits, While it is a redraw of a Sailor Moon screenshot, i had to hand draw and mimic the style for a lot of this.
(Personally i think Meenah looks the best out of everyone here...)
I would gr8ly appreciate an Aranea layout, specifically for Tumblr, if you're still doing those. I of course like spiders (and most extra creepy bugs) and their webbing, and would prefer the layout reflect my blood color, but outside of that I'm not picky. I like books and a dark academia aesthetic if you need more to work with. Thank you. 💙
a cerulean aranea serket tumblr layout with themes of spiders and dark academia for anon!
this one was fun to mess with !! it did turn out quite dark so as always if you want any adjustments please let me know, it truthfully isn't very hard to make adjustments !!
credit us @kinburger if you use!
psd | art | photo | icon mask
This will 8e shorter. I think. There is potential that I will have to again separ8 this into parts, 8ut I am hoping to avoid that.
This week I am on call at my jo8, 8ut I am also taking the risk of starting another one as well. On one hand, this new jo8 is incredi8ly part time, and will not require much of my attention. On the other hand, I am supposed to 8e availa8le all week. 8oth Tuesday and Wednesday, I will 8e t8king a risk in setting up at the new place. Luckily, it will only 8e Tuesday and Wednesday, and afterwards I can give them my exact schedule to work around. Things will even out quickly and are unlikely (8ut not guaranteed not) to go poorly. It is m8king me a 8it anxious, 8ut I'm sure it'll 8e fine.
Outside of that, tonight I am going to a movie. A scary movie. I am just along for the ride, sort of. I was not a part of the plan m8king, 8ut was included in the plan outside of my own involvement. They just assumed I'd go - which is true, 8ut it means I spent a lot of the planning time unaware of what was going on. Even up until now, I'm just going along with whatever the group chat says. I don't particularly want to see this movie, 8ut that's alright.
An alter of mine I haven't seen in a while has shown up. I'm very excited to see him, he's one of my favor8s. He's a part of my 8rainsprit's su8system, so he only comes around sometimes, 8ut he is the sexiest one. I will not 8ack down from that opinion. We have 8een laying in 8ed, scrounging the energy for tonight. I still feel tired, and I feel guilty that my poor dog has again spent the day in his pen. This happens all the time, and I always feel 8ad a8out it. Unfortunately I am just so worn down... And it will only get worse with this new jo8 taking over my free days.
I just... Need the money...
I will try not to dwell on my own guilt; it will eat me up again and I will ruin any progress I've made towards rest. It is on my mind though...
I have just over a half an hour to properly get ready for tonight. I don't want to put much energy into dressing up 8ecause I really am tired. I tried to nap earlier 8ut didn't manage to.
My name change is coming up soon. I'm nervous and excited all at once. There's no reason for it to 8e denied, 8ut I'm still nervous. Just a little. I haven't 8een in a courtroom since I was very young. I will dress nicely, and then start the grueling process of getting my name changed on everything. It will suck. I know this. I am not looking forward to it, 8ut I never will.
I also am trying to schedule a hair appointment. I'll need a new driver's license, so I figure I may as well do it now. Usually I like my roots a 8it grown out, 8ut this is too much. I will have this for many years! I can't let it 8e like that!
I will spend my night with Reaper and take solace in his moody aura. I find him delightful, despite how grumpy he is. He lets me stay close, so there's no reason to 8e upset I guess, haha. He is sweet to me, and that's what matters. I love him dearly. I want to get a tattoo of him, 8ut many other things take precedent.
Sigh... 💙 Everything a8out him makes me soft inside...
It has put me in a Touka mood, if nothing else. That's alright, I guess. She's not that much different from how I usually carry myself (unlike Aranea who is INCREDI8LY different from how I usually am).
He will soothe me... Tonight will go well and my nerves are unwarranted. Everything will 8e fine.
My first pu8lic diary. I say pu8lic only partially facetiously, as I have a single follower and do not entirely feel enticed to gain more. Aranea is an almost tender mindsp8ce, and while I'm not ashamed of her, her vulnera8ility isn't something I'm looking to gain traction over. I did write priv8ly 8efore, 8ut have found it impossi8le to search for the hidden posts, even after tagging. I will instead, then, 8e a 8it more choosey as to what I share and how here, so that I may continue to find my musings should I ever 8e curious a8out them in the future.
As such, I suppose I should extend a courteous welcome to any possi8le readers. I don't 8elieve any of my upd8s will 8e particularly exciting; I lead a rel8ively (pleasantly) 8oring life with few upd8s and much anxiety. Most of what I had written 8efore were social advancements and perhaps some life changes, though many mild and inconsequential to my overall standard of living. It is possi8le I'll write a8out kinning, or my system, or other things of a past life nature, 8ut often times these musings are fleeting thought I forget to write down, so we will see.
-- Part II ; Introductions
Name aside, as I'm sure you can at least hazard a guess as to how I'd prefer to 8e addressed here, I am a8out 12 sweeps old as of this post. I am an Aries sun, Scorpio moon, Cancer rising. I do not entirely 8elieve in personality alignment, due to the complexities of the individual, 8ut I do scope them out for fun. Since I know them, you may too: I am an INFP-A, SEI, 7w8. If you remem8er the old rain8ow quiz, mine was strongly shaded white and pink. I scored a 61.43% on the difficult person quiz, with grandiosity at the highest (95%), as well as an 82.14% on the likea8ility test, with friendliness and positiv8y at the highest (100% for 8oth). I would consider myself to 8e a fairy/fighting type if I myself were a Pokémon, 8ut would likely 8e an electric or ghost type leader. My favor8 Pokémon is Pumpka8oo, though I have many that I adore.
I do not consider myself a gamer, despite the earlier reference to Pokémon (which I do love. 8lack was my first game and it holds a very tender place in my heart). I have da88led in a few games, and can 8e enticed to play with my close friends, 8ut I could largely take or leave them. I like virtual worlds in theory, 8ut am too shy to do much more than dress up and people watch. I used to 8e a more avid watcher of anime as well, in my youth (👵), 8ut have since lost interest in persuing anything new in favor of rewatching and desper8ly grasping onto any content of that which I grew up with. I do have a couple of newer interests, 8ut they do not spark the same joy as my nostalgia factories, so I often keep to those instead.
I have many mental illnesses, 8ut OCD, 8ipolar, and psychosis are the ones that seem to impact my life the most as of now (aside of course, from the aforementioned DID). While I am an alter, I am not a fictive of Aranea. I have kinned her quietly for many years, 8ut I myself am a dullahan. I do like to project this onto every kin of mine, 8ecause it is so important to my identity, so take a moment with me to imagine I have just set my head down to keep talking to you so as to allow my 8ody to walk my dog. (He is yipping).
I have three pets: a dog, a hedgehog, and a tarantula. My dog is named Haise, after my favor8 character from my favor8 series. My hedgehog is named Tuesday, to match with her spider sister Wednesday, 8ut also 8ecause of the Wonderland feeling such a name gives her. My tarantula, then, is o8viously named after the Addams, though I swear (and this is true), I named her 8efore the new series dropped.
I have a Moirail and two M8sprits whom I love very dearly. I ache in my heart for a Kismesis 8ut have 8een told lovingly 8y a dear friend that I "don't have a caliginous 8one in [my] 8ody," 8ecause despite my ador8ion of the violent, 8ratty, 8ack and forth 8ickering, I "do it red." I cannot express how devist8ing this news was to me, and I will continue to hold out hope for the eager spade in my heart (/silly).
Outside of my childish interests, such as 2010's anime and drawing my waifus 3/4ths facing left, I enjoy psychology and mortuary sciences. I like 8iology, specifically human 8iology, and forensics as well. Past dream jo8s have 8een Forensic Psychologist, Surgeon, Phle8otomist, Therapist, Crime Scene Investig8or, and newly, Mortician. Surely there are other, similar careers I have considered as well, 8ut I think this is a good overview of my dreams of gr8ness (haha). I never finished college, though, and am unsure a8out returning as of now. I keep telling myself I will take free Harvard classes, 8ut instead take a nap. Over and over again. It has 8een an uphill 8attle.
I live with my younger si8ling in a 8eautiful, repurposed historical 8uilding. I am lucky to live northern enough to experience all seasons, particularly autumn which is my favor8. I love Halloween, and if I could live in Halloweentown I would. I like to experience Halloween, 8ut also 8e associ8ed with it, likely 8ecause I am a dullahan, and they are associated with Halloween and pumpkins and autumn. I also love all Halloween animals: spiders, rats, 8lack cats, 8ats, etc. I like a creepy crawly! I have tattoos of a tarantula and a centipede, and want more. I have also considered having leeches as pets. I love the idea, 8ut have enough on my plate as is. Ah well... One day I will have rats and leeches, 8ut not yet.
I am a professional judge and coach for axe throwing and the 8usiness I work for is my pride and joy. It is currently struggling, 8ut I love it and my coworkers more than I can properly express. I am the 8est teacher at my work and I mean that. My jo8 is half teacher, half entertainer, with only the occasional need for infalli8le knowledge for my coworkers and throwers to drink from. I could hypoth8ically travel and judge professionals, 8ut WATL is cheap and I will not 8e doing that. Pay me and provide my 8oard and perhaps I will. Otherwise I will happily stay with my people.
I have at least two Aranea canons: one as a Serk8 and one as a Maryam. I used to have a 8log for my Maryam timeline, complete with memories and the works, 8ut deleted it due to my own inactiv8y. I will speak more on them in the next part, divided neatly for your convenience.
-- Intermission I ; Canon Overview
Using the final paragraph of the last part as my segue, I will write down what I currently know of my canons. This will likely not 8e updated on its own, 8ut rather added onto in future entries. Things may 8e edited or otherwise changed as new inform8ion and understanding comes to light, so please 8ear with me as I gain my grounding.
I do not often think a8out canon happenings anymore. When I was young, it was very fun and important to me, 8ut as I got older I found that it was not nearly as dire as I had made it out to 8e. I now no longer prioritize canon-specific friends, and am happy enough to share a source and learn a8out one another as we are now as opposed to how we once were. This means I am happy to talk to ANYONE, regardless of their canonical counterpart, and am excited to hear of individual-specific experiences that made them who they were. I hold no grudges and no disdain, and I hope for the same grace (though I understand if it is not given, and I will never push for you to change that). I welcome dou8les, should there 8e any, as well as any "pro8lematic" kins, fictives, IRLs, ect. Similarly, it is not my jo8 to dictate how someone identifies, and I will never police that. I have found it again doesn't matter as much as I once 8elieved. Though there are some things I disagree with, and still others I myself will not interact with, that is your 8usiness overall, and in those cases, you are free to do as you please far away from me. I will not 8e sharing these stances in specific, 8ecause this is not a DNI and I do not 8elieve those work. I am more than capa8le of utilizing the tools provided to me to create my own 8oundaries. (Though, as I write this, I do feel like I need to lay my stances 8ear. I still will not, 8ecause it isn't the point of this section, 8ut I am thinking a8out it very hard).
-- Part III ; CANON: Ms. Serk8
For this lifetime, I am highly relying on my reread to guide me through my thoughts. As of right this very moment, I don't 8elieve much to have 8een different. Perhaps some nota8le differences are that I was not particularly interested in Meenah (though I enjoyed her company overall), and I found great joy in Kankri. I am uncertain of my quadrants, if I had any, though I am assuming 8oth Kankri and Mituna were important to me in some capacity. I would like to project my Moirail into this canon, 8ut they do not particularly like Aranea ::::/ so I do not 8elieve it was so. If I could have it align with my current partners, though, Porrim would 8e my Moirail, and Kankri and Mituna would 8e my M8sprits. This, though, is uncertain. My red partners 8oth like me - as in Aranea - so it may 8e so, 8ut everything is very fuzzy.
I do like to think I was a helper overall. I don't even know if I myself remem8er going through the plot to 8attle. I cannot help 8ut wonder if I met any of the kids at all, or if I simply wandered. (I tend to like 8eing a ghost). I feel very tucked into the sidelines, 8ut again this may change with the reread. I don't put it past myself to have done what is descri8ed; that isn't the point of this speculation. I simply and genuinely do not know. I kind of like to think that I took my role of Sylph seriously, and worked my way through 8u88les offering help, light, and healing, 8ut I don't know why or what for, or if you can even heal a ghost. Perhaps I helped Main Aranea gather or convince or prune or something. It really is uncertain.
I like Jake quite a 8it, 8ut I also kin Roxy, so that may 8e fuzzing things as well. However, deep in my mind, there is a pull specifically to help him. I want to help all of them, in a way. It feels important to me. I have a hope deep in myself for their success, even when I know how my own plot is supposed to go. Perhaps this is evidence enough that I did in fact meet them, and did in fact work to enact my own plans.
Physically speaking, I have always loved the idea of more "spider 8its," whether that means more eyes or pedipalps or what have you. I do like to think I had two large, hollow fangs that were filled with venom. The potency, I'm unsure of. It could 8e anywhere from an aphrodisiac to deadly, 8ut I have no way of testing this so I may never know. What would make the most sense, of course, would 8e a paralyzer that could then 8r8k down a troll's insides - liquidize them - so that I could eat them. I suppose it doesn't have to 8e a troll, 8ut I will never shy away from a 8it of canni8alism. It is fun to think of other uses for the venom, of course, and I continue to do so 8ased on my own desires at the time. I'm not sure what features otherwise I would "canonicize" to myself, I just know I like them in theory. My 8ase design is just as well and so far I have little reason to 8e upset a8out it.
I feel a giddy affection for almost all of my fellow dancestors, with us 8eing my favorite characters overall. Hearing a8out any of us, even those of us I don't personally like too much, excites me. I like to think a8out them and talk a8out them. Many of them I refer to as "perfect" and "my [8oy/girl]". I am well aware of our flaws, 8ut for as awful as we are we delight me. They all make me laugh with their ridiculousness. I am c8pa8le of considering us all critically, 8ut more often than not wave all of that off in favor of giggling a8out and enjoying the dancestor content. I would like to think this means I was close to everyone, 8ut I'm not sure. In terms of personal memories, I don't think I have many. I do think Latula and I talked, often in priv8, if not 8ecause she was very intelligent and often sought a certain cali8er of convers8ion. I don't think I had OCD then, 8ut I was c8pa8le of reading on and understanding it enough that she could talk a8out it. I'm sure I enjoyed political de88 and analysis, 8ut outside of Porrim and Kankri I'm unsure if or where this was explored after our death. I myself like Kurloz and think he's very cool, even though now I know his allegiance. I do think 8ack Then I could pick up on that, even if I didn't know it, and that's why I didn't like him, 8ut as of now my opinion of him is overwhelmingly positive.
These current feelings messy my memories. I'd like to 8elieve them to have roots in my life, 8ut until the reread I won't 8e a8le to assess myself in rel8ion to them in an accurate way, so you will just have to take my ram8ling and do with it what you will.
I often find myself recre8ing a canon, as opposed to remem8ering one of the past. I like to put my friends in my "canon" and play dolls, so to speak. This means I've taken a liking to Eridan, and enjoy the idea of 8eing a motherly figure to him. Sometimes I lean into Mindfang, which is where this comes from. The idea of having a h8 son and fighting for custody over him delights me. Further if he chooses me over his loser "father." This again is not guaranteed to 8e a part of my canon, 8ut is important to my enjoyment of my kin and was worth mentioning.
I can do nothing 8ut apologize that the image is so incredi8ly foggy at this point in time.
-- Part IV ; CANON: Ms. Maryam
As I said 8efore, this canon was once very fleshed out, 8ut is now dwindling in su8stance due to my own poor recordkeeping. I remem8er my quirk (a-, 8, o+), which turned Porrim's female sym8ol and my 8 into 8lood types, rounding out the last remaining of the com8in8ions with a-. They stayed consistent, never straying into 8+ or o- (or any other com8in8ion otherwise). I do not know if I was Porrim or Kanaya swapped. Pro8a8ly Kanaya? I did have piercings (spider 8ites, of course), and I may have had tattoos as well, 8ut that may have 8een an age thing, or even a cultural thing. I was most definitely a seamstress, weaving spider silk into clothing. I still had my associ8ion with spiders as well (if you couldn't tell). I do 8elieve I was a rain8owdrinker, though I rarely glowed. I also 8elieve I remained a Sylph of Light. Truly, I think the only thing that changed a8out me was my 8lood color, and a ho88y of mine. I'm sure I loved to meddle, as I did that already as a Serk8.
I don't remem8er Vriska well here, so I cannot speak for her own changes. It's possi8le she was more akin to Porrim, though of course turned up a 8it.
I know Kankri was a Megido, 8ut everyone else is fuzzy. May8e mutant Mituna, 8ut that's coming out of nowhere.
We did not win our game, of course, 8ut I think I remem8er my land 8eing very light and 8right in color. Perhaps I too had knitting needles as weapons, though they were never magic like Rose's. I kind of like the idea of turning a crochet hook into a scythe, 8ut that's just the dullahan in me, haha. A chainsaw, as well, is a lovely weapon. And, it rel8s to Grell, who wields one as her own scythe in 8lack 8utler. That loop around is pleasant to me as well, 8oth as a dullahan and a Grell kin, 8ut it kind of takes that looping to find the joy in it. Just a chainsaw doesn't do it for me. A reference to a reference does. Again, that's just some silly fun stuff and not set in stone.
I feel much more involved in this life, as in I feel I had a much more active role in it as opposed to the Serk8 one. I remem8er chatting a lot, though the exact convers8ions and with who are lost. I think we put in a lot of effort, despite the failure, and I think rel8ionships across the 8oard were different. For instance, I don't think Porrim was so mad a8out the frogs, 8ecause her caste no longer dict8ed that as her role in society. It's possi8le we failed 8ecause Damara didn't do her time duties to help or something, 8ut that isn't necessary to win, I don't think. I'm not sure what made us fail; it could have simply 8een too violent for us, and we may have simply lost too many friends. It could have 8een me, a rain8owdrinker, and Kankri, a ghost, left at the end. It really is hard to tell. We may have scratched to try and 8ring people 8ack, 8ecause the two of us could not outmatch the King and Queen.
Outside of these smatterings of details, I have nothing else for you. I do keep meaning to take a moment and really think a8out all of it, 8ut I never do. As I've said, it just doesn't take much priority.
-- Part V ; FINALE
I have written this for pro8a8ly 3 hours now. Alongside my chores (specifically my dog), and with some pause for thought and com8-overs for typos, grammatical errors, and [b]'s that are meant to 8e 8's. (If I have missed any, despite my numerous com8throughs, I will 8e devist8ed). This is a lot of inform8ion all at once, 8ut I like to keep a record, and I like to 8a88le, so allow this to 8e 8oth at once.
Not all of my entries will 8e long like this. Usually when I write a diary, things are short and sweet so that I do not forget what I'm thinking a8out. This was an outlier to put a lot of starting inform8ion all in one place, all at once, so I didn't have to work towards making multiple posts or handle scheduling or queueing or anything like that. This leaves one, condensed post to 8rowse if one is curious, and that's all. I will pro8a8ly make posts on my friends and things of that n8ure in the future, and upd8 actively on my life as it happens as opposed to an inform8ional text such as this.
If you have read this far: Thank you, I think. I'm sorry to have droned on for so long. And for my future self: I hope you are continuing to do well and move forward, regardless of if we have managed to deduce more of our canons.
