ok guys i know we’re all dangerously low on serotonin, so i’ll be sharing some quotes my friends and i have collected for your reading (dis)pleasure
“What’s that acronym about should you say something? T.H.I.N.K.?”
“Oh, you mean THICC??”
“N-No, I don’t”
“Hey now, I’m the one casting this spell, I’LL decide what this dick looks like”
“What shoes do pedophiles wear? Unmarked White Vans.”
“I can’t hear you over the sound of you screaming”
“That’s beastiality!”
“CLOWNS AREN’T ANIMALS!”
“Listen, at least strippers make an honest living, magicians fucking Do Not.”
“As the instigator of this plan, I am not bringing the cheese.”
“It was fun, kind of like jumping out of a plane without a parachute”
“In the end, killing people is usually rewarding”
“We made our device out of hair and bacon. *checks imaginary notes* It was a bad idea.”
“I don’t know, maybe we should all be Jonathan Van Ness”
“Don’t you need all the fall damage you can take at McDonalds?”
“Tell me if this is embarrassing or not: I burnt myself while making potstickers. And in hindsight, I probably shouldn’t have been making potstickers shirtless”
(In Spanish) “Sheep have no souls”
“You know when someone says, ‘Don’t blame all your problems on this one thing?’ Well I’m doing that. Linus, I’m blaming all my problems on you.”
(offering a pitcher of water) “Would you like some…. boring juice?”
“I don’t appreciate my history teacher calling me a bottom.”
*Deeply regretful sigh* “you do one spicy damage"
“You look like you’re going on a road trip fueled solely by m&ms, rage, and country music.”
“No more whores for Australia, they’ve been naughty”
“You know what would be great? If you miserable fucking virgins would talk about anything other than pedophiles and computer bullshit for like 5 minutes.”
“You sound like a stupid, horny Kermit The Frog”
“Why is there a dentist in a jazz museum????”
“He’s a jazz dentist.”
“What’s a jazz dentist?”
*Scatting* “I’m gonna pull your teeeeth!“
“I just ate so many Twinkies, I was overcome with homophobia”
“Why am I full of anxiety? Why do me have fear in it?”
