*absorbs you into my being then files your taxes*

I can make your financial troubles and flesh disappear!

[evilvillain123456789]

When you reblog from me, you are DIRECTLY harming a US veteran.

[ntrider]

giving increasingly loud sighs as I wait for my crush to ask "what's wrong?" so I can say I'm in a state of depression unless I can touch someone's boobs with no bra

[ntrider]

I stop once I start getting short of breath

[aokozaki]

[Your crush, on the phone to someone unseen] Yeah I think she needs to be put down, her breathing-- yeah I know it can be a problem for her breed, but it's getting really bad.

[ntrider]

I'M NOT A DOG??????

[aokozaki]

[clearly less interested now] Oh.

[ntrider]

wait! au au

[aokozaki]

[walking over the distant horizon, towards the West]

[ntrider]

AU AU!!! AU AU!!!!! 😭

[were--ralph]

Splatoon but its werewolves

[were--ralph]

They uhhhhhhhh spray cum idk. Whatever.

[were--ralph]

I can make the same joke 100 times and you will all enjoy it.

[the-haiku-bot]

I can make the same

joke 100 times and you

will all enjoy it.

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[were--ralph]

One of these days yall will see me and haiku-bot fuckin tbh

[the-haiku-bot]

One of these days yall

will see me and haiku-bot

fuckin tbh

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[were--ralph]

[grawly]

[oleander-teacup]

and with your help it can rack up 700k notes on tumblr in 2024

no tumblr this doesnt need tags im releasing it into the wild as god intended

[yeahokayillreblogthat]

Yeah okay, I'll rebark that!

[magicratfingers]

[magicratfingers]

i like seeing how many people cried real tears in the notes

[just-sans-things]

of course your gormless ass can't appreciate the subtle humor of sheldon cooper. you WILL be hearing from my lawyers

O.K. you can say a lot of things about me i got thick skin but what you're not gonna fucking do is call me GORMLESS

[just-sans-things]

im so full of gorm im literally brimming with it. i got bloodwork done last tuesday and the phlebotomist slapped my ripe ass and congratulated me on the highest gormlevels she's ever seen fuck you man you dont know shit. FUCK you man

[depsidase]

[ssluggishh]

when i tell you i laughed so hard my vision went black for a second

[ssluggishh]

you guys really think i would lie about the minecraft java edition 26.1 herobrine abortion

[kaijuno]

[throo]

Wh-what do you mean it’s from a birthday cake

[throo]

We could have been eating him

[victusinveritas]

[frasohei]

[cognitohazardous]

during the smoke sesh our brooding silent friend said "forgive me master" before reducing the entire bowl to ashes in one hit and he didnt even cough

[fandom-man]

[babyanimalgifs]

Little fish eats his foods 

(Source)

[bunigojade]

[aflo]

this is so sad he doesn’t even know there’s a double barreled shotgun pointed at him

[identifying-fish-in-posts]

Pacific spiny lumpsucker (Eumicrotremus orbis)

[duke-of-fire]

[splickedylit]

His Foods :) 👍

[oneheadtoanother]

[hexbugswallower]

I really enjoy the embryonic-stage xkcd comics from before randall munroe knew how to make them funny

[shitposting-hobbits-to-gallifrey]

I still think about this one on a regular basis

[seabassapologist]

never forget

[ink-the-artist]

was testing something out for an animation project. check out this thing

[ink-the-artist]

baby need smoko