i do not want to die

titsay
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Monterey Bay Aquarium
untitled
Cosmic Funnies
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
almost home

Kiana Khansmith

PR's Tumblrdome
taylor price
★
Noah Kahan

if i look back, i am lost
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
$LAYYYTER

@theartofmadeline
The Stonewall Inn

Game Changer & Make Some Noise
macklin celebrini has autism
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@gastrongstrong420
i do not want to die
I feel bad for Gastons parents
Gaston says he ate four dozen eggs everyday as a kid. That’s 17,520 eggs he would eat alone every year. That’s a lot to keep up with. It’s a small town. He most likely ate his parents to poverty. Where are you gonna get 48 eggs every day?
Now eating five dozen eggs, or 60 eggs, he somehow eats 21,900 eggs every year. It’s a wonder how the town can keep up. Let alone how he doesn’t get sick.
Don’t be like Gaston. Eat eggs more moderately like a normal person
this is untrue. i would never do such a thing to my parents.
it all started when they first bought the family farm. “it does not matter if the chickens reproduce with each other, then we will just have more chickens,” is what i believe they said, because that is the only reasonable explanation.
when i was a boy, we had on average 60 egg-laying chickens on our farm, as well as the other animals. they roamed freely during the day (and were surprisingly vicious, i once tried to stop a fox on our property from attacking one, only to discover that it could easily fend for itself and chased the fox away). they would always, however, return to the same spot to lay their eggs.
at this point i would say that my parents needed to sell the eggs. that would make the most sense.
however, that would be a lie as well. everyone living in our area had chickens. the small town in which i grew up was in fact blessed (or cursed, depending on your perspective) with copious amounts of chickens that could easily defend themselves. no one needed more eggs than they already had, awaiting them in the same spot every day in their yard or chicken house.
one day, during a comfortable afternoon of hacking with my mother, she confessed to me that she and my father had trained me for years to be able to consume so many eggs. my father wanted a professional wrestler, or at least an excellent farmer. they had needed someone to eliminate the eggs so generously provided to them by the local chickens.
i was unsure of how to feel about the fact that my parents had exploited me for their egg-consumption purposes. what was i, an egg-eating dumpster? i hacked home and, after returning my horse, clementine, returned to my room for some pondering.
the next day i took up an apprenticeship with the local chainsaw repair salesman. he taught me everything he knew, but he was very old. after three years of teaching me, he fell ill. the doctors said it was likely fatal.
as one of his final acts, he altered his will and bequeathed everything, including his priceless collection of chainsaws, to me. my parents hardly approved.
the next summer, i left france. when i arrived in my new home, it was the week after my 21st birthday, but i felt considerably older. i did not return my parents’ calls.
everything else is not worth you knowing.
holy shit
hey what the fuck was going on last night this feels like a dream
fidgegg spinner
you eggs?
you know i am
A restaurant I passed today
give me the coordinates
$60 purchase
inspected for freshness
“I’M ESPECIALLY GOOD AT PRECIPITATING”
“MY WHAT AN EYE THAT GASTON”
"let me rock you like a hurricane," i say as i rev my chainsaw
sometimes i despair
eggstraterrestrial
Partial view of Christopher Chiappa’s installation of 7,000 resin and plaster fried egg sculptures “Livestrong” at @katewerble. (at Kate Werble Gallery)
chainsaw recession
pokmans
catastrophe
Handsome princes indeed.
SOMEONE PLEASE ADD HANS AND KRISTOFF
Prince CHarming’s face is the only one that looks normal.
TARZAN’S HEAD IS ALMOST COMPLETELY DETACHED FROM HIS BODY
DIDNEY WORL
Didn’t you forget someone~?
OH MY GOD STOP
I physically injure myself laughing every damn time this comes around
those last two are not photos of me.
advantages of eggs with arms
- they would not roll off flat surfaces
- i can fight them