Gaslit And Growing @gaslit-and-growing - Tumblr Blog

My affirmations and reminders:

I am enough.

I am not an abuser.

I am a victim who has learned to cope, grow, and move on.

I am doing my best.

My best looks different everyday.

I am smart.

I am funny.

I am wise enough to know when to be honest.

I am wise enough to know when I've made a mistake.

I am my own protector.

I love me and why not, I'm pretty great.

I choose people who choose me.

If they do not choose me, I am still enough.

#abuse recovery #trauma recovery #narcissistic abuse tw #surviving narcissism #self acceptance #healing #positivity #affirmations #and reminders

kerink

i know we're all sick of self-care being a marketing tactic now, but i don't think a lot of us have any other concept of self-care beyond what companies have tried to sell us, so i thought i'd share my favorite self-care hand out

brought to you by how mad i just got at a Target ad

modelsof-color

I must accept that it doesn't matter how much joy and pleasure someone's else brought to my life , love leaves scars , and I should embrace it instead of waiting for the scars to go away

notabled-noodle

you don’t have to change the world. you don’t have to have any desire to change the world. it’s perfectly fine if you literally just want to go about your life. changing the world is not a prerequisite for being a good person

only-tiktoks

conscious-love

bellalovecoach ~ Instagram

conscious-love

How long should you wait for them to change?

1. Figure out what behaviours/actions you need to see, to feel like they’re actually doing the work to change (how can you measure their progress?)

2. Ask them what their plan is (what will they do to make these changes?)

3. Compare your requirements with their plan, and adjust your expectations if yours are too high (but do not sacrifice your firm, non-negotiable boundaries)

4. Set a time limit (together) on how long you will wait, and when that time elapses, re-evaluate. If by that time, you aren’t seeing the effort you agreed upon, perhaps you should consider ending the relationship

How you know you’ve given too many chances:

You feel truly “fed up” / “done”

You’re sacrificing your needs for their wants

The pain outweighs the hope

You’re feeling burnt out (and self-care isn’t helping)

They’re making very little (or no) progress

They don’t want to change, or haven’t even acknowledged that they need to change

They’re putting in little (or no) effort. This is a crucial one. Making little progress is one thing, but if you’re not seeing effort, you can know for sure that they aren’t taking it seriously

You don’t trust them anymore. If they’ve broken their promises too many times, and you just can’t trust them anymore, that’s it — and there’s almost no chance they can earn it back

You’re expecting things from them that they can’t offer. You cannot control people. You must be on the same page about the issues you’re addressing with them. If they disagree, they don’t owe it to you to change, and you aren’t required to settle (nor should you)

Reasons not to wait (and just move on):

It’s not your job to fix anyone

You are not their parent (and if they are an adult, they should be parenting themselves)

Their growth is their responsibility

You don’t owe them anything

They don’t owe you anything

Maybe by staying, you’re not only keeping yourself from someone more compatible, but you’re also keeping them from their more compatible partner

You can only guide people, and only if they are willing

Just because they love you, doesn’t mean you have to stay

Just because you love them, doesn’t mean you have to stay

You deserve someone who realizes what they have while they have it

A compatible partner is (in part) one who recognizes what you need and is usually happy to accommodate (because their needs are compatible with yours, at least mostly)

If you want a healthy relationship, you need to be with someone who is enthusiastic about growing as a couple, someone who is receptive to your feedback. If you’re with someone who is reluctant to work on themselves, that is not a good sign

A healthy relationship requires both/all partners to be at (or around) the same maturity level, and possess (about) the same level of emotional intelligence. If you’re ahead of them or they’re ahead of you, it’s probably not going to work

Love is hard, but it’s not that hard

in response to this question

post with text without graphic

~ Bella Love ✨

mariaem00-deactivated20231226

https://vm.tiktok.com/TTPdk4qpGc/

conscious-love

bellalovecoach ~ Instagram

lousydrawingsforgoodpeople

conscious-love

kayleerosetherapy ~ Instagram

j-k-i-ng

“🌷Tulips in Sunrise🌷“ by | Makiko Samejima

nature-travel-photography

Lago Di Carezza - ITALIA / [OC] / [4032x3024] - Author: iBblrx on reddit

noob-photography

landscapeexposurenetwork

Photo by https://noob-photography.tumblr.com/post/640607436259115008/

theselfcarelifestyle

With all this growing that you’re doing you are bound to outgrow certain people and things and that’s okay.

humofnight

i love one (1) disaster wizard

curlicuecal

It’s a good metaphor tho, because the situation is never going to get better if you don’t eventually pull the door. And afterwards, no matter what the damage was, you’ll have a working cabinet, whatever plates you could salvage, and a place to start putting new plates.