totally a real human person

i reblog stuff i find funny or interesting in FI/EN. sometimes i might say something. tma/tmagp/malevolent sideblog @magn-animously

[thismetallicbird]

it is my professional microbiology opinion people in media need to stop making blood oaths willy-nilly.

[grand-theft-carbohydrates]

blood oaths rule. never speak to me, my sworn brother, my other sworn brother, and these billions of Clostridium tetani again

[thismetallicbird]

girl your bloodborne pathogens!! boy your sliced up PALM that will hurt like hell and take forever to heal properly because YOU NEED TO MOVE YOUR HAND. nonbinary pathogens you’re the loves of my life I adore you keep up the great work

[kevytmaitohorsma]

I always assumed that was the point. Like if they had wanted to make it easy and safe, they would've used pen and paper.

[viralfrog]

[thatsbelievable]

Source: The New York Tattler, July 8, 1909.

[milf--adjacent]

Let the historical record show that Mr. Beast was entirely ignorable if you were just like doing literally anything else. I've been on youtube as long as it's been around and I've never been recommended a video by him. I see him in passing as a meme. I thought he was a made up joke, a caricature of bad youtuber content miners until someone I trust confirmed his existence to me in late 2025.

[guerrillatech]

[lemoncat101]

[datura-inoxia]

Nature is healing

[drudg30n]

[mockva]

[viralfrog]

[bruno-has-definitely-deactivate]

[dopecarmilla]

[beardedmrbean]

[blignick]

[doodles-with-noodles]

before you kill me let me check my pocket (pulls out half a lemon and squirts it into your face)

[kevytmaitohorsma]

(licks my eyeballs clean) ok now what

[sexygrammaticalerrors]

[nitw]

i fucking hate being an adult with a slowly increasing number of responsibilities its like one day you wake up and youre like aw fuck when was the last time i descaled the coffee machine

[nitw]

"theres gonna be a power outage tomorrow welp i better boil some water in advance!" "oh gee looks like its time to vacuum the carpet!" GET REAL?????? YOU SOUND INSANE

[nitw]

someday youre gonna be out of baking soda when it matters most and its gonna destroy you

[baltharino]

Star Trek: The Original Series 1x03 - Where No Man Has Gone Before

[insomniac-arrest]

[ruinedchildhood]

[jackhawksmoor]

[wherewolfwerewolf]

one of the things I like about Tumblr is that it's chronological but it's also non-linear because you can have a post from today right next to a post that someone reblogged from 2013. I love seeing posts come around again at the same times every year and new reblogs and notes on them

[chipthekeeper]

I have a lot of pet peeves but I think the biggest one is when people say things like “oh it’s such a small town, only 35,000 people” like bitch my town has 200 people, you need to pick a new adjective 

[thegoldengals]

According to Wikipedia, a small town is 1,000-20,000 people. So although you are correct in stating that 35,000 people is not a small town (it is a large town), you are incorrect in thinking that you live in a town. You live in a village. You are a villager.

[chipthekeeper]

I…… don’t know what to do with that information……a villager…

[obliviousmelon]

headcanon that a ferengi tradition is putting your new baby up for sale at a ridiculous price to show how valuable they are to you (everyone has to be polite and not actually buy them or hands will be thrown, people will be sued, etc etc)

[libraflyter]

I love the idea of Ferengi traditions that are both ha-ha capitalism but also create a functioning culture that’s more than a metaphor.

[thecottageinthedark]

[datasoong47]

So, this is related to a headcanon I have. There's a kind of ritual sale of childhood goods as part of the Ferengi coming-of-age, which was featured in an episode of DS9. The ostensible purpose is to raise capital for the young Ferengi male. But, like, if the Ferengi were approaching this in their usual capitalistic mindset, you wouldn't really get much from what's basically a glorified garage sale

My headcanon is that it is the accepted practice to buy those goods at much higher prices than you would normally pay, serving as a culturally acceptable way of effectively giving financial support

[shiroikabocha]

Oh I love these, especially because of the spoken and unspoken meta-traditions around the tradition! Maybe they work similarly to the “speak now or forever hold your peace” thing in human marriage ceremonies. Everyone at a human wedding understands you’re not actually supposed to say anything at that point, it’s just a formality—but you see characters do it all the time in literature and entertainment, because it makes for such a juicy plot twist.

I bet “newborn gets purchased by evil jealous ex-business partner” is a classic plot hook in Ferengi soap operas. It’s their version of getting sold to One Direction.