How may we help you?

Hi there :) We're just a group of LGBTQA-identifying brats who feel its not fair for questioning/confused babybrats to be left all alone with no one to turn to. So we're here to answer your questions and try to help you out. If you're not sure about your gender or sexuality, or if you have questions you need answered, send us an ask and we'll do our best to help you out!

[gensexadvice]

How do you know you like someone? I never really know if I have a crush on someone or if I just want to be good friends with them

Well when I have a crush I get shy and blushy and I keep daydreaming about kissing the person or snuggling into their arms and wishing I had the balls to ask them out. Don’t know if that helps?

[gensexadvice]

Does anyone mod this anymore?

Errrrr.. *awkward face* 

Not... really. Sorry. I’ve explained in a post further down, that these days my access to tumblr has been restricted almost entirely, so I haven’t been able to come on here and answer questions, as much as I wish I could. 

[gensexadvice]

I'm really confused about my gender??? I've always been forced into the feminine role because I'm female, but lately I've been realizing I kinda want to be/look like a guy... But like not all the time? (If that makes any sense...) I've tried dressing as a guy before (It was awesome!) But I felt awkward being called by he/him/his... Is it too late to start questioning...?

It’s never too late to start questioning or changing how you choose to see yourself. You could perhaps be genderfluid if you feel like you don’t identify the same way all the time. Note that wanting to look like a guy isn’t the same as wanting to be a guy even though sometimes people express their gender through aesthetic. So if you’re not sure (you used both “be” and “look like”? Sorry if I’m misunderstanding?) you can take your time and figure out which is the case for you. Either way its valid.

Also, you can use whatever pronouns are comfortable to you. 

Personally, I tried using They/Them pronouns for a while but just realized I’m far too used to She/Her pronouns and it just never registered in my brain that people were referring to me if they used neutral pronouns, so I just went back. (I’m a demigirl so neither bother me, I’m just more used to one). You can choose any pronoun or combination of pronouns that you feel comfortable with being called, without invalidating your choice to dress a certain way or identify a certain way.  

Annie

[gensexadvice]

Is this blog still active?

Errrr.. not really. I used to mod it a lot but then my access to tumblr got heavily restricted so I’ve not been able to keep it going :(

[gensexadvice]

Thanks! In reference to a queer platonic relationship, does 'crush' still work? Or is it a different word?

I think the word is “squish”? 

- Annie

[gensexadvice]

Lack of Activity

To answer the questions about our lack of activity, I must regretfully announce that, at the moment, we are all more or less indisposed for one reason or another, I’ve done what I can, but I’m not equipped to answer every single question, and life is catching up to me as well.

I’ve answered most of the questions left in our inbox, although there are a couple I’m just not sure how to answer at the moment, so I’m sorry to those people.

Take care and good luck everyone, and who knows, maybe we’ll be back someday.

- Smith <3

[gensexadvice]

What is it called when you have crushes on people and actually like the idea of them liking you back and dating but once they actually do start liking you back you freak out and change your mind. So it's like a giant NOPE when someone you like starts liking you back? Sorry if the question doesn't make sense. I don't really know how to explain it.

I’m sorry, I can’t remember exactly, but I’m 90% sure there’s information further back on the page.

- Smith

[gensexadvice]

So, I'm a woman married to a man. As a teen, I never thought of girls in a sexual way, though I was boy crazy. I think my husband is just amazingly sexy, and I love being intimate with him. Sounds pretty standard cis-hetero. But being in a happy relationship doesn't turn you blind, and I've had my head turned many times. By women. I've found that I'm just not physically attracted to other men like I am to women. But I'm more attracted to my husband than to any woman. Does this make ANY sense?

It makes perfect sense. People’s attraction can, and in many cases, does change over time, but that also doesn’t mean you can’t or shouldn’t be attracted to your husband.

- Smith

[gensexadvice]

Gay marriage is legal in the U.S.A.!

Yay :D

[gensexadvice]

Is it normal/possible for someone to be genderfluid but prefer the pronouns they were assigned at birth, and often or even usually identify as the gender they were assigned?

Yes, both of those are perfectly fine and very possible. Use whatever pronouns you feel comfortable with, and you can identify as whatever you are, tendency to identify as one gender or another doesn’t invalidate you or your identity.

- Smith

[gensexadvice]

Is there a word for closer than friends, but not a couple really? Like "I want to marry you but in a non sexual, non romantic, completely platonic way"

Not singular words that I know of, but “more than friends” “special friends” “non romantic spouses” or similar should work. 

- Smith

[gensexadvice]

This, but also if you want to be IN a non-romantic relationship with someone, you can often call it a queer-platonic relationship. It’s like dating but without the romantic implications.

-Shayna

[gensexadvice]

How do you pronounce akoiromantic also is it part of the aromantic spectrum/umbrella?

The pronunciation seems to be ak-oy-romantic.

And to my knowledge, it is. Although the information I found was a tad vauge.

- Smith

[gensexadvice]

Is there a word for closer than friends, but not a couple really? Like "I want to marry you but in a non sexual, non romantic, completely platonic way"

Not singular words that I know of, but “more than friends” “special friends” “non romantic spouses” or similar should work. 

- Smith

[gensexadvice]

I'm agender. Do you know some gender neutral names? Not like Sarah/David, etc. Like boy/girlfriend, husband/wife, brother/sister, mom/dad, aunt/uncle, etc.

For relationships and marriage: Spouse (this one is mainly for marriage), Significant Other (SO), Brother/sister: Siblingsmom/dad: parents, doesn’t seem very personal though. Sorry. aunt/uncle, niece/nephew: I don’t know any, nor was I able to find any, sorry. You could use something like “extended family” or “parent’s siblings” or something similar I suppose. cousin: already gender neutral 

- Smith

[gensexadvice]

He's said he likes me in response to his sibling saying he's got a crush on me. Where the problem lies is me. I say I'm demiro b/c the way most people view romance, I probably am. I think I view a bit differently. See, romance is candle light/flowers/handholding/kisses/etc.? I've never kissed anyone so I'm not sure about it, but I like the handholding/cuddles/hugs/etc. I'm very sensual, not sexual or romantic. I don't know how to do this dating thing, which I think he's gonna ask me about soon.

Okay, so I realized I wasn't exactly clear on what my question was in my last ask. So: What is dating when you're ace demiro/aro and the other person is straight? How does it differ from normal dating? What is normal dating? What differentiates friends from couples? Also, what is the commonly accepted view of romance(so I can maybe actually figure out if I'm demi or aro(finally))?

Aahhhh okay so um

Dating... dating... dating... Thing is, dating doesn’t have to be candlelight-flowers-chocolate boxes. It can also be “hey asshole, I love you, k?” 

Relationships aren’t defined by conventions and norms. They’re defined by the individuals in them. Like for example, I can’t define friendship to you because every friendship is different. I have a best friend who I’d gladly snuggle up with and kiss her head (platonically) and nap together. And I have a friend who it’d be hella weird if one of us gave the other a kiss. And I have friends who call me “cutie” and friends who call me “that asshole”. Similarly, romantic relationships are no one thing. 

If two (or more!) people are romantically attracted to each other (crush/in love/whatever), and they want to go ahead and base their relationship on that, then it’s a valid romantic relationship, no matter how they choose to express that attraction.

You say you have a crush on the dude and he likes you back. That’s great! Talk to him about how you feel toward romance, and say that you still like him a lot but you just don’t enjoy the typical cutesie relationship trope. And let your relationship customize itself to y’all’s preferences. Just because you’re not into the whole cheesy hollywood romance stuff doesn’t mean it’s not a romantic relationship. 

Good luck :) 

-Annie

[gensexadvice]

I just wanted to let you know, even though I don't have many questions anymore, you helped me a lot, and I still appreciate everything you do. You're all life preservers in the vast ocean of life, little calm spots in the storm of the world. It doesn't matter how many questions you get, know that you and what you do is always appreciated.

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Thank you so much. Seriously. That’s such a lovely thing to say. I’m so glad we could help you out. Really. It makes my day to know that :) 

Lots of love

Annie

[gensexadvice]

I'm ace-demiro. Is it normal for squishes to become crushes(crushes can be romance only, yeah?)? Because I met this guy and he's so nice, and I got a really big squish on him, and now it's been a couple years and I think I've got a crush now. HE'S SO SWEET AND NICE AND TOO DAMN ADORABLE GYAH HELP ME

Well it’s certainly normal if you’re demiromantic to have crushes on people especially if you’ve known them a while.

You seem quite smitten by him :) Does he like you back? 

Good luck to you guys :D

-Annie