texts from the firehouse

Warning: Heavy Holtzbert, occasionally other ships to polybusters. If my tagging system makes you upset, feel more than welcome to DM me about it!

[ghxstbusting]

Erin: *cries in the kitchen*

Holtz: WHAT

Holtz: WHY ARE YOU CRYING

Holtz: WHO HURT YOU

Holtz: WHO AM I GONNA PUNCH

Erin: ...

Holtz: HUH? WHO?

Erin: I was just cutting onions...

[ghxstbusting]

Holtzmann: *hugs Erin from behind*

Holtzmann: *softly tucks her hair behind her ear*

Holtzmann: *whispers* Eat all the frosted animal crackers again and we're fucking done.

[ghxstbusting]

Erin: Did you eat all the sugar powdered donuts?

Holtzmann: *mouth full of donut* No.

Erin: Then what's that on your pants?

Holtzmann: Cocaine.

[ghxstbusting]

GET THIS SHIT OUT OF OUR TAGS

Abby: How about you stop fantasizing about her and talk to her!

Erin: I'm not fantasizing!

Holtzmann: Hey guys.

Erin: I love you too.

Holtzmann: What?

Erin: What?

[ghxstbusting]

Holtzmann: You know, I am jealous of you.

Abby: Huh? Why?

Holtzmann: Your partner is way hotter than mine.

Holtzmann: *walks away*

Abby: Wait but--

Abby: But wE ARE DATIN--

Abby: COME BACK HERE YOU LITTLE SHIT!

[ghxstbusting]

Holtzmann: I’m not parent material. I want to cry all the the time. If the child cries, I’d just be like ‘same’.

Erin: I am not parent material either. I want to scream too. But more in agony about life.

Abby: Wow, just get a dog.

[ghxstbusting]

Holtzmann: *kisses Erin's neck*

Erin: What is this?

Holtzmann: Affection.

Erin: Disgusting.

Erin:

Erin: Do it again.

[ghxstbusting]

Holtzmann: Damn, you sit in sugar? Because that ass is sweet!

Patty: Damn, you sit in salt? Cause your ass is thirsty.

Holtzmann:

Patty: But thanks.

[ghxstbusting]

Abby: How about you stop fantasizing about her and talk to her!

Erin: I'm not fantasizing!

Holtzmann: Hey guys.

Erin: I love you too.

Holtzmann: What?

Erin: What?

[ghxstbusting]

Holtzmann: What's your biggest fear?

Erin: Being alone and forgotten...

Holtzmann: *Hugs Erin*

Holtzmann: Mine's bananas but I kinda feel stupid about it now... I'm just gonna leave...

Erin: No, wait! I wanna know why the hell you're scared of bananas!

[ghxstbusting]

Erin: *gets paper cut* ow

Holtzmann: *kicks down door* HOLY SHIT BABE ARE U OKAY WHO HURT YOU WHO WAS IT NOBODY TOUCHES MY SWEETHEART SOMEBODY'S GONNA CATCH THESE H A ND S TODAY

[ghxstbusting]

Holtzmann: From now on, we'll be using codenames. You will address me as "Eagle one."

Abby, codename "Been there, done that."

Erin is "Currently doing that."

Jennifer is "It happened once in a dream."

Kevin, codename "If I had to pick a dude."

And Patty is "Eagle Two."

Patty: Oh thank God

[ghxstbusting]

Holtzmann: How do I know you aren't just marrying me for my money?

Erin: Because you have like $12

[ghxstbusting]

Erin: I didn't drink that much last night.

Abby: You were flirting with Holtzmann.

Erin: So what? She's my girlfriend.

Abby: You asked her if she was single.

Abby: And cried when she said she wasn't.

[ghxstbusting]

Holtzmann: [walking around still disappointed 6 hours after visiting an aquarium]

Erin: what did you think a tiger shark was, Holtz?

[ghxstbusting]

Abby: Put your tie back on, Kevin.

Kevin: But it hurts my Kevin's apple!

Abby: For the last time, Kev, it's not named after each individual man!

[ghxstbusting]

Erin: Wow, Holtzmann. You have such nice-looking hands... Though I bet they would look so much better wrapped up in mine...

Holtzmann: Or wrapping around my boobs.

Patty: Or clasped together in prayer, asking God to help you see the error of your ways.