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30+, Polish, they/she. Baldur's Gate 3, Dragon Age, Transformers, and other random stuff I happen to be into. I make podfics sometimes. Profile pic by @the-hollow-crow 💕
I wanted to talk about my doomed yaoi, but it got uncontrollably long and kind of annoying.
Anyway, in both Chinese and English-speaking spaces, I keep seeing this kind of take: "Balduran was always someone who looked forward, never back. By then, he already saw becoming a mind flayer as a rebirth, an evolution. The fact that he was willing to stop and seek a cure for Ansur's sake was precious. Ansur was the one who couldn't keep up with him."
I want to explain why I dislike seeing interpretations like this. I don't know if I can convey it properly in English, but I'll try.
Before I read The Illithiad, I had been reading Lovecraft, so my imagination of mind flayers was operating at the highest possible level of cosmic grandeur. Something like: "We shall meet again—perhaps in the shining mists of Orion's Sword, perhaps in unremembered dreams tonight, perhaps in some other form an eon hence, when the solar system shall have been swept away."
Lords of Madness also frames them in this kind of vast, apocalyptic register: in an unimaginably distant future, when the stars have cooled into red embers over dark and dying worlds, the mind flayers rise from their underground lairs to meet the twilight and rebuild their lost empire—stronger, crueler, hungrier, and with all hope in the world extinguished.
That was what I expected them to be: adventurers of the planes, sailing through realities in nautiloids, vast and magnificent within a horrifying aesthetic. I wanted so badly for my favorite character to become something inhuman, belonging to the far future and the spaces between stars.
But while the outline of the lore is grand, what does their actual society consist of? Appetite. Slavery. Colonization. A collective machine of hive-minded domination. The core of their civilization is using cosmic-scale intelligence to maintain an ancient, extreme relationship of control. Even in their life cycle, the elder brain deceives them into believing they will merge with a greater consciousness after death, when in truth it simply consumes their brains and absorbs their knowledge.
And with that in mind, I look again at what the Emperor calls “evolution.”
Balduran left behind a city named after him, and then sailed away—without even bringing the friend who could have kept him safe.
Judging from his notes and actions, there was arrogance and cruelty in Balduran's character. What he did was not necessarily morally noble. But there was an intense vitality to him: he refused to be fixed in place by what he had already obtained.
The Emperor's narrative is the opposite. It says becoming a mind flayer made it stronger, clearer, superior. But what it actually does is not traverse the world with greater freedom. It hides underground, using manipulation, intelligence networks, and political influence to control Baldur's Gate.
There is something deeply contradictory here. It is proud of being a mind flayer, in a very typically mind flayer way, yet it does not want an elder brain—even though the elder brain is one of the central reasons mind flayers are powerful as a species. It rejects the collective domination of mind flayer society, but it wants the mind flayer's power to dominate others. And by the time it meets you, it is already changing, which complicates this even further.
So no, I do not see it as some “higher form” of mind flayer civilization, or as a straightforward improvement upon mortal life. If you were an elf, becoming a mind flayer would reduce your lifespan to a fraction of what it once was. The Emperor is an individual severed from the elder brain, who has privatized mind flayer power. The fact that it resists being enslaved does not mean it opposes control or respects other people's freedom. Beneath all of this lies one basic principle: I must survive.
If the person Ansur loved was someone who would leave wealth and safety behind in order to seek adventure, then the Emperor Ansur later saw was not merely that same person in a different body. The direction of that person's life had truly changed. He no longer adventures.
That is why, to me, it feels more like someone imprisoned by its own body. The things that are supposedly uniquely superior to humanity are being used to do exactly what an ordinary person who wants power would do. Power has no end point. The range of control is never large enough. The more you control, the more you fear. Across more than a century of life, after you have obtained both life and freedom, what exactly are you going to do with that life?
What frustrates me is that the player does not know either of them. The player was not the one who sailed with him, experienced everything with him, and then searched for him for all those years. The player will never know the full depth of what they shared, how much they loved each other, or how well they understood each other. So what gives anyone the right to say that one of them simply "couldn't keep up"?
The description of the Emperor's staff says: “......you see sea waves foaming into spume, and feel the explorer's exultant joy. Then the image is gone, like so much silken night under a cut-shade sun.”
Now, don't you think that if a person underwent a change that fundamental, the person who loved him would notice, and feel pain and fear because of it?
I think part of the problem is this: we dont realize all the ways in which the Emperor is so unique. A normal mind flayer would not reject the humming of an elder brain. It would not take you to the heart of the hive in order to destroy its own kind, or claim to want "freedom" — although yes, rogue mind flayers are their own category. A normal mind flayer would not treat objects preserved from its former life as its own; it should either be contemptuous of them or consider them dangerous. And then there is the way the Emperor treats you, and the extent to which it seems to enjoy your company.
But Larian does not really show us what "ordinary" mind flayers are like. Instead, they give us Omeluum. So people either assume that it is common for a mind flayer to think of itself as the same person whose body was parasitized, or they assume that without the lingering traces of "Balduran," the Emperor would still be the same person you meet and possibly come to like. They treat those memories and surviving traces as nothing more than a birth defect. But the truth is, those traces are exactly what make it so different.
Another issue is that the ending where you become a mind flayer is written so lightly. It can feel like you merely changed skins. "I can accept this, it's even better. So why couldn't Ansur? Their relationship must have been shallow as hell."
But there is a dead man here. Someone died in his own lair, by the hand of the person he loved. As a dragon, a proud creature, Ansur awoke without accusing the Emperor of foul play. If Ansur had not been weighed down by guilt, why would he have lost?
I don't know how many times I have searched for discussions of them in this fandom, or just had them thrown in front of me, only to find myself caught in arguments attacking one of them. It is honestly incredibly discouraging. I have to admit that this is one of the reasons I stopped drawing this pairing as often as I used to. But then again, who am I to say?
I think what makes discussing their relationship to difficult, at least in the way you describe, is that the "starting point" of the discussion is usually anger at the Emperor for having slain Ansur, which then prompts people who see it differently to come to his defense. So all discussions are eventually boiled down to a question of "who shot first" and not "what was their relationship actually like". I don't really like the framing of "Ansur couldn't keep up" either, but I do think that Ansur could not accept his partner for what he had become, while at the same time refusing to let go. And so, tragedy unfolded.
I think places that explored their dynamics more in-depth (and often in a more respectful manner towards the both of them) is fanfiction, and I suspect you'd have more rewarding conversations with people who portray their dynamic in a way that matches your vision (that's how I would go about it, in any case!)
And this is a bit of a tangent, but I feel this one:
But Larian does not really show us what "ordinary" mind flayers are like.
We only get a few brief interactions with typical mind flayers at the start of the game, like the mind flayer who tries to mind control you into kissing it so it can eat your brain. (The windmill mind flayer counts too I guess.) We enter a whole damn mind flayer colony and of all the NPC's we can speak to - which are quite a lot of them! - none of them are mind flayers, and aside from Us none are even really mind flayer adjacent. If we had more mind flayers in the game ostensibly about mind flayers maybe I could stop seeing the lukewarm take that the Emperor is "a typical mind flayer" who goes about things in a "typical mind flayer-y way" like he isn't really fucking weird and doesn't do things the way a typical mind flayer would which is: he talks to you and tries to reason with you, instead of just brute-forcing his way via mind control.
Well, I completely understand your summary. In fact, that's how I would describe it too, in the fewest words possible. If someone says, “Ansur started the final violence, so didn’t he get what was coming to him?” I can agree with that. My feelings about this relationship were pretty vague at first. If I make everything that explicit, what am I even drawing for and where's the fun? but clearly, I do have preferences when it comes to what these barely described characters were like.
so much of the argument is about taking sides, I feel like the core of everyone's point eventually becomes "Do I like the Emperor or not?"
I think the reason I wrote that post in the first place was that I don't hang out with Emperor haters, and I genuinely don't care what they say. But I keep seeing fellow fans around me say things like Ansur was an abuser, a crazy ex, that their relationship was unhealthy from the start, and so on. This even happens with people who reblog my art. It really makes me sad, because if that's how it is, then everything I make feels meaningless. I don't want to watch people turn what should have been a great, heartbreaking story into something less interesting, and more petty and sordid. All I can do is look away, but I'm in this fandom, so I'm going to see it no matter what.
And even if I turn to fanfiction, I still end up running into so many portrayals of Ansur as some wildly controlling lunatic. I'm not trying to convince anyone. Maybe I'm just trying to comfort myself, and to find out whether I can still be moved by this story in my own heart.
As for Larian, I really do still have quite a few complaints. I very much agree with "he is really fucking weird." I keep thinking that if they had described this species a little more clearly, I wouldn't have to see so many completely off-base character interpretations. These things should be really basic, but I guess people who hate mind flayers won't bother to know them anyway.
On the topic of bg3 though, of course there are a million and one reasons why Wyll and Lae'zel deserve more love from the fan base overall (not just in fandom circles) but probably one of my favorites is that THEY DID ALL THAT SHIT IN THEIR TWENTIES!!! What do you mean you saved the world and started a revolution in your motherfucking TWENTIES??? They out here getting shit done, not perfectly, but they're putting in the work. I love them.
pop health science is so annoying bc it'll be like "did you know? eating strawberries will give you mega cancer" and you're like pfft whatever begone influencer. but sometimes then you'll see a reasonably credible article like "Study Shows Possible Link Between Strawberries and Mega Cancer" and you're not usually the type to follow that kind of thing religiously but idk maybe you should consider not eating strawberries? but then there's another article saying "Strawberry/Mega Cancer Study Debunked" and it turns out the original study had a sample size of 3 and was funded by Big Blueberry, and strawberries may have a small connection to mega cancer but only if you are genetically predisposed to mega cancer and eat 50 strawberries every day. so you return to your strawberry eating life. but whenever you eat strawberries in public someone tells you about the mega cancer.
6,500 words, Enver Gortash/Wisteria Jannath, pre-canon. May-December relationship, cw references to sexual violence. M.
When she was young she would have been the centre of a room like this. She was known for the tasteful settings of her balls, the fabulous centrepieces that celebrated the different craftsmen of Baldur’s Gate, the foods imported from far-off shores and, of course, dresses that were made from the finest of fabrics. She would buy out the entire stock so that none would be able to wear the same as her, and hoarded the second-best fabrics too, just in case. The stores at the estate were overflowing with moth-ridden velvets and heavy brocade, decades wearing them into thin thread.
When she was young she was the most celebrated debut of her season. Her first night in society she had offers from Lord Jannath and Lord Whitburn, though she did not give her answers so soon. No, much more fun to let the season run and see if their intentions were serious. She had further offers from Rillyn for either of his nephews after her turn in the emerald green velvet that made her red hair shine like sunlight, and she was lucky to maintain his good favour personally after she pointed out that the best bet was, after all, to become a Jannath. After all, if there was anything Machil knew, it was the importance of good investments.
When she was young the whole world seemed so full of promise. She looks around at the debuts this season. The young Rillyn heiress Yvandre, fair of face and hard as iron, Merrigold Hlath, who unfortunately takes after her father rather than her lovely mother, and that awful Provoss girl Penelope, the second-youngest with a face like a piglet and an ill-advised laugh. None of the girls these days knew what it was to be the head of a house. To be sure, Yvandre and Merrigold were smart women, women she saw great potential in. But it was one thing to be shrewd at business, good fighters, strong investors. A good Patriar should be all of those things, but there is something more, something that should be beyond the teaching of sums and swordplay, and unfortunately she saw little of that in their generation at all.
[id: a two-panel black-and-white comic titled Famous Moments in Fantasy Role-Playing by Robin Wood
in the first panel a trio of adventurers walk down a hallway. one has a sword and shield, one has a bow, one has a large axe. the one with the axe asks “Who has the torch?”
the second panel is three sets of eyes in blackness]
on another note, watched The Mummy (1999) the other day and I couldn’t help feel like the O’Connells and the Addams (Addams Family Values (1993) would get on really well ya know? The O’Connells are basically the pastel adventure version of the Addams, surely they would just be vibin’ over tea and crumpets in an extremely haunted mansion having a ball of a time
*Rick and Gomez, still frantically sword fighting*
Rick: Have I mentioned how wonderful my wife is yet, I really feel like I haven’t really expanded enough on how wonderful she is
Gomez: do go on, I would be delighted to hear about how wonderful your wife is, I strongly encourge all men to extoll the virtues of their wives with rapturous praise, however I should perhaps mention my wife is in fact better
*sword fighting intensifies as both men rapturously extoll the virtues of their wives*
sunshiney characters who adore the mean grumpy character, platonically or romantically, but not DESPITE them being mean as if that isn’t who the other “really” is deep down. they love it. they think the other is the funniest cleverest most delightful person alive
if the sunshiney character doesn’t have to cover their mouth up trying not to laugh at every sharp comment, completely altering how everyone else thinks abt the sunshiney character, then what’s the point
“I have something important to tell you but can’t message u pls message me ” - accidentally reported you scam
“I love your story and want to illustrate it dm me at discord” - commissioner scam
“I saw your post looking for artists to draw (x) and would love to draw it it sounds like a lovely idea and im an artist” - commissioner scammer who DM’d you when you didn’t ask
“Did you send me this link for free tumblr premium?” - accidentally reported you scam
“ your account is limited please kindly verify at (scam link)” - verification scam
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