talking to people recently out of prison: a do-and-don't guide
Don't ask, "How was prison?" (Answer: traumatic!)
Do ask, "What are you most looking forward to doing again now that you're out?"
Don't ask, "How long were you in for?" (Answer: too long!)
Do ask, "Is there any technology or pop culture I can help catch you up on?"
Don't ask, "How are you going to avoid getting back into bad behaviors?" (Leave the paternalistic bullshit to their PO.)
Do ask, "How's your support network? Do you have people helping you adjust?"
Don't ask, "Do you have a job yet?" (Their PO is asking them ALL the time, don't worry.)
Do ask, "Are there any opportunities I should keep an ear out for and let you know about?"
Don't ask, "Do you have an ankle monitor?" (And definitely don't ask to see it - no one likes to be gawked at.)
Do ask, "Do you have parole restrictions we need to accommodate when making plans?"
Don't say, "Hey, you shouldn't be doing that - it's against your parole!" (A lot of parole restrictions are bullshit, and they are an adult who deserves agency, even the agency to take risks.)
Do ask, "Are there any bullshit parole restrictions you need help working around?"
Don't ask, "Are you an addict?" (Not everyone in prison is, and they'll tell you if they want you to know.)
Do say, "If there's stuff you might get in trouble for, like empty alcohol containers, I can throw them away at my place."
Don't say, "It's probably best if you put your whole prison life behind you and start fresh." (Just because it was traumatic doesn't mean important experiences and relationships didn't happen there.)
Do say, "If you have letters from friends on the inside that you don't want your PO to find, you can keep them at my place."
Don't say, "You paid your debt to society." (Regardless of what they may have done, harm cannot be repaid through senseless suffering.)
Do say, "You are more than the worst thing you've ever done."
Do not ever ask "What were you arrested for?"/"What did you do?"/"Were you guilty?"
People are more than the worst thing they've ever done.
