Can you be friends with someone you constantly fantasize about?
I personally don’t think I would be strong enough for that.

roma★
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
tumblr dot com

Janaina Medeiros
🪼
Stranger Things
Misplaced Lens Cap
Claire Keane

Origami Around
taylor price
art blog(derogatory)
Not today Justin

oozey mess

#extradirty

★

PR's Tumblrdome

JBB: An Artblog!

Andulka
Acquired Stardust
DEAR READER

seen from Türkiye

seen from United States
seen from Brazil

seen from Türkiye

seen from Singapore
seen from Canada
seen from Germany
seen from United States

seen from United States

seen from United States

seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States

seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia

seen from United States

seen from United States
seen from Israel
@gilsmithstuff
Can you be friends with someone you constantly fantasize about?
I personally don’t think I would be strong enough for that.
Teresa Gutierrez, Juarez, Mexico, Photo by Miguel A. Gandert, 1992
Jürgen Heckel
Alterius in VK
“She Could Have Been A Cowboy”. Photographed by Anja Niemi
Contestants in the All Girls Rodeo
(Joseph Scherschel. 1949)
Chile 1987, David Alan Harvey.
11 pm: i wish i was lovable. ive never been loved/in love, but my heart years for it so much
i understand, but u are loved by so many people, romantic love isn’t the only significant kind of love in your life❤
it's 12:41 am & my heart hurts bc i played myself again :-/
sending u love💕💕💕
it’s 12:56 and i’m thinking about how i like a guy whose feelings towards me i can’t figure out. it’s tearing me apart and i want to confess my feelings but there are things i’m worrying about, like his gf. 😓
its fruitless to stress over a guy’s feelings towards u if he has a gf, ik it’s hard but its important to focus ur energy elsewhere u dont need all the stress over someone who’s taken❤
10:57 pm. i wonder if he still thinks of me, even if we stopped being friends and dropped me completely. i still hold you in my heart because i had such a big crush
I hope time heals you💖
It is 6:14pm and I am thinking my goodness your body is rocking! You look so soft and full of love!
I’m softer than the pillsbury dough boy lol but thank you💗💕💞💘
It’s 1:05am and my thoughts are sinking to the low place where melancholy and nostalgia decided to grow roots in me
everything feels heavier at 1am. I hope you get some sleep you’ll feel lighter in the morning🕊
Bio
If you are unfamiliar with my work and my background here is a little introduction:
I am 25 years old. I was born and raised in a small rural town in Western Michigan. I was born 3rd generation Jehovah’s Witness.
When I was 15/16 years old, I began to rebel from the religion/cult (in harmless, normal teenage ways: I wanted to go to prom, have a boyfriend- you know, that scary stuff) so my family decided the best decision for my spirituality would be to remove me from high school all-together. “Bad association spoils useful habits” was a common phrase I heard being tossed around by elders and my mother and grandmother.
While I was out of school, I came into the possesion of my father’s old Canon a-1, which he would use for astro photography (he would take photos of me with comets and the northern lights throughout my entire childhood.)
I began taking photos of mundane life; my first roll of film was images of ice-cycles and my cats. Then, I turned the camera on myself.
Self portraiture became my escape, my way of communication to the world. Back then I hadn’t yet found my voice, or rather it was taken from me, but it was the beginning of everything for my life as I know it.
I began posting my images to flickr, and with that I found the first non-JW community I ever tried to belong to. Against my mother’s orders and the councle given to me by the Elders in the congregation, I quickly began to cultivate friendships with creatives all over the world. These friendships have proved to be stronger than anything I had within the organization of JW’s I had been born into. If I didn’t have these “flickr friends”, I would have had no one outside the religion.
I ended up getting my GED and started taking basic math, art history, biology, english and darkroom printing courses at Kellogg Community College in Battle Creek, MI.
When I turned 18 in 2010, I moved to the San Francisco Bay Area. I ended up living in my car in the Sausalito ferry building parking lot for a while, as my (JW) best-friend’s family would only let me stay with them if I went into the Field Ministry work full time (door-to-door preaching), which meant 50 hours a month.
While I was looking for a place to live I met my now ex, a non-JW, and he offered to let me stay with him on his sailboat. How exciting.
I wanted to live this new-found freedom. I wanted to make my art & surround myself with people from all walks of life.
I was ex-communicated from my family, friends and the only community I ever knew. I was completely shunned, and completely on my own.
The next 7 years (and counting- still working through all of this) would be the most difficult years of my entire life. I have suffered from severe depression, anxiety, PTSD and would later be diagnosed with epilepsy and borderline personality disorder.
While I was living in the bay I continued to take photographs of myself, friends, models and everyday life.
I had my first solo exhibition in Sausaltio in 2011, was a part of various group shows in San Francisco, Berkeley, Oakland, Italy, Copenhagen and Paris. I continued to study various areas of interest at the local community college- Laney College, where I studied theatre, journalism and photography.
In 2013 I met photographer Todd Hido, through a mutual friend that insisted he must photograph me, and I began to work for him as an assistant in his studio for 2.5 years.
At the end of 2014 I was asked to show my work at Brandts Museum of Photographic Art in Odense, Denmark. My prints hung alongside Cindy Sherman and Sally Mann in the “Selfie” exhibition. I was fortunate enough to visit the exhibition, and when I saw my work hanging there, across the room from Sally Mann, I broke down in tears of utter happiness and disbelief. How had I made it here?
2015 was the hardest year of the 25 years I have been on this planet. I was scared for my life- still believing that I would be destroyed in Armageddon at any moment (December 24th, 2014 I was a wreck haha,) homesick for my lake and my family, and completely encompassed by guilt. I felt guilty for following my heart- I felt guilty for just wanting to live my life outside of the cult. I felt guilty for my family shunning me. I felt like it was my choice, it was my fault.
I felt guilty for no reason in particular.
My aunt and cousin literally said that it was my choice to be shunned, and that I better be “bleeding out” if I were to ever call him again.
I began to watch the Cosmos series with Neil Degrasse Tyson. The indoctrination began to melt away. I felt this huge sense of relief come over me: I finally began to understand that life, the Universe: it’s all so much bigger than anything I was ever taught. Not too long after this, “Going Clear”, the documentary about Scientology came out. I watched it alone one night- tears streaming down my face. It was my childhood- give or take a few things- but with different terms for the practices. The realization washed over me: I was raised in a Cult. My family- all of them- are stuck in a Cult.
I was sick to my very core. I became so depressed for 3 weeks that I could only leave my bed to relieve myself. I finally confronted my father and mother. I explained to them that I was tired of hiding myself, I was tired of feeling guilty, I was tired of feeling scared. I told them it hurt me so much- being ex communicated by my family whom I love so much. I told them that not being able to visit home was killing me. I told them that I felt it wasn’t fair- how could they tell me that they loved me unconditionally?
Isn’t that what family is for? Unconditional love? I am grateful that they offered to help me with therapy. Therapy however, does not make up for such a monumental loss.
During this time period, I began to open up to the online art community (who I consider to be my true family!) Before I realized I came from a cult, I never criticised the practices, let alone on a public forum, for fear of being labeled an Apostate. An apostate is the lowest of the low- apostates are considered “mentally diseased” and my parents could get in even more trouble for the already limited contact they have with me. But I felt so very, very alone. And confused. And scared. So I opened up the only way I knew how, to the only people I thought would care.
The support I received was astounding. The emails, tumblr messages and IG comments were pouring in, offering love and solidarity. I even found a community of over 7k ex-JW’s with stories similar to mine.
When the summer of 2015 ended, I made the second hardest desicion of my life. I would leave my life in the Bay and move to Los Angeles to start over again.
The last two years in LA has been quite an adjustment- settling in took quite a bit longer than I had anticipated.
But not only was it the second hardest decision to leave, it was also the second best decision I have ever made (leaving the JW cult was obviously the first, ha!)
I had my first European solo exhibition in early 2017 (Paris.) I have collaborated with highly talented artists including Frank Ockenfels, Lou O'bedlam, Todd Hido, Brittany Markert, Davis Ayer and Gershon Kreimer. I had my first exhibition in Los Angeles, photographed a major campaign for Yamaha Guitar Development, participated in a burlesque performance and gone to countless comedy and music shows.
I am also happy to report that as of this year (2017) my Father and I have a wonderful relationship now, and things are gradually getting better with my Mother, as well.
Sometimes I find myself walking down the street, thinking “how did little ole Shelbie, from Delton Michigan, end up here?”
If you made it this far, I applaud and thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading this.
I thank you endlessly for considering to help me continue to make my dreams a reality.
Pledges will directly fund my ability to keep shooting & printing <3
www.patreon.com/shelbiedimond
Post-It Notes from a Stay-At-Home Dad.
These were all very entertaining :P
@mrsunrepentantwarriorpriest @unrepentantwarriorbaby
Ezra Miller photographed by Ryan Pfluger for Playboy Magazine.