[circusheart]

one time i hooked up with a guy and he ate my ass and jerked me off and then his boyfriend came home and was like kind of upset that he didn't get to have sex with me too. so i was like hey we can do sex that's fine by me. i can cum again. and so he's like ok lets take a shower together and ill jerk you off in the shower. and as hes jerking me off in the shower he asks if i use my phone while i shower. and i say no. and he says he always uses his phone in the shower. and sometimes he takes off the case and washes his phone with shampoo and water just for fun. and he's broken five phones this year from doing that but he's not going to stop because he just wants his phone to be clean and feel good. hes still jerking me off as he tells me about this. this is a real story you have to believe me

[circusheart]

They broke up

[bpnguyenart]

just a pretty boy soaking up vitamin d

[cherrypikkins]

all these clothing stores with their 'boyfriend shirts', 'boyfriend hoodies', 'boyfriend sweatpants', 'boyfriend shorts' - every two minutes someone's poor boyfriend is being divested of his clothes for resale and left cold and naked and confused somewhere

[soup-mother]

Inside every settler Australian is a little voice telling them to give introducing a species as "biological pest control" for a different introduced species just one more go.

cmon, what's the harm?

[targetedknowledge]

[weepingwidar]

Nancy Friedland (Canadian, 1971) - Let Me See Your Beauty When the Witnesses Are Gone (2021)

[musings-from-mars]

"can you lock tf in" babes i have adhd i am locked tf out with the keys inside

[lostxanadu]

do you ever start writing a comment on the internet and then think “oh what the fuck am i going on about” and delete it

[bramcrackerswrites]

I also enjoy writing an entire paragraph, thinking "you know, I don't actually need to be involved in this conversation," and deleting it

[bewbin]

you were born in 2006? what are you? a Honda Civic?

[2006-honda-civic]

can i fucking help you?

[horseimagebarn]

horse with an oddly humanesque body standing in front of a blue background in fact this horses body while unusual for a horse seems rather familiar like that of a doctor and not just any doctor in fact but doctor house the popular main character of the hit 2004 medical drama house md starring hugh laurie as the titular doctor gregory house this confused me because doctor house is not a horse however my confusion was quickly cleared up by taking a glance up past the familiar faces of the beloved supporting cast to read the words above this doctors head where we can see that i was sorely mistaken this is not doctor house but doctor horse a similar but incredibly different character from that of doctor house i do not recall this character appearing in the television show but i do have a poor memory so i will have to give it a rewatch to make sure as any television show that follows a horse headed doctor is a show i must bear witness to no matter the consequences

[oldinterneticons]

[gaylor-moon]

[grippy3000]

fun fact one of the world champions in pepper-eating contests is a trans woman and she actually faced significant backlash because people somehow thought she had a biological advantage. to eating spicy pepper

[grippy3000]

update bc i went back and checked: her name is brianna “the chilli queen” skinner and she set a record in 2017 by slamming back 23 carolina reapers consecutively. she only stopped when told to by the referees, and the next year she stepped down out of boredom. queen

[pettyartist]

Here's a picture of her, by the way

And her super supportive wife

[nentuaby]

The championship, it should be noted, is unisex. Apparently being a trans woman gives you an innate biological advantage over both cis men and cis women.

[vexwerewolf]

The innate biological advantage of being cool as fuck

[marisatomay]

the “i had a good time” factor still the unbeatable metric in deciding if media is good

[simplysnaps]

every time I'm too scared to pull the trigger on a bluesky post, I know I can post it here. you all get me.

[redstonedust]

tragic when a thing gets hate for being 'woke trash' and you look into it and its not even that woke. like cmon man i was promised monacle popping gay commie propaganda. this is just a video game with a woman in it.

[namunii]

When you're trying to forget your years old situationship but his manager is Yuna Hollander so you see his face everywhere...

[infertilityidol]

having a favourite animal you're associated with rules because people will send you beast related things and it'll make your day everytime

[ginbystarlight]

Reblogging for my dinosaur/lizard flavoured friend, bird shaped partner and me: the fish.

We were all complaining about this the other day (honestly how terrible 😔 (/s)).